Now I walk into my modest apartment, and at the first sniff, I hate it. It’s not that it’s dirty. I made sure to scrub the place before I left, but looking around the soulless, empty cracker box, I just hate it. It’s everything that Wesley’s place wasn’t. There’s white paint on the walls, a tasteful and chic tile floor, steel in the kitchen . . . and I don’t even have a plant to water. There’s no soul, there’s nothing that says Hannah Fowler lives here. I don’t have any photos on the walls, no mementos, nothing. Except for Mr. Felix’s stuff, it’s like I’m paying monthly rent on a room at a Ramada.
I sigh again, putting my bag down and wishing for a little bit of beauty. The sunsets were the best, but I can’t see a damn thing except the city from my single double-paned, hermetically sealed glass door. I don’t even want to open it anyway. It’ll let in too much smell of fried hydrocarbons and humanity, when all I really want is rich forest smells, mangoes on a humid breeze, and a kiss of salt in the evening air.
I don’t have a home. I have a sleeping box. It’s fucking hollow, just like my victory, and now, just like my heart, which has ached constantly since seeing Tony drive away. I look at my bag, I know I should put my stuff away, but fuck it. I have a closet full of things.
My phone rings, and I see that it’s Roxy. “Hey, babe, how’s it going?” I answer.
“I thought that’d be my line,” Roxy says chirpily. “So, how’s it going?”
“I’m back,” I admit, lying back on my couch. “In the end . . . well, we won. I got the contract.”
“Congratulations! Isn’t that good news? Why don’t you sound happy?”
I feel something unknot in my chest, and in moments, the tears I’ve been holding back for hours start flowing down my cheeks, and I find myself telling Roxy everything. Every challenge, every tease Tony and I sent back and forth . . . everything. “And now, I’ve got a feather in my cap that a lot of people would kill for, and I don’t care. I love him, Roxy. I love him and he’s gone.”
“Babe . . .” Roxy says quietly, letting my tears quiet down. “Okay, listen. I know you’re wiped by jet lag, but as soon as you can, let’s get together and talk about this. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon, but what about tomorrow evening?”
“Maybe Friday would be better, Rox. No offense, but I plan on going to work tomorrow, getting the pat on the back that maybe will make me feel better about this, and then sleep my ass off.”
After we finish, I decide I’m too tired to go out and order some Chinese delivery. When it comes, I’m barely able to get it down. Instead of fresh foods like I’ve been eating, it’s quick and in a box. I get halfway through the sweet and sour pork before giving up and deciding that I need to get ready for tomorrow.
Myra sent me an email. I’ve got a presentation to the Aurora board, and I need to make sure that’s good before I go to bed.
I’m in the middle of my routine when my eyes fall on the picture Tony and me taken at the falls. I set my laptop to cycle through photos as the screensaver. In it, I’m happily in his arms, my smile as bright as the sun. I try, but I can’t remember the last time I saw such a lively spark in my eyes. I look genuinely happy in the photo. And so does Tony.
My heart skips a beat as I feel tears prick my eyes. Oh, how I miss him already.
He told me to call him.
I resist the urge to grab my phone and dial his number. He said to call when the contract was settled, but my pain is too fresh. I’ll just break down at the sound of his voice.
Sighing, I resume going about getting prepared for tomorrow.
The next morning, I’m still feeling like a space zombie as jet lag combines with everything else as Cassie pulls around in her little Toyota. “Hey, did you get any sleep at all?”
I shake my head, quickly sucking more homebrew iced espresso. At least my outfit looks good. I made sure of that. “An hour or two. You?”
Cassie shrugs and puts a hand on my thigh. “I’m so sorry,” she says quietly. “I know I gave you some hard times, but you were great over there. I really wish things could have turned out differently for you and Tony.”
“It’s okay. We got the contract and we both keep our jobs, so something good came out of our trip.”
“Yeah, there is that.” Cassie pulls away from the curb while I nurse my bottle some more, hoping I don’t hit caffeine overload before lunch. I’ve got some gum in my purse, so hopefully I don’t nuke blast anyone with my breath. At the red light, she lets out a big sigh.
