by ML Gardner
She dropped her eyes hopelessly. “I just don’t see how.”
“Trust me,” I whispered.
The last day was agony. At every meal and combined activity, she walked in the room and searched for me anxiously. When she found me, her face would relax a little, but the worry remained. The hands on the clock ticked by with a slowness that I thought would drive me insane. It felt like the day that wouldn’t end. I had the idea to take a nap in order to make time go faster and rest up, as we would be running all night. Nervous energy made that impossible.
“It’s all gonna work out, you know.” I looked at her over dinner. She caught something in my eyes and smiled. All the worry and fear disappeared from her face for just a moment.
Bedtime wouldn’t come quick enough and the waiting after, as they locked all the doors, settled all the screamers and turned off the lights, was maddening. I couldn’t sleep, just lay with my eyes closed, willing slow and even breathing. I heard the lock on my door turn, and my eyes popped open.
It was time.
David stepped inside quietly. I was already on my feet. He huddled close to me, whispering his instructions.
“Alright, here’s how this is going to work,” he breathed, barely loud enough for me to hear. “There are two gates in the fence surrounding the courtyard. A skinny one to the south and a wider one to the north. Both are unlocked. I left the chain looped around, so they’ll look secure when security does the rounds. The larger one is nearly overgrown with bushes. Might be hard to find so I made maps.” He shoved two folded papers in my hand. “There are two different routes you can take away from the hospital. A guard walks the perimeter all night, but I don’t know what side he’ll be on when you get out there. Wait and listen. If he’s near one, double back and go out the other.”
“David, I–”
“I’m not done. Exactly sixty feet straight out from each gate, I’ve buried a bag. I covered the hole with dead brush. There’s some clothes, coats, a few dollars and food to get you through tomorrow.”
My hands trembled as I held the maps, speechless. I only ever expected him to open the door and leave the rest to us.
“Thank you, David,” was all I managed to whisper.
“Take care of yourself, Simon. And your girl.” He grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it hard.
“I will,” I whispered as my throat closed. He had been my only friend for a long time, and I realized then how much I would miss him.
“Let’s go,” he nodded.
He poked his head out and looked both ways down the hall. He waved at me and I followed close behind him. We ran quietly to the commons room. He took forever opening the heavy metal door, slowly, silently. We slipped in and stood stock-still for a moment, letting our eyes adjust to the darkness and listening for any sign that we’d been found out.
“Over here,” Loretta whispered from the darkened corner of the room, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. David reached in his pocket and shoved a stubby candle and a book of matches into my hand.
“So you can see the map,” he whispered as Elizabeth stepped out from behind Loretta.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Shh!!” we hissed in unison and then all looked to the door.
Only silence from the other side. I took quick steps and grabbed her hands. “We’re leaving. Tonight,” I said.
“What? How?” she squeaked.
I glanced back at David, who stood with his arm around his wife, their secret safe in the shadows of darkness.
“Really?” she asked. I could almost see the excitement on her face, and I could feel her heart begin to race.
“Really. I told you it would work out,” I said. She threw her arms around my neck and squeezed hard. “I’ll take care of you now,” I promised. We jerked apart at the sound of a voice in the hall.
“Go!” David said as he automatically pulled his arm from Loretta. We walked quickly to the door, propped open a crack.
I pushed it open, and a frigid gust of air blew past us. I turned briefly, took one last glance at David, and then looked at Elizabeth.
“Are you ready?” I asked. I could already see the answer in her eyes. She smiled, squeezed my hand and we ran.
Visions
The moon was nearly full and cast just enough light to see the ground in front of us. We ran north toward the larger gate and dropped down to crouch under the low boughs of the trees. Crawling under the branches along the fence line, I felt for the gate. I looked back often to check on Elizabeth. She looked scared, but crawled on her hands and knees, breathing as though she were running a marathon, to keep up with me.
