by D. W. Cee
She shook her head no again then grabbed my hand and led me to the door.
“What time is your surgery tomorrow morning?”
“Early. I won’t stop by in the morning but I’ll be home early as well.” I wondered if she caught the word home as I referred to it as our home. I was sure she did but pretended not to have heard it.
“Good night,” she tip toed to give me a peck on the lips.
I caught the peck and responded with lust of my own.
The day started before the sun was up and I didn’t get to communicate with Emily till about noon. I called but she didn’t pick up her phone so I sent her a text.
Hello, Beautiful. What are you up to?
I could never understand why she texted back so quickly but wouldn’t pick up the phone.
I’m having lunch with Sarah. What time will you come over tonight?
Probably around 4:00. Tell Sarah I said hello. I miss you.
Will do. If you get there before I do use the spare key by the back door. Miss you too.
I got to Emily’s earlier than expected and found her car but no one to open the door. Possibly Sarah had picked her up and they weren’t back from lunch yet. I went around back and walked in using her spare key. Setting the key on her coffee table, I looked into Emily’s bedroom and found her taking a nap. Unable to resist, I gingerly walked over and crawled into bed with her. She didn’t feel my weight on the bed but quickly froze in fear when I curved my arm around her waist from behind.
“It’s only me,” I answered with kisses to the back of her head.
“You scared me,” she complained turning around.
Rather than pushing me off the bed as I had expected, she curled herself into my body and fell back asleep. We napped till the sun had long gone down and our stomachs started grumbling.
“You want to go out and grab a bite to eat?” I asked her as she stayed comfortably in my arms.
“No. Let me make us dinner.” I was sorry I asked. She got up and went into the kitchen and at the blink of an eye, pulled together a salad.
“What did you make so quickly?”
“It’s a shrimp and crab Louie salad. I had all the ingredients prepared. I just needed to assemble it.” She poured Thousand Island dressing on both our salads and I happily ate.
“Should we go watch a movie tonight?” I asked.
“What time to do you need to get into the hospital tomorrow?”
“I got in early today. I don’t start till 9:00 tomorrow. We can hang out tonight.”
“Okay, but no movie. Maybe we can go rent a movie instead. I feel lazy. I don’t want to go anywhere. Let’s just hang out here.”
“Sounds good. How was lunch with Sarah? What did you eat today?”
“Sarah had some project near downtown so we ate at Langers. I had a pastrami sandwich craving.”
These cravings had helped us meet so I was always happy to hear about them. I got up and cleared our dishes and we sat comfortably in her living room without any agenda. As always, I enjoyed my time with her.
“Emily, I’d love to hear more about your parents. Will you tell me about them?”
“You want to hear about them?” She sounded thrilled. I would have asked sooner if I’d known it would make her this happy.
She ran over to get photo albums and she plopped on the floor ready to begin her journey. She started with pictures of her parents when they were in college.
“Your mom was stunning!” I blurted out.
“I know, isn’t she beautiful? she answered wistfully. “When I was younger, I used to hate it when people told me how pretty she was. Unfortunately I didn’t really appreciate her till I got older.”
“Why would you hate someone telling you your mom was beautiful?”
“Because I was jealous. No one ever said anything remotely complimentary about me. The comment I got repeatedly was, ‘I hope you grow up to look just like your mom.’ It bugged me. Plus, my mom had such a vibrant personality and I was so shy. She was always the life of the party and I was the wallflower in the corner.”
“Love, girls don’t come much prettier than you… even your mom,” I reassured her.
“You wouldn’t be saying that if you’d seen my mom in person.”
“I’d say it regardless. So how’d your dad get so lucky?”
Emily started cracking up. “Oh, my gosh, that’s such a funny story. My dad told me when Mom got to college, she was the talk of her Texas campus. Every guy wanted to date her. She was in some sorority and every frat and non frat guy had visited her house to ask her out.”
“So did your parents meet a frat party?”
“No, my dad was the antithesis of my mom. He was awkward and extremely shy. He was a senior when Mom was a freshman and they only became friends because she needed help in Calculus and he was her school appointed tutor. He tutored my mom her entire freshman year.”
Emily flipped through many more pages of the photo album. “She was really beautiful, huh?” She spoke rhetorically and sadly touched her mother’s face.
“So my mom was dating some hot shot guy on campus but spending loads of time with my dad because her math skills were so pathetic and they developed a friendship during these tutorial sessions. My dad was probably one of the very few men who was more attracted to my mom’s heart than her face. Do you know what he told me he loved most about her?”
“What did he love most about her?” How could he choose just one or two qualities? I could sit here all day and count the ways I loved my Emily.
