“I don’t know… I hope not,” Rob frowned, in concentration.
“If there is, find it. Don’t leave Samantha to hear about it some other way,” Erik cautioned him.
“I should’ve told her about Meredith in the first place, and how we hung out together after Samantha left me,” Rob lamented. “I didn’t want her to know, because… this, is exactly what I was afraid of. Only it’s worse, because of the things Meredith claimed.”
“So don’t leave her to be blindsided again, in the future.”
“Alright, I won’t. If I think of anything, I won’t. But she doesn’t want to talk to me. What if she never does?” Rob worried.
“I don’t know. Try writing her a letter. Maybe you’ll need it or not, but it’ll get your thoughts straight. It’ll make talking easier, if she gives you a chance,” Erik suggested.
“I can do that. I will, I’ll do that,” Rob agreed. It was a relief to have something to do, besides wait.
“Good. I’ll be praying for both of you. So will Gramma and Grampa, if it’s okay with you that I tell them.”
“I’d appreciate that,” Rob admitted.
“Then I will, as soon as we get off the phone. So… back to the question I asked. How will this affect your faith in God, if Samantha doesn’t agree to reconcile again? How will it affect your faith, if she does?”
Rob’s eyebrows knit.
“I feel like this is a trick question.”
“Our faith has to be in God, not in whatever it is we want from Him. God is good, regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in. As it says in Romans eight, verses thirty-five and thirty-seven, ‘Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.’ If our faith in God’s goodness is dependent upon our circumstances, or in receiving what we ask for, no matter how good or right our request is, then our faith isn’t in Him.”
“But this is good and right,” Rob argued. “What I want, is to save my marriage. I want to be the husband I should’ve always been. How could God not want this? He hates divorce. That’s in the Bible somewhere!”
“You’re right, it is. And He does. He won’t override Samantha’s freewill, though. We can pray that He’ll influence her, through other people and circumstances. The choice, however, will be hers. This may be hard to accept right now, because I know you’re afraid. But Romans eight, verse twenty-eight is true, regardless, ‘And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.’”
“How could Samantha leaving me, ever be good?” Rob asked irritably. The very suggestion made him feel hostile.
“It doesn’t say ‘all things are good.’ The verse reads, ‘God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God, and are called according to His purpose for them.’ That’s not the same thing. But in spite of everything, there’s nothing God can’t use. Consider Jesus’ death on the cross. Reading the account in John, gives you a glimpse of how horrific that was. Research crucifixion, and you’ll decide that even knowing what the Son of God endured, is unbearable. How could good ever come out of that? Satan didn’t think it was possible. First Corinthians two, verses seven and eight, ‘…the wisdom we speak of is the mystery of God—His plan that was previously hidden, even though He made it for our ultimate glory before the world began. But the rulers of this world have not understood it; if they had, they would not have crucified our glorious Lord.’ God brought good such as no one ever imagined, out of the greatest wrong ever committed. There’s nothing God can’t redeem. I don’t say this to minimize your situation, the pain you’re in, or the fear and uncertainty you have. Just imagining what you’re feeling right now, is bad enough.”
“Yeah. It’s bad,” Rob managed to say, in spite of the tightness in his throat.
“It is, but it isn’t unexpected. Your faith is being tested,” Erik explained. “It’s inevitable as believers, to experience trials. The devil hates us, because he hates God. If he can shipwreck our faith, or at the very least steal our joy, he will.”
“Great,” Rob said sarcastically, brushing his hand across his eyes.
“It’s another way God brings good out of bad, though. Romans five, verses three through five tell us, ‘We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.’ He’s also given us assurance that we’re not alone during testing, however it may feel. In John seventeen, verse fifteen, Jesus prays, ‘I’m not asking You to take them out of the world, but to keep them safe from the evil one.’ First John, five, verse eighteen, ‘We know that God’s children do not make a practice of sinning, for God’s Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot touch them.’ Hebrews two, verse eighteen, ‘Since He Himself has gone through suffering and testing, He is able to help us when we are being tested.’ Second Timothy four, verse eighteen, ‘Yes, and the Lord will deliver me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into His heavenly kingdom. All glory to God forever and ever! Amen.’ Second Thessalonians three, verse three; ‘But the Lord is faithful; He will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one.’ Hebrews thirteen, the latter half of verse five, ‘…For God has said, I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.’ John ten, verses twenty-eight and twenty-nine, ‘My sheep listen to My voice; I know them, and they follow Me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them away from Me, for My Father has given them to Me, and He is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch them from the Father’s hand.’ James four, verse eight, ‘Come close to God, and God will come close to you.’ Philippians two, verse thirteen, ‘For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.’ Philippians one, verse six, ‘And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.’ James four, verse seven, ‘So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.’”
“Can you text those to me?” Rob asked.
“Yes. I’ll do that,” Erik promised.
“I better go. I want to get as much wood moved over as I can, before the wind picks up again,” Rob said, and the brothers ended their call.
