by Nina Singh
He made his way back to the bottom step and began to climb out of the pool. Ani’s hands were trembling as she reached for a towel tossed over the railing. She stood and handed it to him. They stood face-to-face, the height difference mitigated as she remained on the top while he was two steps below.
“Adam, you can’t blame yourself for what happened,” she insisted, knowing full well he would pay her words no heed.
He took the towel from her, his fingers brushing hers. “Thank you for that, kitten. But I know what I did and all the ways I fell short in my responsibility.”
Ani wanted to stomp her foot in protest. He’d been blaming herself all these years for something he couldn’t have controlled. “I’m glad your reporter is okay,” she said instead. “I’m glad she recovered fully. I’m sure she was hurt and scared and had her reasons for not wanting to see you. Reasons I guess I wouldn’t understand.”
“What’s that mean?” he asked on a low whisper.
Ani swallowed through a throat that had suddenly gone dry. “It means I can’t understand how any woman could just let you go.”
Adam lifted an eyebrow. Rather than pull his hand back from where he’d reached for the towel, he grasped her wrist instead and pulled her closer. “You have to be careful about saying such things to me, kitten. Words like that might have consequences.”
As if daring him, she stepped even closer, feeling the length of him against the thin satin of her top. Her body immediately responded through the fabric.
Adam noticed.
“Maybe I’m ready for consequences,” she whispered breathlessly, hardly recognizing her own voice.
Still he made no move. She would have to take matters into her own hands. She wanted him and she was tired of waiting.
Thrusting her hand into his hair, she pulled his face to hers and claimed his mouth. She’d never been so bold with a man, so achy to have him kiss her and hold her.
Adam might not have made the first move, but his reaction was immediate and fierce. Lifting her by the backs of her legs, he hoisted her up and took her to the closest lounge cot.
Ani could hardly breathe. He was gentle, attentive. Completely in tune with her at every moment. Her skin burned everywhere he touched her, everywhere he kissed her. She’d been dreaming of this, imagining the way he would feel when he loved her. But nothing could have prepared her for the reality of it.
By the time he carried her upstairs and into his bed, she was nearly delirious with pleasure and need.
The consequences Adam had warned her of continued well past dawn.
* * *
It felt like déjà vu. Ani had awoken to an empty bed.
As disappointed as she was not to have Adam’s warm body to snuggle into, she knew he was an early morning runner. She’d immediately gotten Snowball from her room and was with him on the grassy patch of yard with him now as she watched Adam jog up the stone pathway.
Just like yesterday. Only her world was so much different now. Adam Steele had made love to her. Her body reacted in response to the thought.
Judging by the sweaty look of him, he hadn’t taken it easy on his run. Where did the man get such energy? Especially considering he’d been swimming in the middle of the night, and then not to mention all their shared activities afterward. A blush crept down her cheeks clear to her neck.
He stopped several feet in front of her. Snowball let out a small whimper. He’d noticed it, too—no pat on the head for her dog this morning. In fact, Adam’s entire being stood rigid and tense. He wasn’t quite meeting her eyes.
This did not bode well.
“Will you be ready to leave in a couple of hours?” he asked, without so much as a good morning.
Ani’s heart sank. She refused to believe the worst just yet, but she was certainly beginning to suspect it. She nodded. “Not much to pack, after all.”
He crossed his arms in front of his chest. Everything about him was closed off, resistant. “Good. That’s good. We’ll get you back to Paris to rejoin your team and the security detail. Then we can head to Brussels with plenty of time leftover.”
Snowball went to rub against his ankle, begging to be acknowledged.
Same here, buddy.
Adam glanced down as if finally noticing the dog for the first time. Finally, he bent to give him a playful rub along his fur. When he straightened, he finally did meet her gaze. But his eyes held no warmth, and zero of the passion he’d shown himself to be capable of last night.
She knew she was being too silent, but for the life of her she couldn’t come up with a thing to say. Also, she feared the risk of sobbing out loud and uncontrollably if she so much as opened her mouth. So she stood there, dumbstruck.
She could almost see the proverbial curtain he’d pulled between them. Why couldn’t the man understand what was so clear to her? Up until now, she hadn’t even realized she’d been missing having love or passion in her life. Now that she’d experienced it, she didn’t think she could bear to lose it. To lose Adam.
