by Jenika Snow
“Wanting you and having you are two very different things.” He searched her face with his gaze, and then moved them back until there wasn’t anywhere else for her to go. “But yeah, I fucking want you, have wanted you since I brought you back to my place after you got sick at that party. But I can’t have you, Callie, because it’s wrong, so fucking wrong, and a betrayal to a man I consider a brother.”
“Lucien, how do you think I feel? Kink is my dad.” She stared into his silver-grey eyes, and wanted to lean up and kiss him so badly. He didn’t say anything, although he still held onto the back of her head. “I love you, Lucien.”
God, why had she said that? Why had she said she said she loved him when it was clear he didn’t want to take this any further?
“Dammit, Callie, you can’t say things like that.”
“But why? It’s the truth,” she said on a whisper, not sure why she was still speaking, because she was just making this worse. Callie should have never come here, should have never gotten out of her car, come to him, and kissed him like some immature and naive child.
He didn’t respond, but looked so damn conflicted that her embarrassment consumed her. She felt her face grow hot, knew it was red like a tomato, and wished the ground would open up and swallow her.
“Okay, then maybe I should go, because this was a bad idea.” She no longer had her hands on his chest, but she lifted them up again, placed them on his firm pecs, and glanced at his MC patch tattoo. She traced the lines of the silhouetted motorcycle with her gaze, looked at the phoenix that was behind the bike, and it felt like her heart was about to explode in her chest.
I want you, Lucien. God, I want you so bad it hurts.
“You can’t say things like that because I am so fucking wrong for you, baby.”
Her knees shook at the endearment.
“I am a bad man, Callie, dangerous and far too old for you.”
“I don’t care about any of that, Lucien.”
He leaned in, and she held her breath. He moved his hand from behind her head, cupped the side of her neck, and moved his thumb along her pulse point beneath her ear.
“You should,” he said huskily. Lucien lifted his hand and ran his thumb along the top of her lip, just barely touching her, and making her entire body light up with tingles. “You should be so damn afraid of me, running in the other direction, and finding a guy at school that wears cardigans and loafers, not with one who wears leather, and kills men with his bare hands for fucking with him or what he holds close.” He slipped his thumb to the seam of her lips now, and without thinking she opened her mouth and sucked his finger inside. “And I’d kill for you, Callie, break a motherfucker in two if they so much as touched you, because I hold you close.” Lucien’s nostrils flared, and he lowered his eyelids as he watched her mouth. Callie had never been this bold, least of all with a man that lived life on the edge.
And then he was removing his finger from her mouth and was kissing her hard and possessively. For the first time in her life she actually felt the power behind a man kissing her. The action was filled with heat, power, and so much sexual tension that she couldn’t help but moan against his mouth. He speared his tongue out, slipped it along her bottom lip, and then groaned out loud. Callie had never heard a sound so arousing, but hearing Lucien’s desire for her expressed in both sounds and words had her so damn wet she felt her panties became uncomfortably saturated. She grew bold, slid her hand between their bodies, and placed it right over his jean-clad cock.
He groaned low in his throat and pressed his lower body into her belly, which had her back slamming even harder against the wall. But it was the feel of his erection prodding her stomach that had her breaking away from his mouth and gasping out in shock. He was a big man, strong and tall, and she felt like she was so small compared to him. Never had she felt like she was tiny, not with her wide hips and the size sixteen waist, or her thighs that were a bit too thick for her liking.
Lucien stared right into her eyes and didn’t move away. She could still feel how hard and big he was between his legs, and she couldn’t help but think about what it would feel to have him over her for the first time, taking her virginity and making her feel so stretched she thought she’d split right in two. She knew it would be intense and all consuming, and that she’d never think about any other guy so passionately again.
“Does this tell you how much I want you?” He ground himself against her, and then dipped his head low to run his tongue along her bottom lip. “Does this show you that I am doing something that will get me killed, but that I can’t control myself?” he said softly and moved his mouth to her throat.
“Then be with me, Lucien.” Callie held onto her shoulders, pressed her breasts to his chest, and kissed his thick, muscular neck. God, he smelled so good, so masculine, and she was about ready to tear her clothes off right now and give herself to him.
He cupped her cheeks and leaned back to look into her face. For several long seconds neither said anything, but they were both breathing heavily, the sexual tension filling the room and making her high and drunk all in the same breath.
And then Lucien exhaled and moved back. The sudden rush of coldness that engulfed her had her bracing her hands on the wall behind her so she didn’t fall.
“You need to go, Callie.” Lucien glanced away.
She saw that he was still so hard, his erection pressing against his fly, but he kept moving back from her. “Lucien, we don’t have to stop.”
The look he gave her had her tensing. His expression was so distant and hard, so unwavering, that she felt so very out of place right now. Gone was the arousal she’d felt just seconds before, and in its place was this icy realization that the Lucien that had just been touching and kissing her was no longer in front of her. Right now it was the fierce Brothers of Menace President who killed men with his bare hands.
