by K, S
My head rested back onto the back of the couch. "How will that affect the baby?"
"Doctor Rothchild says it won't, but I've done my research. I know it will. I'm not doing it. Josh thinks he has a say in the matter, but he doesn't. When it all boils down to it, this is my body, and I will decide if I want to go through treatment or not."
Brooke was stubborn as hell, and I knew once she made up her mind, there was no going back. Josh, along with the rest of us, was going to have to sit there and watch the person we love deteriorate before our eyes, and there was nothing we were going to be able to do about it. Knowing it was a moot point to argue with her, I decided to change the subject.
"The October Breast Cancer Awareness Edition is complete. Monica brought the mock-up into my office today. You're going to love it."
Brooke nodded. "I can't wait to see it."
Deciding I was going to go in for the kill, I began, "There's just one piece that's missing, and Monica thought you might be able to help out."
Brooke's eyes opened, and she stared over at me. "Oh yeah, and what's that?"
I took in a deep breath. "She wants you on the cover."
I watched my best friend as her eyes bugged, wide open.
"The cover!" she shouted. And like clockwork, I heard Josh's feet pounding against the floors before he burst in.
"What's wrong?" he asked, looking from Brooke to me and then back to Brooke.
I couldn't help but grin, thankful that Brooke had someone so concerned in her life, especially during all of this.
"Honey, we're fine. Sav was just telling me that Monica wants me featured on the cover of the October edition of Hourglass."
Josh's face lit up, and he was at Brooke's side in a second. He knelt next to her and took her hand. "Brooke, that's incredible. You've got to do it."
She shook her head. "I don't think so. There is no way. I can't be on the cover of Hourglass boobless."
I glanced down at my watch and knew Jake would be expecting me home shortly, so I slipped my feet back into my stilettos and stood up from the couch. "I've got to run. One thing before I go…"
Brooke and Josh both looked up at me, and I averted my stare to Brooke and only Brooke. "Remember when Monica made us leave town after the auction, how she really didn't give us a choice?"
She nodded her head, and I could tell Josh was confused.
"Well, that is how she presented this to me today, and with the squatters getting closer to arriving, I'd like to ensure that I have a job." I winked at her, and she huffed.
"Fine. But you're taking the pictures. I won't work with anyone else."
Smiling, I winked. "It's like you've been a model your entire life, already laying out all of your demands. I talk badly behind the backs of your kind," I teased.
Brooke let out a laugh, and I left the room, hollering back at them as I made my way to the door. "Love you both!"
The next morning, Jake and I headed to the doctor's office for my monthly check-up. We arrived early, the first appointment of the day, and the nurse took us both straight back to the examination room.
"Savannah, would you mind getting on the scale so we can check your weight."
I huffed and kicked my heels off, followed by my necklace and every other piece of jewelry that was on my body. Jake was standing next to me and I motioned for him to turn around. "No peeking," I said, serious as ever, watching him as he turned to face the opposite direction. I stepped onto the scale and watched the numbers shoot up, higher than they'd ever been in my entire life.
"One hundred and forty six pounds, for a total of forty-one pounds since your first visit."
I glared at the nurse, angry that she'd opened her big mouth, even after I'd made Jake turn around. "Well, so much for keeping my weight from him," I said, stepping back down off the scale and climbing onto the examination table.
Jake came over and sat next to me, a grin on his face, because my plan to keep my weight hidden from him had failed.
The nurse globbed a pile of the clear jelly onto my belly and began sliding the magic wand around until the squatters were up on the screen, and Jake was mesmerized. I loved watching him watch our babies. It was like Christmas each time I had an appointment. His face would light up, and he'd ask the nurse for as many pictures as she was willing to give us, and today was no different.
After we'd seen our babies and had plenty of new pictures in hand, Jake and I were ushered into the doctor's office for the usual five-minute conversation before we could leave. The two of us sat next to each other as the doctor came in.
"Well, Mrs. Worthington, it looks like we will need to begin seeing you once a week."
I felt my brows lift, and Josh's neck twisted toward me then back to the doctor as he lifted his hands up. "This is all routine, especially with multiples. They start getting crowded in there, and we just have to keep an extra eye on them. Nothing to be concerned about. We just want to ensure that when they're ready, we are too."
I felt my anxiety begin to drop, and my breathing calmed, no longer worried about the squatters now that I knew it was just routine. But Jake was another story. He started in on the doctor, asking a million and one questions while I sat back and listened, allowing him to ask everything he needed to make life easier on me.
After the appointment, I talked him into going to one of the local baby boutiques to do some furniture shopping. I'd been eyeballing Brooke's glider and wanted to test them out for our nursery.
Falling down into an overstuffed modern glider, I lifted my feet up and set them on the ottoman in front of me. "This is perfect. Let's buy it." I smiled over at Jake, who was sitting next to me lounging back in another glider, and he laughed.
"That's it? You just want to try one? Shouldn't you test out the others?"
I laced my fingers with his and closed my eyes, leaning back against the plush cushion. "What if I would have tested the others after you? Maybe I wouldn't be so fat right about now. Ever think of that?"
