“You bought that for her? I thought you bought it for me!” she screeches.
Oh, my God. This is beyond crazy. I’m done.
“I have to get out of here,” I say under my breath and start for the door. I’ll walk home but I need to leave, now. I rush out the door and start down the walk when I hear Kelly scream and when I turn around, I see Rocky has a gun to her head. “Give it to me now,” he says. She says something in response and he takes the gun from her head and aims it at the ground by her feet and fires. That’s when I hear him say, “You keep threatening me but next time, you’re dead, understand? Just because we need you now, doesn’t mean we will tomorrow. You just pissed off the only two people that had your back.”
She runs and gets in her car and after starting the engine, turns to leave down the driveway, towards me. When her car lights hit me she picks up speed and I take off running towards the trees when I hear Rocky scream, “Fuck, Jaycee, stop!” But I don’t. I take off running faster, but before I can get very far in my heels I feel Rocky grab me around the waist and lift me off my feet and pull me back just as she passes us and keeps going down the drive. He starts back for the house but I struggle against his hold.
“No Rocky, I want to go home. Please?” He keeps moving toward the house, holding me tight against my struggles, carrying me up the stairs and into what I guess is his bedroom and lays me down on the bed and lays down on top of me.
“Shush, baby. It’s okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Calm down.” But I’m still struggling and he won’t let me go.
“I just want to go home,” I plead, and he brings his lips down to mine. “I know baby, but you can’t,” and he starts kissing me down my neck. “Rocky, stop. Please. I’m begging you,” and I try pushing at him everywhere, his chest, arms, the sides of his waist, but he won’t budge. I keep begging, “This is wrong, Rocky. This isn’t me. I don’t want this. Stop, please. Please, let me go!” I’m crying and trying to twist away underneath him when he suddenly stills above me and looks down to me and whispers, “Jaycee, I will not let you go.” I plead with my eyes and whisper back, “Please?” He lowers his mouth to mine and before he kisses me he says, “No. You’re mine. You promised.”
He grabs both my wrists that are still pushing against his waist and pins them above my head with one of his hands while the other travels down my legs and starts pulling up my dress. I’m so drained of energy, I give up and don’t fight. I lay there, numb, as he pulls my panties down. When he senses my resolve, he releases my hands and grabs a condom and rolls it on. As he has his way with me, my body jerks against his thrusts. I close my eyes and fall into exhaustion as tears slide out of my eyes and down to the pillow. When he’s done, he gets rid of the condom, pulls off all my clothes and then takes his off and lays down next to me and pulls me close. “Get some sleep, baby.” But I’m already half asleep. I feel like I’m drugged and I feel used, empty, and worthless.
When I wake up, I can see it’s morning and the sun is just peeking through the morning clouds. I feel pain on my chest and I reach up with my hand and I feel the scratches Kelly left. I start to turn over and cry at the memories of the night before. Everything, it’s a bad dream, a horrible nightmare that I can’t wake up from. I feel the bed move and an arm come around me. He’s awake.
“Hey, you okay?” and he sits up on an elbow looking over at me with concern. I look down at my neck and chest and his eyes follow and then flare in anger. “Fuck,” he swears and he sits up and swings off the bed. “I’ll be right back, baby.” I watch him walk around the bed, grab his boxer briefs from the floor, pull them on and go into his restroom. I hear him shuffling things around under the sink and then in the medicine cabinet. He comes back with some cotton and medicine and sits on the edge of the bed next to me. I watch as he opens the bottle of medicine and pours some on the cotton and starts wiping at my cuts. I flinch at the sting and he starts blowing on it to stop the sting. “I’ll get your necklace back or buy you a new one,” he says and then he dabs at another scratch.
“It’s fine Rocky, don’t worry about it,” and I look away.