“What?”
“I just wish I woulda got to knee Caleb in the balls. At least once, especially after that last little comment of his.”
I laugh. “Who knows? You might get your chance someday.”
Cassie chuckles. “Come on, we’re here.”
We pull up to the building and make a stop at our desks on the fifth floor, doing a last-minute breath and mirror check to be ready. I’ve got on my best pencil skirt, the black one that cuts off right at the knees, and after eating better and exercising on the island, it fits better than ever. I’ve got my best tight white blouse on, and my hair is swept up just right to balance power with looks.
Cassie stops by my desk, also looking her best, her makeup flawless. “Let’s go in here and let the ‘suits’ know what bad bitches we are.”
“Excuse me?” I ask, and I can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. “I’m the bad bitch. Remember, I hit something with my arrows.”
“It is not how many arrows you send home. The true bad bitch receives without lifting a finger,” Cassie says with a fake Wesley accent. “You’re just the wannabe.”
I laugh. I can’t help it. “Whatever, oh master of the rabbit style.”
We take the elevator up to the twenty-third floor, and as we cross the expensive marble floor of the executive reception area, I feel like we’ve earned the right to walk across such hallowed ground. I know my heels for damn sure appreciate it. “Hey, Ruby,” I greet the receptionist, who used to work down on five with us. I hand over the bag of muffins in my hand. “Here, picked these up for you.”
“Thanks,” she says. “You’ve got about ten minutes, by the way. Heard you two rocked. Congrats.”
We thank Ruby and head in, where Cassie sets up her laptop while I make sure I have all the hard copies ready. Right at ten, Myra comes in, dressed sharp as a tack in her best power suit, the silver piping on the black perfectly matching with her hair, her smile evident as she closes the door behind us. “Have a seat. I’m looking forward to hearing the details.”
The meeting seems to take a decade, as before Cassie and I can present, there’s seemingly endless board minutiae. Finally, it’s our turn, and Cassie and I stand in front of the board. “Ladies and gentlemen of the board, thank you for the chance to deliver the results personally. First, let me say that yes, Aurora Holdings has secured the contract to Wesley Mobber’s estate, as you can see from the copies that Miss White is distributing to you all now.”
“So, you got Mobber to sign, did you?” asks Lois Zeigler, CEO of Aurora. Just as Myra’s been sort of my mentor, Lois was Myra’s. “How did you manage that?”
I take a deep breath and smile, while Cassie chuckles. We start our presentation, explaining that upon arriving at the eccentric owner’s estate, he was less interested in Aurora’s offer and finances and more focused on ensuring that his legacy continued. I described the challenges, showing some of the best photos I took during my stay, highlighting some of the estate’s unique features that will benefit Aurora for marketing and development. As we come to a close, I finish up by giving a nod to Cassie. “Cassie was an invaluable asset and more helpful than I could’ve imagined. I’d like to say that there’s no way I could have succeeded without her help.”
Cassie’s beaming as I wrap it up, but as I look out at everyone, I see stony, unimpressed faces. The comments start almost immediately.
“Games?”
“Mud pit?”
“Hiking?”
> Lois clears her throat, giving us a totally nonplussed look. “It sounds more like a spa vacation than any actual work, Miss Fowler and Miss White. But I guess your methods bore results. So congrats, I suppose. Now, moving on . . ."
I exchange disbelieving glances with Cassie. Did you just hear that? I want to tell her, and I can see the same reaction on Cassie’s face. Didn’t they do their homework on Wesley and know it wasn’t going to just be a matter of discussing numbers? Did Myra not fill them in at all along the way?
This is most definitely not the response we were expecting. We were expecting fanfare and to be heroes for scoring an impossible deal, some recognition for working our asses off for this! I didn’t even mention Tony and me and how I had to watch the first man I’ve ever truly loved walk out of my life.
“I can’t believe that!” Cassie fumes after we leave. In the elevator back down to five, she explodes. “They didn’t care about us. We’re nothing to them. I wish I could knee her cunt through her nose.”
