by D. W. Cee
The first answer confused me till Emily explained she had been waiting for me since Christmas to come back for her.
Have you dated anyone? - No
I was definitely good with this answer.
Have other men asked you out? – Yes
How many – Many
Yikes. I had forgotten about her appeal to other men.
“What do you mean many men have asked you on dates? How many single men could live on that tiny village of yours? And why would they ask you out? Didn’t you tell them you were taken?”
“Why on earth would I tell them that? There’s no ring on my finger that says I’m taken. And, I didn’t stay in the village the whole time. I traveled throughout Japan. You’re not the only man to find me attractive.”
She was right about that. I wasn’t the only man who would love my Emily. I reached into my pocket for her eternity band. Emotion overwhelmed me at the thought of placing this ring on her. Perhaps I would propose to her now and propose to her again in Paris with Gram’s ring. Emily watched the ring come out of my pocket and her face lit up this dark night. She believed I was going to propose again. Oh, how I would disappoint her. I hated that thought.
Deliberately placing the ring on her fourth finger, I fought against myself and my promise to Gram, and swallowed a proposal. All I could utter was, “I don’t ever want to see you take this ring off unless I replace it with another one, okay?”
Emi’s face fell from the heavens down to the pit of the earth. I could read her disappointment in clear English. I’m sorry my love. I’ll propose soon, I promise. Hating and yet somewhat enjoying her disappointment, I held back my pleasure.
“What’s wrong?” I questioned her so casually. “Were you expecting something else? Do you not like this ring?”
Very matter of factly, she voiced her opinion. “I love this ring.”
Arriving at the hotel I walked up to the front desk to get a room. Emily, a little jittery, asked about my suitcase.
“They’re holding it for me here. I haven’t had a chance to check in yet,” I told her.
By the hue on her cheeks I could tell something good might be coming my way.
“Why don’t you have them bring your stuff up to my room?” She couldn’t look me in the eye and I didn’t care. I grabbed her hand and bolted up to her room before she could change her mind.
My dream turned into a nightmare when I saw the double beds in her room. There was no way I was going to sleep two feet away from her. She had to make a concession.
“Love, I’ve been apart from you for too long to be satisfied sleeping in a bed next to yours.” Please, please, please say yes.
She gave me a half smile and spoke slowly. “Would it satisfy you to sleep in a bed…” she paused while I prayed, “with me?”
“YES!” I cheered and picked up my girlfriend and plopped her on the bed.
She giggled in delight and I had her dress unzipped in a New York minute. Our kiss got quickly suspended as Emily laughed uncontrollably.
“What is so funny and why are you pulling away from me?” I begged for an answer.
“Oh, Jake. I’m sorry. It’s been so long I forgot you would connote sleeping in bed with me much differently than I denoted those words.” Her body came over to embrace me but I rolled over onto my back.
“You’ve got to be kidding me! Emily! What else would I think when you ask me to spend a night with you?”
“I’m sorry.” She pleaded with her body partly on mine and her lips showering my face. “The best night’s sleep I ever had was with you on Christmas night. Since then there hasn’t been one night where I’ve slept peacefully. That’s one of the reasons why I lost so much weight. I’ve been sick a lot since we separated because I couldn’t get enough rest. Can I just sleep in your arms tonight?” she asked with caution.
What could I say to that? Through the course of the next few months I would most likely hear many more heart-wrenching stories about Emily’s trials. Securely holding her body to mine we relished a quiet moment.
“Emi, can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” she answered pulling away slightly.
“When did your mom put in this crazy request about you saving yourself for your husband?”
“Oh gosh, a long time ago. She and Dad both had a talk with me sometime in junior high before Dad died. Mortified that both of them were talking to me about boys and sex I agreed to everything they asked. I just wanted them, especially my dad, out of my room. Then, right before Mom died, she had me promise her again.” She crinkled up her nose and gave me a what can I do look. “There was no turning back after that last promise.”
“So do you know if your mom practiced what she preached?”
Emily went into a guffaw. “I don’t think she did. She would never give me a straight answer.”
“How frustrating!” I answered half jokingly and half seriously.
“Jake, I’m sorry I frustrate you.” My love suddenly turned very serious. “But if forever is what you still want with me, then we will have a lifetime to be together. Would you be willing to wait a bit longer?” From cackles to tears between a few sentences I lifted up her sullen face.
“Love, can we make a few promises to one another?”
Her tears dropped with every nod.
“I promise you that I will never walk out on you or give you the silent treatment no matter what the situation. We will talk through any problems we may have. Even if you don’t want to hear them, I will tell you about my feelings.”
“Okay. I like that promise. What do you want me to promise?”
“I want you to promise me that you will never be afraid of me in any way. I don’t want you to fear hurting my feelings or fear losing me. That’s not going to happen ever again. I want you to completely trust me again even though it might be hard. It still kills me that I left you stranded in Arizona. Will you share with me what you were doing and thinking all those hours you waited?”
Were these answers I wanted to hear? Probably not but I thought if I shared in her pain it could be cathartic for both of us. Our day at the Skywalk possibly traumatized me more so than it did Emily.
