Even though he was beginning a project from hell, and it would take several days to see any light through the sludge of the company’s security issues, strong coffee and hot morning sex with Lucia put him in a decent mood. He’d missed talking to Raven the day before, and to Erik’s surprise, Jax said he’d be leaving the office to be home in time for dinner.
Justin dropped him home at six o’clock, the sky pitch black with winter night.
While the stark setting fit his mood, he wished spring would come. Sometimes even Jax missed the sun.
After shedding his coat and dropping his briefcase in the foyer, he checked on Raven in the kitchen only to find Mariah alone, bustling around the warm, fragrant room that smelled of chili and cornbread.
“Where’s Raven? She’s supposed to be helping you.”
Mariah eyed him while she stirred the contents of a large steaming pot. “I have not seen her, Mr. Jax. I took a tray up to her room for breakfast, but she was not here. I thought perhaps she had things to do in the city.”
“Did the tutors come?” Jax swallowed and ran a finger between his neck and his shirt collar. He didn’t like the sound of this.
“Sí. But I sent them away. Raven was not here,” she repeated.
“Okay.” She wasn’t a prisoner, and she was allowed to do what she liked. His mother may have taken her out for the day. Jax scowled. The tutors cost him a lot of money, and they should have been notified they needn’t come today. Maybe he’d been working Raven too hard, and she’d asked Justin to bring her shopping, or to an art gallery. He could see Raven wanting to roam a museum for a time. Still, she hadn’t complained about having too much homework, in fact, she seemed to enjoy learning, something else he admired about her. “Thank you.”
He called his mother as he made his way to his bedroom, but she told him she hadn’t spent time with Raven today. “Is she all right?” she asked, concern coloring her voice.
“I . . . don’t know. I’ll let you know when I find out anything.”
He disconnected the call, and he pushed the door open to his bedroom. Lucia stood in the bathroom applying makeup, dressed in a black cocktail dress. “Where are you going?”
“You mean, where are we going. We’re having dinner with the Tomlinsons tonight, don’t you remember? Isn’t that why you came home early?” In the mirror, she met his eyes.
Jax bit back a sigh. He couldn’t admit he came home to check on Raven because he’d missed seeing her yesterday; Lucia would turn into a devil woman. She was displaying a side he hadn’t seen since the early stages of their relationship, a fake side, but still, he appreciated her softer traits when she deemed it necessary to let them surface.
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
Lucia offered him one of her rare smiles. “Liar.”
Jax chuckled, enjoying the glimpse of a relationship he could have with Lucia . . . if she were a different person. The pain pills, or her want of something and behaving to increase the chances of obtaining it, made her turn into a woman Jax could only hope for. “I’ll change.”
“Hurry. We’re supposed to meet them in an hour.”
Dressing in a fresh suit, Jax forgot about Raven.
After a pleasant evening of drinks, a good meal, stimulating conversation, and hot sex, he fell asleep with Lucia snuggled by his side.
“Have you seen Raven?” Jax asked Erik the next morning.
Jax’s mornings never differed. Up, maybe a quick breakfast in the dining room, and to the office by eight. Sometimes seven if he knew he had a large workload ahead of him that day. Like today.
He’d summoned his brother the moment his secretary told him Erik was in the building. Not only did he have questions about Raven, but they needed to go over the progress of the new project.
“Did she stay with you last night?”
Erik sniffed at the cigarette he always carried with him but never lit. “No. Why would you ask me something like that? Are you telling me you’d approve?” He lifted an eyebrow.
The thought of Erik and Raven made his stomach clench, and Jax muttered, “No. I haven’t seen her for a couple days, that’s all.”
Erik frowned and sank into the loveseat in Jax’s office. “It wouldn’t be like her to disappear.”
“That’s what I thought, but I have no idea where she could be. I checked her room this morning, and her bed hadn’t been slept in.”
It made him sick to think Raven had changed her mind after all, and she’d left without even saying goodbye.
