Seems my family, or at least my sister, are pretty comfortable with him, so I start to relax a little.
Over the next hour or so, I learn that “Rocky” is a nickname. His real name is Daniel Jennings and he’s been arrested several times for theft and drug dealing way back as a minor, but his parents always bailed him out. From the way they explain it, the last time he was arrested, his dad convinced the judge, also a family friend, to give him a chance in the Navy. He left and everyone thought he’d changed his ways. He’d been in a little over five years when he decided to leave. They explain they’ve gone back pretty far in his background and found reports from all the way back to elementary school from his teachers reporting what they suspected was abuse. CPS did nothing. They suspect his dad, Dr. Jennings, was able to pull some strings to stop investigations. It’s rumored when Rocky—or Daniel—returned from the Navy, he got back into dealing drugs and has moved up in ranks. Around that time, his brother, Lincoln Jennings, left town. His sometime girlfriend, Kelly Price, did most of his deliveries. From what the cops have learned, they met in high school and she was known to be pretty violent and obsessed with him. The local gangs that Rocky was supplying feared them both; they never crossed them. If they did, they paid. While he was away seeing to shipments, Kelly ran everything for him.
The detective finishes, “After he met you, their relationship started falling apart, and Kelly went to the DEA with information on him in order to seek revenge. They offered her a plea and she was only supposed to be sticking around long enough to find out when the next shipment was coming in and then she was going to disappear until she testified. After all the information she supplied, the police are now looking into two missing persons that were known to have gang affiliation but only reported missing by their families.”
All the information the detectives are sharing, all their words, start swimming around my head and I look over to Max. I must look green because he scoops me up and cradle-carries me into the bathroom and sets me next to the wastebasket right in time for me to start throwing up in it. I feel him pull my braid back as I keep throwing up. Finally everything is out of my stomach and Max helps me clean up and carries me back to the bed as Corporal Blass and another nurse come in. The nurse is holding a syringe. I’m guessing one of the detectives or sheriff called them when they knew they upset me and I started throwing up. When Max lays me down he stays hovered over me as I see the nurse sticking the needle with the syringe into my arm. “Shush, baby, Jayc…this is going to help you relax a little. Your body is still in the healing process and you still have bruising along your ribs and stomach. Throwing up is going to aggravate those areas and we don’t want that, so this is just to help you a little. Okay? Do you understand?” I can already feel the effects of the medicine and all I can do is stare at him and whisper an apology as I drift off to sleep. “I am so sorry. I had no idea. I swear I didn’t, Max. I didn’t know.” I take one last breath before I fall asleep but I manage to get out: “Blue, please, never call me baby. Never. He called me that.” I think I hear him say, “Don’t worry Jayc. I won’t and I’m sorry. And call me Max. Everyone else calls me Blue. For you—Max.” I feel him rubbing my head and then his warm lips at my temple. That helps me relax more than the medicine and I drift off to sleep.
Chapter 18
When I open my eyes, the room is dark except for the light from the television and I’ve been tucked in tight. As I lay there, my mind goes back to earlier. I lay quietly, thinking about everything the police told me. I never considered myself to be a stupid person, but I’ve proved completely naive. I try to shake the thoughts from my head when I hear movement and hear someone with a deep voice clear their throat. Stone. My dad.
“Hey, honey.” I haven’t seen him in days and my heart breaks at how he looks. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he looks worse than me. He looks tired, like he hasn’t slept in days. He looks sad and nervous. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay, Dad, but you look really bad,” I say, and he laughs sadly. “Yeah. I’m sure I do. Honey…” his words trail off and his eyes get watery. He sticks his hands in his front pockets and looks at the ceiling for a few seconds and clears his throat and then he brings his eyes back to me. “Can you ever forgive me?” What? Why? “Dad, what in the world would I have to forgive you for? I failed y’all. I’m the one who needs to ask for everyone’s forgiveness. I am so sorry.” When I say that, he pulls his hands from his pockets and walks to me. He sits down on the edge of the bed and turns to look at me. “Honey, if I ever hear you say that shit again, it’s going to piss me the fuck off.”
