by Kris Cook
I heard him rip open a condom package. “Take a deep breath and hold it in your lungs, Mia.”
I obeyed, crazy to have him possess me. I couldn’t give him my true virginity. I had tossed that aside, but this was my gift to Lex. He’d taught me so much. He’d brought me to myself.
“Let it out nice and slow.”
I exhaled the air slowly, like a kettle on a stove, savoring the touch of the head of his cock against my tight entrance.
“Another.”
Again I complied, totally submissive with him. The tip of his cock parted the first inch of my ass’s depths, but it didn’t pain me much, having been stretched by his fingers and the vibrator already.
“One more.”
As I released the last breath, he shoved his cock into my virgin ass. The pain returned. His cock was larger than the vibrator by a lot. I clenched my jaw tight, and my hands curled into fists.
Lex didn’t move another inch, but kept his dick deeply seated inside my ass. “Hang on, baby. Breathe.”
Again, I obeyed him. It seemed that he knew my body better than I did because after inhaling and exhaling a few times, I was aroused beyond belief.
“There you go, little sub. You’re there, aren’t you?”
“Y-Yes, Sir.” I panted.
Then he plunged in and out of me with abandon. I was his.
“Take me, Lex!” I screamed, as my nerve-endings blistered through me.
And for the first time, he seemed out of control, lost to his own passion. I’ve never been more lost and thrilled to be with someone than that moment with Lex.
“Fucking your ass, Mia. Your virgin ass. So fucking tight. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
Each syllable matched his strokes. In and out. Faster and faster. The drums still played from the hidden speakers, adding to the intensity of him fucking my ass.
His pounding continued, but I knew he was close, thankfully, as my own orgasm was about to turn me into a complete and utter livewire.
I clenched my ass as tight as I could around his dick.
“Fuck!” He yelled. I could feel his dick shoot its hot liquid.
He reached around me, applying pressure to my throbbing clit with his fingers. I’d been on the edge, but his stimulation on my bud of nerves worked to plummet me over the cliff.
“Yesssss...God...Oh...God...Yes. Yes. Yes.”
I banged on the desk with my bound fists as a flood of sensations drowned me, and my womb convulsed again and again. Tears streamed down my face and my heart raced in my chest.
“That’s my baby. Ride that orgasm.” He began stroking my back, which fired off more tingles inside me.
We stayed in that very position, his dick in my ass and me bent over the desk, for what seemed an eternity until my climax slipped into a delicious hum.
Lex undid the belt around my ankles, and took off the tie from my wrists. Then he removed the scarf from my eyes. He flipped me around to face him, and I stared into the most beautiful blue eyes in the world.
“Mia, you get an A. You’ve passed the course.”
“I did?” The words came out of my mouth in a languid stream. I felt so good. Complete.
Lex leaned in and kissed me deeply, passionately, sending his tongue past my lips and into my mouth.
More tears than I thought possible fell from my eyes. This man had taken me to places inside myself that I’d never known existed. He’d agreed to let me, the little grad student at the lecture, come to his club for a test. I’d passed. What now? Was this our last time together? Was this goodbye?
My heart was breaking in two as he ended our kiss.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart?”
I couldn’t find the courage to tell him my fears. The truth would kill me. “Lex, you say I passed. Will you let me interview you now?”
His eyebrows shot up. “That’s all that’s troubling you?”
“Yes,” I lied. “What do you say?” If he agreed to an interview, then maybe there was still hope for me to be with him after all. Maybe.
“I don’t like lying, Mia.” By his tone, I knew he was not happy with me.
“Please, Lex. Ask Dr. Vickers. I need to work on my thesis.”
“Okay. You’ll get your interview. Tomorrow night. I have something I want to discuss with you, too.”
****
I just closed my laptop. All the questions for Lex are ready. But there’s so much more I want to ask him.
I just can’t let myself think tomorrow might be the end of my time with Lex. I’m in too deep. What a mess.
I love him. It’s true.
