by Kara Summers
“Rebecca?”
Chapter Six
I turned slowly, looked at my husband and offered him my best, most charming smile. “Hello. Welcome home! How was your day?” The look on his face told me he wasn’t buying my distraction tactic.
He crossed his arms over his broad, handsome chest and cocked a brow. “Why in the world are you in trousers?” he asked, frowning deeply.
“I was working outside,” I said, standing up to face him.
Anger flashed in his eyes and he stepped past me, opening the back door and looking out onto the garden I’d worked so hard on. His face hardened and he turned away from the door, shaking his head back and forth.
“This will not stand.”
“I promise it won’t-“
“It won’t what?” he snapped.
I’d never seen him angry before. For the most part, my husband was a calm man who wasn’t quick to anger. In the months that I’d lived here I’d only seen him get upset a few times, but he’d never seemed this enraged. His steely eyes were trained on me as the door closed, slamming against its frame and making me jump.
“I won’t let it interfere with my house work,” I said softly, surprisingly meek. I’d always prided myself in being a strong woman, but for some reason I could not stand up to him.
“I will not have this. It’s not ladylike behavior. I’m having this garden removed first thing tomorrow and you will not interfere! And you will throw those clothes away! Can you imagine if anyone saw you?”
The anger in my chest was rising to a fevered pitch and tears were pricking my eyes. He was threatening to take away the first thing that had made me happy since I came to Colorado. How dare he tell me what to do? Of course he was my husband but God had brought me here for a reason and I could not imagine that reason was to wash floors and cook dinner for a man who did not seem thankful for the things I did.
I stepped away from him and looked up, my own eyes full of fire and an underlying rage he probably wasn’t used to seeing in women. Women weren’t expected to fight back. When their husbands reprimanded them, they were expected to take the criticism and even thank them for it. I was not about to do that. Not over this.
“NO!” I snapped, wiping at my eyes, a bit angry at myself for getting upset. “That garden is all I’ve ever wanted here! I did not come here to sit by the window every day until you come home! I wanted more from life! If I wanted this, I could have stayed in Charlotte!”
“You did not come here to work on a farm! You came here to be my wife and that is exactly what I expect!” he said, his voice rising to match my own.
“I’m not happy!” I urged, the tears starting to spill down my cheeks despite my best efforts to stop them.
“This was a business arrangement! It’s a contract Rebecca! You knew that! You knew what this was!”
“So you bought me?? I’m your property and nothing else?” I asked miserably.
He groaned and pressed a finger to his temple. “That isn’t what I said.”
“That’s what it sounds like.” I was wiping at the tears angrily. “I know this was a contract. I know you see it as a business arrangement, but I was hoping, maybe just a little, that we could love each other one day,” I said softly, looking away. “But now I see that was silly of me to think,” I whispered, turning to walk away from him.
“Rebecca!” he called, though he did not follow me.
My heart ached. I knew that I should have expected this, but that did not make it any easier to deal with. A part of me had secretly hoped that things wouldn’t go this way. I wanted fall in love and I wanted to be happy. I did not think that was asking too much, but clearly I was wrong.
I ran to the spare bedroom, deciding that I would refuse to share his bed. I did not have a lot of say in this house, but at least I knew my body was still mine. I settled on the bed and put my head in my hands, tears starting to course down my cheeks even faster. It made my skin sting and each sob brought me closer and closer to a panic.
That room was my sanctuary for the next few days. I did the basic things needed like cooking, but the rest of the house was left to fall in disarray. I wasn’t in the mood to clean after watching men come and dig up my garden and take my goat away.
Jacob tried several times to come into my room and talk to me but I refused to let him in. A few days passed, however and he sounded sadder and sadder until I finally caved. He knocked on the door and sighed.
“This is getting a little out of hand, Rebecca,” he said gently. “I’m trying to apologize,” he struggled with the word and I knew it was his pride.
I sighed and opened the door, looking up at him with my arms crossed over my chest. “What do you want?” I asked, looking away from him.
“I want to talk.”
“I just don’t know what there is to talk about,” I said stubbornly.
“You said that you’d come here hoping we would fall in love,” he said simply.
I did not respond, feeling stupid for ever thinking that we could be in love. “Don’t worry, I’ve quickly realized the error of my thoughts,” I said, walking back into the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed.
Jacob followed me inside and sighed softly. “I know I’m not the easiest man to get along with,” he said softly.
I looked up at him and frowned a little, letting him continue. “I know you probably think I’m cruel, but you have to understand that it would reflect badly on me as a husband if you were ever seen doing those things,” he said.
“Does it really matter what everyone else thinks?” I asked, looking at him for a long moment. “Instead of caring what the townspeople think of you as a husband, you should focus on what I think of you as a husband,” I said simply, looking away. “A business arrangement, it’s so cold and clinical. It doesn’t mean we can’t make this a happy marriage.”
