Stop it, Jenna scolded herself, feeling herself quiver in anticipation just thinking about it.
Sex with Seth was a like a drug she’d accidentally ingested, and now she was in desperate need of another fix.
*** *** ***
At seven that evening, Jenna stood resolutely outside Seth’s apartment looking for the courage to ring the doorbell. Her hesitation reminded her too much of the last time she’d stood out here worrying in that stupid tight blue dress and torturous heels hoping to seduce him. Evidently he’d been in a different mental place about them then because she had failed, and failed miserably.
It had been a month after that failure before she had been able to bring herself to wear any kind of damn dress again. And when she did manage it finally, all she’d thought about was him.
Lifting her chin, Jenna firmly chastised herself for going there. That was water under the bridge, she told herself. A different time. Certainly a different story and outcome.
She’d come to talk with Seth and figure out where they stood now that they knew what was between them and what could be again. Whatever came of the conversation Jenna fully intended to have with him this evening, she hoped that it at least would dispel the dreams that were costing her sleep.
You are not an emotional coward, Jenna Ranger, she reminded herself.
To prove it, she pushed the doorbell several times to make sure Seth heard it no matter where he was in the house.
The doorbell woke Seth from his second or third depressed nap on the couch that day. He wasn’t expecting anyone, and random sales people were banned from his housing complex.
Thinking Casey must have left his key at home, he got up and stumbled to the door, bleary-eyed and resigned to talking to his worried cousin. Lack of sleep was starting to take its toll, but he knew Casey would never leave him alone if he didn’t convince him he was at least marginally surviving.
“What the hell, Casey? Did you forget your key again?” Seth demanded, yanking open the door.
The last person he expected to see was standing in front in him.
“Can I come in?” Jenna asked quietly. She tore her gaze away from his to look over his shoulder, which wasn’t easy to do with the differences in their heights.
“I thought you were Casey,” Seth said, fading off. He couldn’t stop staring at Jenna.
Blood was pumping hard to get his brain to register her presence even though he remained frozen and unable to move. In the last week, Seth had concluded that Jenna was never going to speak to him again in this life. Not after what he had done to her. She hadn’t even been able to look at him when he slunk away that day.
“Sorry,” Seth said, shaking his head and reining in his emotions so he could act mostly civilized with her. “Sure. Come on in. Excuse the house, I’ve—my housekeeper left me to run off and marry your mother. I have to find a new one.”
His attempt at humor had Jenna smiling slightly, but it didn’t diffuse the tension between them. It also didn’t stop his heart from trying to beat its way out of his chest.
Jenna walked by Seth, careful not to touch him, but hyper aware anyway. She noticed Seth was unshaven and dressed in ratty clothes that looked two sizes too big on his lean frame. Something soft for him nudged her to care, but she pushed away the concern.
Her reaction was probably because she’d never seen Seth this unkempt in the whole time they’d dated. Seth had been all manicured, business perfection each time they’d been together. Most of the time the man had looked better maintained than she in his dress clothes and business suits. Jenna had felt obligated to get her mother’s help to improve her own appearance when she was with him.
“I think we need to talk,” Jenna began.
Then Jenna looked hard at him before stopping to sigh as she closed her eyes in self-defense. It was really hard to look at Seth without wanting to climb him like a tree and demand that he have sex with her again, even in his present condition. She was completely ashamed of the urge, but truth was, Jenna would tolerate just about anything to have the man for real one more time.
She looked at the floor instead of at him, and thought of her own floor. Jenna closed her eyes once more, this time cursing her imagination. This was so not going the way she wanted.
“Okay—here’s the thing, Seth. I can’t stop thinking about the day we were together. I even dream about it,” Jenna said baldly.
Seth walked away from Jenna to the patio door, crossing his arms and looking out. She has a right to be upset about it, he reminded himself. Take it like a man and let her have her say.
Seth nodded, keeping his back to Jenna. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I didn’t control myself that day. What I did was completely selfish, and if I could take back that day I would.”
He turned to face her when he could bring himself to look in her face without flinching. “There are a lot of things I would take back if I could just rewind the clock with you. I can only ask you to believe that I never meant to hurt you by anything I did. Maybe one day you’ll be able to believe it.”
Jenna wiped a hand over her face. She should be enjoying the fact that Seth was tortured and feeling guilty about what had happened. Instead, all she wanted was to soothe him. Damn the man. It was like there was a soft spot in her where concern for him bloomed like a flower in a field of rampant, invasive weeds.
Lots of half-answers and evasions warred inside her before Jenna found the courage to be true to herself, and truthful with him. She was tired of not telling Seth Carter how she really felt—not that she expected it to change anything.
Jenna put her hands on her hips and looked at the tortured man she still longed for.
“Yeah. You were harder inside me than any man I’ve ever known. It hurt quite a bit that first time, but I still want you again anyway,” she said, frowning and sighing. “I guess some women are just stupid about stuff like that. Or at least I seem to be where you’re concerned.”
Seth couldn’t have looked more stunned if Jenna had slapped him. He wasn’t even sure he heard her right. Maybe he was just hearing what he wanted to hear.