“Myra didn’t even speak up for us,” I add, keeping my jaw clenched to prevent me saying more. If I got fired after all of this, I might die.
“Yeah, that was total bullshit too,” Cassie says, sighing. “I expected more.”
She’s telling me. I mean, I didn’t expect to be given the keys to the executive washroom, but I did expect at least some sort of recognition. A thank you for your service. Hell, maybe even a promotion. But instead . . . it all just feels empty.
Chapter 24
Anthony
I let out a sigh, placing my head against the window as the plane begins its descent. Walking away from Hannah and getting into the rental SUV to drive back to Honolulu was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I want her to be happy. I hope this brings her the happiness she deserves.
Deep down in my heart, I know I did the right thing. But fuck, I miss her.
Beside me, Caleb is a little quiet. I haven’t told him what I’m going through, although I’m sure he can guess. But I don’t expect him to understand. I don’t think anyone would.
“Yo, dude,” Caleb says as we drop through the clouds and I can see the airport. “I’m sorry for acting that way back there, I shouldn’t have just ran off. I wish I would’ve told Wesley that and shook his hand before leaving. I feel bad about that. It was supposed to be business, but it did kind of feel like a vacation, and I had a good time . . . I just couldn’t understand. I didn’t know why you would give up after all of that.”
“I—” I begin to say, but Caleb cuts me off.
“Hang on, let me finish. I think I know how you feel. I could see it in your eyes, and the entire time back, I’ve been watching you. I know you tilted Wes in her direction.”
I stare at him. I figured he knew as much. I just don’t know how to respond. I kind of put him through it all and may have cost him a big raise. Oliver surely would’ve rewarded him, even if he didn’t say it. “How?”
Caleb shrugs. “You're in love. You’d do anything for her, and in reality, I can’t blame you. I’d probably have done the same thing if I were in your position. I was wrong to react the way I did. I was a poor sport and I wish I could take it back. You may have swayed him in their direction at the very end, but you tried your damndest the rest of the time.”
Relief sweeps through me. Caleb’s been my friend for over a decade now, and I’m glad to know this isn’t going to change anything.
“No hard feelings?” he asks, sticking a hand out to me.
I take it before we smack hands the way we used to, back when we thought Arnold Schwarzenegger movies were the most awesome things ever. “No hard feelings.”
Caleb raises an eyebrow. “How do you think Oliver’s gonna take it?”
“Dick,” I growl. “You just had to remind me about that, huh? No, but seriously, it might be a lost opportunity financially, but Hannah is kind of like extended family. He’s not gonna get his panties in a bunch. At least I hope.”
He chuckles. “Fuck, I’m gonna miss that place. Wes and his damn speeches. Even the bird.”
I laugh. “Well, we’ll all miss things.” Hannah most of all, I think to myself, my heart aching.
Fuck, I hope she calls. But I probably ruined my small chance like I always do. I should have said more before I left.
I’m still haunted by the look that was in Hannah’s eyes, like she was trapped. And I’m scared my biggest regret is going to be that I didn’t do enough for her.
We land and get our bags. Outside, Oli is waiting for us at the pickup area with a smile on his face.
“Hey, boys, how was your trip?”
Caleb looks at me, uncertain. He’s gonna let me take the lead on this. “Awesome,” I say with the fakest enthusiasm I can muster, my stomach twisting with dread even after I just told Caleb that Oliver wouldn’t completely flip his shit. I haven’t answered or responded to Oliver’s calls in the past two days. He’s probably gotten the point, but I didn’t have the guts to tell him over the phone what was going on. I wanted to tell him face to face.
Oliver waves us to put our luggage in the back of his SUV. “Come on, get inside. Y’all must be starving, and it’s a long ride back home. We can stop on the way.”
We load up, and he takes us away from the airport and we hit up a burger joint. He doesn’t say anything about the contract on the way over. I’m sure he knows. It’s just a matter of me saying it.
As soon as we’re seated, he sits back, looking at the two of us. “Don’t be so quiet, you two. Spit it out. Tell me everything.”
