by D. W. Cee
“How did you like Carmen?” I asked Emily on the way home.
“I loved it. Never did I think I would enjoy opera this much. It stirred my emotions in so many directions. I was sad to see it end. Most of these are stories of unrequited love, huh?”
“I guess. I’ve never thought it that way. You were completely absorbed in the performance. You didn’t even notice me the whole night.”
“Yeah, I did. I saw you watching me more than you watched the show. I notice a lot more than you think I do, especially where you are concerned.”
I didn’t mind the sound of that. She paid more attention to me than she led on.
“Did you know I was staring at you the night we met at the market?”
“Kind of, but I thought you were looking at me not out of interest but because you thought I was weird for staring at cereal boxes at midnight.”
We both laughed. “That’s not wholly incorrect.”
Back at the apartment we changed and met back in the living room. Without any prodding, Jane excused herself to make a phone call and Emily looked tense possibly because I looked so excited.
“So… where will you sleep tonight?” I asked. “My room, Jane’s room, or alone behind door number 3?” I pointed showing her where each room was located.
There was a long, unbearable silence.
“Jake, I need to tell you something.”
I didn’t like where this was going already. What could she possibly want to tell me in the middle of this conversation? She knew where I was headed. All she needed to do was follow.
“I guess it’s time to confess since we’re at this juncture. Maybe I should have told you before accepting your ring. You might have had second thoughts about wanting me as your girlfriend.”
She sounded like a school girl at confession again. This was definitely not going as I’d planned. “You’re making me nervous, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong,” she kept reassuring me but I couldn’t trust her. “I want you to know that I’ve never, um…”
Yes??? The suspense almost killed me.
“Well… I’ve never slept with a man before. You are literally the first man I fell asleep with earlier today, though nothing happened. I’m not planning on being with you or any man till I get married.”
I processed everything she just told me. Relieved to know I hadn’t done anything wrong; confused as to how she and Max had held off for so long; happy that she had been with no one else; but chagrined realizing that she would not be with me tonight - these ideas all flashed through my head.
“You mean you and Max have never…”
“No, we’ve never been together in that sense.”
“But how? You dated for four years.” I needed to know! After this revelation, I respected Max a lot more. It couldn’t have been easy watching your girlfriend hold out on you for four years.
“It was hard but I really wanted to save myself for whomever I might end up marrying. My mom was old fashioned and she wanted me to wait till I got married. This was a promise I made to her before she died and I’d like to honor her wishes. Also, watching my parents love each other, I thought it would be most special with the man I’d spend the rest of my life with.”
“What if that man isn’t as pure as you are?” Though there weren’t that many, I definitely couldn’t say she would be my first. Listening to Emily’s reasoning, perhaps I would have liked for her to have been my first love in that sense as well.
“That’s alright. It would be most perfect if we were each other’s first but I can’t expect everyone to have the same beliefs. Are you okay with my confession? I’m sorry I didn’t bring it up earlier. I didn’t quite know how to approach this subject. Are you upset?”
Her head fell downward and she worried again about being in trouble. I must have done something wrong during our short relationship to cause her such alarm so easily. This needed to change somehow.
“Disappointed, yes most definitely yes!!!; upset, no. I guess this happily speeds up our timetable,” I answered aloud. I was disappointed for tonight but glad thinking this was one more reason to ask her to marry me as soon as possible.
I kissed her goodnight and watched her walk into Jane’s room. Frustrated, I stayed in the living room and watched ESPN. The same highlights aired half-hourly and conversation coupled with bouts of laughter echoed through the night from Jane’s room. Somewhere between bouts of angst and frustration, I must have fallen asleep on the sofa. Darkness and the flashing of infomercials greeted my weary eyes. It was probably close to 5:00am but I washed up and decided to go for a bike ride to get rid of all this curbed energy.
Was our conversation last night a nightmare or was it a reality I had to ask myself. Was I really to wait until we got married? I didn’t want to think about this right now. I needed some fresh air. Browsing through the newspaper I skimmed to see what was going on in the world.
“Good morning,” I heard my girlfriend whisper.
“Good morning, Beautiful. Why are you up so early?”
“I can’t ever sleep well outside my own bed. Are you going somewhere?” She had noticed my biking attire.
You had no problems sleeping in my arms yesterday was what I wanted to say but I held back. Scared but willing Emily agreed to ride with me through the city. I didn’t know if having her next to me was the best solution to relieving this tension but knowing that she was up, I wanted to be with her.
“What do you want to eat?” Of course I knew Emily’s answer.
“How about a greasy donut or an almond croissant and a latte?”
I led her out with our bikes and we headed south into the Mission District. She would love Dynamo Donuts and their Four Barrel coffee and Tartine. Who wouldn’t love Tartine?
“Wait,” she hollered. “You’re not thinking of riding all the way into the Mission District, are you?”
“Yup, you know this town better than I thought.”
“Yeah, I’ve been around the block a few times in this city.”
Considering my angst-filled night, this was not the right euphemism to use. “Apparently you don’t go all the way around the block in any city,” I answered sarcastically and rode off.