My hands found the metal pole on one side of the gate, and I held a hand back to Elizabeth, signaling her to stop. We kept still for several minutes, our hands and knees burning with cold from the frozen ground underneath them. It was so dark under the branches that we could barely see our hands in front of our faces. Elizabeth started shivering, and I pulled her up next to me and put my arm around her. We were in thin cotton hospital clothes wedged between the tree trunk and the fence. I could see the padlock above us, open, hanging from the chain on our side. From the outside, the gate would appear chained and locked. We waited another minute and I was glad we did. I heard the light whistle of the security guard as he walked the perimeter in the distance. It grew closer and my mind raced, stay or run, stay or run.
We could turn and run along the tree line to the opposite gate or hide and wait. Elizabeth’s teeth started chattering, and she pursed her lips, but couldn’t stop it. It wasn’t loud, but it was the only sound as everything lay in frozen silence around us. Even our breathing seemed too loud.
He was getting closer now. I could hear his breathing, which meant that he could hear ours, if he stopped whistling. If we run, he’ll hear it, I thought. As quietly as I could, I crawled around the tree trunk, pulling Elizabeth behind me, and leaned against it. It was the only thing between the fence, the guard and us. I prayed it was wide enough to hide us. Elizabeth curled up in a shivering ball with her back against me, and I put my hand over her mouth to quiet the chattering. I pulled my shirt over my mouth to hide the white plumes of breath and closed my eyes. I heard his footsteps slow and then stop just on the other side of us. He was only feet away. I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath, Please God, Please God. He started walking again, slowly, whistling. It seemed like forever until he was out of earshot.
She was shaking hard now, and I rubbed her arms and face briskly. “We’re almost out,” I whispered. “Th-There’s a coat for you j-j-just on the other s-side.” She nodded, too cold to speak. I peeked around the corner and then crawled under the branches to the gate. My hands shook from fear and cold as I unwrapped the chain from the pole as carefully as I could. Slowly, I lifted the latch and pushed the gate open a bit. It made a high-pitched squeal and I froze. I waited with my shoulders hunched up to my ears until I was sure that the guard hadn’t heard it. It took minutes to open the gate. I had to move it slowly, so the rusty metal wouldn’t make any more noise. Elizabeth shivered violently behind me. When it was opened just enough to squeeze through, I pulled her up off the ground and pushed her through first. I had to take care not to bump the gate as I squeezed my body through sideways.
We couldn’t enjoy the first breath of freedom, we were so cold and scared. She stumbled next to me as I counted out sixty-feet in front of us. I could only think of one thing; getting warmer clothes on Elizabeth. I briefly worried that, with me or not, if she were this cold and scared that the stronger one might take over. I figured I would see it one day and have to deal with it, but in the middle of escaping an asylum in the dead of winter was not the place I wanted that first meeting to happen.
“You’re doing great, honey. Keep walking, we’re almost there. You’re doing so good, Elizabeth,” I whispered. She nodded, but her teeth chattered too hard to answer me. I nearly walked past the small pile of branches and leaves covered by a light dusting of snow. If there h
ad been a heavier snowfall, I would have missed it completely, and we would have wandered forever.
I let go of Elizabeth and dropped to my knees, throwing aside the brush and dug with my hands in the frozen ground. It wasn’t packed hard, but the clumps of frigid earth made my hands ache. Finally, I felt something like fabric and pulled out a bag. It made noise as it popped out, but I couldn’t waste time slowly pulling it out. I could see just well enough in the moonlight, and I tossed her a shirt and pants. She slipped them on, but couldn’t button either with fingers numb from cold. I pushed her shaking hands away and worked the buttons as quickly as I could. I pulled a knit hat from the bag, put it on her and then slipped a second shirt and a coat on myself. It must have been David’s because I swam in it. Once we had put on every stitch of clothing David had packed for us, I threw the nearly empty bag on my back and grabbed her hand.
“We have to go,” I whispered. I could hear the faint whistle of the guard. He was on his way back around the full circle.