My heart will never survive.
Jan 6th
Diary, I’m still reeling about what happened during the interview with Lex. Let me start at the beginning.
As before, I was driven to the club in a limo. It was noon, so the place was closed. We were all alone at The Cell. He escorted me to his private office. The decor was quite sparse, with a modern edge. There was a desk, a table and chairs, open shelving, and a large whiteboard at the back wall.
“Sit there.” He pointed to one of the chairs next to the table.
I nodded, and took a seat. Then I took out my laptop from my satchel and fired it up. I clicked on the interview doc I’d created for this moment.
Lex sat in the chair opposite mine. “You about ready to get this underway, Mia?”
“One more second, please.” I finished entering the information about date, time, place, and Lex’s full name. Then I looked up from my laptop and found him gazing at me with his lips curled up ever so slightly.
Clearly, he was amused by my nervousness, which instantly set me on edge.
Lex had told me last night that he wanted to talk to me about something immediately after my interview with him. I hadn’t slept fearing what he wanted to discuss since leaving him last night. I knew from Viv and Dr. Vickers that he’d steamrolled through many women. Why in the hell did I think he would see me any differently? Feeling the hot blood in my face, I looked back at my screen with the questions I’d prepared for him. But these weren’t the real questions I wanted to ask.
I took a deep breath. “Let’s get started.”
He looked utterly comfortable, and I was a wreck. “I’m ready. Give me your best shot.”
“How old are you?” I sounded so idiotic.
“Going for the jugular, Mia?” He chuckled. “Thirty-two. My birthday is March twenty-ninth, if you want to give me a card or a present. I have something in mind I’d really enjoy from you.”
My anxiety grew as my heart was ripping apart. “Are you going to take this seriously or not, Lex? You promised you would.”
He smiled. “Go on.”
Was this it? Were these my last moments with him? No more lessons. No more spankings. No more kisses. I tried to clear my thoughts but couldn’t. He’d agreed to my interview. He wanted to hear logical questions from me. I recalled my blubbering performance on the day I’d met him in the lecture hall. If I wasn’t going to see him again, I would at least like to think he would remember me as having a brain in my head.
I forced myself to speak calmly. “How long have you been practicing BDSM?”
His eyebrows shot up. Was he seeing into me? Reading my mind once again?
Lex moved his gaze to my fingers, which were trembling. “Ten years.”
I placed my hands in my lap and stared back at my screen. I was having so much trouble thinking clearly. “So, you were twenty-two?”
“That’s right.”
I tried to imagine him at that age. He must’ve been quite the knockout on campus. But I wasn’t sure if he’d gone to college. I felt completely muddled. Why couldn’t I find the courage to ask him what I really wanted to know? But did I even know how to ask? I didn’t. So instead I continued with the questions I’d prepared. “What’s the highest level of education you’ve completed, Lex?”
“I have my MBA. Does that surprise you?”
“Not really. You own a successf
ul business and run it quite well from what I’ve seen.”
His eyes narrowed. “You haven’t seen everything, Mia.”
No, of course not. I wasn’t sure I had the courage to ask him to show me, no matter how badly I wanted it. I was on uneven ground with him.
Lex had all the advantages. “You have another question, or is the interview over?”
“Yes.” I read off the next question from the survey on my laptop. “Are you single, married, divorced, or...um...in a committed relationship?”
I glanced back at him and found his stare fixed on me. Immediately, I looked back to my screen. Was there a woman in his past that had heard this all before? Jealousy sank its claws into my neck as I realized he might even have someone in his life right now. I might’ve just been a little plaything, the latest distraction for him. But trying to pry information out of such a man wasn’t something I could risk.
“Umm. Let’s table that one for now.” My thoughts were jumbling up.
Lex’s face darkened. “You really want to table that question, Mia?”