I hesitated and looked down. “I don’t want my children to grow up with parents who hate one another,” I whispered, putting a hand on my belly.
He looked down at my hand and opened his mouth to speak, but slowly he started to understand the gravity of what I was saying. I’d started to get suspicious of my morning sickness a few weeks ago, but I wasn’t sure. Now that my stomach was starting to grow, I was certain without a doubt that I was pregnant.
He took a step back and stared at me with wide eyes. “You’re pregnant,” he whispered.
I nodded slowly and put my hands on the tiny bump. “I don’t want to raise a child with a man who doesn’t care about my happiness.” Tears started to come to my eyes. “I’ve seen what it can do to children,” I whispered. “My parents were desperately in love. They looked into each other’s eyes like they could see the stars in their gazes and I always wanted something like that,” I admitted, wiping at my eyes.
Silence passed between us and Jacob knelt slowly and took my hands. “I know you think I don’t care about your feelings,” he said softly. “But I do. It hurts me now to see you so sad. It’s just that you challenge the way I think, Rebecca. You say things to me that go against everything I’ve ever been taught and it’s hard. But I want to try; for you and the baby, I will try,” he hesitated. “But I need you to be patient with me.”
Tears came to my eyes again and I felt ridiculous for crying so much. I sank to my knees and wrapped my arms around him, sniffling and burying my face in his neck.
“Do you promise?”
“I promise,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around me.
Chapter Seven
Jacob did try, and I was surprised in the change I saw. A week after our conversation, I woke up and found that my garden had been restored. He drew the line at the goat, but I could have my garden. I knew that this was a give and take situation, so I did all my gardening in one of the plain dresses the other women wore.
We were at peace with each other. Actually, we were even better than that. He became for more gentle and spent more time at home. I finally started to get to know my husband. He had
been born in Colorado, but his family was from Tennessee. He had a fondness for horses and loved taking me on rides, though he got more and more hesitant as I got bigger.
A child wasn’t something I’d though much about. I knew I was probably going to have to have a baby, since most women were expected to be mothers at a fairly young age. Despite this expectation, I hadn’t given it much thought until there was a baby growing inside of me.
Now that Jacob was far more attentive and seemed more invested in my happiness, I felt good about everything. I was actually happy; I was happier than I thought I could be in this situation. Jacob was warm and kind and even loving and I found myself growing more and more attached to him.
We spent days together in the garden since he insisted on helping me once my belly started to swell. He rarely left me alone now that I was in my final months and he watched over me like a hawk. He never let me alone and he did not let me do anything that might put any kind of pressure on me. Part of me thought it was rather sweet, but the other part of me wanted to knock him in the head for being so overprotective.
Summer came around and I was starting to waddle because of my size. The doctor suspected twins or a very large baby. The idea excited and terrified me at the same time. I was secretly hoping for twins, even though I knew the risk to my own well-being was enormous. Jacob had paled a bit at the news of twins, just as aware as I was of the risk that it posed.
For the first time in a long time, everything seemed to be falling into place as I’d hoped it would. Even though Jacob wouldn’t let me work in the garden alone, I was still happy at how it was coming along. In order to make him happy, I’d planted some flowers. They were at least a little more ladylike than onions and carrots. He didn’t like me digging in the dirt, but he never said anything about it.
These kinds of situations made me realize a lot about our relationships in general. Other than with my parents, I’d always seen relationships as very one-sided. The man would give and order and the woman would be expected to follow. The idea of being in an arrangement like that terrified me. There was a part of me that thought I had to have all the power to have any control and I was quickly learning that was not the case. Relationships often came down to compromise.
I was willing to compromise and so was Jacob. Our relationship was blossoming every day and even Thomas could see the budding romance. He would often give us a knowing looking and I would feel my heart flutter at that. It was a confirmation that this was real. Things were really going this well. I had my doubts in the beginning, but now I knew that this was where I was meant to be. Even though my path wasn’t exactly what I expected, I knew I shouldn’t fight it. Jacob was going to make me happy and I was going to make him happy.
It was the Fourth of July and the town had prepared a wonderful firework show. Jacob laid out a blanket for me and helped me to sit, knowing that the size of my belly made it difficult for to get up and down. I smiled up at him and he settled behind me, pulling me to his chest. I blushed a little at the affection and smiled up at Jacob. He was rarely this physically affectionate in public.
“You’re very loving today,” I hummed, looking up at him, my gaze full of adoration.
He chuckled and cupped my cheek. “Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asked, looking down at me.
I smiled and nodded, sighing softly and kissing the tip of his chin. “I like it and I really appreciate everything you’ve been doing,” I said softly.
“It’s funny that you say that. I thought it was going to be something I would have to work at but it comes naturally with you,” he mused after a moment.
“It comes naturally?”
“You know about my mother,” he said.
I’d never told him about the conversation between me and Thomas, but Jacob and I had talked about his mother a lot since that first conversation. It was clear he loved and missed her dearly. It was rather sweet, in all honestly.
