“Good night?” Ralph appeared then again from the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind him. He smiled nicely at me. “Looks like it.” He pointed at my tip cup.
“Yeah. I hope so.” I nodded. “It was busy enough.”
“You girls did great.”
“Thanks.” I smiled at him again, but felt uncomfortable just standing there. He was my boss after all—I was sure he wouldn’t like me to be idle. I picked up a cloth and spray bottle and started wiping down the counters. He leaned against the station and watched me as I worked. The longer he stood there the more whiskey I could smell, it overpowered even his nice cologne. I wondered how long he’d been drinking in the back.
“How’d your interviews go?” I asked politely, more to fill the awkward silence than to satisfy my curiosity. I didn’t like thinking about Riley being replaced.
“Good enough, I suppose.” Ralph sighed. “All in a days work.”
“That’s good.”
“Yep.” He pushed away from the counter and took a few casual steps towards me. I moved to the opposite side of the station to get out of his way, repositioning against the counter by the order window. The kitchen staff was busy in the back. I could see through the narrow slit that the rush had put them behind as well, normally they would be out front already, smoking and drinking coffee. Grey was at the line on just the other side of the window—horribly close to me—I could hear his hands as he worked on cleaning the steam table. I could see the back of his neck as he bent over his work. I tried not to stare; I didn’t want him to catch me. It’d be so much easier if I could just ignore him.
I busied myself with organizing the countertops, stacking up the soup bowls and putting the coffee cups away. Ralph was still present in the station; he stood by the fridge now but continued to watch me. It was becoming fairly uncomfortable, I couldn’t tell if he was there for a reason or just drunk and oblivious to the awkwardness. I hoped he wasn’t critiquing my cleaning skills; I was in a rush to get it done so I could leave for the night.
“You liking it here so far?” Ralph asked suddenly. He staggered forwards and met me at the counter, his belly pushed up against my side. Startled, I looked up at him. His face was disturbingly close. He smiled down at me and the whiskey on his breath was strong, sour. I moved discreetly away from him so that our bodies weren’t touching anymore.
“Yeah. It’s been great.” I spoke with false enthusiasm. This was getting weird. Where the hell was Charlie? I refilled the coffee container, moving just a little bit further away from Ralph as I did so.
“All the staff around here are real friendly.” Ralph smiled crookedly at me, and as he spoke I noticed he moved closer. His voice lowered until he was nearly whispering in my ear. He lifted his arm and reached around my back, resting his hand on the side of my rib cage. The moment I felt the hot contact of his hand, I froze, my hands hung in the air mid-motion. His touch was heavy on my side, his thick fingers sticking to my shirt. I kept my eyes down, staring blankly at the countertop, not daring to move. This man was my boss. What did he want?
“You let me know if anyone gives you any trouble.” His breath was hot against my neck. I shuddered involuntarily. His hand moved from my ribs, sliding slowly down my waist until it rested on my hip. I didn’t know what to do. I stood there, hoping he would be done soon, thinking that if I ignored him long enough someone would eventually distract him. I hoped he’d take my unresponsiveness as rejection.
But my disinterest didn’t seem to matter. With a chuckle, he swept his hand further down and his palm cupped my butt in a playful slap. I jerked at the touch, a surprised gasp escaped my lips and my eyes whipped upwards in shock. I found myself staring directly at Grey, his face before me on the other side of the window. He must have been watching—his expression was hard, his jaw was clenched, his lips tight. His eyes swept over my face. His gaze was full of anger as it settled on Ralph’s drunken leer.
“Ralph.” Grey warned. His voice was low and threatening.
“Oh, hey Grey.” Ralph smiled innocently at his employee, completely casual, as if he hadn’t just slapped my ass. My face burned red with discomfit. Ralph chuckled and began to whistle, stumbling past me on his way to the front. I let out a shaky sigh of relief once the heavy man was out of my space.
Grey was looking at me now. Hesitantly I lifted my eyes to him. I didn’t know what to expect, how I should feel, how I should act. His blue eyes were beautiful, but his expression was impossible to read. A frown curved his lips.
“You okay?” He spoke like he regretted having to ask the question. I couldn’t answer him with my voice, I nodded my head instead.
“Okay.” He bent back down over his work, as if the whole ugly scene hadn’t just taken place. That was it then, I guessed. I was still a little shaken, so I hid out in the waitress station until Charlie joined me. I told her the whole story, speaking in a hushed voice so that Ralph couldn’t hear me from the tables out front. She sympathized with me, rolling her eyes and regaling me with her own tale of sexual inappropriateness at the thick hands of Ralph the boss. This definitely was not the first occurrence of such lewd behaviour.
We finished up our chores and counted out our tips without any further incidents, though Ralph had chosen a premium spot at the tables to watch us work. I hadn’t realized our boss was such a creep, now I was thankful he stayed away from work as much as he did. Grey ignored me the rest of the night, he didn’t even look my way again. He obviously didn’t want to give me the wrong impression, to have me think his feelings had changed just because he stepped in once on my behalf. That’s what his continued silence and utter indifference spoke to me anyway. But that was totally fine with me. I couldn’t have cared less.