“This is good news for you, isn’t it?” Erik asked. “You wanted her gone, and she did you the favor.”
“You think I’m a real son of a bitch, don’t you?” Jax ran a hand through his hair.
“Of course I do. You’ve done nothing for that girl that wasn’t for your own gain. She’s gone. Let her be.”
“You’re not curious where she is?” Jax found that hard to believe, not with the way Erik would hang around her before he put a stop to it.
“She’s a grown woman. It’s not like she was kidnapped and dragged out of your house. She left of her own volition, didn’t she?”
“You’re not helping.”
“What is there to say?” Erik helped himself to a cup of coffee from the serving tray always present between seven and eleven before Jax made the transition to scotch or whiskey. “Maybe you weren’t giving her what she wanted after all. Just be happy she’s gone, and file the papers.” Erik looked at Jax from the corner of his eye.
“You’re being a real asshole,” Jax said, pouring a cup of coffee.
“Why would you say that? Are you looking for permission to go look for her? Are you asking for approval to care about someone? My God, Jax, it’s something Mom and I have been waiting for, for years. That maybe you would finally open your heart to someone. And if that someone was a real person, a real person with a heart and thoughts and feelings, a goddamned soul, then good Lord, Jax, yes, go look for her.”
“I don’t have feelings for her.” The denial was fast on his lips.
Erik sighed. “You’re allowed to care about someone. You weren’t meant to suffer your entire life for one small mistake.”
“It wasn’t small.”
“Just put it away. Put it away and go look for Raven if you’re concerned about her. Or if you miss her.”
That was the crux of it. He missed her. He missed knowing she was in his house. Trusting Erik, he voiced his real fear. “What if she won’t come back with me?”
But he wasn’t treated to any sympathy.
Erik glared. “You still have Lucia. She was your choice. Perhaps something happened between them. Two women sharing the same man never ends well.”
“They weren’t sharing me.”
Once again Erik raised an eyebrow and took a sip of his now tepid coffee. “Weren’t they, now?”
Jax opened his mouth in automatic denial, then snapped it shut.
Two women sharing the same man never ended well. Lucia happy. Raven disappearing.
“You may be on to something. I’ll dig deeper into it when I get home tonight. Someone has to know something.”
“Don’t wait too long. It’s cold, and she has nowhere to go.”
Jax nodded. If he found her once, he could find her again.
Jax poked his head into Raven’s room on the off chance she’d returned, but her room lent a feeling of abandonment that sent a whisper of unease down Jax’s spine. Nothing was missing as far as he could see—though he hadn’t any idea what his mother bought for her the day they’d gone shopping. Valuables remained in plain sight. Her laptop. Bags, purses. Jewelry. She’d left with the clothes on her back and precious little else.
He found Lucia in bed, eating chocolate, a Jerry Springer rerun blaring on the TV. Jax frowned in annoyance. “Don’t you have something to do?” He admired Raven’s motivation. Even living on the streets took guts and a gumption Lucia didn’t have.
“Like what?” Lucia asked, slipping another piece of cho
colate into her mouth. “I can’t plan our wedding. Everyone’s been asking me questions, and I can’t tell them anything. I had a fitting for my dress today, and I don’t know if I’ll get to wear it.” Tears pooled in her eyes.
“Raven hasn’t signed the papers,” Jax reminded her, gently prodding.
“People get divorced all the time without cooperation from the other party. You know this.” Lucia flung the box of chocolates toward the end of the bed. “You don’t need her signature. I think it’s an excuse to put off our wedding. You asked me to marry you the night we met; I thought it was so romantic. Love at first sight. Why are you delaying our marriage, Jax? Don’t you love me?”
As much as you love me, kitten, Jax thought. “Where is Raven, Lucy? I haven’t seen her lately, and she’s missed her tutoring sessions.”
Lucia whipped her hair over her shoulder. “Who cares? She’s gone. File for divorce so we can get married. I’m tired of waiting.”
“I’d like to be sure she’s okay before erasing her from my brain,” he muttered, turning the TV off. The noise grated on his nerves.