“My dad said that Mom was the most caring and attentive person he’d ever met. Every time they were together, she’d bring him a little something to thank him for working with her. She’d bring him lunch if it was lunch time, or a piece of chocolate she knew he liked, or buy him poetry books. My dad was a bit of a poet. He devoured the attention. Oh my gosh…”
“What?” She looked like she’d just had an epiphany.
“I’m dating my mother. You remind me exactly of my mom. You’re both attentive and outgoing and exceedingly sure of yourselves. Oh gosh…” She trailed and went into her own thoughts one more time.
“What?” I asked again.
“Max was the epitome of my dad - shy, reserved and gentle. How sad. I miss my parents so badly I need to date people who remind me of them.” Emily shook herself out of her thought and continued with her story.
“So all this time, my dad loved my mother but didn’t do anything about it.”
“Was your mom into your dad also?”
“I asked that same question and they both said no. She was dating someone else but she said she always thought of my dad as a dear friend.”
“So how did they get together if she was dating someone else?”
“When school ended, my mom was driving home to LA and about an hour away from school, she got a flat tire. She said the first and only person she thought to call was not her boyfriend but my dad. She knew then he was the man she loved and trusted to take care of her. Of course my dad came to her immediately upon receiving the call.”
“And that’s how they got together?”
“Kind of… Remember how I told you my dad was terribly shy?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, Mom knew he liked her but wouldn’t admit it unless something extreme happened. So when he got to my mom, she ran to him and hugged him as if he had rescued her from death.” Emily proceeded to guffaw. I watched and waited for her laughter to die down. “She embraced him dearly and started confessing her feelings. My dad, being in a state of shock, didn’t say a word but tried to pry her body off of him.”
She looked at me and added, “You know, they were in the middle of the 10 freeway and cars were honking everywhere.”
“Did she let go of him?”
“Nope. My mom told me she held onto him till he was forced to confess his feelings for her. You want to know what else she forced him to do?”
I shook my head no.
“He was about to go off to Grad school and she didn’t want to be separated from him so she got him to propose to her and tied him down all within the same hug. Isn’t that insane?”
“Lucky guy! Could something like that happen with you?”
“I doubt it. I’m not brave like my mom. She always knew what she wanted and she went after it till it was hers. Strong and secure would be the two words I’d use to describe her. She rarely wavered. I, on the other hand, take too much after my dad. I’m introverted and insecure. Even if I wanted something, I probably won’t out right tell anyone. It can be a bit of a guessing game with me.”
“So when did your parents get married?
“They got married that summer. Mom transferred schools and finished undergrad while she was married to my dad.”
“You mean she got married when she was 18?”
“Just about… I think she turned 19 right before her wedding day. Here are their wedding photos.”
Emily’s mom looked radiant in her wedding dress. I imagined us in this photo and how beautiful my bride would be on our wedding day. I only needed to convince her that this was our future together.
“That’s a great story. So when were you born?”
“The day after my mom graduated from college. She was a balloon at her graduation. Look at her.” Emily pointed to her pregnant mom with her cap and gown.
“When I was young, I was painfully shy just like my dad. My mom thought she could turn me into a mini-me but failed miserably. She couldn’t understand why I didn’t want people giving me any attention or why I couldn’t speak my mind. The only person who really understood me was my dad. He knew exactly how I felt because he felt the same way.”
“But you’re not shy now, although I suppose you get embarrassed easily.”
“That only happened after my dad died. My dad and I were really close. When I was younger, I was probably closer to my dad than my mom. I was unusually small for my age and my dad carried me around like a little child till I was seven. He understood my need to be alone and my fear of unwanted attention. He showered me with love and affection and protected me from all my insecurities.”
The tears finally appeared. I’d expected them much earlier. She had held off a long while for her standards.
“Then he died when I was in 8 grade and his death devastated me. My mom and I had both lost the love of our lives and our best friend. This was also when I started to finally grow and develop physically. I was a mess in every way when I got to my grandparents’ home in LA.”
She worked to hold back her tears so she could finish her story.
“When we got to LA, my mom went through bouts of depression and it terrified me. I forced myself to come out of my shell and tried to be everything my mom wanted me to be – cheerful, lively and strong. She did her best to stay content and this was when she and I bonded. Even with my grandparents around, we felt like we had no one but each other. Rather than spending time with friends after school, I spent time with my mom. She told me everything she could about Dad up to when my memory clicked and I shared about all my days with Dad when it was just the two of us. She had become my love and my new best friend. Then she died the end of my junior year a few days before my birthday.”
At this point Emily couldn’t hold back. I held her and let her cry. Her body convulsed, she wailed painfully then sobbed softly. There was no way I could erase this pain for her. I realized tonight no matter how much love I gave her, this pain would never go away.