The hurt I felt was like a weight on my heart. Once we were done here, would I lose him for good? Probably. Tears stung the back of my eyes. I screamed inside my head to tell him how I felt, what I feared. But my screams went unheeded. I couldn’t find my voice to tell him everything—or anything. Plus, I was afraid of what he might answer. Once again I looked at Lex, the man who had shown me so much and captured all of my heart.
My eyes brimmed with tears, but thankfully my voice remained steady. “Yes. Your personal life isn’t important for my thesis.”
His fists came down on the desk with a bang, taking me aback. “You’re pissing me off.”
“What? Why?” What had I done to get him so angry? I was angry, too. At least a part of me felt that way. I was also devastated and brokenhearted. And more. But that wasn’t what he wanted to hear from me. I closed my laptop, hoping that would please him. “This better?”
“That’s enough!” He came around the table and grabbed me by the shoulders. “I’m not putting up with this crap from you, sub. Do you understand?”
“N-Noo, Sir. I-I don’t understand.” Logic failed me. I’d done something wrong, but what? What could I say that he wanted to hear? “You don’t want to do the interview? Then we won’t do it, Lex.”
He lifted me off the chair. He sat and pulled me over his lap. It took him less than a second to jerk my slacks down. “Fucking panties. Did I not text you today and tell you that you’re not allowed to wear panties?”
I’d ignored his instructions, thinking there was no lesson or scene tonight with him. “Y-Yes, but—”
“Quiet.” Lex didn’t pull my panties down but instead ripped them to shreds with his bare hands. “You told me you trusted me, sub. Was that a lie?”
I’d never seen him so angry, and it frightened me. “I’m mixed up, Sir. I-I...things aren’t...”
Whack! Whack! Whack!
The strike of his hand to my ass stung more than ever before. Unlike his previous spankings, this was real punishment.
“Did. You. Lie. To. Me?” Lex’s indignant tone made me tremble.
My voice seemed to be paralyzed. The pain of his hand to my ass was unpleasant, but not even close to the pain I felt for displeasing him.
What could I say that would make him okay with me? I meant it when I said before that I trusted him, but now, I wasn’t so sure. I wanted to, but this was clearly the final goodbye. That would leave me destroyed and lost. So I remained silent.
Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack! Whack!
Each smack brought my shame to the forefront of my mind. Tears streaked down my face. I wouldn’t be able to sit comfortably for some time after this, but I didn’t care. I deserved his wrath, all of it. He’d done nothing wrong. I was the one who’d led with my heart into our scenes together, not him. There’d been no promises from Lex. I’d let myself fall when he’d only done what he’d promised. He’d been my teacher, opening me up to my true self. Nothing more.
Whack! Whack! Whack!
He stopped spanking me and changed my punishment to painful pinches to my ass. I sobbed and sobbed. The truth...he deserved to hear all of it, no matter if he hated me for it.
The torture stopped abruptly.
Lex stood up, hoisting me to my feet. My slacks pooled around my ankles as I covered my face with my hands, unable to bear looking at him.
“Look at me, little sub.” His voice was softer than earlier.
I obeyed, lowering my hands even though I knew my eyes were swollen and puffy.
He glared at me. “Answer me, not with what you want me to hear, but the actual truth. Now.”
“Y-Yes, Sir.” As more tears fell from my own eyes, I was finally clear about how I really felt about him, and I found the courage to say it. “I-I do trust you, Lex. I really do. But I was afraid to be open and honest with you today.” Each syllable I uttered tore my heart apart, but holding back from him wasn’t possible. Not now. Not after all he’d done for me. “You’ve helped me discover so much, and not just about my paper, but about me. I know I shouldn’t want more from you, but God help me, I do. It’s not fair to you. You made no promises to me. And it’s my mistake that I’ve surrendered not just my body but also my mind, my dreams...m-my...very life. I-I’m...to blame...for...”
I couldn’t go on and once again placed my face in my hands.
Lex lifted me up in his arms and squeezed me against his chest. I whimpered until no more tears fell.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m here.”
I rubbed his chest and looked into his eyes, “For how long?”