He takes a deep breath and leans forward with his elbows and arms resting on his legs and his head is hung forward, looking at the floor. “I failed you, Jaycee. I failed you in the worst way. I didn’t protect you. A father is supposed to protect his children,” and he shakes his head while still looking down. I lean forward and whisper, “Dad, you did. But he’s not normal. He’s a monster, Dad. A true, blue monster.” My dad turns back to me. “Honey, dads are supposed to protect you from monsters too. We’re supposed to check everywhere for them. In closets, under beds, in the dark, but me, I just handed you right over to one. Shook his hand and handed you over to him.” Oh, no, I can’t have my dad feeling guilty so I try to joke, “Dad, if I ever hear YOU say shit like that again, it’s going to piss ME the fuck off.” But he doesn’t laugh or even speak and then I see tears dropping from his eyes onto his arms and hands. I rush to sit up and hug him from the back. “Daddy, please. I should have told someone. I thought I could handle it. Please, don’t feel guilty. Don’t cry.” He raises his hands and wipes his face up and down with them.
“The moment the car lights hit you and I saw your lifeless body laying there, in that field…Jaycee, honey, God,” he breaks down and I wrap him up tighter. “I thought for sure you were dead and that we, that I, was too late.” He takes calming breaths and now I’m crying, but for his pain, not my own. “Daddy, I’m here and I’m going to be okay. Look at me.” He turns his head back to look at me and my heart absolutely breaks. My dad looks more broken than me, and now I’m mad. I’m furious. How dare Rocky cause me to hurt my family like this. I don’t know what to say, so I just move to his side and keep hugging him for what seems like hours. I’m leaning on his shoulder with my arms wrapped around his neck when I feel him pat my arms so I loosen my grip. He stands and hits the button lowering the bed level so it’s closer to the ground and drags the recliner to sit flush with the bed. I scoot all the way down in the bed at the same time he leans the chair all the way back. I roll to my side and move to the edge where I can wrap my arm across my dad and he can hold it against him. We both watch the television in silence until we fall asleep.
When morning comes, I don’t realize it, but it’s Saturday and my brothers all come in carrying my favorite breakfast tacos from Taco Sensations for everyone. My stomach growls at the smell. I’m shoving a couple down my throat and praying it stays there, but I have to have them and when I finally do, heaven.
After we’re all done, everyone leaves the room except for my brothers, my sister, and my cousin. What follows, I didn’t think it was possible, but it infuriates me and breaks my heart at the same time, more than it already is broken. As I lay there looking back and forth between Jake, Jesse, Nash, Chase, Bradley, and Abigail, I am listening to them apologize to me. To me. For letting me down. They all feel like they’ve failed me, just like my dad. Are they crazy? I see my brothers feel terrible. They look broken, especially Nash and Bradley, and I don’t like it. They feel the most responsible for what happened because they feel they should have realized the car being on fire was a trick. Finally, I snap out of my self-pity and fear. “Listen. I don’t blame y’all at all. None. Zero. I need y’all back. Seeing everyone feeling sad like this is hurting me more than Rocky ever did.” At that I hear a few of the guys growl. “He’s not going to break us. I want us back. Please? Please, don’
t let him break us.”
Jake finally speaks up and says, “Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. Jaycee, as soon as you’re released and get the okay from Blue on your shoulder, we start training. Guns. By the way, I haven’t seen Blue today. Has he been by?” Right on cue, there’s a soft knock on the door and Max opens it and peeks his head in. “Oh, hey, I’ll come back,” he says, and he starts to back out the door and I feel my heartbeat start racing. I want him to come in, not leave. But I keep it inside and silently thank God when Jake calls him in. “Hey, Blue, I was just asking about you. Come on in,” he says.
When Max steps in and closes the door behind him, my heart starts racing for another reason. He’s not in scrubs. He’s in faded jeans, tight in all the right places, with a pair of old scuffed motorcycle boots and a black button-down shirt opened at the top just enough for me to see his chest with a small smattering of hair. He starts towards me but stops to man-hug Jake and Jesse—half-hug and back slap—and then he shakes hands with Nash, Chase, and Bradley. When he sees Abigail, they give each other a quick hug. It’s like he knows what I’m feeling inside, he seems anxious to get next to me too. Once he gets next to my bed he stands looking down at me and smiles. When his dimples show up, I smile back. “How you feeling today? You look great, and I’ve heard a rumor that you’ll be getting out of here in just a few more days.” My smile falters a little. I haven’t been told when I’m being released yet. I do want to get out of here and get home but I’m going to miss our times together. He gets it, I think. When my smile falters, he looks to my mouth and back to my eyes and something flashes in his eyes. Yes, he gets it, but is it just for me, or does he feel the loss of a connection, too?