He squeezed my hand. "Oh, there were plenty before me. You just saved the best for last."
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Brooke
A MONTH HAD PASSED with me feeling like absolute crap. Each day my body felt more drained, more exhausted, and I knew the cancer was taking hold. The thought terrified me, and I was grateful I was so close to the end of the pregnancy. I'd looked for alternatives to chemo, tried every safe herbal treatment in the book, seen an acupuncture specialist, and had even gone to a hypnotherapist. Desperate times.
Josh and I had barely spoken to each other the last few weeks. Between me sleeping and him pouting, there was a huge wall wedged between us that seemed insurmountable. I wanted to go to him, lean on him, but each time he brought up the treatments I was refusing, instead of acknowledging what I was trying. Dinner most nights was take-out since I'd lost all energy to cook a meal. I was incapable of being a wife. I wouldn't let Josh touch me still, and I felt worthless. My sole goal was to deliver our baby healthily into this world, into Josh's arms.
Feeling especially sick today, I started assembling the what-if plan. No matter how much it broke my heart, I knew it was a possibility. I'd already had the will drawn up, so that gave me some comfort, but I knew there was something else I needed to do. I pulled down a box from the shelf of the closet and dug through it for a good thirty minutes, until finally removing what I was looking for. When I was done, I had a photo of Savannah and me from high school, a photo of the four of us from the night Savannah got engaged, and a wedding photo of Josh and me.
I pushed back up to my feet and shuffled my way to the office, my terrycloth slippers brushing along the wood floor, probably the most cleaning they'd seen in a while. The leather chair hugged me as I sat in it; it always was so comfortable. I let my fingers grasp a piece of heavy paper with my monogram on top and began the most heartbreaking letter of my life.
To my sweet sweet baby—
You are due to arrive in just six short weeks. I cannot b
elieve how fast the time has flown by, and I thank God for the blessing He has given to your father and me. About halfway through my pregnancy, mommy found out she was sick. It terrified me and made me worry about you endlessly. My main concern always would be that you are okay. As we near the end, the doctors have all told me repeatedly that you are beautiful and perfect. Don't tell your daddy or Aunt Savannah, but I even found out that you are a girl at my last appointment.
I am so sorry that I wasn't strong enough. Know that I gave it my all, tried my hardest, and fought my best. I wanted so badly to be here for you, to watch you take your first steps, meet your first teacher, help you get ready for your first date, kiss you on your wedding day, and see you become a mother. But that just wasn't in the cards for us, it would seem. God had different plans, and we must always have faith in His plan.
I pray that you will have faith and not be sad or mad that I am gone. I know there will be times those emotions go through you, but know that I am with you always. In your heart and soul.
I pray that you will find an amazing best friend like I did. Make sure she is just as fearless and protective as your Aunt Savannah. I was so lucky to meet her in elementary school, and that our friendship withstood the test of time. Whenever you need a woman's guidance, go to her; she will help you. She loves you so much, and while there are days her ideas seem crazy, know that she always has your best interest at heart. She will always be your shoulder to cry on and your rock to stand on.
Take it easy on your daddy. He will have trouble through all of this, but know that he loves you so much. I hope you have his beautiful eyes and wide smile. Each day you are in my belly, he kisses you and talks to you. I know he is so excited for you to make your big appearance. Try to not get too spoiled with all of his pampering. Let him drive you to the front of the school and kiss you goodbye, even when you are a teen. He may one day find a new person to bring into your lives, and that's okay. I want your daddy to be happy so as long as she is good to him, and you try to understand she isn't replacing me. She is just extra love for you to enjoy.
Do well in school, mind your manners, love unconditionally, and treat others how you want to be treated. When you go on a date with a young man, make sure he respects you, listens to you, and cares for you. Be picky! Trust your instincts. When the day comes that you are walking down the aisle in a white dress, know that I am with you and so proud of the woman you have become. Enjoy life. Live it to the fullest because you only get one go around, and, before you know it, God will be calling you up to heaven, where I will be waiting for you and Daddy.
Love always,
Mommy
A few tears slipped out and fell to the paper, magnifying the words I had just poured onto the page. The sound of the heavy wood door shutting dragged me from my depression.
"Brooke?" Josh called from the front of the house.
After rolling the chair back, I stood to my feet, a sudden wave of nausea taking over me. I felt my legs sway as they gave to the weight they were now trying to support. I took a staggering step forward, trying to get to Josh, hearing the whooshing of my blood as it rushed through my veins. My skin moistened as I got clammy. "Josh," I weakly cried out, forcing my body to take another step forward. I could feel my body giving out, quitting, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Stretching my hand out for the door frame, my vision blurred, and there were three doors to now pick from before the world went black, and there were none. I felt my body hit the ground in slow motion as Josh yelled. He was right there beside me, and I couldn't even open my eyes to see him, to tell him I was okay.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Savannah
JAKE WAS ANXIOUS as he drove through town, and I couldn't help but smile at this perfect man that was all mine. I leaned over the best I could and kissed his cheek then reached for his hand. "Where are we going?" I begged, never one to like surprises.