“I will answer you if you will promise me this will be the last time we talk about the Grand Canyon. You can’t keep beating yourself up about what happened there. Can you let it go after tonight?”
“Okay…”
“Well, the first couple hours I was busy walking back and forth looking for you. I believed you would come back. There were so many visitors I searched carefully not wanting to miss you. Then the next several hours I sat in the middle of the Skywalk reliving what had happened that morning and wondering why I hadn’t turned Max down right away. First I got upset with myself for not being able to make a quick decision, then I got mad at you guys for hurting me so much.”
Now, I couldn’t look at her. I was ashamed at my behavior and angry for making Emily suffer through such misery.
“If you were there that long, why didn’t you call me? I believed you were with your friends. You know I would never abandon you, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. Jake, I know you would never intentionally hurt me. I didn’t call initially because I knew you needed to cool down. Then I didn’t call because I was angry with you and Max. Eventually I didn’t call because I knew it was over between us and that you wouldn’t want to see me anymore. Then, sometime after, I sat in the middle of the Skywalk and fell asleep from emotional exhaustion. Only with the help of a kind park ranger was I able to rent a car. Afterwards I went to go see my parents and then I came home. The rest you know.”
Hearing the story from Emily didn’t make it any better. In fact, I felt worse. Emily was smart to make me promise her to let go of this day. I laid back and couldn’t speak for a while.
“Jake.” Emily brought her face right up to mine and forced me to look at her. “You promised to let this go. Forget about this day or I’m going to start feeling guilty about the fac
t that none of this would’ve happened if I had turned Max down from the onset. Do you want me to start wallowing in my guilt?”
“No… I don’t want you to put this on yourself. Okay, let’s change the subject. Why did you come all the way up to the OR that day you were leaving for Japan but run away when you saw me? That was you I saw in the elevator, right?”
“You saw me?”
“I saw you about to cry in the elevator and I ran down the stairs to catch you but couldn’t. Why didn’t you stay?”
“Well, the Chief spotted me downstairs in the lobby when I stopped by to drop off your letter and he urged me to come up. Against my better judgment I followed him up like a sheep about to be slaughtered. When I saw you walking down the corridor, thoughts about our crazy meeting in New York sprang to mind, along with the fact that you hadn’t called me in three weeks. All that combined, I didn’t want my heart broken if you were to reject me again so I got scared and ran… into an elevator.” She laughed. “If you would’ve caught me downstairs and asked me to stay, I would’ve dropped all my plans to have had one more chance with you. I guess that’s what I was secretly hoping for when I followed the Chief up to the OR.”
“But why Japan? Why did you come here and so suddenly?”
“It’s actually not as spontaneous as you think. I applied for a teaching position before I met you. They happened to have an opening in January. Timing-wise it just worked out.”
“So all this time you wrote letters to everyone but no one was able to write back to you? Did you make any friends here? It sounded like you traveled quite a bit in Japan.”
“Sarah had my contact info. If you would’ve found Sarah, you would’ve found me much earlier.”
“Yeah, I tried. Without a last name, it wasn’t easy. What is her last name by the way?”
“Well now it’s Charlie and Sarah Abner. Before, it was Jenkins and Max’s last name is Davis. Anyhow, I didn’t have too many friends here because we had a hard time communicating. But I did get to see a lot of this beautiful country. I used to go into Tokyo all the time.”
“By yourself?” I couldn’t imagine my timid girlfriend traveling the country alone.
“Yup, by myself. Aren’t you proud of me? I did a lot of things by myself. While we were apart, I became a more independent person by choice. When my parents died I survived out of sheer necessity. But out here, it was more out of a desire to learn about this country. I had a good time by my lonesome.”
“I am very proud of you, Sweetheart. Every time I read one of Jane or Nick’s letters it brought a smile to my face knowing you were living a full life despite my absence.”
“So tell me some of the things you did while I was away.”
“Well, I waited and waited for letters that never came,” I lamented.
“Am I back to being in trouble?”
“No.” I quickly kissed her lips. “I read your journal over and over again attempting to make myself believe you still loved me. Did you know I forgot all about your journal till after you left for Japan? Only when you sent your first letter to Jane was I reminded. I was giddy for weeks after reading your journal. I didn’t realize you wanted to make out with me from day one.”
“Oh, no. You can’t use my journal against me.” She started laughing. “I think I was in love with you from day one.”
I held her even closer to me. “I know I was in love with you from day one. Anyhow, I’m not using your journal against you. I’m just stating a fact. Did you keep a journal while you were here?”
“Yeah, I did.” There was a note of apprehension.
“Will you let me read it? I’d like to share what was in your heart during the months you were away from me.”
“You don’t want to read it, Jake. Of course there’s a part of me that enjoyed being here and appreciated living with the Suzukis, but there was another part of me in that journal that struggled through each day. I don’t think I want to read it again for a while.”
“Alright. Whenever you’re ready to visit that life, I’d like to do it with you, okay?”
She nodded with a smile.
With that we stopped talking and after a long and passionate embrace, I encouraged Emily to get some sleep. I could see the sun coming up. If my arms were what she needed to get a peaceful night’s rest, I would become her pillow for the night.