Her cackle echoed half a block down as she huffed to catch up to me. Emily’s response to my bitter pill faired light hearted as she coaxed her way towards a warmer response. I didn’t know if I was capable of giving it to her. I knew I was being childish but I didn’t want to accept the answer she gave me last night.
Dynamo Donuts looked like a bike a thon as all the cyclists had the same idea this morning. We locked up our bikes and stood in line to order.
“Which one is your favorite, Jake?” It cracked me up how excited she got over the simplest things.
“I like the maple glazed apple bacon.”
“Eew! That’s my least favorite. Let’s look at the chart. I wonder if they’ll have banana de leche.” She was too busy reading the wooden menu plaques to notice my piqued expression. “What a bummer, they don’t have caramel de sel. I love that sweet and salty combo.” Now she was just talking to herself. “Jake?”
“Yes?”
“Can we order one of every donut?” Her eyes popped open at the thought.
“I guess…” I answered unenthusiastically. “Go grab us a table. I’ll bring everything over.”
“Thank you,” she beamed and kissed my cheeks.
After eating way too many donuts, we biked several blocks over to Tartine. I needed to help Emily get her almond croissant fix. Standing in line, I pouted at her confession again. In a sour tone I asked, “Do I need to buy one of everything here too?”
Emily glared at me without her usual smile. She was tired of my pouting. I could tell I was going to be in trouble.
“Jake, are you going to be upset with me every time we’re in an overnight situation?”
“If I say yes, will you do something about it?” Let’s see how you’re going to answer that.
&nb
sp; “Yup, I will.”
“You will?” Maybe my pouting worked. She sounded like she was going to give in. YES!
“I’m going to have to make sure we are not in this situation ever again. You’ll have to apologize to your parents for me and tell them I can’t go to Hawaii with you.”
You have got to be kidding! I put myself in a worse situation.
“Emily…” I whined. I had lost. The white flag was up.
Emily got close and gave my lips a quick peck. “Will you be okay with Hawaii or should I stay home?” She was grinning. She saw my invisible flag waving with the San Francisco wind.
Annoyed, I tried to shake free of her hands. Uncharacteristically, she grabbed me and kissed me amorously in front of a long line of people. I couldn’t help it. I was a sucker for her affection. I caved and smiled.
“Jane was wrong about you. I find you adorable when you’re mad.” And she kissed me once more.
After taking bites of more food – a morning roll, frangipane croissant, bread pudding and Croque Monsieur – we needed to ride off our full stomachs. I picked a long route back to the apartment and Emily bravely rode along. She didn’t complain. As usual, she was a trooper. We dropped off all the food and bikes in the apartment and I held Emily’s hand over to the Ferry building.
“Where are we going now?” She sounded tired.
“The Ferry building – I need to buy something for today.”
During my sleepless night I contemplated what I would like to do for Emily today. A picnic made the perfect sense. Watching her enjoy the oysters yesterday I thought she would like to go up to Point Reyes and eat at an oyster farm. Hopefully this would be another first for her.
“Where’s the farmers’ market? They have one of the best ones here.”
“They don’t open on Sundays,” I answered.
“What a bummer.”
The shopping spree began at Sur la Table with a picnic basket.
Her eyes twinkled. She looked thrilled, not to mention darling. “Are we going on a picnic?”
“Maybe you are not a part of the ‘we’. Didn’t you prefer Jane’s company last night? I’m taking someone else on a picnic today.” Regret surfaced quicker than the last two sentences. She and I both thought I had lost my five year old attitude back at Tartine – wrong! I needed to get back in her favor.
She quietly followed me to Miette while I bought two of every Parisian macaroon they had. Her eyes lit up immediately at the sight of this bakery when we first walked into the building. It was their featured baked good, Parisian macaron, that most likely caught her eye. I also purchased condiments for the oysters such as caviar, hot sauce and mignonette; and other picnic items such as wine, cheese, crackers and deli meat. Of course I couldn’t forget the coffee to go with dessert.
Emily stayed uncommunicative – absolutely no expression shown – and I tried not to let this worry me as we went back to the apartment.
Jane was finally up. “Why did you guys ride this far?” she asked while noshing on all the food we brought back.
“I don’t know. Ask your brother,” Emily responded with a hint of anger.
Uh-oh. She was upset. I ran after Emily and grabbed her hand before she could walk into the shower.
“Are you mad?” I asked.
“Yes.” Though her voice was mad, her face looked happy – almost a giggly kind of happy. I couldn’t tell which one was the real Emily.
I apologized then tried to kiss her but she moved away. I gave her a hurt expression.
“Jake. I can’t be in a relationship with you if you continue to stay angry with me for not having sex with you. Here, let me give you back this ring.”
She started fumbling with the lock. I guess she was serious about not having sex till she got married. Holding her hands hostage behind her back, I kissed her long and hard. We both needed air but I wouldn’t let her go. Her struggles began and ended within seconds. She willingly and enthusiastically participated.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I won’t be upset anymore,” I said in between more kisses. “But I’m still going to try to get you in bed every chance I get.”