I relax a little and tell him all about Wes and his parrot, all the funny stuff, all the crazy shit we did over the time we were there. I gave him a complete rundown on all of the challenges, and how Wes seemed to be interested in our character, not necessarily who won. Oli listens, laughing in the right places before sipping his Pepsi and asking, “So, what’s the verdict?”
Finally, the question comes. Caleb sputters and gets up to refill his own drink at the dispenser while my mouth goes dry. As he leaves, he gives me a small nod. I understand, he’s giving me some privacy. “What’s going on?”
Taking a deep breath, I tell him everything, dread growing by the second. But by the time I’m done, I feel like a ton has been lifted off my shoulders. “I’m so sorry, man. I know how much this meant to you.”
He sits quietly as Caleb comes back, eyeing me as he sets his soda down. The whole time, Oliver just stares at me. I’m starting to think I might be wrong. I willfully lost. That’s a giant ‘fuck you’ if there was one. He probably thinks I’m a hopeless waste of his time, my carelessness once again costing him.
“What are you going to do now?” he asks quietly, surprising me after the silence. He looks . . . calm.
“I don’t know,” I say uneasily, not able to read his face and half-expecting him to jump across the table and drag me out the door to curb stomp my ass. “What’s the next property you want me to look at?” A part of me feels honor-bound to find the next assignment and deliver for him since I screwed him over. “I promise you, no more conspiring with the competition.”
He shakes his head. "No, that’s not what I’m talking about. This is more important than that. What about Hannah? You love her, don't you?"
I see the compassion in his eyes. He understands what I’m going through.
“I don’t know,” I reply. Of course I know, I tell myself. I’ve known it since . . . “What do I do? I mean, we have our own lives. My family is here, and hell, she probably just got a promotion.”
“Hmm,” Oli says, sipping at his drink before giving me a long, evaluating look. In his look, I see a question I’ve wanted to ask him for at least a year now, and for some reason, now is the time.
"How'd you know when you loved Mindy?” I ask. “Not when you thought. When you knew.”
“That’s easy. When you find the one who makes you feel like your heart isn’t in your chest anymore but in her hands. When you meet that person who makes you feel like you�
��d be happy sharing the fifth circle of hell if they were the one with you . . . when you meet her, and you’d be willing to do anything, be saint or sinner or angel in order to make her happy . . . that’s when you know.”
I can tell he’s speaking from experience. It’s like he went off a checklist of my feelings for Hannah, and I slow blink a couple of times to ease the burn in my eyes. You just can’t cry in front of your best friend and your brother. Totally not cool. “Oli . . . I don’t know what she wanted. Neither of us outright said anything. I mean, when it comes to the big four-letter word or if we were going to make an effort to see one another after . . . it was all about our dreams, how we wanted the other person to be happy, how they made us feel good. Maybe we just assumed we couldn’t be together.”
Oliver’s eyes are sad. “Never assume when it comes to love. I know I’ve asked you to do a lot for the family, but if it meant your being with Hannah, you don’t owe me a damn thing. The world’s a small place. You can still visit.”
His words hit me hard, and I struggle to keep up as Caleb tries to keep the rest of dinner conversation light and as far from the topic of my heartbreak as possible. I hear about how Mindy’s pregnancy is progressing, along with Roxy’s, although that’s sort of hard to hear since I know Roxy’s best friends with Hannah. I’m sure the burger is fine, though I barely taste it. It’s just mechanical chewing. They could have brought me a block of wet cardboard and I’d have eaten it.
When I get home, I lie in bed, realizing that I fucked up big time. How the fuck did I just leave and not say more? Call me when everything settles down? What a fucking douchebag. I close my eyes, remembering the spark in her eyes. That fiery spirit, her beautiful sense of humor. I’ve never known anyone like that, nor will I ever find someone like her again.
Reaching over, I grab my phone. Sure, I got the number for a prank, but it’s still in my phone, and I type out a message to Hannah. Hey, I’ve been really thinking about you. Wondered if you’d like to talk?
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