“Jaycee, last night was fucked up and I’m really sorry, but none of it matters. Straight up. I’m always coming back for you.” Then he puts the cotton and medicine back on the table and looks back at me. “Sit up for a minute, baby. I need to ask you something.” I sit up and he leans into me, both hands beside me. “That fuckwad you were talking to at work, he something to you?” he stares at me and waits as I think back. “My friend?” I look back to him and down again thinking, but jerk my eyes back to him when he says, “The one who fucking put his hands on you? Hugged you? What is he to you?” Is he talking about Lucky? He has to be. “I went to school with him.” He waits for more. “I was working, Rocky. I’ve known him for years and he’s a customer. We hadn’t talked in a while so we spoke for a few minutes and he told me how sorry he was about my grandpa’s passing,” and I look to him in question. “How do you know that happened? Why, Rocky? What did you do?” He waits and I stare at him in alarm, “Why, Rocky?” A cruel smile crosses his face as he gets off the bed and turns to look out his bedroom window.
“Good. Good to know, but I still have to do what I have to do. Can’t have other guys touching you,” he says, and he looks back to me. “Come on, up, we got to shower and I need to get you home.” He starts looking around the room until he finds my overnight bag and hands it to me. “I have to leave town for a few days or longer, not sure exactly.” I start to ask why he’s always leaving and where he goes but then I realize he probably won’t tell me, or he’ll lie, and I honestly just don’t care.
He makes us shower together and he washes my hair, and then my body, but takes it no further. He’s in a hurry, thank God. He pulls a pair of jeans out of his drawer and pulls them on. “I’m going to call while I’m gone and I need you to answer.” He reaches out for my hand and I take it as he pulls me over to his dresser and points to my bag, telling me to hurry. I get dressed and after saying goodbye to his mom and agreeing to have a do-over for dinner and promising her I’m not mad, Rocky drops me at home.
After I shower again, trying to wash away him and last night, I throw on some sweats and an old t-shirt. I walk into the kitchen to hear Grandma talking on the phone. “And no one knows why?” and she waits. “It was just a random shooting?” and I hear her sigh. “Well, thank God no one was hurt,” she says and then she hangs up and sees me. “Hey, honey. How was dinner?” I sit down at the table and look at the tabletop. “It was nice. His parents are nice. His mom is real sweet,” I say, and she sits down across from me. “Why do you look so sad then?” What can I tell her, the truth? No. “Rocky has to leave town again is all,” and I look back to the table. “What were you talking about on the phone just now?” I ask. Grandma stands back up and walks to the sink and turns on the water to do a couple of dishes. “Oh yeah. Hey, you remember the Miller boy, Lucky?” Oh shit, I think, and I tense. “Well, last night someone shot up Lucky’s house and cars. Thank God they weren’t home. The world has gone crazy, Jaycee.” She has no idea. I walk back to my room and collapse. No one is safe. He can get to anyone. Father in Heaven, please save me.
Over the next few days, Rocky calls several times but I decide to take a chance and not answer. I don’t even listen to the messages he leaves on my voicemail and I don’t read his texts. So I don’t have any idea what’s waiting for me.
Chapter 11
I walk out of work exhausted and there he is. Eyes on me, leaning on the driver’s door of my car with his arms crossed against his chest. I stop walking and look around for an escape. I want to run back into the store and call for help, but I think of my grandma and what he did to Lucky’s house and cars. He knows I’m going over everything in my head and I’ll remember, so he waits. Yes, I remember. I start towards him when he pushes off my car and starts to me.
“Did you have a good day at work?” he asks
lovingly and reaches out, touching my cheek and then tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. I almost lean into his touch and forget again, but then I see his eyes shift to look at something behind me and all at once, I feel it. There he is, the real him, the monster. The Rocky from our day at the lake is long gone. He was the lie. This, this is who he is.
“Hey, Jaycee!” my coworker Bernice yells after me. “You left this on the table of the break room. You must have been super excited about your weekend off. I would be too.” When she realizes no one is saying anything, she reaches her hand out to me, holding my jacket. I take my jacket and pull it on. “Thanks, Bernice. I am. I’ll see you on Monday.” I use this moment of having Bernice near to walk around Rocky. I grab my keys from my purse and hit the key remote and unlock my car. I have my hand reaching towards the handle when I hear him say, “So, Bernice, we haven’t met. I’m Rocky, Jaycee’s boyfriend.” He reaches out and they shake hands. She knows something is up. She’s seen how withdrawn I’ve been at work the last few weeks. I haven’t spoken of him in a while. “It’s getting dark out here and anything could happen to someone walking to their car alone,” he says with an irritated sigh and then he waits, still staring at Bernice. I see fear enter her eyes. As she starts to take a couple of steps backwards to the store he starts again. “That’s why I was waiting for Jaycee. I would never want her or one of her friends to get hurt.” There’s the threat. “Bernice, go inside. I’m fine,” I say as I surrender to the fact that I’m about to enter into another part of this nightmare. “Thanks for bringing my jacket. I’ll see you Monday.” She starts to say something when Rocky ends it. His patience is gone. “Yeah, thanks Bernice. It was nice meeting you,” he says and turns back to me and walks over.
