Vagina Insanity

by Niranjan Jha

  I sat in the car again trying hard to control my physical abnormality as if I was fighting cold-turkey within. Disillusioned and tired out, leaving a mammoth of silent majority behind, I was feeling a schizophrenic presentiment creeping into me. An irking with robust realization that experience is the name of calamity one overcomes. Corrupt time is tough for honest and honest time is tough for corrupt. I was sitting with the people whose generation grew in systematically endorsed wickedness and head-hunting. What's remarkable is not how many became the victim of that, but rather how many men and women could overcome the odds; how many were able to make a way out of no way.

  The tragedy is that if a victim begs help from the society, the people give not only wrong comments but divisive and potentially devastating. They answer not from their knowledge but from conjecture. For some, to get rid of the tyranny, they have to travel across the ocean losing their decency and generosity as if it was a Columbus-voyage. This incident seared into my genetic makeup the idea that courage is not the absence of fear but overcoming fear.

  Some of the hopes and concerns including family crises, security, human dignity, as well as the aspiration for justice and lasting peace, have vanished from the heart of Indians because the country is unable to provide appropriate solutions to the problems of societies. The nationals are suffering from prolonged problems of under-unemployed and brain-drain and that is why the problems increase the fierceness of fire and so some are forced to become criminals, corrupt, counter-corrupt, and some are doomed to destruction. In the negative ambience of subterfuge dominion, your brevity to vicissitude can be brought up to naught. In the uncertainty of life you have to be on your guard against the idle conjecture and cocksure hopes without getting puffed up with charms.

  “No matter how much your precedent has struggled to bring you into a new world, you have to do your own struggle to dispel darkness.”

  Chapter Six

  “Talent is incomplete without the ability to finding out and making use of an opportunity.”

  Sitting inside the dark hut of the village they had brought me in, I came out of the flash-back hearing the words…

  ‘Niranjan, the girl is being brought here,’ I heard Vinay telling me this.

  ‘But what difference does it make? Do I have a choice?’

  ‘No, you can just see her before marriage.’

  If one hears all this, he can react to the injustice with torrential furor which can be interpreted in the widest abstract sense as well as in the concrete sense with promulgated disposition. Someone has truly remarked that every human life on the earth is warfare. I had to do something to save myself from getting strangled but the situation was completely unfavorable.

  ‘The only reason why she is not suitable to you is that…’ Vinay was continuing.

  ‘Yes…?’

  ‘She is not educated. She has never been to school.’

  Thaakk!

  I felt a hammer breaking the ribs of my body. I thought as she had never been to school, she wouldn’t be able to read and write anything. He hesitated a little but continued saying…

  ‘I know it is not going to be good to you, but you know why we do all this.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Just for money,’ he said.

  His misanthropic remark with fake politeness just brought a mob of Portuguese parliament in and I saw myself suddenly surrounded again. They didn’t come to do the justice but encourage injustice accomplish the task. Hearing his words in the thatched room, I was weighing my mind whether his prankster activity would bring me post-traumatic mental disorder.

  A little later, strange voices stroke my eardrum.

  ‘We know that you are educated. If she was also, we wouldn’t have brought you here like this.’

  I guessed it was a distant relative who said that encouraging mobocracy there.

  The lines penned in here may not seem to be blood stained or visible with gore of my heart, but the slur I was being victimized of, was it only because I was a man, a male who cannot be genitally raped but mentally molested? Was I a piece of meat, a flesh toned out to be gnawed and chewed by the weaker sex, and then to be blamed and scorned by hypocrites?

  I had never seen the village before and wasn’t familiar with anyone there. The girl was brought in but I didn’t even look at her. I knew no matter what I say after seeing her, they would have me marry. As that was not going to make any difference, so I kept my eyes closed. The girl with her female escorts came in and stood for a minute but I kept my eyelids locked. After she went away, I turned my face towards Vinay again. I didn’t have to open my lips for any questions because everything was coming on my face by itself.

  Glazed flush red eyes, shaky legs, swaying and not able to speak, listening but not understanding, hearing but not registering, touching but not feeling, sorry but not repentant, I was sitting like a dumb-stone gazing at him.

  ‘You saw the girl, now you get ready,’ Vinay said.

  ‘They have already spent thousands of rupees for it,’ another one added.

  I wanted to rewind the film back to the beginning to re-edit my life, but I was too late and too much incapable because the time didn’t give me any chance. Feeling embarrassed and crippled, I was left to suffer in the miserable circumstance. But the worst was yet to come. And for Vinay, That was his business. Such a worst activity he was involved in! Such a stupid family who gave money to abduct me! Such a death of humanity, and rape of culture! So absurd the state Bihar!