“I’m doing better. Still sore, but better.” I finally respond. I forget other people are in the room until I hear my sister giggle and then I remember and look around and blush and Max clears his throat. Bradley, Chase, Abigail, and Jesse are trying not to smile and laugh while Jake and Nash look mad.
“Same rules apply, Blue.” Jake says and then Nash adds, “She doesn’t need any more assholes hitting on her.” That was a mistake. Max looks to my brother, Nash, and says, “First off, I’m not an asshole, asshole. You’re being protective over your sister, I get it, but don’t make me like him. You know me Nash, I’m nothing like him. Second, I care a lot about your sister. A lot. I’ve waited a long time and I’m not backing away unless SHE asks me to this time.” I’m lost in this conversation. What’s he talking about? Nash starts to say something when Jesse chimes in, “We know Blue is good people, Nash.”
“Gotta focus Nash, don’t get it twisted,” Chase adds. Nash looks back at Max and huffs and walks out of my room. I look at Max in confusion but he just shakes his head and mouths “later” and then he turns to Jake and starts to speak, and blows my mind. “Jake, you knew I liked her all these years and out of respect for our friendship and because of hers and my age difference I didn’t act on it, but that was then. She’s a beautiful woman, not a little girl. In high school, I kept my distance, but you and I have both changed. We’ve been places and seen things and nothing has changed for me, inside. I haven’t talked to Jaycee about anything. She has no idea that I’ve been watching and waiting all this time. After what happened, I’m not stepping back.” My brother Jake, always the sweet calm one, keeps quiet and listens to everything Max says. Then he steps up into Max’s face and Max stands up to full height; they’re nose to nose. I start to get up to step between them when Jesse and Chase stop me.
“Let me tell you something Blue, I don’t like to fight and I don’t like conflict. I’m an all-around nice guy and prefer the peaceful path,” Jake says, and Jesse bursts out laughing. Chase turns his back to us and puts one of his hands over his face to muffle his laughs as Bradley quickly turns and walks out of the room, barely making it out before he breaks down laughing. Abigail and I share a what-the-hell look because we’ve never seen Jake anything but calm. “But if you hurt her, especially after what she’s been through, we’re going to have a big problem and I will come for you,” Jake continues, completely unfazed by everyone’s reactions going on around him. “I don’t plan on hurting her, Jake.” Max takes a step back but they’re still too close for comfort as far as I’m concerned. “ Well, ‘best laid plan’ and ‘plans change’… we know how all the sayings go. You hurt her, it’s you and me, understand?”
“I understand, Jake,” Max replies, and with that, Jake turns and walks towards the door but looks back to me and takes a deep breath. “Sissy, I love you and I’m glad you’re doing better. I’ll come see you tomorrow.” I stare, shocked for a moment, but finally speak. “I love you too, Jake. See you tomorrow,” and my look switches to one of confusion. With that, Jake winks, grins, and walks out. Jesse starts to laugh harder when Chase, still laughing, grabs him and starts pulling him to the door. Abigail grabs her purse and puts it over her shoulder and walks towards our brothers, grinning, and grabs Jesse’s other arm and they all start to the door. “We’ll see you tomorrow, brat,” Jesse says, still chuckling and then looks to Max. “Good luck, Blue,” and he starts laughing again as the three of them leave. I turn and look up at Max and he’s nervously shifting from foot to foot. He rubs one of his hands across his face and then looks down at me with a huge, full-on dimple smile but I can tell he’s embarrassed. “I swear Jesse is crazy if not slightly unstable, but I guess you’re wondering about a few things, huh?”
I look up at him and smile back, embarrassed and shy. “Please tell me all that was what I really hope it was.”
“It was,” he says and he leans down and gives me soft peck on the lips, which I happily return. “Okay, so maybe I just wasn’t walking by your room by chance the day you woke up. I mean, I was, but it was probably the millionth time I’d come up to check on you.”
Oh. My. God. Did Maxwell “Blue” Bradshaw just kiss me? Oh, yes he did.