Time was limited and haste was prudent, yet Rob remained at the table afterward, lost in thought. As he sat there, tears filled his eyes. He bowed his head in his hands, and cried.
“I can take anything else, but please, not this. Please give me another chance. Please protect our marriage, and don’t let it be destroyed. Protect us from the evil one and his attacks, and help me, like it says in one of the verses Erik read, because I’m being tested right now, and it’s more than I can stand. I want my wife more than I’ve ever wanted anything in life, and I’m not asking for something I don’t have a right to. I want my marriage to be restored. It’s what I should want, and I do, and I’m willing to do whatever I have to, in order to accomplish that. But I need help, and… I need Samantha to believe me. I need her to give back the second-chance she gave me, then took away. I need her to believe she can trust me, because she can, and if she would just believe…”
If she would just believe. Then, she would have peace. She wouldn’t doubt he loved her, no matter what happened, no matter what other people said and did.
Rob turned that thought over and over in his mind, and finally he sighed.
“I trust You. I believe You, and I trust that You love me, no matter what other people say or do. No matter what Samantha decides, I believe. Whatever
happens, I believe. I trust You, and… even though I still want the good I want, I trust in the good You’ll bring out of this, either way she decides.”
Rob’s heart felt lighter in one respect, but heavy in another. Choosing to trust God gave him comfort, but accepting that his marriage might never be restored, left him depressed. As if the only thing holding their marriage together, was his insistence that it must. And now that was gone, and so was his hope.
Rob took his hurting heart to God. When his grief was spent, and he was certain fresh tears wouldn’t freeze on him, he bundled up again and returned to the task at hand.
SAMANTHA locked the bathroom door behind her, then turned on the exhaust fan and shut herself in the closet. For several minutes she sat, trying to sort through her emotions and organize her thoughts. When she felt there was a chance she could communicate intelligently, she selected a number from her contacts list, and called.
“Samantha! How are you?” her friend Patrice, answered.
“I’ve been better,” she said, her voice wobbling.
“Ug. Okay, well, I won’t say I’m sorry to hear that, since I know where you are, I know who you’re with, and it would mean all the days and years before this, were even worse by comparison. So what’s going on? Tell me what I can do,” Patrice replied.
“The two years after I left Rob, I thought he was with Meredith.”
“The evil shrew. I’m with you so far.”
“He said he wasn’t. He said he believed I’d come back, that he wanted me to, and that he thought the only chance we had, was if I did so on my own.”
“Evan, have you ever had someone committed?” Patrice asked off the phone, and Samantha couldn’t help smiling a little. “I know you said it’s harder than it looks on TV, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. Yes, the guy’s certifiable! Alright, fine. Yes, he can help you.”
“I may take you up on that,” Samantha said ruefully. “Rob admits he was crazy. He claims he’s different now, and… he convinced me. He convinced me so completely, I was ready to tell him about Caleb.”
“If your tone of voice is any indication, I’m beginning to think you may need a broom, more than you do commitment papers,” Patrice frowned.
“Yeah, I should’ve thought of that earlier,” Samantha sniffed, as tears flooded her eyes. “Everything was going so well. It was like I always knew it could be. Rob was planning to move to Ocotillo, and we were going to live down the hall from Amber, until he and Erik could build us a house. We were planning to have kids. I was about to tell him we already have one, when Meredith showed up.”
“Whoa. She did what? How?” Patrice exclaimed.
Samantha’s eyes flashed and her heart wrenched, as she swallowed the catch in her throat.
“She and a couple of guys. Rob’s friends. They showed up on snow mobiles. They came from the ski lodge where Rob was planning to spend the week with them, if not for the storm.”
Patrice groaned softly, but didn’t interrupt.
“She made it sound like they’re together. She said Rob wanted me to leave. He was glad to be rid of me, I made him miserable,” Samantha said, her heart hurting all over again.
“Do you believe her?” Patrice asked grimly. “Maybe you do. Maybe you should. My experience with evil shrews, however, is that when they can’t steal the guy they want, they thank him for his fidelity, by poisoning the relationship he’s in.”
“That would be true to form,” Samantha considered.
“And what did Rob have to say about all this?” Patrice asked.
Samantha’s forehead creased slightly, as she tried to remember.
“He was mean, actually.”
“He was mean? I’m bringing the broom, the mop, and—Evan! Get the peroxide. Yes, I’m mad! No, not at you,” Patrice assured her husband.
Samantha was confused at first, then shook her head.
“No, Rob wasn’t mean to me! To her. He was incredibly harsh. I was so upset by what she said, that didn’t really register until now.”
“Oh.”
“He blasted her. He stood up for me, too. He said he blocked her and all his old friends, because he wants nothing to do with them, and if she ever comes near either of us again, she’ll be sorry.”
“Oh,” Patrice said. She sounded impressed. “Well… that sounds good.”