“Go, Callie.” He ran his hand over his hair, turned around so his back was to her, and she saw his muscles go tense. “You need to go before I do something I’ll regret, and before I betray Kink and have him hating me.” He didn’t turn around, but she felt the truth in his words.
“I don’t want to hurt my dad either, Lucien, but I love you.” She felt her humiliation take a back seat in this situation as her passion and her words took the front. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
He turned around, and the fierceness on his face had her swallowing hard. “Don’t my feelings, or the fact you want me, mean anything to you?” she asked.
He took a step toward her. “It means a fucking lot, but I can’t be with a member’s daughter, Callie. It would mean war, hate, and a whole lot of fucking violence.” He stepped closer, and she felt the heat from his body slam into her. “I can’t be that selfish, and I can’t put you and Kink in the middle of all of this. It isn’t right, Callie.”
She knew this, but didn’t want to hear it. She had put herself and her feelings out there. He had let her sample it, let her love grow for those few seconds, and then he had shut her down. She knew that being with Lucien might hurt and anger her father, but for once in her life she wanted something bad enough that she would have dealt with the consequence and tried to make them right after the fact.
“You’re right.” Being selfish certainly wasn’t a trait Callie practiced, but she had also never been in love before.
“Callie…” he said in a gruff, pained voice.
She shook her head and turned to move toward the door. She couldn’t look at him, and couldn’t think about the fact her lips still tingled from their kiss. Running out of the clubhouse seemed like the best option because the embarrassment and hurt that filled her had her wanting to escape. She didn’t want to stay here and to make an even bigger ass out of herself. She just needed to go, and put this behind her like she had planned from the beginning. The only one that would end up getting hurt was her, and she was already sampling that pain right now. If she didn’t leave now she didn’t know if she’d be able to hand
le anymore.
****
Lucien stared at the bedroom door where Callie had just left. Self-anger and hatred grew inside of him, and he felt himself grow even tenser. He curled his hand into a tight fist and slammed it into the wall. The plaster crumbled all around his hand, and the hole in the wall spoke of his pain. He had just kissed Kink’s daughter, told her he wanted her, and had ground his fucking erection into her belly like she was experienced in all of this. Although sending her away was the smart thing to do, he was too late in it all, wanted her like a fucking fiend, and knew that staying away at this point would be the hardest thing he had ever done. The taste of her filled his mouth, and her scent, a light and floral aroma, filled his head. He was drunk from her, needed to get off so badly that he felt like a crazy beast, but knew that his suffering was justified.
Looking down at his fist, he saw the broken skin and watched as blood trailed along his fingers. He went over to his disassembled gun lying on the table, and growled out. He needed to go shoot something, maybe go out in the middle of the fucking woods and pop some bullets in tree trunks. He needed something to burn off this wild, nervous energy, and this angry hatred he had inside of himself for his stupid actions.
“You stupid fucking asshole,” he said to himself, and walked over to the window. He watched as Callie got into her car, stared at the clubhouse for a second, and then shook her head. She was saying something to herself, maybe chastising herself over the fact they kissed, or the fact that he was a bastard and she was better off without him in her life. The latter would have been true.
She finally left, and Lucien stared at where her car had been parked. With each passing second he grew angrier with himself, wished things could be different so he could be with Callie, and then he just exploded in a torrent of emotion. He slammed his fist into the wall over and over, felt his knuckles crack open even more and blood slide down his hand, but relished the pain. He was going to kill someone if they came in here right now, if they approached him and started asking questions about what was up with him. And the longer he stayed at the clubhouse the sooner someone would come back and do just that.
He grabbed his keys and shirt, and once he was fully dressed he headed out of the clubhouse and to his Harley. He didn’t care where he was heading, as long as it was away from this fucking place.
Chapter Four
Callie drove to Baker University, which was a good three hours away from River Run. Despite the nervousness of starting her life alone for the first time, the incident at the clubhouse with Lucien, and the fact that she was still humiliated, depressed, and angry because of the kiss and her emotions, she was trying to think about the future. This was only the weekend where she would get to see her dorm, have a tour of the campus, and, she hoped, meet some people before school started. It was a new program they had started, one where she would be busy all weekend, and even get to stay in her dorm. Although Lucien’s words slammed into her head, reminding her that she could never really be with him no matter how much she loved him, she didn’t even want to think about her life with another guy. Yes, she was young, had the whole world in front of her, but Lucien was different. She certainly knew that she couldn’t just forget him no matter what he or she said.
Putting her thoughts of River Run and Lucien behind her, she focused on the road ahead of her. She saw the university about half an hour later, and her nerves grew to the point she was suffocating on it. The buildings were so big and intimidating, and she felt like this little bee in a massive hive that would eat her alive. Although she knew there was something very profound about taking the next step in her life, fear was paramount inside of her. The bone searing terror that she felt at that exact moment was not something they’d warned her about in the welcome letter.
She parked her car, got her lone bag out of the backseat, and stared at the building in front of her. The deep breath she took should have calmed her, but all she felt was tightness in her chest. Students moved in and out of the propped open doorway of the admin building. She was to meet here and given her dorm information, but she was frozen to the spot, not knowing where to go or what to do.
