by Julie Cannon
“Everyone like who?”
“My friends, coworkers, women in the grocery store that ask.” Kelly knew these were stupid questions and had no bearing on her decision whether to keep the baby.
“Your friends won’t need an explanation, you probably won’t be back to work for months, and as for the complete strangers that ask, tell them…” Barrett cocked her head in the way Kelly had learned she did when she was thinking something through. “Do strangers make comments and ask pregnant women questions?”
“Yes, they do. For some people, pregnant women are fair game to strike up a conversation with. Like they’re now part of the club.” Kelly had never felt the need to talk to a pregnant woman other than out of politeness, but she’d seen it happen to several of her friends.
Barrett nodded. “Tell them whatever you want. Tell them the truth or make something up or simply tell them it’s none of their business. Because it is none of their business.”
Barrett’s voice was firm and strong as she said the last few words, which gave Kelly some much-needed strength.
Chapter Fourteen
The light knocking on the door startled Barrett. She’d been watching Kelly so intently she blinked a few times to get her bearings. Kelly had asked her to stay until she fell asleep, and even after her breathing had become deep Barrett couldn’t make herself leave. One of the nurses had brought her a light blanket, but she didn’t sleep. She couldn’t.
She remembered her first few days in the hospital. Every time anyone had approached, she’d started to panic, thinking they’d shove a disgusting gag in her mouth and drag her away again. She would wake in a panic, afraid everything was a dream. Her breathing was quick and shallow, her blood pounded in her head, and the tightness in her chest was crushing. It took minutes, sometimes as long as an hour, for her system to return to normal. She hoped a familiar face would spare Kelly that fear.
The knock repeated, the door opened, and Kelly’s mother appeared, followed by her father. They stood in the doorway, appearing unsure whether to come in. Barrett glanced at Kelly, who was still asleep, and hurried to the door.
“She’s sleeping.”
“We don’t want to wake her, but we just can’t wait any longer to see her,” Mrs. Ryan said, rubbing her hands together nervously.
“Of course.” Barrett understood. She’d had the same feeling a mere twenty-four hours ago. She couldn’t even imagine what Kelly’s parents were going through. She stepped aside and they entered the room without a sound.
They tentatively approached Kelly’s bed, one on each side. Mrs. Ryan reached out and took Kelly’s hand, and her father quickly followed with a kiss on her forehead. Kelly woke with a start and pushed at her father leaning over her. He jumped back as if struck. Barrett stepped into her line of sight.
“Kelly, your parents are here,” she said softly. Barrett saw the panic-stricken look slide away to be replaced with understanding and clarity that the people beside her were no threat. However, her reaction had clearly shaken her parents.
“Mom, Dad,” Kelly said, looking between them. “I’m so glad you’re here.” Kelly reached up and was immediately engulfed in her parents’ arms. Barrett silently slipped from the room.
The familiar fragrance of her mother’s perfume and her dad’s aftershave was comforting and reassuring. Kelly relaxed and simply enjoyed the moment. When her parents finally released her and stepped back, she expected to see Barrett sitting in the chair at the foot of her bed. She’d been there every time she woke several times during the night. At least she thought it had been the night but wasn’t sure. She was still adjusting to the rapid change of events.
“You’re so thin,” her mother said, drawing Kelly’s attention back to her parents.
“Not a weight-loss program I’d recommend to anyone,” she quipped, suddenly nervous. Her mother was looking at her much too closely. She wasn’t ready for this. She pulled the sheet and blanket a little higher on her chest.
“How are you, Dad?” she asked, hoping to change the subject. “You look tired.”
“We didn’t sleep a wink last night after Ms. Taylor called us. We were so excited and had so many people to call. While you were gone your friend Ariel called often to check up on us and see how we were doing, so we had to phone her first.”
“And we didn’t want to keep the pilot waiting,” her mother added.
“The pilot?” Kelly was confused. The pilot of a commercial airplane certainly wouldn’t wait for a passenger.
“Yes, the pilot of the plane. Ms. Taylor said he would be waiting for us at the airport whenever we were ready to go.”
Kelly shook her head, no more clear about what her mother was talking about than before her explanation. “What are you talking about?”
“The plane Ms. Taylor sent for us,” her father said, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“She sent you a plane?”
“Yes. She said she didn’t want us to have to wait for a regular flight, so she had one waiting for us.”
Kelly was still a bit foggy, but it was beginning to make sense. Barrett must have chartered a plane to fly her parents here. Where was here again? Panama? When was she going home?
“Ms. Taylor told us you have some intestinal bug and a few other things I didn’t understand. If the rest of the other test results come back okay, you can come home.”
Kelly could only nod in relief. The doctors hadn’t told them she was pregnant. “That’s good to know, Mom. I’m ready to go home.” She lied but knew that was what her parents wanted to hear. She didn’t know what she wanted to do. Barrett had told her she’d feel disjointed, like she didn’t belong anywhere for a while. She just needed a few days to get her head straight and figure out what she was going to do.