“Why? I’m glad she’s not here anymore. I hated her in my house.” Lucia slipped off the bed and smoothed her hands along Jax’s lapels. “I know it’s early, but come to bed. Let’s have Mariah bring up dinner trays, and we’ll just . . .” She ran a fingertip along his jaw.
Offering more sex. It made Jax more than a little suspicious.
He brushed his hand over her hair, twisting the strands around his fingers. Jax cupped Lucia’s cheek in his palm and leaned down as if he were going to kiss her.
Triumph flashed in her eyes for just a moment before she extinguished the spark, and it pushed Jax over the edge. He knew for sure, now, Erik was right. Something had happened, and he was going to find out what.
He fisted his hand and yanked.
Lucia squealed in pain.
“Now, tell me what you know about Raven,” he growled softly, not letting her hair loose even a millimeter.
“W-we f-f-fought,” Lucia said, her lips trembling. “I hit her.”
Jax swore. “And she pushed you, didn’t she? She wouldn’t have let you treat her like that. That’s really how you broke your wrist.” It wasn’t a question—Jax could see the whole thing clearly now. Lucia, alone with Raven, thinking she had the upper hand. Raven, having fended for herself for years, fighting back. “And after she realized she hurt you, she ran off, didn’t she?”
Lucia couldn’t answer through her tears.
“You bitch.” He pushed her to the bed, where she lay in a sobbing heap. “I don’t want you here when I get back.”
This brought Lucia’s head up, and her eyes dried in an instant. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, get out. Pack your things, and get the hell out of my house. You’re nothing but an ice queen wrapped in a pretty package.”
Lucia laughed, but it was full of bitterness and irony. “Ice queen? Ice queen? I’m nothing compared to you, Jaxon Brooks. You’ll never have a heart. You’ll always be alone. You call me cold? I’m practically a goddamn inferno compared to you.”
With Lucia screaming expletives at his back, Jax ran out of his bedroom and snagged his overcoat as he rushed through the foyer.
He may be made of ice, but he was thawing, and it had something to do with a woman who had nowhere to go and had been back on the streets for the past two nights.
Jax took his own car into the city. He didn’t know what to expect looking for Raven again, and he still stung from guilt that he’d made Justin wait in the car the whole time he’d looked for her in that rundown apartment building.
He would just have to hope the car’s security system would deter anyone from trying to steal it.
Speeding along the highway, he checked his watch and swore. At this time of night, she could be anywhere. At any shelter, in any of the apartments in the building he’d searched before. He was back to square one, but at least he had the start of a thread he didn’t have last time, and he drove straight to Raven’s friend’s salon. It made sense for Raven to run to someone she could trust, and he wasn’t disappointed when the expression on her face told him almost everything he needed to know.
“She isn’t here.”
“But she was.”
Jax knew that for a fact. The woman would make a terrible poker player.
“You didn’t tell me you found her like you promised,” she accused. “I spent weeks thinking she was dead.”
He sank into a salon chair and watched her do busy work around the room so she didn’t have to meet his eyes. “I was out of line. I should have let you know. Brought her by, let her send you a letter. Something. I’m sorry.”
“Little good that does me,” she said, lighting a cigarette, glaring at him through the smoke as she puffed.
“Look, I know why she ran off—”
“So do I, and I can tell you right now, if that woman is still in your house, Raven won’t go back there.”
“She’s not. I kicked her out. Please, just tell me where she is.”
The woman sighed. “She’s at Club Nova. It’s a dive a few blocks from here. Said she missed her friends. I begged her not to go . . .”
“What?” The hesitancy in her voice made Jax jump to his feet. “What?”
The woman snubbed out her cigarette and ran a hand over her face. Suddenly, the wear and tear of her life, and the darkness of the salon, made her look a hundred years old.