“You look lost.” The male voice behind her had Callie looking over her shoulder. The guy standing just a foot from her looked like one of those models that had their image splashed across GQ magazines. Totally not her type, but still gorgeous, and smiling at her like a boy-next-door.
“I guess I am, that or like I’m making an ass out of myself.” She could have slapped her hand over her mouth. God, she had really just tried to crack a joke. A total nervous thing she did on occasion, but she was thankful the guy started laughing.
“Beautiful and a sense of humor. You’ll fit right in,” he said, and she felt her face heat. She wasn’t used to compliments. Callie was used to being around gruff and alpha bikers, not guys that had blond hair perfectly styled, wearing designer looking jeans and a button down shirt, and smelling like he was wearing really expensive cologne. She liked the scent of clean sweat and motor oil, liked a man in worn, dirty jeans because he had been fixing his Harley, and she especially liked them covered in tattoos.
You’re describing Lucien, Callie. You need to try to focus on the here and now, because Lucien made himself clear. Besides, do you really want Dad and Lucien to be on the outs because you couldn’t help your emotions?
No.
Already she felt out of place, but right now, as she stared at this Adonis looking guy, she felt like she had been dropped in The Twilight Zone. She knew that with time things would become more comfortable … or at least that was what she kept telling herself.
“Don’t worry, everyone feels scared shitless on their first day,” he said, his grin wide. “I’m Ritchie Mitchell by the way.” He held out his hand, and she glanced down at it. “I’m originally from Broomfield. You?” His fingernails looked perfectly manicured, and his skin was soft and golden in color. Yeah, he had never worked with his hands, clearly. She took his hand with her free one, and just like her prior observation, smooth skin greeted her.
“Callie Roberts from River Run.”
“Here, let me take that for you, and then I’ll show you where you can get your dorm number and welcome packet.” He took the bag out of her hand before she could respond, and then gestured for her to follow him.
Callie moved past two students hauling big ass suitcases out of the admin building. The inside of the admin building opened up, showing skylights and a cathedral ceiling in the center of the room. There were several tables lined up, each one having a sign hanging in front of them and directing students to different stations.
Schedules, dorm assignments, welcome packets, activity lists, and general information were a few of the first tables that students were lining up in front of. After about twenty-five minutes she had all the papers and headed back outside. Ritchie had stayed by her the entire time, and she was grateful that he had walked her through it, and had also been able to get in the front of the lines so she wasn’t waiting in line for the next hour.
Ritchie started talking about the different sights around town, of the sororities that she could join—which she didn’t bother telling him that she didn’t plan on getting involved with—and took her to the Stanford East dorm building. It was like he was Callie’s own personal tour guide. She didn’t know if she should be thankful for the fact he took an interest in helping a stranger, or feel a little embarrassed at the fact she had looked so helpless.
Students packed the halls of Stanford Hall East, and she had to continuously excuse herself as they loitered around. Once she made it to her room, Ritchie stood by the open doorway and handed her bag.
“Well, this is you.” He grinned. “And actually I am just a few doors down.”
She glanced at him, a little surprised. “Really? What are the odds of that?”
He shrugged and pushed off the doorway, but he was still ginning. “If you need anything just let me know, but I’ll let you get settled in.” He went to tu
rn away, but stopped and grabbed the doorframe. He stared at her and tapped his fingers on the wood.
“Hey, if you’re all settled later on tonight, there is a party at the frat house I am with. You can meet a lot of students from the college, drink a little, and socialize.” He lifted a brow now, kept smiling, and she knew that if she was going to make this whole college thing work she needed to get out there and make some friends. She also wanted to party, because as it was she felt strung-out from the incident just this morning with Lucien.
“Yeah, okay.” She smiled in return and placed her bag on one of the two beds.
“Sweet. I’ll come by about eight to take you there.” He tapped on the frame once more, and then left her alone.
She walked over to the door and watched as he stopped and spoke to a few guys before heading to his room down the hall.
She stood there for a full minute and looked around. The room was on the bigger side, with a small bathroom and even a kitchenette with one of those mini fridges. There were two twin beds, a couple of dressers, some shelving drilled into the white painted cement blocks, and a small window between the beds. When she walked toward the window she saw the front of the campus, could see the main office, Brown Hall, the library, and even the admin building.
“At least you have a view.”
Over the next few weeks she’d have to bring her things up here, but aside from clothes, a few personal items, and maybe her books, she didn’t have anything of importance that needed to be with her here. After staring out the window for a few more seconds she sat on the bed, took her cell out, and dialed her dad. He had wanted to take her to campus, but she’d said she could do it alone, and needed to be able to stand on her own while out here. Since her mom died her dad had been tiptoeing around her, feeling like maybe he couldn’t be himself. She assumed as much, gauged that was what he might be feeling because of the way he looked at her with this almost sad expression. She sighed and dialed his number, and put the phone to her ear. It only rang twice before her dad picked up.