I was better off.
CHAPTER 19
The week dragged by. Classes were a joke at this point in the year; I don’t know why my classmates still bothered to go. I only went for an excuse to get out of the house. I didn’t have to work until Friday that week, so it was straight home for me every day after school. I still wasn’t brave enough to hang out at Charlie’s. Not when the guys spent most of their time there. Zack and Alex probably thought I was just a big joke and I couldn’t stand to imagine what Grey thought of me. I actually cracked my books at home; I was so desperate for a diversion from my tortured, obsessive memories and contemplations.
Friday morning dawned clear and bright, the morning air already warm—an indication of a brewing hot day, and the last day of official classes. I threw on some shorts and a tank top and put my hair up in a ponytail. My mood was lightened considerably by the promise of summer freedom in the air. One more week of school to plod through, and then we were done. Then I was finally free.
We had to clean out our lockers that day. It was almost fun, all the kids running amuck in the hallway, chucking out the grim reminders of old, boring lessons and graded assignments. I was going through my binders, flipping through page after page of doodled loose-leaf, looking for anything that may be worth keeping. A sudden presence caught my attention and there was Brad, the cowboy from the restaurant standing before me, smiling warmly with his hand on the hip of his tight Wrangler jeans.
I found myself smiling back at him. Brad was really cute, I’m sure all the cowgirls went crazy for him. The sleeves of his blue button-down shirt were pushed up to reveal his arms, dark brown with farmer’s tan and thick with muscle. Away from the rest of his cowboy friends he looked less ordinary; I noticed the warm hazel of his unique amber eyes and the slight blond tinge to his reddish hair that I hadn’t seen when he blended into the others.
“Hey Brad.” I greeted him, my surprise apparent. “What’s up?”
“Oh, not much.”
“Come to take back your tip?” I wondered. Brad laughed, his smile revealing two dimples set in his wide apple cheeks. He shook his head.
“No, no nothing like that. I just wanted to talk to you.”
“Okay.” I decided to chuck out the whole binder. There
was nothing salvageable in it. It fell into the trashcan with a bang.
He watched me a moment. “It’s a shame, you know.”
“What is?”
“That we’ve been going to the same school for nearly twelve years, and we’ve never really talked until now.”
“Well,” I shrugged and gave him a smile. “Better late then never, right?”
“Yeah, I guess.” Brad cleared his throat. “So … you going to pre-grad?”
“The party? No, I hadn’t planned on it. I have to work tonight.” And there was no way I was going to a class party on my own, without any friends. I doubted very, very much that Riley would be gracing the party with his perfect self, and who knew what the other boys were up to.
“Really? That’s too bad, I wanted to take you.”
“You did, did you?” I raised my eyebrows at him. It was still baffling that Brad wanted anything to do with me—I mean, I didn’t know what a hock was, I thought calf roping was cruel, and I absolutely hated the movie 8 Seconds. We couldn’t have anything in common. But at the moment, it was flattering. He sincerely seemed to like me, and I needed to be liked at the moment. I needed a friend, some easy, carefree fun. And really … what could it hurt?
“What time do you work until?” He wondered.
“About ten.”
“I’ll be there.” Brad promised. “We’re going to have some fun tonight.”
I nodded. “Okay. Great.” I couldn’t help it, I liked that Brad wanted to spend time with me. I was actually looking forward to our night out, to the party. I was ready to blow off some steam.
I picked up another binder from the bottom of my locker, and for just a brief moment, I thought about Grey. I couldn’t help that either. Deep down, I knew no matter how much fun I had with Brad, I’d be wishing he was somebody else. Because I still loved Grey, as pointless and futile as it may be, even despite all the efforts to convince myself otherwise.
But still, I could try. I would try. I smiled at Brad as he headed off down the hallway, giving him a little wave as he left, determined to have a good time that night.
“My replacement?” A voice beside me asked. I knew who it was without even looking. A frown fell on my face as I flipped my binder open.
“Hardly.” I answered him. More doodles. An entire school year of doodles. I licked my finger and went through the pages.
Riley laughed. “That would be pretty unbelievable, you replacing me for a cowboy.”
My mood soured. I was glad Riley found this so funny. “No more unbelievable than replacing me for a Christian. And you found a way to do that, didn’t you?” I gazed up at him. He was the same old Riley, and a wave of sadness crashed over me as I looked into the familiar face, the warm dark eyes that had once brought me so much comfort, the wide smile that had laughed with me so many times before. I bit my lip.
“Are we going to do this every time we see each other? Can’t we just have a conversation without getting into a fight?” He sighed and leaned against the lockers.
“What do you mean, every time we see each other? Don’t you mean, the last time we see each other before you move in like a week?”
“Oh, you heard about that, did you?”
“Yes. I did. When were you planning on telling me?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know if I was.”
“What? Why? Don’t you think you at least owe me that much?”
“Yeah, I guess. I’ve just been … afraid.”
“Afraid?” I looked up at him incredulously. “Afraid of what?”
“I don’t want to say goodbye to you, Mackenzie.” Riley explained. His voice lowered and he looked at me fondly. “I know things are screwed up right now between us. Come on, you’ve been my best friend for ages. I just don’t want to say goodbye.”