“You’ll come home with us, where we can look after you properly,” her mother said, cupping her cheek. You need some solid food and love, and you’ll be good as new. Everybody can’t wait to see you…”
As her mother’s voice turned into background noise, Kelly’s mind raced. She didn’t want to go to her parents’ house. She couldn’t. Not now. Especially not now. And how was she going to tell them she was pregnant? Earlier, when she lay awake, she’d decided not to terminate this pregnancy. She hadn’t yet decided if she would keep the baby or give it up for adoption. She had time to figure that out.
“Only for a few days, Mom.” Kelly replied with as much strength as she could muster. “The sooner I get back to my normal life, the better I’ll be.” No way was she going to be able to stay under the watchful, disapproving eyes of her parents for very long.
She turned to her mother. “What happened to my things? My car? My house?” Without her income to pay her mortgage and her car loan, had they been repossessed? Where was all her stuff—her books and the antique crystal vase she’d picked up in a yard sale that had ended up being worth a fortune?
Her parents looked at each other, then quickly back at her. What was all that about?
“Mom?”
“Everything is just as you left it, Kelly. When it looked like it would be a while before you…” her mother struggled, as if trying to find the right words, “we arranged to have a service look after your house.”
“But who paid for it? Who paid the mortgage every month? And my car note?” Something was going on, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. It was as if her parents were trying to keep something from her. “Dad?”
“Don’t worry about it right now, hon,” her father said, taking her hand. “Your mother’s right. You should spend some time with us, get back on your feet before you head home. Who’s going to take care of you if you go home now?”
Something was obviously up with her house and her things, but she was suddenly very tired and didn’t have the strength to push the issue. It had been a very long time since she pushed for anything, and she felt hesitant to do so. Her parents were strong willed and not a good place to start in her muddled condition.
“My friends. Sarah and her husband Steve live across the street. Sarah stays home with their kids, and we’ve gotten to be pretty good friends.” They really weren’t that close, but a little white lie to get out from under the watchful eye of her parents was worth it.
“Let’s just take it day by day, shall we?” her father said, looking directly at her with that expression Kelly knew as his final word.
*
Barrett leaned back against the cool hospital wall, her head against the hard surface, and closed her eyes. She’d stepped out a few minutes ago to give Kelly and her parents some privacy, suddenly very tired.
For a moment she was the one in that hospital bed trying to make sense of the world in front of her. She’d been captive for only a short time compared to Kelly, and she knew Kelly was in for many difficult months. Even more so because she was pregnant.
A pang of guilt almost knocked Barrett to her knees. If only she’d have figured out what she needed to do sooner, if only she’d called Trevor a few weeks earlier, if only she could have gotten her out sooner…the what if’s tumbled through her brain.
“Barrett?”
Barrett opened her eyes and saw the familiar face of her psychologist, Dr. Grace Hinton. Barrett had called Dr. Hinton as soon as she heard Kelly was alive and had flown her here as soon as Kelly had arrived.
“How are you doing?” the doctor asked. Her expression was benign, but her eyes gave away her concern.
Barrett moved away from the wall. “I’m fine.” She tried to lie convincingly.
“Are you?
Okay, maybe not so convincingly. “I will be.” She corrected herself. “As soon as Kelly’s cleared to go and is back home and settled.”
Dr. Hinton eyed her critically, and Barrett fought the urge to squirm. From their first visit Dr. Hinton could always see right through her bullshit. Even though it went against everything she’d taught herself, Barrett had found herself opening up to the woman, unlike the man her parents had sent.
“You know she may never be settled.” Dr. Hinton cautiously emphasized the last few words.
“I know. But she has family and friends that love her, and she’ll have everything she needs to get well. I’ll see to it,” she said, determined to do so.
“You’re not to blame, Barrett.”
She pushed down an angry, automatic rebuttal, but not before Dr. Hinton saw her reaction.
“Don’t take this on, Barrett. This is not about you. You did nothing wrong. As a matter of fact, if it weren’t for you, Kelly would still be there.”
“I know.” Barrett didn’t quite hide the frustration in her voice, wasn’t even sure she wanted to.
“Do you?”
Barrett sighed, suddenly even more tired. From the day Trevor and his crew had hit the ground in Columbia, she’d constantly fought to keep her emotions off her sleeve, which wasn’t like her, not at all. She needed to be careful. Barrett took a deep breath.
“Yes, I do. But I’ll do everything I can to help Kelly.”
Dr. Hinton looked at her for several moments. “Okay,” she said finally, shifting her gaze from penetrating to concerned. “But you need to remember to take care of yourself too. This will bring up old memories, and you need to be prepared.”
Too late, Barrett thought, but didn’t say the words.
*
The knock on the door was a relief. Kelly loved her parents, but they were smothering her and she needed them to just back off a bit. She felt guilty for thinking that, knowing that they must have worried themselves sick. She vowed to try to be patient with them.
“Come in.” The door opened, and she felt a flush of relief when Barrett poked her head in.
“I don’t mean to interrupt, but Dr. Hinton’s here.”
It took a moment for Kelly to recognize the name. She’d been seen by a dozen doctors since she’d been here. Then she remembered. Dr. Hinton was the psychologist Barrett had told her about.
“Have her come in.”