  Despite getting angry to abuse him, I kept quite controlling the bubbling ill-feeling. At any end of the spectrum, such an act can definitely denigrate the greatness and the goodness of the society, culture and religion. I cursed myself being a Hindu at that moment, because no other religion in the world would allow that kind of marriage to take process. And I cursed myself to be born among those bastards.

  Seeing their shocking ignorance and cruelty, my faith to be faithless strengthened, and so, I disown the excuses of some smooth-tongue barkers who even today say that it was not the fault of the religion. If it wasn’t, then why did the other villagers not object the mishap? Were they all blind or weak in front of a few criminals? And with what faith the pundit was worshiping the God?

  The fact was that, they had the habit of submitting themselves to injustice. Months later, my brother also commented saying that kidnapping is not unusual.

  He said, ‘It happens.’

  Then I asked, ‘If I were your sister, would you say the same?’

  I asked him with caps-lock tone that made his mouth shut. The stupidity was not only in the criminals or the family who kidnapped me; the stupidity was and is in the society. Some people will see this as an attempt to justify or excuse comments that are simply inexcusable. The issue that I raise here humanity cannot afford to ignore otherwise it will distort human existence. Understanding this reality requires a reminder of what kind of culture prevails there. The past isn't dead and buried. In fact, it isn't even past. We do not need to recite here the history of injustice in the country. But we do need to remind ourselves that so many of the disparities that exist in the country are gifted to the new generation from the earlier one.

  The hogwash ceremony had already begun. The women had started singing folk songs and the rituals got into process. It was going to be midnight. While sitting inside, I looked above though a hole in the thatch. The one thing I noticed – the sky was getting cloudier. The process had started in a small open space surrounded with some huts. I thought – Just for saying they are Brahmins, the highest caste of Hinduism. But they are doing the work of beasts. Who gave them the designation of Brahmin? And if this is Brahmanism, which is considered the creator of morals and ethics of Hindu religion, then it is barbarous satanic cult which is letting the bastardization of marriage happen.

  “When richness breaks a rule, it is called a reformation. When poverty breaks a rule, it is called a crime.”

  Chapter Seven

  “If you are not wil
ling to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.” –Jim Rohn

  The girl was brought to the altar and it was my turn to go. I heard the call of the pundit. The same two sons of the bitches came to take me there. I sat on the ground in a small piece of sheet beside the girl. The pundit started speaking mantras, and with a complete desperation I turned my eyes to look at the blue heaven again.

  As I was looking at the sky, I felt a small drop of rain fallen on my tear-soaked cheek. The people were busy into the process and the sky was getting ready to pouring rain. Just then, I heard a thunder roaring like giving a signal of jinx, and within a minute it started raining. They had to shift the things to other place and wait for the rain to stop. It continued raining for an hour and they couldn’t do anything except wait. The rain went heavy and then heavier. It discouraged them to continue the process in the open space. Leaving all half-processed, they got busy making the arrangement at another place. By the time it was morning one o’clock which is considered night one o’clock for some ignorance. They decided to wait until the rain stop. I was pushed into another room and sat on a mat. The girl I was to marry also sat beside me not realizing my imbalanced state of mind. She tried to open a conversation, but I couldn’t do anything except crying. She sat beside me hoping I would be consoled, but I was frozen with the traumatizing things around that my eyes were gawking in fear. I was just trying to keep my ears out of the window to hear the sound of raindrops. It was still raining.

  My mind cultivated an idea!

  The moment I thought of that, the heart-beat increased and blood started running faster. I thought of making an excuse to go to the loo because that was the only possibility that could draw me a little away from their enclosure. That was the only time when they would leave me for a second or stand a few steps behind.

  A few steps, I recollected again!

  Otherwise, they were keeping themselves so closed to me that for stretching my hand also I had to ask for their permission. I realized it was going to be a never-forget-never-forgive accident of my life, and I had to do that as a sinking man catches a straw. I looked through the window and saw the rain was still pouring. Untangling the spiraling web of vicious lies and well planed deceit, I decided to put my life in danger in an attempt to escape from there. Perhaps that was the right moment to do something. I told the girl that I wanted to go out to pee. They allowed because the place was not too far. She came behind for a few steps and behind her there were three other men standing like watchdogs – the real sons of the bitch. I was led just fifty steps far to a half-open thatched place. I was sure as the ceremony was already begun, and they had observed me calm and cool, so they would not be carrying guns at that moment. And I realized also that the kidnappers were gone to sleep. There was no possibility of water to be discharged from the body in the fear, hate and abhorrence. I pulled my innerwear down pretending to have a leak and turned my head behind to see the four watchmen of hell. The girl bent her face down and the men were also looking at some other direction. Feeling exasperated, heaving between devil and deep sea, I looked at them a second time in a silent fury.