“It is, I guess. No, I mean, it is. It is good. But this is the woman who intentionally came between us. At first he said he wasn’t with her during the two years after I left him. Then after Meredith showed up at the cabin, he admitted she joined his group of friends, later on. Rob put effort into that relationship, but not ours. He made no effort to contact me, at all.”
“And after what he did and said before you left, too,” Patrice sympathized. “That’s got to hurt.”
“It does. He said he has no excuses. He said his actions and feelings don’t line up, and I’m right it looks bad, but that he was never with her like that, and always wanted to be with me. He said he knows he can’t fix it, and begged me to have mercy,” Samantha recounted.
“He begged for mercy?” Patrice asked in surprise.
“Yes, which kind of ruined my plans to keep beating him over the head with his inconsistencies, to prove he doesn’t care about me,” Samantha said ruefully. “I slipped back into that pattern, without even realizing. He started to get angry, like he used to. But then he stopped, and didn’t.”
“Really. That’s different,” Patrice said, her interest piquing.
“It is. I’m the one with all the counseling, but he’s the one who stopped that cycle.”
“Alright. He’s obviously made some changes. How do you feel about that? Which ties into how do you feel about him, and where do you go from here?” Patrice asked.
“I love him,” Samantha said desperately, as fresh tears flooded her eyes. “I need some space, but I could tell it hurt him that I want to be alone, right now. I know he’s afraid I won’t forgive him, and that I’ll leave again. But I don’t want to leave him. I want to believe he’s really changed. I want to believe he’s telling the truth. It still hurts that he was with her at all, after the threat she’s been to our marriage. I feel shaken by that, and I’m wondering what else he hasn’t told me.”
“You don’t want any more surprises,” Patrice agreed.
“No, I don’t. And then I’ve got Caleb to consider. I kept thinking how horrible it would be, if he’d been here when this happened. I don’t want him around that instability. I was relieved I didn’t tell Rob about him, after all. If Rob has really changed… it would be safe. But if he hasn’t, then he’ll use Caleb as leverage.”
“And you don’t want that,” Patrice said firmly. “Then—I assume you’re open to advice?”
“Yes, I am,” Samantha replied gratefully.
“Tell Rob you’re concerned about what else may pop up and wreck your peaceful existence. If there’s anything else he doesn’t want you to find out, now is the time to get it over with. Tell him you’ll know if he’s not being completely forthcoming. You probably will, but especially if you say that. It’s bound to make him nervous. Give him some time to think about it so he’s sure, and give yourself time to pray about it.”
“Alright. I’ll do that,” Samantha agreed.
“After you talk, if you believe he’s telling the truth, then you have to decide if you’re willing to let the past go,” Patrice cautioned.
“What Rob said about mercy, changed the way I see things. I realize I can’t hold him accountable and insist on him fixing what can’t be,” Samantha said.
“Not if you want a healthy relationship. There are things that can’t be made right, and if you try and wait for that, you’ll wait forever,” Patrice added. “So decide if you’re willing to trust him, and decide if you can truly forgive, and let go of what’s been done.”
“Alright. I will. I hope I can. I don’t want to lose him.”
“We’ll be praying you don’t have to,” Patrice promi
sed.
Chapter 24
ROB looked up from the notebook on his lap, as a particularly sharp gust of wind slammed into the bedroom wall beside him, rattling the window blinds.
He glanced at his watch, then shook his head a little, and wondered if the storm would ever end. The intermittent breaks of the previous couple of days seemed long ago, after almost twenty-four hours of ceaseless wind. On the other side of the glass, visibility didn’t extend more than an inch, if that. It could be old snow, or new, it was impossible to tell.
Rob set aside the letter he’d been laboring over since the night before, and rubbed his face wearily.
He was tired of sitting here, tired of writing, tired of waiting for Samantha to be through being alone. If she ever would be, he thought ruefully. His growling stomach reminded him that he was hungry, and thirsty. He also felt cold and stiff, after sitting for so long in the closed room.
If he waited much longer for Samantha to decide she wanted to talk to him, he’d starve. If he didn’t freeze to death, first. He sighed, and stood.
As he opened the door, a blast of warm air greeted him, along with the scent of the wood burning fire. A quick glance told him Samantha wasn’t in the living area. And, the bathroom door was closed. It sounded like water was running in the tub.
He wasn’t sure whether he was relieved, or disappointed. He didn’t bother trying to make up his mind, but he did sigh again, and felt weary.
Rob opened the kitchen cabinet, and worry creased his forehead. Monday’s abundance was severely diminished during the past week. As he sorted through the few foodstuffs remaining, Rob’s expression grew increasingly grave. He referred to his phone’s radar app, and felt even more so. A few thin patches were mixed with the storm that once again engulfed Pine Mountain’s new development, but unless matters drastically improved, none of them would last long enough to get him as far as the first cabin.
After heavy consideration, he chose the trail mix. Samantha hated raisins. He wasn’t crazy about them either, but he had to stay strong. If opportunity came, he wouldn’t have time to stop and eat before heading to the lodge.
Disengaged (Terms of Engagement Book 3) Page 41