We ran clumsily into the thin woods. I would look at the map once we were safely out of sight. I willed my frozen legs to run faster, but they wouldn’t cooperate. I let go of Elizabeth’s hand to adjust the bag and heard a thump behind me. I turned to see her sprawled out on the ground. I jogged back and pulled her up.
“Are you okay?” I whispered. She nodded, held her knee with both hands; her face scrunched up in pain, trying to silence a cry. I dropped the bag and pushed the leg of her pants up. I could hardly see, but I could feel the warm, wet blood running down her leg.
“Shit.” I reached under my shirt and ripped off a strip of the thin hospital shirt. “You’re bleeding all over the place,” I whispered as I wrapped the strip around her knee. The white material quickly turned dark as the blood seeped through. “We have to keep going,” I said, pulling her up. She limped a few steps, and I put my arm around her. “Use me like a crutch,” I said and almost laughed at the irony.
Her injury slowed us down considerably, and I grew more nervous, glancing back, worried that we wouldn’t get far enough ahead of them. We had to move faster.
I stopped, adjusted the bag and then reached behind her back and knees to pick her up. She gasped in surprise.
“I’m sorry, we have to make better time,” I said and kissed her quickly. She hung onto my neck tightly and put her head down on my chest. I knew she was exhausted already.
She wasn’t heavy, but I was huffing and puffing after twenty minutes.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
“It’s not you.” Her warm breath on my neck gave me a surge of energy and I smiled down at her. “I’m a little out of shape. Months of doing nothing,” I said quietly with a shrug and then turned, swinging her around, and we could barely see the sprawling hospital in the distance. There was no other sound, except the crunch of the frozen ground under my feet, and I relaxed a little. I hadn’t realized we had climbed slightly in elevation, and we looked down upon the hospital and grounds surrounding it. Everything had an eerie blue tint of moonlight and ice. If it had been any other place, it would have been beautiful. I turned away and walked steadily for another hour.
I set her down on a rock surrounded by trees. I shook my arms out and then knelt on one knee to look at hers. The white cloth was soaked through, but I saw it wasn’t actively bleeding anymore when I took off the bandage. I lit a match to get a closer look and saw a long jagged tear that gaped slightly. It needed to be stitched, but that wasn’t an option right now. I ripped off another clean strip of cotton from my shirt and rewrapped it. I was sweating from exertion, but she had shivered steadily since we left. I thought about starting a small fire just long enough to warm up before we pressed on. I sighed heavily, trying to decide.
“What are you doing?” she asked as I crawled around, feeling for small sticks and dry leaves.
“I’m going to start a fire,” I told her. “You have to get warm. We won’t stay long.” It took three matches to get the chilled branches to light, and soon we had a pitifully small fire to warm our hands. She looked tired with bloodshot eyes and bedraggled locks of hair poking out from the edges of the knit cap. In the dim light of the fire, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
“We did it,” she said with a shivering smile. I was hesitant to celebrate just yet. I probably wouldn’t relax until we had crossed over into Canada. I just smiled and nodded, keeping my eyes on the fire. We sat cross-legged on each side of it, trying to pull out every ounce of heat.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, already reaching for the bag on the ground next to me.
“No.”
I was starving after our hike, but I closed the bag. I would save it for her, just in case. It was just beginning to dawn on me that after the food and money was gone that David had provided, I had no idea where more of either would come from. A new pressing burden added to the anxiety of putting distance between the hospital and us. Elizabeth looked like she was ready to nod off, and I held out a hand to her. She scooted around the fire until she was close to me.