Jenna would have laughed if the urge to scream hadn’t been so pressing. The feeling of shame about how they had come together grew stronger. It only made her more determined to do whatever it took to rid herself of at least that one negative emotion about this man.
“But I heard—” Seth began, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat, “I heard you crying when I left, while I was standing in the hall.”
“I was angry and resentful of what happened and—and of how it happened without me being mentally prepared to deal with it,” Jenna told him fiercely. “It took me months to get over you, Seth. I was finally starting to get my old life back. You messed that up by forcibly reminding me of the chemistry between us. I’m still angry about the way you seduced me, and I haven’t forgiven you yet.”
Seth met her gaze, trying to understand, but her logic eluded him. “If you’re still that mad about us having sex, then why are you here?”
“Because—damn it, Seth—I still want you,” Jenna said sadly, but proudly. “I don’t like you. I certainly don’t trust you. I don’t want to stay all night or date you or anything normal that’s supposed to be between two people. This sexual attraction I feel for you pisses me off in ways I can’t begin to explain, but heaven help me, I want you inside me again despite all that. I want you so badly I can barely function for thinking about it all the time.”
Seth ran a hand over his face. It was his worst nightmare come true. Jenna didn’t want to be in his life. But it was also his perfect fantasy that Jenna was aching to be with him.
What did it say about his own self-respect, he wondered, that he was actually thinking that sleeping with her might be enough for him as well? It was barely half of what he truly wanted, but hell—maybe he could at least sleep again.
“So it looks like you and I have the same problem. Are you suggesting we do something to fix it? Wha
t exactly do you want from me?” Seth asked carefully. He had to work hard to keep his relief and his rapidly returning excitement from being too obvious.
Jenna kicked a piece of carpet lint with the toe of her leather shoe. She hadn’t thought about what would happen if Seth didn’t throw a fit or throw her out. His quiet question about what she wanted was a surprise to her. Beyond being sexual with him again, she didn’t want anything. How could she ever tell him that without sounding like a heartless bitch?
She looked resentfully at his calm, relaxed stance. Always the businessman, Jenna thought resentfully, watching Seth stand by patiently while she made up her mind. He seemed to be simply waiting to see what kind of deal she wanted to make. Well he was in for a shock.
“I guess I want you to be my damn booty call,” Jenna answered at last. “But that’s all I want from you.”
Jenna thought Seth once again looked like she’d slapped him.
“Your booty call? You mean you want to be involved with me for just sex? Even though you’re still mad at me?” Seth watched as Jenna nodded yes. “I have to admit I never saw that offer coming. People don’t usually want sex with partners they hate. So how do you see it working? Did you want me to sign a contract?” Seth finally asked, sarcastic and only half joking.
After Casey practically calling him effeminate, Jenna’s idea about him being only good for sex was at least a small step up for his ego. The biggest trouble Seth was having with the deal was that Jenna had concluded he was good in bed, but not good enough to spend time with out of it. There had to be more to her feelings for him than just sex, Seth thought. He just couldn’t imagine Jenna was that calculating a person or that she had so little faith in love.
“Are you still getting those daily feeds from that dictionary site?” Jenna asked with a hesitant smile, trying to give both of them a little time to think about her suggestion. He’d sent her the link to the booty call contract one day and she’d laughed about it. Now it wasn’t so funny.
“Yes,” Seth said simply. “Some of the new terms that get submitted still make me laugh.”
Jenna smiled for real at that. Seth used to text her the latest new terms and what they meant. It often put a smile on her face as well, but being that kind of friendly would just lead to trouble—and more heartache.
“I wouldn’t make you sign a booty call contract if you promise to abide by the spirit of it,” Jenna said easily, getting into the idea now, which more and more seemed like a good solution to her. She could get all she wanted of him and finally get Seth out of her system. “Look at my offer as a business arrangement, Seth. I know how serious you are about your business deals. I want to have sex with you, but nothing else. Could you live with that?”
“Give me a minute,” Seth said, turning back to look out the patio door. Instead of seeing his courtyard, he ended up watching Jenna bite her lip in the reflection. It was a dead giveaway that Jenna was not at all sure she wanted what she was asking for, which was reason enough to consider it.
Seth figured it’d be a toss up between them as to who got tired of the deal first.
The thing making him hesitate was the thought that maybe he should say no on principal. After all, he was in love with Jenna. He wanted to marry her and make babies with her. He’d told her that. A sex-only relationship was not even in the same ballpark as his other long-term goals for them.
Still—it seemed like it might be a way, especially since it was Jenna’s idea and not his, to finish his remaining time-consuming business without offending Jenna with how much time it consumed. Jenna wouldn’t be involved enough in his life to be offended by his need to take a phone call at odd times now and again. But maybe he could use their strictly sexual relationship to keep Jenna bound to him in a much stronger way than merely dating as friends ever would have anyway. This might keep her with him until he was completely free to romance her and convince her to marry him.
And while she was in his bed or he in hers, Seth decided, he would make double-damn-sure Jenna never felt the urge to shop around for better. The thought of not having to compete with any more Allen Stedman types was another good damn reason to do this.