I couldn’t sleep. Just content holding my long lost girlfriend, I caressed her like a father holding his newborn. I could’ve held her and watched her sleep for days. She woke up mid morning with a dazzling smile.
“You’re still here,” she spoke whimsically. “It wasn’t a dream.”
“I’m still here, Love, and will be with you forever.” I kissed her head before we got up to get ready for the day.
With half the day gone, we grabbed a quick lunch and went to the Sony store to buy her a laptop.
“When does your flight leave, Jake?”
“At midnight. I have some time. What do you want to eat for dinner? Let’s go have a nice dinner then I’ll catch the Shinkansen to Osaka and fly out of there.”
“Didn’t you say you came in through Narita?”
“Yeah, but once I got there I realized it would be easier to get home via Osaka from where you were. They say it’s about an hour and a half train ride. What do you want to eat, my love?”
“I’ll give you one guess,” she answered excitedly.
“Sushi?”
“Yup!” She jumped up and down. “It’s expensive to eat sushi here. A lot more expensive than the States so I didn’t eat it too often. Now that you’re here, I’ll have to take full advantage of you.” It was good to hear Emily giggle again.
A VAIO for Emily, a PSP and Nintendo DSI for Yuki and Ryu, and a multicourse sushi dinner for the both of us, and it was time to part. As the night wore on, so did the frown on Emily’s face. It was going to be hard to separate again.
“I don’t want you to go. It feels like a dream to be back together with you. I don’t want to say goodbye anymore.” I had never seen Emily cry so hard. Impossible to believe but I was the stronger one.
“Love, it’s only for twelve days. We’ll see each other soon. After that, we don’t ever have to say goodbye. Make sure you log onto your computer at 9:00pm your time. This will serve as a substitute until Paris.”
What I really wanted to say was I’ll stay here till your school year is done. I’ll take a sabbatical and you can sleep in my arms nightly, but I didn’t.
“Okay,” she sobbed. “I’ll miss you.”
“Me, too, my love. Me too.”
We said a quick goodbye and got on our trains.
Back at home and back at work I crossed off each day with a thick black X till the twelve days were done. I started the mornings, 5:00am to be exact, on the webcam with Emily. Many of the days I had to keep our conversation G-rated due to Yuki and Ryu eavesdropping or outright participating in the background.
“Hi Jake san!” Both kids greeted me before Emily got to the computer. “Emily go to the store for making breakfast tomorrow. Can we talk to you?”
“Sure. How are you two doing?” I greeted them warmly.
“We are fine. Jake san, you marry Emily soon?”
“Can you keep a secret?” Perhaps I shouldn’t entrust my deepest secret to a couple of elementary students?
“Yes. Please tell us.”
“I am going to propose to her when I see her in Paris.”
Both kids looked at each other – mouths wide open- and yelled, “Okasan, Otosan!” Next thing I saw were four faces looking back at me on my computer. Yuki rattled off what I assumed was my secret to her parents and both their faces lit up with joy. Yuki’s mom proceeded to say, “Good luck, Jake san,” and left the conversation.
“Hey, what’s going on in here?” I heard my love walk into the room.
Both kids giggled and left the room. I should have made them promise me one more time to keep my secret. I trusted they would.
&n
bsp; “Good morning, Honey. How are you? I’m sorry I’m late. I had to run to the neighborhood store.”
“Hi Love. What’s for breakfast tomorrow?”
“I learned to make these glutinous donuts filled with an from Mrs. Suzuki. I’m going to try them again tomorrow.”
“What’s an?”
“It’s sweet red beans. It’s delicious. I’ll make them for breakfast when I get back home.”
My heart tingled when she referred to living in my parents’ house as home. It would absolutely be her home till we got married and created our own home.
“Do you know we only have three more days till we see each other?”
“No… I haven’t been counting down the days at all,” she answered nonchalantly. “I’ve only been counting down the minutes.”
She made me laugh this time. “Did you get the ticket I sent you? Are you packed and ready to leave?”
“Thank you for the ticket and I already sent most of my stuff to your parent’s house. I will send the last box the day I leave. Honey, I have a request.”
“What is it?”
“Do you think I could leave this laptop here with the Suzukis when I leave? They’ve been so kind to me the last five months. They’ve treated me like their family and though I’ve given them a gift already, I’d like for the kids to have this computer.”
Always a sweet soul, I loved her more with each act of kindness. “Of course, you can. I’ll buy you a new computer when you get home.”
“Thank you, Jake. The kids will be thrilled. Isn’t it time for you to get to work?”
“Yeah,” I answered my voice full of regret that I didn’t stay in Japan with her.
“I’ll see you in Paris, Dr. Reid.”
“Bye, Love.”
Chapter 17 Will You Marry Me? Part 2
The plane landed in Heathrow on time and Gram had sent her driver to pick me up. I never understood the appeal of London as weather was always drab and everything was so overpriced. We pulled up to Gram’s flat and she was waiting for me at the door.
“Good morning, beautiful Grandmother.” Her wide smile told me she liked this address.