“That’s my girl.” He pressed his forehead against mine and stared directly into my eyes. “Don’t ever hold back from me again.” He kissed me, and I gasped a little moan of surrender into his mouth. “You can always tell me what you’re most afraid of. But hold back again and I’ll have to punish you. Neither one of us wants that. Right?”
I shook my head.
“Now, let me tell you my truth. I went to my first club with some buddies my senior year in college. We all had a blast, but I found a life. It was like the blinders were off, and I knew myself for the first time.”
“Lex, I—”
“Shh. Let me finish. I’ve been looking for you ever since that first night all those years ago. The moment I saw you at the lecture hall I felt the connection. Hell, more than that. Sure, I’m an experienced Dom and have trained my share of subs, but none of them are like you. This isn’t some pain-trip for you like so many who use the life to repair some hurt from the past. Not a bad thing, I suppose, but not the kind of sub I want by my side. You’re what I need, baby. I get you. Your very nature is to please and to surrender. Mine is to control. I can’t deny that. And I fucking crave your total trust.” He kissed me again, and my toes curled.
I loved how open he was being, but wasn’t sure how anything could change. I might garner another night or two with him, but goodbye seemed to be inevitable. “Lex?”
“Quiet, little sub. I’m not done.” He squeezed me again, and I melted against his hard frame. “Ask any real Dom what gets him off, and he’ll tell you it’s when he and his sub are in perfect sync, on every level. I know you, Mia. I feel you. We’re on the same page, right?”
I nodded, recalling my time with him as my cop, as my dungeon master, and as my professor. Even now, I felt totally in tune with him. My heart filled up with happiness, but just as fast, it began to drain away. Did he want me only for play as a supposed super sub? Was that all I was to him? What if he couldn’t commit, couldn’t love? If not, I wouldn’t be able to bear it.
“What about love, Lex?” I choked out. “Is that even possible with you?”
He was quiet for a moment, but I was no longer afraid. I was starting to believe. “I wasn’t sure about that for such a long time. Now, I know what love is. I’m holding love in my arms. I want to share the rest of my life with you, Mia.”
Tears ro
lled down my eyes and I touched his jaw. Joy exploded inside me like fireworks. He was my dream come to life, my happily ever after.
Once again, Lex kissed me. “I love you, my little sub.”
“I love you, Master. I am yours.”
Jan 7th
Mia, I finished reading your diary. I’m so proud of you for not only telling me about it, but also for trusting me enough to turn it over to me. Well, I’ve read every word, sweetheart, and I love you even more for it.
Don’t worry about your thesis any more. I know some terrific people who will gladly sit down with you and answer any questions you have about the life. With my help, you’re going to graduate in May, I promise.
You also mentioned an intruder fantasy you’ve used to help you masturbate in the past. Because I don’t allow such thing now do, I?
But guess what, baby? I’m going to the club to get a room all set up just for you and me to give you that fantasy. I’ll text you with instructions in about an hour. Be ready.
****
Hi Diary, this is Mia again.
Doesn’t he know that he is my fantasy? I’m pretty sure he does. And lucky for me, I am his.
The End
****
More by Kris Cook:
Coming Spring 2012
Next in the SECRET DIARY series by Kris:
Lea’s Menage Diary
Copyright 2012 Kris Cook
When Lea’s fiancé breaks off their engagement, she is sad but actually more relieved. Life with him would’ve been nice but boring—especially in bed. But what options are there for her, a single woman, size-sixteen, in the dating pool?
Her cousin, Mia, plans a special night out for Lea to get her out of the dumps. The instant they arrive at the BDSM club, she bumps into Kane and Reed, twin brother Masters who are mouth-watering, muscled, male perfection. Shocked at their advances but ready for adventure, Lea jumps at their offer to train her as a sub.
It’s much more than the cuffs and ropes that bind her submissive heart to the brothers. Can Kane and Reed prove to Lea that they love her and her curves, or will she refuse to surrender all, holding onto a false body-image that destroys her only chance at love?