He drops his arm around my shoulder, leading me to his car. “Good job, baby, but I think we need to talk, don’t you? I have some things to take care of, but then we need to have a long discussion about you avoiding my calls.” He shoves me towards the passenger door of his car and when the front of my body slams into it, he closes in behind me with his body. “I’m so tired of your fucking shit. I told you to answer your goddamn phone when I called, but you didn’t. Did you forget? I need to remind you, Jaycee, nothing has changed. I showed patience with you, baby. I’ve been too nice.” His mouth is right at my ear. He pulls me off the car and reaches down for the handle of the car door and opens it, but before I can get in he stops me and grabs my chin and cheeks in a vice grip, just like he did to Kelly, and I can taste blood in my mouth from my teeth cutting into my cheeks.
“You can say we’re over, try avoiding me, run from me all you want, but I will find you. I will always find you, Jaycee, so why don’t you stop fighting us and you just accept it in here,” he says as he taps his finger to my forehead. On the last tap he opens his hand and uses his open palm to push my forehead back, knocking my body inside his car sideways and he leans down towards me and says, “Either you’re mine, or you’re dead. Tonight you pick, or maybe I’ll just pick.” With that he calmly closes the car door and walks to the driver’s side door. For a moment my hand twitches to reach for the door handle but then I remember Bernice and keep my hands in my lap. Oh my God, he’s worse. I didn’t think it could get any worse but I was wrong. What has happened? I need to do some damage control.
After he gets in the car and we start driving I do what I can. “Rocky, I’m sorry. Work has been busy and Grandma hasn’t been feeling well. I’ve just been working a lot. I’m really sorry. I’ve missed you.” Part of that isn’t a lie. I miss the Rocky from the first day at the lake and dance hall, but this isn’t him. I’m learning the difference now. How can those two sides coexist within him?
I keep my head down and turned towards the car window. He reaches over to my lap and grabs my hand and pulls it towards the middle console of the car and he rests our hands there. “Yeah? Your grandma’s been sick? Sorry to hear that,” he says and he rubs his thumb up and down my fingers, caressing them. “I’ll stop by soon and bring her flowers or something, okay?” The thought of him going anywhere near my grandma has me stiffening, but I start begging my body to relax. He can’t feel it. If he feels it he’ll know—know I’m just buying time until I can figure out how to get out of this and keep my family and friends safe.
The rest of the drive is silent except for the stereo softly playing. Janis Joplin is singing “Me and Bobby McGee,” and for a few moments I close my eyes and drift away with her and Bobby and dream of feeling free again, any way I can.
As we pull into the circular drive in front of his home, he gets out and walks towards my side of the car. I look around at all the trees at the front of the property just off the drive. There’s hundreds and if I could make it into them, maybe I could hide and eventually cut back to the main road. That thought ends when he opens my door. “Let’s go,” he says and I slowly exit the car and head to the front steps. We enter the double doors at the front of the house and make our way to the main staircase. His mom must hear us and calls out to him. “Rocky? Is that you?” and she comes in, smiling in her wheelchair. “Jaycee? Oh honey, where have you been? I missed you.”
I walk over to her and lean down to hug her. “I’m good, Mrs. Jennings. Just working a lot. Sorry I haven’t been by sooner.” Her smile falls and she touches my face softly. “Jaycee, what happened to your face?” I keep my eyes on her as they turn watery. I lick my lips. “I’m fine, Mrs. Jennings,” I say softly. I don’t know how to explain the obvious marks she must see from him grabbing me. Although my face hurts, I didn’t realize he’d left bruises. She takes my hand and grabs tightly and pulls me to her side. “Rocky, what did you do? I thought, I prayed every night you wouldn’t turn out like him. Lincoln and I hoped the military would help you, but you haven’t changed, have you Rocky? Why? Why do you act like him? Linc didn’t turn out like that. I don’t understand,” she says, and she pulls me along with her as she turns the wheels of her chair. “I’m seeing she gets home, Rocky.”