Barrett opened the door wider, and a short, stocky woman entered. Her hair was pulled tight into a bun, and she appeared to have slept in her clothes. She looked nothing like a shrink and everything like a grandmother. Maybe that was a good thing.
Barrett introduced Dr. Hinton, and Kelly noted that Barrett omitted the type of doctor she was when she repeated the introduction to her parents. She was grateful, not wanting to go into all that with her parents right now, if ever.
“You’re not what I expected,” Kelly said, after Barrett took her parents to the cafeteria to get some dinner, giving her and Dr. Hinton a chance to talk privately. She was rewarded with a warm laugh and a deep, caring smile.
“And what did you expect?”
“Some uptight shrink, I guess. Either that or the touchy-feely type that talks about Zen and inner peace.”
“How do you know I don’t?”
“Because Barrett wouldn’t put up with that,” Kelly answered, even though she really had no clear idea what Barrett would put up with.
“Very astute observation.” Dr. Hinton nodded as if weighing the validity of her comment. “What else did Barrett not say about me?”
“I don’t think you’re here to talk about what Barrett said,” Kelly replied, her answer maybe a little too harsh.
“No, not specifically, but she is a very big part of why you’re here and why I’m here.”
“Are you going to tell me that we can talk about whatever I want?” Kelly asked.
“No.”
“Are you going to ask me how I’m doing?”
“No.”
“Am I going to look at ink blots and tell you what I see?”
“No, not unless you want to”
“Then why are you here?”
“Because Barrett asked me to come.”
“Why?” God, this was starting to feel like twenty questions, but Kelly couldn’t stop herself.
“I know what she told me. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Some sort of doctor-client confidentiality thing?” Kelly realized she was bordering on belligerent and forced herself to calm down.
“Not at all. You know why I’m here, Ms. Ryan. You weren’t surprised when I walked in.”
Kelly appreciated Dr. Hinton’s honesty and forthright answers. She hadn’t backed down or even moved from where she’d stopped next to her bed. She hadn’t even reached out to shake her hand. Kelly pointed to the chair next to the bed. “Please sit down and call me Kelly.”
*
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” Barrett had no idea what Kelly’s mother had said.
“I said I’m worried about Kelly. She doesn’t look good. She’s practically skin and bones, has no energy, and her skin is cold.”
Barrett tempered the angry words that came to mind. “She’s been through a lot. The living conditions weren’t that good, and she didn’t always have enough to eat. The water was always a risk, and the mosquitoes carried all kinds of diseases.” Barrett knew she was probably saying too much, but it upset her that Kelly’s parents seemed to expect her to look exactly the same coming out of Columbia as she had when she went in.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right,” Mrs. Ryan said, not too convincingly.
“Just remember that Kelly’s alive and she’s free.” Why did she have to tell them that? “The rest will take some time to fall into place. She’ll get stronger every day, and with the right food, and plenty of it, she’ll gain weight.”
Barrett wondered if Kelly had told her parents about the baby. They hadn’t said anything, and it certainly wasn’t her place to break the news. Maybe Kelly had decided not to keep it and didn’t need to discuss what wouldn’t be there in a few days.
“We just want her to come home with us,” Mr. Ryan said. “But she doesn’t want to. She said she’d stay a few days but was adamant about going back to her house and back to work.” He shook his head, obviously not agreeing with his daughter’s plans.
“She needs
us,” her mother said, and Barrett got the impression she was trying to enlist Barrett’s help. No way was she getting in the middle of that.
“I know Kelly’s thrilled to see you and grateful for you wanting to help, but maybe she just wants to return to her life as quickly as she can. You know, get back into the routine of going to work every day, the grocery store, seeing friends.”
What a load of crap, Barrett thought. In Kelly’s case it was nothing but serious crap. There was no normal after what they’d gone through. It was the new normal where your friends and co-workers tiptoed around the subject yet wanted to know every gruesome detail. Where your family never mentioned it, thinking that if they didn’t put a name to it, it hadn’t really happened. As if she and Kelly could ever forget.
“But she’s our baby. She needs us.” Her mother almost wailed, repeating herself, wringing her hands.
What it was, Barrett thought but didn’t say, was that they needed Kelly, not the other way around. “Mr. and Mrs. Ryan, I’m going to make sure Kelly has everything she needs to get through this. And she will get through it.” Barrett placed one of her hands over each of Kelly’s parents’. “I know it’s not what you want to hear, but Kelly has to do this her way, and that may not be what you think she should do, including moving back in with you. I know you only want what’s best for her and want to take care of her, but in the end that might not be what’s best for her.”
Barrett had no idea when she became so philosophical or even where those words came from. Dr. Hinton must have channeled them through her. Barrett really didn’t care, but she did care about helping Kelly get to where she needed to be, wherever that was.
Dr. Hinton entered the hospital dining room and caught Barrett’s eye. “Why don’t you go back and see Kelly for a few more minutes,” Barrett said, returning her attention to Kelly’s parents. “I’ll be up a little later to take you to the hotel, and you can check in and get some rest yourselves.”
Kelly’s parents didn’t even recognize Dr. Hinton as they passed her. Dr. Hinton sat down in the chair to her left.