“A year later, Max came into my life and soon became my best friend, my love and my only family. Four years later, I lost him too. My heart’s been severely broken three times. I don’t think I can stand another heart break. That’s why I’m so cautious with us. I’m sorry I frustrate you, but do you think you can be even more understanding of me than you’ve already been and allow me to move at my own pace? I know I’m being unfair to you but this is the only way I can be in a relationship right now.”
What could I say to her? I finally understood her. It really wasn’t me, it was her.
“Emily, I love you regardless of how fast or slow our relationship has progressed. I am happy to do what you’ve asked if you will promise to do one thing for me.”
She looked up at me wondering what that one thing would be.
“Promise me you will stop looking at me as the one who will break your heart but try to accept me as your new best friend, your eternal love and the one who wants to create a family with you. That’s what I want to be for you.”
She nodded her head and agreed.
“By, the way,” I added, “when’s your birthday?” How ridiculous I didn’t even know my girlfriend’s birth date.
“May 20,” she answered.
“No way!” I said in amazement. “My birthday is May 19.”
“Are you kidding me? We have almost the same birthday. How fun!” So child-like, her mood changed from crying to laughing within a sentence.
“We’ll celebrate our birthdays together and for two full days, okay?”
She shook her head yes, again.
It was time for me to leave my tenderhearted girlfriend. As usual, my entire being wanted to settle right here in her house for good.
“Can I stay tonight?”
Emily shook her head no.
“Please? I want to be with you tonight. We don’t have to do anything. Let me just hold you.”
Her head shook no but I saw hesitation written all over her face. Her guard was coming down and she was falling my way.
“Jake, it’s never been so hard for me to say no but I have to do it. This is a promise I made to myself as well as to my mom.”
“But we won’t do anything but sleep.” I started building my case.
“It may start off that way but you know that’s not where it will end. I’m not as strong as you think I am. Look at me earlier today. With you already in my bed, I happily curled up in your arms and slept. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“But Emily… I’ll be strong for the both of us.”
She laughed. “Yeah right! Like you’ll be able to fight me off if I decide to take advantage of you.” She cackled at the thought. “I’m going to the movies with Sarah tomorrow night so I won’t see you unless it’s really late, okay?”
“Alright. I’ll call when I’m done and we can decide what to do. Good bye, my love.”
“Good night, Jake.”
Thursday proved to be a difficult day to see each other.
Good morning, Love. Would you like me to stop by with breakfast?
Good morning. No, I’m still sleeping. Sarah called after you left and we talked till very late last night or better said, early this morning. I don’t want to get out of bed.
What did you talk about for so long?
You.
What about me?
Aren’t you late for work? We’ll talk later. I want to sleep.
Can’t I stop by?
Then I have to get out of bed and be somewhat ready to see you. I’ll see you later. Have a wonderful day. I’ll be thinking about you in my sleep.
That could be construed in a naughty way.
Only by you… good bye!
I got to another full day at work. The Chief and I lunched together in the cafeteria and quickly got back to a couple of afternoon surgeries. The second surgery I assisted for the Chief took much longer than expected and by the time I got out of the hospital, it was way past midnight. As much I wanted to see Emily, I had to go home and pick up more clothes to bring back to Mom’s. With no basic clothing left, laundry was calling my name .
I just got out of work and need to stop by my house in the Valley to pick up some clothes. What are you doing?
I got in about an hour ago from dinner and a movie with Sarah. Does someone live in your house in the Valley?
Yup, I have roommates who haven’t seen me in a couple of months because of you.
These roommates aren’t women are they? Is that why
we always hang out at my house? You’ve never taken me to your house. Should I be worried? Allison doesn’t live there does she?
Oh there it was again. I thought we had gone a few days without talking about Allison.
Think what you like. I’m not going to answer any of your questions.
You can be so mean! I guess I won’t see you for a while. I’m not letting you into my house till I get an explanation on your house.
I love you!
Oh like I believe that now. Good night.
Friday and Saturday, Emily and I didn’t see each other because the Chief decided to take a few days off before I went on my vacation. Being so busy I didn’t see much beyond the hospital walls. I texted Emily when I could but even that wasn’t very often.
Hi Sweetheart, what are you up to? I miss you.
Hi! I’m having dinner with Sarah, Charlie and Peter.
Oh? What did you do all day?
Waited around for you to call or possibly stop by. I thought maybe we could have lunch together.
Why didn’t you send me a message? I would have come over for a short while. I thought you were busy today since I didn’t hear from you.
You seemed so busy. I didn’t want to bother you. When are you done tonight? Can you stop by? I miss you a lot.