“But you’re leaving Riley.” My voice shook. “When people leave, they say goodbye.”
“I know.” He nodded quietly. “I know.”
A sudden thought occurred to me. “You could stay.” I grabbed his hand and looked up him, imploring. “Then you wouldn’t have to say goodbye.”
Riley shook his head. “But there’s nothing for me here, Mac. Nothing.”
“Nice.” I felt the full sting of his words. “I’m glad to know you feel that way.”
“No … that’s … that’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Whatever.” I stared up at him angrily. “Just go. Go and have a wonderful Christian life. Sing a round of Kumbayah for me, while you’re at it.”
“Ugh … you’re impossible.” Riley breathed. He shook his head and stepped around me, his form rigid with anger as he stalked down the hallway. Madly, I watched him a moment, but as he walked away I realized this could be the last conversation we ever had. I didn’t want him to remember me this way. I didn’t want to end things in anger.
“Riley!” I called to him. The hall was crowded and noisy, but somehow, he still heard. Maybe he had been expecting me to stop him.
“What?” He seemed in agony.
“Just … don’t go without saying goodbye. Okay?”
Riley paused in thought. His jaw clenched in consideration. He looked at me and nodded, one small, slight nod, then continued off down the hallway.
CHAPTER 20
Work was slow. Charlie and I joked about living in opposite land, since Monday night had been so busy. A few tables were scattered about the restaurant, but the pace was easy and welcome.
Grey was there, sullen as usual behind the order window. As if to make up for his personable slip the other night he ignored me more than ever, if that were possible. I squared my shoulders and set my chin stubbornly, determined to completely disregard him as well, but I was so trained to be aware of his every move and breath and word that this proved nearly impossible. It was aggravating; he was always so close to me, but always so far away, out of my reach.
It was about eight that evening when Brad came by. I looked up in surprise from plating salads to see him at the entrance of the station, leaning on the wall and smiling at me.
“Brad? What are you doing here?” I wondered, relieved by the distraction. “It’s only eight o’clock.”
“I know. But I wanted to see you.” He smiled, his amber eyes twinkling. He looked good in his tight jeans and button-down shirt. There was a little ring in his freshly gelled hair where his cowboy hat had been.
I blushed beneath the fondness of his gaze. “Oh … well … are you hungry?”
“Yeah, I am actually.” Brad smiled. “And I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have something in there, you know, to soak up all the beer.”
“Probably not.” I agreed. “Red Wheat burger? Two patties?”
“How well you know me.”
“Go sit anywhere and I’ll bring you a Pepsi.” I offered. “Oh, and Brad?”
“Yes?”
“I’ll try to do better, you know, service wise.”
He grinned at me again, laughing. “See that you do.”
With a smile, I wrote down Brad’s order and stabbed it on the puck, then began to pour his Pepsi. I was discreetly aware as Grey sauntered up to the order window from somewhere in the back of the kitchen. He grabbed the sheet and stared at my scribbles a second, then threw some burger patties on the grill and dropped a basketful of frozen French fries into the vat of hot oil. I did my level best to try and ignore him, thinking about Brad and the party instead … revelling in how good it felt just to be wanted again.
Charlie came into the waitress area and replaced the coffee pot in the machine, nearly stopping in her tracks when she saw the smile on my face.
“What’s happened to you?” She wondered.
“Nothing. Why?”
“I don’t know. You lost your perma-frown.”
“Oh, it’s nothing.” I shrugged. “I’m just going to this party tonight. I’m excited.”
“Uh huh.” She gave me a knowing look. “Are you sure that’s all?”
“Yes.” I insisted,
brushing past her before she could see my cheeks redden. I took the salads to my table in the middle section and then brought Brad his Pepsi. He was sitting in the far corner of the restaurant, all by himself.
“So,” Brad took a sip from his soda. “What do you want to drink tonight?”
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I’ll just get a mickey of something.”
“Like, hard alcohol?”
“Yeah.”
He looked surprised. “Okay ….”
“Why, is that odd?”
“No, I guess not … it’s just surprising. Most girls get like, coolers or something.”
“Well, I’m not most girls.”
“That’s for sure.” Brad agreed, and the look he gave me sent all the heat back to my freshly cooled cheeks. “You like to party, don’t you?”
“You could say that.” I smiled coyly. More like, lived to party.
Just then, I heard the order bell dinging faintly from the kitchen. The food for my other table was up, ready, waiting to be served.
“I’ll be right back, okay?” I touched Brad lightly on the arm.
“I’ll be here.” He joked.
Charlie was back in the station as I entered, grinning from ear to ear and shaking her head at me. Apparently she’d been watching us.
“What?” I tried to play dumb.
“Yeah right, what.” She rolled her eyes. “Come on, who’s the guy?”
“Oh, just some guy from school.”
“Really? He’s pretty cute. Are you going to the party with him?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “But it’s not like that. We’re just friends.”
“Maybe … for now …,” she stared up at Brad in the corner of the restaurant, her eyebrows raised in approval.
“Charlie, we don’t have anything in common. He’s a cowboy.”
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