His head shook. "Stop asking questions. You'll see when we get there." He paused and looked at me, and I could see the excitement and fear in his eyes, which only made my stomach even more nervous.
"Babe, tell me, please! I can't take it one second longer." Resting his hand on my belly, I tried to use our babies to my advantage. "It's not good for the squatters when I get anxious."
His head flew back, and a loud laugh rumbled through him. "Don't even use our unborn babies against me right now. Just let me get us there, and you'll be able to see what I did. Shit, Sav, I just pray to God that you don't kill me."
Oh great, that just makes it a million times worse.
Watching the streets pass by, it seemed as if we were on our way toward Brooke and Josh's house, but when we passed their street, I knew we were headed somewhere else. Less than a mile away from their house, Jake pulled up to an ornate wrought-iron gate that was connected to beautiful red brick pillars. I shifted my stare toward him and watched as he lifted his hand up to his sun visor then clicked a button that I hadn't noticed before. The gate began to open inward, and Jake's smile grew bigger as he pressed on the gas, taking us down the long drive.
He opened the car door for me and helped me out before fanning his hand out in front of the red-brick colonial-style house with huge white pillars. "Welcome home."
His words ran through my head at warp speed, and I suddenly felt lightheaded.
Oh, Jake, please tell me you didn't buy this house without asking me first. I am going to kill you. What on earth were you thinking? Thoughts were going crazy inside of me, but as I stared up at my husband and saw the excitement in his face, I knew that I had to push my controlling ways aside and be grateful that he was doing what was best for our family. There was no way that he, I, and our two babies could live in the condo, and I was getting closer and closer to delivering with each passing day.
"Is it really ours?" I asked, doing my best to hide the hesitation in my voice.
Jake's smile was out of this world. I could see all of his brilliantly white teeth as he nodded his head up and down. "Yes, come on. Let me give you a tour."
I slipped my hand into his and decided that I'd love this house, no matter what, because Jake would never buy something like this without certainty that I'd absolutely love it.
Jake tugged me toward the front door and rustled through his pocket before he revealed the key. I looked on and couldn't help but smile as he slid the key into the lock and twisted, a clicking sound opening up our new home.
Jake's arms slipped around me, and he lifted me up in one quick swoop. "I've got to carry you over the threshold."
Laughing at his old-school ways, I threw my arms around his neck, pulling myself up to kiss him. "Of course you do."
Once in the house, he set me down onto the marble floor, not letting go of me. I teetered on my heels before gripping his arms. As I held on to him, I looked around the entryway and couldn't help but smile. Not saying a word, I walked from room to room, Jake in tow the entire time, just following me, completely silent.
Each room was perfect. Jake had obviously hired a designer to come in and fill the house in its entirety before finally letting me in on the surprise. Walking up the stairs to the second floor, Jake finally spoke up. Jumping in front of the first door, his massive frame blocked it like a bouncer at a night club, crossing his massive arms to further prove his point. "You don't get to go in there just yet."
I grinned up at him and began tapping my foot on the floor. "And why not?"
"That's our room, and I want to save the best for last." He winked and then took my hand, leading me further down the hall.
I looked on as pictures of our life hung in the hallway, our wedding day with both of our families, pictures of us with Brooke and Josh, and finally a sonogram of our twins. I ran my fingers over the delicate frame and then rested them on my belly. "I'm glad we did this. I know I was totally freaked out at first, but I'm not anymore."
Jake leaned in and kissed me. "I'm glad you're finally glad." He winked and then turned the handle to a bedroom. Pushing t
he door open, he ushered me inside, and I could feel my breath catch. It was the nursery, and, much like Josh and I had surprised Brooke, Jake had taken the time to surprise me.
Everything about it was beyond what I could have ever imagined. The room was the perfect size, and I beamed with excitement when I saw the matching cribs, side by side. Cream and tan colors filled the room for the perfect blend. Boys and girls would both look great in here, hopefully one of each. I kicked off my heels and stepped onto the rug, which was perfectly placed underneath both cribs, and wiggled my toes around.
"This is absolutely gorgeous, Jake. Our babies are going to love it." I continued to rub my belly as I took in every intricate detail. I couldn't have designed the room any better had I done it myself.
My body sank back onto Jake's as he slipped his arms around my waist, molding my body to his. "Now for the best part, our room."
As he led me down the hallway, back toward our room, I could feel the butterflies begin to dance around. I had a plan and I couldn't wait to run with it.
My body began to tingle as I watched his big hand reach for the handle. He opened up the room that I was about to christen with my husband, unbeknownst to him.
Not paying the slightest attention to the enormous bedroom that I'd pushed Jake into, I went straight for his lips, devouring them as if they were water in the middle of a scorching hot desert. My hands gripped his muscular arms as I clung to his body for dear life. In between breaths, I begged him to take me in our new bedroom. "I. Need. You. Inside. Me. Now." Each word came out as if it was my very last breath.
The sudden ringing of Jake's cell phone distracted the two of us for a slight moment before we ignored it. Jake hoisted my body up and onto the bed and lifted my dress right over my head.