“I’d be worried if you didn’t,” she responded with a heavy kiss of her own.
I gave in to her purity demands… for now.
Since my ‘ablutions’ took half the time of my girlfriend’s, I packed up our picnic basket and got us ready to leave. Tenderly, Emily came up behind me encircling her arms around my waist. Without looking, we knew each other had a smile.
“Thank you for this special weekend. You have made many of my dreams come true. You are too wonderful!”
I wanted to embrace her but Jane walked out and Emily turned to ask her if she was joining us today.
“No,” Jane and I answered simultaneously. Jane didn’t look happy I didn’t invite her. I didn’t care.
“My old roommate, Allison is coming over and we’re going out for lunch.”
“Allison?” I asked wondering why she would be up here hanging out with Jane. I hoped I didn’t have a look of guilt when I asked this question.
Emily looked at me with an inquisitive stare and Jane gave me a peculiar one. Please, Jane, if you’ve figured out our connection, don’t give it away to Emily, I begged in my mind.
Too late as Jane shouted, “Oh, my gosh. You didn’t finally succumb to her wiles, did you? Jake! Did you two date? Did you sleep with her? You’re such an idiot! No wonder she kept asking about you.”
Whatever Christmas present I promised Jane – canceled! I couldn’t believe she revealed my past to Emily. What would Emily think now, especially after she told me how she wanted to save herself for someone special? She might believe I went around sleeping with every girl I dated. Crap!
I kept mum to all questions and rushed Emily out the door. Aargh! There was Allison, rushing over to see me. Even with my one hand on the picnic basket and the other holding Emily’s hand, Allison came and hugged me a little too longingly for comfort. If panic had yet to set in, it went into overdrive when Allison kissed me on the mouth in front of my girlfriend. Emily abruptly let go of my hand and stepped aside. My heart did a nosedive and my sense of alarm sped out of control.
“Hello.” Allison introduced herself to Emily. “I’m Allison, Jake’s friend.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Emily, Jake’s girlfriend.” Even in the midst of this scary situation, I chuckled to myself. Emily actually had a mean side to her. She most surely told Allison who was in charge here.
“Jake. I rushed over here because I need to talk to you. Can you spare a few minutes for an old flame?” She sounded desperate.
I was about to say no when Emily whispered, “I’ll see you at the car.” She was graciously walking away allowing us to talk and helping me out of this so very unnecessary ménage a trois.
As my love walked away, I turned to Allison and asked, “What is it?”
“Jake, I’m moving back to LA and was wondering if I could stay with you at your house. Would you want to be with me again?” Her tone was a lot more suggestive than her words.
“No!” I had to cut off the oxygen supply to her hope. “I’m in love with Emily. She’s the girl I plan to marry so if you’ll excuse me…” With that, I left Allison and ran to the car.
I prayed Emily wasn’t crying. Very slowly I opened the car door and Emily was sitting there calmly listening to music. Her face was unreadable and her body language, unapproachable.
“I’m sorry about…”
“It’s okay,” she cut me off.
“Don’t you want to know why she was here?”
“I prefer not to know if that’s okay with you. I know you didn’t live under a rock before you met me. You’re thirty. I’m sure you’ve dated many girls before I came along. I prefer not to know what you did before us, okay?”
She sounded hurt and I, too, was a bit hurt she wouldn’t let me explain that nothing happened. I understood what she said but the many girls I dated couldn’t compare to the on
e man she loved enough to want to marry. I drove without saying a word.
Emily must have sensed my disappointment. She put her hand on mine. “Jake?” She tried to start up a conversation.
“Hmm?” My mood, glum, I didn’t really want to talk.
“Why are you so quiet? Did I do something wrong again?”
I couldn’t understand why she always thought she was in trouble with me. “Emily, why would you think you did anything wrong?” It shouldn’t have but it did sound like I was accusing her of some wrongdoing.
“Well, generally when someone stops talking to you, it’s because they’re upset with you. Alright… let me explain why I don’t want to hear about that vile woman.”
That was funny. My laughter broke our solemn mood.
She started by telling me about all the disturbing thoughts that went through her mind as she was waiting for me in the car. “Watching her kiss you unsettled me to a point where my mind raced in all directions jumping to conclusions about your relationship with her, past and present. Unpleasant would be a mild way of explaining what I felt.”
“This doesn’t make me feel any less guilty,” I told her.
“But then I thought about what you had to witness on Friday with me and Max and I decided whatever I felt this morning couldn’t have compared to what you must have felt meeting my only boyfriend of four years. So, I thought it only fair to let everything go and enjoy the rest of the day.”
As expected she was thoughtful and insightful. She knew exactly how I felt when she wouldn’t let me explain my side of the story. Perhaps she would understand soon how deeply I loved her and how much I wanted her to know every part of my life. Very possibly, I would confess this to her soon.
We spent a brilliant afternoon picnicking. We bought a bag of oysters and I shucked while Emily assembled them with all the condiments we bought. We thought of Charlie and Sarah as more than half the food we bought went uneaten. When we were done, Emily lazily sprawled out on our blanket. She looked radiant gazing at the scenery.