I start to follow her when my head is jerked back violently by my hair. “No can do, Mom. I have to take care of a few things and then Jaycee and I are going to have a nice long talk, so go back into your room and watch TV or read.” He’s pulling me towards the staircase by my hair at an awkward angle and when we reach the steps, I fall. He keeps dragging me up as his mom calls after him, crying and begging him to let me go. “Rocky, I don’t want to, but I’m going to call the police. You’re not leaving me a choice.” She picks her phone up from her lap and tries to work her phone but her hands are shaking, and before she gets to dial he says to me with irritation, “Wait here, baby. Be right back.” He quickly walks down the stairs towards his mom and reaches down for the phone and tucks it in his back pocket. “Mom, I’m not asking, I’m telling you to go.” He picks her up from her wheelchair and sets her on a chair by the front entry and then takes her wheelchair, folds it up, and tosses it out the front door. I watch this in shock. If he’s willing to do this to his own mother, I need to get out of here. He’s going to kill me. Maybe not tonight but eventually, he’s going to kill me. “Now, Mom. Again, please go to your room, but now you’ll have to find another way,” he says and he starts back up the stairs to me, lifts me by the back of my neck and forcefully guides me to his room.
Once there he walks me over to his bed. “Take off your boots,” he demands. I sit on the edge of the bed and lean down and start pulling them off when I plead in a whisper, “Why?” “Because I saw you looking to the trees.” He squats down in front of me, resting his hands on my knees. He looks at me and says, “If you try to make a run for it, you’re going to rip up your feet on the brush and it’ll slow you down.” I chance a glance at him and he smiles at me. “Not that I wouldn’t be able to catch you either way, but it’s getting late. I have to make a call and then we need to talk. After that, we’ll catch up. I’m going to remind you how you’re mine in every way. All of you. Your heart, your mind, and your body—they are mine.
” Panic starts setting in but again I will my body to calm down. “Lie back and relax. Let me get this call over with.” He leans in and kisses me on the lips and I’m trying to hold down the bile threatening to come and force myself to respond to his kiss.
I can hear him on the phone. He’s walked into the adjoining sitting room and he starts raising his voice so I can clearly hear the conversation. “Kelly, did you get the stuff over to the house?” He must be waiting for her answer. “No, Kelly. Not tonight. I’m hanging out with Jaycee.” A few seconds later he says, “No, Kelly. You deliver the shit I tell you to. That’s it. You got a problem with that, I can end this, all of this, because I’m tired of your shit. Your call Kelly, but I have to go, Jaycee’s waiting.” I don’t care that I just heard he’s been with her and will keep being with her. I just need to get away. I can hear the argument continuing. It’s getting more heated and Rocky’s voice is getting louder and louder.
I hear his mom calling for him and her voice is coming closer and closer. How did she get up here? I hear banging towards the bottom of the door and she’s calling, “Rocky, please let Jaycee go. I won’t tell Lincoln or call the police, but please let her go.” He either doesn’t hear her over his yelling at Kelly on the phone, or he’s ignoring her. I’m lying on the bed staring at the door when I see it start to creep open and I see his mom, the bottom of her body limp on the floor in front of the door as she’s reached up to turn the door knob. She sees me but I don’t move. She scoots back a little from the door and leans her head forward at the same time and listens. She keeps her eyes on me and when she hears him talking on the phone from the other room she gives me the signal and mouths, “HURRY!” I shake my head no, but now she’s frantically calling me with her hands. This is it. Do it and possibly die or don’t and possibly die. I have to take the chance. I start sliding down the bed, keeping my eyes between his mom and the adjoining room. When I’m clear from the bed I rush towards the door and start to help his mom up, but she whispers, “RUN! Stay hidden and I’ll somehow call for help once he leaves to find you. Stay hidden, Jaycee.” I look at her for a second and then start running down the stairs for the door, barefoot but free. Oh GOD, thank you, I think as I reach for the handle on the front door.
Falling Into Blue Page 8