“Rest for a few minutes,” I told her and guided her head down onto my thigh, facing the fire. She curled up on the cold ground and closed her eyes, and I heard the soft even breathing of deep sleep within minutes. I would let her sleep for fifteen or twenty minutes, I decided, then we would have to move again. I was wide-awake listening to every sound coming from the woods around us. Each one made me jump and strain my eyes to see what was coming. It was only small animals, attracted by the fire. I pulled up my other knee, rested my arm over it and my head on that, keeping one arm around Elizabeth. I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to figure out our next step. I had to put out the fire and then hide it. I needed to get a look at the map to figure out where we were and the fastest way to the lake, where we could eat and get a good night’s sleep. I assumed they would check there first, once they discovered us gone. They would search both of our houses, so I had to give them time to do that. I would have to find shelter nearby until they had. After that, they would look south, that much I knew. They would never think to look north after what I left for them.
The evening we left, I had killed a good two hours writing on scraps of paper, detailing visions I had had, like diary entries. I wrote about Elizabeth and I in Mexico. I described things I had seen on pictures and postcards and then wrote out what they would see as a plan of how to get there, zigzagging across the country. I wedged it in between the coils of the springs under the bed frame. I knew they would turn the room upside down and find it. It would keep them busy for a few weeks, plenty of time for us to get up north.
I smiled at myself, knowing we would just have to wait out the first few days before we could breathe easy. It would be so wonderful to relax, not to have our every movement watched. Not to whisper and have that surge of tingling fear countless times a day. To decide for myself when dinner was over.
I flinched my head up with a jerk, looking around me. I had no idea how long I had slept on my arm, and I was mad at myself for letting it happen. It could only have been a few minutes, or it could have been hours. I wished I had asked David for a watch. I had no idea how long it would be before sunrise. I shook Elizabeth’s shoulder gently, and she stirred, rubbing her eyes and stretching.
“How long was I asleep?” she asked with a yawn as she sat up.
“I don’t know.” I frowned as I scooped up handfuls of cold earth to dump on the fire. I stomped it down and then strained my eyes for something to cover it all with and eventually found a few fallen branches and tossed them on top, hoping it looked like they had randomly fallen that way. She was already on her feet, trying to walk on the busted knee. “Are you going to be able to manage?” I asked as I tossed the bag over my shoulder.
“I think so,” she said, taking a few experimental steps. “It hurts, but I can walk,” she said.
“If it hurts bad, let me know. I’ll carry you.” I dug around in my pocket for the map. The second one fell onto the ground, and I pic
ked it up and handed it to Elizabeth. “Here, hold onto this.” She tucked it into her coat pocket as I lit a match to study my copy. I folded my map a moment later, shoved it in my pocket and took her hand. “I think I know where we are. We need to head east now. Toward the ocean.”
We walked for what I thought was about four hours before I noticed the first light of dawn. We couldn’t hear the telltale signs of the ocean yet, but I could hear the stirrings of the small town ahead of us. We walked around the western edge of the town as it grew lighter. Turning our heads to the side to avoid recognition as a car sputtered past, I saw a white house in the distance. It was similar to, but not exactly like, the one I had seen in a vision. The resemblance was close enough, and my legs tired enough, that we turned up the long dirt road towards it.
We quickly moved out of sight of the main house when we heard signs of life coming from inside. Running from one small outbuilding to another until we reached the barn, we kept from being seen. It was almost fully light, and we waited around the corner, pressed against the red boards of the barn as an old man walked out with two full pails of fresh milk. An older woman called him to breakfast from the porch. We slipped into the back hatch of the barn a few moments later. I saw a milk cow resting in its pen and wrapped my arm around Elizabeth’s head, pulling it into my chest to blind her like a horse before she could see it. I spotted the hayloft high in the rear of the barn. I looked for the ladder as I walked, nearly stumbling over a goat that came to investigate us. I found a wooden ladder and put Elizabeth in front of me. It hurt to bend her knee as climbing put pressure on it and she winced with every other step. I kept one hand on the ladder and another on her back as we wormed our way to the top.
It was warmer here, and I led her to the back of the loft. We collapsed onto a fluffy pile of hay and blew out an exhausted breath. I lay silent for a moment and then pushed up on one elbow, facing her.