Chapter 19
“Well…” he looks at me and then to the wall behind me. “See…” he groans and sits down in the chair beside my bed and pulls it close, facing me. “Back in school, I, ummmm, but...well,” and he drops his head to the bed and bangs it a little and I can’t help but laugh a little. I can’t believe after everything that I’m laughing, but my heart feels just a bit lighter. I shouldn’t let him suffer, but I do, smiling the whole time. After a few seconds, he raises his head and looks at me and he sees I’m smiling. He narrows his eyes on my mouth and then looks at me. “I’m a nice guy, Jaycee, don’t make me do this. Help me out, please?” he pleads.
I laugh but then feign seriousness. “I’m sorry, Max.” I clear my throat and in my best southern girl accent I say, “Why, Mr. Bradshaw, are you trying to tell me you had a crush on me?” and I tie it together by batting my eyes at him and then he sits straight up and grins but then looks me in the eyes in all seriousness. “No Jaycee, I’m not telling you I had a crush on you. I’m telling you that I’ve been freaking pining after you for years like a sick-in-love puppy.” He takes my hand and pulls it to him. “I’m not going to push this, because you’ve been to hell and back and you need time, but I’m not going to lie to you. I am interested in you and have been for a while. Jake knew, and he asked me to stay back because you were young and he didn’t want you to get hurt. I respected his wishes for years. I left on military tours, and I have dated other women, but my thoughts always came back to you. After you get better and your mind is more at peace and your thoughts are calm, I’m hoping maybe we can try to expand on the friendship we’ve been building.
I don’t want to freak you out or scare you, but I don’t want to miss another chance. I missed it in school and then you went out with that dumb-fuck, Harry, and I about lost my mind, especially when he was going around telling the school he was going to get down your pants.” I gasp in shock. “He did not!” I look down, thinking back to when we were Mary and Joseph in the church Christmas pageant. Damn, you think you know someone. “Well, he didn
’t,” I say, and I look back at Max. “Oh, I know. I was there when your brothers confronted him. They came into the locker room after practice and asked if anyone had seen him around. They were out for his blood. I followed along, ready to enjoy seeing him get his ass kicked.” He stops talking as a look of jealousy flashes across his face. “Please tell me you never kissed him...Did you ever kiss him?” I drop my eyes and give him a bored look and slump my shoulders.
“Keep going, Max.” “Okay, we roll up on him by his car in the parking lot talking with Brandi. He sees us but doesn’t acknowledge us, and keeps talking and laughing with Brandi and then Jesse walks right up to him and bitch-slaps him and says, ‘that’s for my sister.’ When Harry falls, Jesse picks him back up by the front of his shirt and bitch-slaps him again and says, ‘that’s just for being a dumbass.’ We all just stood there trying not to laugh, maybe feeling embarrassed for Harry. He looked like he was about to cry—actually I think he did start crying. Yes, it was embarrassing and he knew he messed with the wrong sister. Jesse…” he shakes his head, “...is crazy. Anyway, my only regret was not hitting him myself. I’ve always regretted that.”
I’m shocked. I knew my brothers did something but had no idea Max was there or even knew about it, or that I existed. “Max, every girl in school was madly in love with you. You had your choices, plenty of choices. Why me?”
“Were you?” he asks, looking into my eyes and I forget what we’re talking about.
“Was I what?” I ask, confused.
“Were you madly in love with me?” I need to stop and think about this. I need to play hard to get a little, don’t I? I need to play it cool. I can’t just blurt out that I was.
“I was totally, madly in love with you, Max.” Jesus, real cool Jaycee. Way to play hard to get. I feel my face turning red so I look down at my lap for a few seconds to gather myself and reality comes flooding back. I finally look back to him and he looks anxious. “We’ve both changed though. I’ve changed,” I say with a thread of shame. “I’m not that innocent girl you thought you liked anymore.” I see his jaw start to twitch and he clenches his fist. I say, “I’d like to keep on getting to know Max, Sergeant Bradshaw, but don’t invest too much in me. Yes, I’d like to be your friend and build on that in time. Yes, I do need to get my mind in the right place. Right now, this feels good but at night, my monsters come out and rear their heads. I need to help my family heal too. A few weeks ago a crazy man tried to kill me and well, you know all of it. You know it’s not going to be easy to mend. You may find I’m not worth your time or effort and if you do, I’ll understand.”
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