“That guy you took her from? Damien? He was pissed. Livid. Not to mention you wounded his pride kicking him in the balls. Didn’t think anything of it, I’m sure. Not Raven ever coming back here, not Raven ever needing to hide from a dirtbag like that. I asked her not to go out. But you can’t hide forever. She wanted to see her friends, and I couldn’t tell her no.”
“She would have died if I hadn’t taken her home and sought medical treatment for her.” No, he’d never thought Raven would come into contact with that asshole again. No, he never thought he’d put Raven in harm’s way by rescuing her. He didn’t understand this kind of life. “Why didn’t you go with her?”
“I can’t leave. I never leave the salon. Only upstairs to bed. This is my whole life. In this room.”
Jax took a step forward. Really looked at the woman he was speaking with. Tired. Sad. Miserable. Hopeless. “You speak of this place like you would a jail cell.”
“We all have our prisons, even if there aren’t any bars. What’s yours?”
The first sip of wine hit her like a boozy spell, knocking the tension right out of her. Who needed Jaxon Brooks anyway? Not her. She could make it on her own. She always had, and she always would.
Raven leaned back in her rickety chair in the corner of the dance club. Blue smoke clouded the air, a mix of cigarette smoke and pot. Cops didn’t break up parties on Z Avenue unless someone died. And even then, the cops had to find out about it—and someone calling the cops on Z Avenue was about as likely as anyone in this underground warehouse winning the lottery.
She chugged the rest of her wine, and Axel filled her glass from the bottle sitting among many in the center of the table.
“Missed you, girl,” he said, pushing a little blue pill into her hand. “Valium.”
Gratefully, Raven swallowed the pill with another mouthful of red wine. The flavor didn’t compete with what she’d drank at The Lighthouse with Jax. She pushed the memory aside.
He hadn’t come for her.
It had been stupid to think he would, but in a small back corner of her heart, she hoped, maybe. But this was her third night on the street, and even though it had seemed like Jax was maybe warming to her, apparently it better suited him she was gone.
That was fine though; it was good.
She’d fallen back into her life on Z Avenue easily enough, though she was spending more time with Elle than she liked. After tonight she needed to figure things out to get out of Elle’s shop. Raven still did want to try to clean up, to maybe go home one da
y.
If she could funnel her self-preservation she’d depended on to live on the streets into some kind of plan to get off the streets, she’d be living in a decent apartment and going to a real job in no time. The only thing was, she still didn’t have an education, or decent clothes. She still wore the jeans and sweater from the night she’d pushed Lucia down the stairs. She’d shoved plenty of clean panties into her backpack, but beyond that, she wasn’t any further than she had been when Jax barged his way into her life at Damien’s.
The Valium and the wine took over. Fuck Jax. She didn’t need him. She’d been doing just fine on her own.
The music beat hard, the bass slamming through Raven’s bones. She’d been welcome at Club Nova, Axel spotting her the minute she stepped inside. She’d missed her friend. Rumors had spread, he told her. Either she’d died, and Damien hid her body, or a knight in shining armor had come to her rescue.
Everyone had been disappointed to hear neither one was true. Well, no one wanted to see her dead, but a fairy tale broke up the drudgery of life on Z Avenue.
“Let’s dance,” Axel shouted at her.
Through her alcoholic haze, Raven listened to the music, struggled to pick up the beat. When she finally recognized Madonna’s “Erotica”, she grinned. He remembered it was one of her favorite songs.
They pushed their way onto the dance floor, and Raven’s body was shoved against Axel’s. He smiled at her, a soft, foggy cloud in his eyes. He’d been well on his way when Raven stopped by the club, under the influence of whatever he carried that night and a few glasses of wine, and maybe a few shots of something else.
Axel cupped her ass and pulled her in close. It was that kind of song, and Raven didn’t mind. In fact, she’d missed that kind of closeness, and she plastered herself against his chest. It’s what she’d come to the club for. The connection.
She wound her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his neck.
There was no better feeling in the world than booze and a good friend.
Always feeling like she was walking on pins and needles in Jax’s house, being back on Z Avenue was different. She belonged here. Was accepted here.
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