But they needed some ground rules so he knew for sure there was only him.
“I won’t share you intimately,” Seth said firmly, working to keep the venom out of his voice. “Casual dating is okay I guess, but if want to sleep with another man—just call me and say goodbye.”
“Not a problem,” Jenna said. “I don’t do casual sex. You’re the first sex-only relationship that I’ve ever considered. Let’s call our agreement casual, but monogamous.”
Seth nodded, fighting to keep from grinning, and fighting hard not to dash across the room and throw the damn stubborn woman to the floor again. Jenna had just confessed to wanting only him, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to point that out to her at the moment.
“If either one of us wants out of the deal, what then?” Seth asked, when he could trust himself not to smile like an idiot.
“No harm. No foul.” Jenna crossed her chest as she spoke. “I think that’s only fair.”
“Fine. Since I still want you too—and badly, I can’t see not accepting this deal,” Seth said, walking across the floor to her, stopping only when they were toe to toe.
“Should I expect a call for sex soon?” Seth asked, hoping the elation wasn’t showing so much that he’d scare her away. If Jenna thought he was hard for her last time, the woman was in for an even bigger shock next time around. He’d have to be careful since she had confessed to it hurting before.
Jenna bit her lip, wondering if she dare tell him what she wanted. Again, Seth just seemed to be waiting on her. It was just sex, Jenna reminded herself, and the nature of this type relationship was to just ask—anytime.
“How about now?” The question barely made it out of her mouth, before Seth had his lips searing hers again with the heat she’d been dreaming about for days. Her arms came up to help her wrap herself around him. He felt so damn good. The tension inside her unwound as she groaned his name.
“Take a shower with me,” Seth demanded against her mouth as he broke for air. “I need one, and then I need you.”
Seth pulled the purse off her shoulder with one hand and pulled off the jacket she was wearing with the other. He tossed both on a nearby chair.
When his cell phone rang, they both froze, staring at each other.
“Take it,” Jenna said, lifting her chin. “It doesn’t matter. I’m staying. I need this.”
Seth clamped a hand around her wrist to be sure she couldn’t leave and dragged her with him to the phone on the end table.
Japan, he saw, looking at phone, and then at the clock. Damn it. He had to take the call. He had specifically asked them to call at this time.
“Take it,” Jenna said again, not believing the words coming out of her mouth. She was determined never to get upset over a simple phone call again. That was over. No more hurt feelings. “Take the damn call, and then I want you to—“
Seth closed his mouth hard over Jenna’s, his tongue dancing against hers before she could say words that would make him forget the call entirely. He wanted to be with her now. It was almost as bad as the first time. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was deal with a business call.
He was going to fix that next.
When Seth broke the kiss, he stared hard at Jenna, contemplating his options. She nodded hard to reassure him she meant what she said. Finally, Seth answered the call, speaking Japanese to the person on the line.
Jenna put her hand on Seth’s chest, felt his heart pounding beneath it. The harsh sounding language rolled through him as he spoke, vibrating powerfully through his chest muscles, which were tightening and bunching under her hands. Jenna’s thoughts floated in a lust-filled dreamlike state. At least she had something interesting to do this time while Seth took a business call, she thought wildly, letting her free hand roam. Seth still had a death-grip on the other wrist a
nd showed no signs of being willing to release his hold.
Jenna let her roaming hand find its way down and across a flat stomach, and then even further, exploring new territory. She was barely able to refrain from touching what she wanted to explore, but knew it would destroy his ability to talk on the phone. Seth was already breathing hard. It made her giggle. She wanted to tease him and ask him if he always became short of breath when he spoke Japanese. But that was too friendly a comment to make, and she wouldn’t want him to think she was jealous or cared about his business.
Seth watched Jenna exploring his body, and then heard her wicked giggle. He would definitely never take a phone call on the way to bed with her again. There was no cutting short the cultural courtesies that were expected in the call. But damn it, Seth thought, sighing at the heaven her hands were on his body. He wanted her. A ragged sigh spoke volumes about the twisted emotional state Seth was in.
Jenna understood. With her hands on him, she was so tuned to Seth, that she knew instantly when she had pushed him to the edge of their teasing. Tugging Seth by the wrist he still held of hers, Jenna pulled him down to the couch, and did what she hoped would ease the situation slightly for both of them. She crawled into his lap and put her face against his throat while he talked. Seth let go of her wrist to put his arm around her and hold her close.
Stupid, Seth thought. So stupid that he had not been intimate with this woman before.
He had been so very, very stupid to not celebrate all the passion between them.
Some twenty minutes later Seth hung up the phone only to find that Jenna was fast asleep in his arms. Evidently, he hadn’t been the only one not sleeping. He wrapped his other arm around her and turned them both until they were lying together on his thankfully large couch.
Jenna wouldn’t like this, Seth thought, enjoying the sensation of holding her sleeping body. She also wouldn’t like knowing that Seth wanted this intimacy as much as he wanted to be inside her. Lust still was on him, but love for her had him cradling Jenna in his arms and sighing in contentment.
Dating A Metro Man Page 5