  Just then,

  The mind signaled the feet to quiver. Within a friction of a second I pulled my U wear up moved the heel to run. I took a jump to get away from them in a moment. There was a first six-foot wall that I jumped over, and then the other two in next five seconds. And then I started running as blindly as I could. First noise and then two gun-fires I heard behind but I was safe. And I was safe until I was breathing. And if I was breathing, I had to keep running. A few hooligans ran behind, but the darkness with heavy rain couldn’t help them find the way that I had paced back.

  I was trembling in fear as if fighting brass-monkey weather in the fright of getting shot down. The bushes, the thorns, the dogs and the trees, I had to pass on all in a continuous run for twenty minutes. With the skin torn, head hurt, leg bleeding and heart crying, I was challenging death with an effort to change the inevitability. Breathless and bewildered, exasperated and shocked, angry and upset, I reached the same national highway – the Assam Road highway, which was filled with trucks moving on. The traffic of trucks can be seen round the clock. Suddenly I came in front of a slow moving truck, and the driver gave me the lift.

  I had never imagined the time would come up with that humiliation to unlock my chastity-belt. Leaving the people behind to weep for their own guilt, I reached my home at morning five o’clock. I met my mother and I spoke to her for just ten minutes. The heart filled with hatred and mind with fear did not let me stay any longer. I left for Bokaro Steel City where my elder brother lived. The city is located in Jharkhand state. My brother sheltered me for a year where I worked hard to improve English and got a job for a newspaper as a sub-editor. After a year, seeing my communication skill improved, my maternal uncle took me to the U.S. for a short period of time, where I learnt French and Spanish and taught some students.

  My freedom and hope made my way ahead and the trials and triumphs helped me rebuild my life. I become a possibilitarian, no matter how dark things seemed to be or actually were, I raised my sights and saw the possibilities. The difference between success and failure is often not who has the most money, or the best education: it is motivation. Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. In the most segregated hour of life also I kept myself productive and didn’t let myself get distracted from solving problems. Starting from the scratch, trying not to fall in the chasm of misunderstanding, the opportunity began to come as a zero sum game, in which my dreams came at my expense, but I often reminded myself that I had set myself a difficult task, and I would succeed if I persevere. I would have a joy in overcoming obstacles and delight in climbing rugged paths.

  “Improve yourself and you will find that the world is less by a rascal.” –Plato

  Chapter Eight

  “Some people change themselves as per the frame of time. Some people make the frame itself changed.” –Arabic saying

  Pain and pleasure, chaos and harmony, opportunity and checkmate, defeat and victory, everything I was experiencing in my life. Though it is a fact that whatever you scramble in this world is just a fleeting show, but the seed of wisdom which was germinating in my soul was driving me to fight the incursions of evils at every juncture. At every crossroad I waited till I could visualize any way of perspicuous grandeur.

  I wasn’t willing to come back to India, but the treatment I was receiving from my benefactor was corroborating my dejection. That doesn’t mean America was Utopia to me. My yellow peril was vanishing out living with vainglorious, sacrilegious, and zombies Americans and my tuft-hunting attitude was not serving any purpose but encountering third-degree circumstances.

  In 2001, when I was in America, 9/11 terror attack shook the entire world. If we look back into how-and-why factor, we find that before this attack, Muslim power was wreaking global chaos and there was no one to stand against. At that time, America was conceptualizing about Trojan horse in the state of suspended animation. The half of the world knows that Americans themselves orchestrated the World Trade Center attack and killed so many innocent people. And they engraved this truth because of the first reason that they had to defeat Muslim power, and second, the U.S. government had to engage the people in war to reverse their declining economy. American lifestyle is so expensive that they always need a war so that they can confiscate the wealth of other countries to compensate their own loss. The Muslim fundamentalists were left dumbfounded seeing the catastrophic trick played by the Americans sitting in the Whitehouse. Their vouchsafe generosity but coup d’état mentality was for no good but just the operation false-flag to get a sordid and fallacious victory leaving many hearts withered. On the ground of political nemesis, the event of the 11th September 2001 affected the whole world for almost a decade. All of a sudden, the news of the attack
on the twin towers was broadcast using numerous footages of the incident. Almost all governments and known figures strongly condemned the incident. But then a propaganda machine came into full force; it was implied that the whole world was exposed to a huge danger, namely terrorism, and that the only way to save the world would be to deploy forces into Afghanistan. Eventually Afghanistan and, shortly thereafter, Iraq were occupied. It was said that some three thousand people were killed on September 11th, for which we are all very saddened. Yet, up until now, in Afghanistan and Iraq hundreds of thousands of people have been killed, millions wounded and displaced and the conflict is still going on and expanding.