“Of course,” I said, tangling our fingers as other couples settled on blankets around us, wrapping their arms around each other.
“No having her around, I think it really affected the way I deal with women. I was mostly raised by my father and a few nannies. Everything was a business transaction so that’s how I thought all relationships were,” he admitted softly.
I frowned and squeezed his hand, encouraging him to talk. It was rare that he opened up to me like this. He put his hand on my belly.
“But then I met you and you changed everything,” he said with a smile. “I was so distant for so long because I was sure I would scare you away,” he said softly. “I did not want you to see me for who I really was because I felt so broken.”
I turned to face him, getting on my knees and cupping his cheeks gently. “I don’t think you’re broken,” I whispered, pressing my forehead to his. “I don’t think you’re broken at all.” I smiled softly as the fireworks shot into the sky behind us. “I think you have your flaws just like I do. I was so scared to become someone’s trophy wife. I was so afraid to succumb to all the things that a wife should be, that I never stopped to think that it could be so fulfilling,” I said softly. “I love being your wife,” I whispered.
The fireworks lit up his face and he reached up tangling his fingers gently in my hair, holding me close with his free hand. “I want to do this over, Rebecca,” he whispered, leaning close and letting his lips hover over mine. “I want to do this right.”
“What do you mean?” I whispered breathlessly.
“I never told you something,” he said, cupping my cheek. “It’s something I’ve been keeping buried inside because I’ve always been told that it makes a man weak if he admits it.”
My breath hitched in my throat and I let my eyes flutter open, meeting his steely gaze. “What is it?” I urged.
“I want you to know that I love you.”
My heart leapt in my chest and I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes. He sucked in a breath and laughed. “You can’t cry.”
“I can’t help it!” I choked out. “You make me so happy and I never thought I could feel happiness like this!” I said, my forehead pressed against his. “I thought that I was going to just settle, and I am so lucky that God led me to you,” I cried softly.
He held me close and stroked my cheek tenderly. “This is what love is and I promise, I swear to you I’m never going to keep you from happiness. I want you to do everything you ever dreamed of.”
I just smiled and wrapped my arms around him, leaning in close. “I think my dreams have changed. All I want is to be with you and raise our children and-“
He cut me off. I knew I was babbling but I could not help it. There was so much I wanted to say that I’d never imagined I’d be able to say. He silenced me with a kiss, his soft lips pressed against mine. I leaned into him, smiling into the kiss. Warmth filled every inch of my body and I could have sworn I was glowing under the soft moon light. I was sure that nothing could ruin this moment. I was on cloud nine and I knew that things were going to be okay. All of the fears I’d had in Charlotte were melting away in this kiss.
A flutter in my stomach did not seem abnormal. I was in love and this was more romantic than anything I’d ever read in those penny romances. I could only assume that I’d have butterflies. Within a few moments, however, those butterflies became much more intense and soon enough turned into a sharp pain that took my breath away. I gasped and doubled over, my eyes wide.
“Jacob, I need the doctor.”
Chapter Eight
When I demanded the doctor Jacob pulled away, looking at me more than a little concerned. “What? Why do you need a doctor?”
I gasped and pressed a hand to my belly, the roiling pain getting worse by the minute. “I think it’s the baby,” I whispered.
His eyes widened and he started to help me stand but I yelped and collapsed back into the grass. “I can’t walk!”
“You won’t have to,” he said simply, leaning down and picking me up bridal style.
“Don’t worry about me darling,” he grunted, walking away from the firework display.
I gasped and cried out. “I’m not going to make it,” I whispered. “We’ll have to just…AH!”
An older woman ran over to us, holding an armful of towels. “Rebecca!” she called.
I turned my head and whimpered. It was the midwife and she seemed to realize exactly what was happening. “Kristine,” I whispered, reaching out to her. “I think the baby is coming.”
“How long have you been having pains?” she asked me quickly, urging Jacob to set me on the towel she was laying out.
“She can’t have the baby here!” Jacob said quickly. “We have to get her home!”
Kristine held her hand up, her eyes sharp and focused. This was her element and she knew exactly what she was doing. “This is not a coal mine, Jacob,” she said quickly. “I need you to let me do what I’m trained to do and hold her hand.
I always appreciated Kristine’s sense of urgency and her ability to control those around her. She was an intense woman and few were able to ignore her orders; Jacob was no exception. He kneeled and put my head in is lap, stroking my hair away from my face. The pain was unbearable at this point and a wetness was starting to spread underneath me.
“Her water has broken. The baby is coming,” she said quickly. “How long have you been in pain?” she urged again.
“I started having strange pains this morning but I did think-“
“Shhh child,” she whispered, pressing a finger to my lips “That’s enough. I understand,” she said simply.
A few other women began to gather round, holding up their blankets to make make-shift curtains that hid me from view. Luckily most people had enough respect to not crowd around, though I’d seen a few people glancing over at me curiously.