“He must have missed you last night.” Adam pointed to the dog.
Finally, an acknowledgment of what had happened between them. Ani cleared her throat before attempting to speak. “I don’t think he noticed I was gone. Found him still curled up and snoring soundly when I got back.”
He shoved his hair off his forehead, glanced out toward the ocean. “Good. That’s good.”
Ani tried to cling to some semblance of hope. It was a good sign, after all, that he’d been worried about her dog. But his next words threw cold water on that. “Look, Ani. I know we need to talk about all this. But I figure we should just focus on getting ready for the return to Paris right now. We can talk as we fly back.”
What was there to talk about? Ani knew better than to ask. There was no reason to discuss what they’d shared last night unless he regretted it.
“I’m gonna go shower. I’ll meet you up front when you’re ready. The jet’s waiting at the airport.”
Ani felt the burn of tears behind her eyes and watched his back as he went into the house.
Looked like she’d be adding another discarded gown to Adam’s guest closet.
* * *
Adam turned the hot water on as high as it would go and stepped into the shower stall. He’d already punished himself with a particularly harsh run and now he would punish himself with a near-scalding shower.
He’d been a selfish bastard for so much as touching Ani.
She was brightness and light and positivity. Whereas all he’d ever known was darkness throughout his life. He had no business risking that any of that darkness would touch her in any way. He should have stayed the hell away from her.
She’d paid him a compliment and he’d basically turned into a pile of desire and longing. And he’d lost control altogether when she’d pulled his mouth to hers and kissed him as hard as she had. Even now, his body reacted to the memory of that kiss in ways that had him groaning in need and frustration. Maybe a cold shower would have been a better option. He had to stop thinking about Ani Terrance in any way that wasn’t strictly professional.
He’d been entrusted to protect her and look what he’d done instead.
Oh, and there was that whole thing about never being able to look Brant in the eye ever again. He would have to come clean with his friend. Couldn’t risk the other man finding out some other way. And he’d just have to brace himself for Brant’s inevitable right hook that Adam wouldn’t return nor so much as duck. He deserved no less.
He cursed out loud and punched the tile wall hard enough that his knuckles throbbed. What a complete mess.
Even if it took the self-restraint of a million monks, he absolutely could not touch her again. In fact, after her performance in Brussels, he would get her safely back to the States and then he would bid her goodbye. Raj and April could take over any remaining sec
urity needs for Ms. Terrance, including tracking down the sender of the blasted emails that had started this whole strange turn of events.
But first, he had to get her back to Paris. On a private plane, just the two of them. Mostly alone in the cabin.
One thing was certain: their flight back to France was bound to be a memorable one.
* * *
Ani wanted to forget everything about this return flight. With Adam working diligently on his laptop, she’d been feigning sleep in order to avoid talking to him. But that was getting old. And she knew she wasn’t going to fool him much longer.
There was no point in having the discussion Adam was looking to have. Other than to make him feel better. It would make her feel considerably worse, if that was possible. She didn’t need to hear about how it had all been a mistake. How one thing had led to another and how he should have exercised more constraint.
She stole a glance at him now through her partially shuttered eyelids. Even now, the sight of him tugged at her heart. What she wouldn’t give to approach him, settle herself in his lap and ask for the comfort and solace she knew he could provide. If he’d only let himself.
But he wasn’t ready to do that. He’d pulled himself away and shut himself off so completely, she knew it in no uncertain terms. Ani felt the sting of tears under her eyelids. This was exactly what she had meant to avoid. This feeling of loss and aching emptiness. She’d let herself fall for him when she had no business doing so. He wasn’t ready to let anyone in; he was carrying too much of a burden. One he’d placed on his own shoulders and refused to put down.
She didn’t think she had what it would take to reach him. She was too broken herself. Too confused about the reality she suddenly found herself in. Monaco had been a magical escape, a fantasy she couldn’t hope to ever return to. Fantasies weren’t real. Life didn’t work that way.
Hers didn’t, in any case. The gaping hole in her core left by the loss of her mother was proof of that. The magical time she’d spent with Adam had only been temporary, a brief respite. So she’d just continue to sit here and pretend to sleep until they reached the staunch, cold reality that awaited them back in Paris.
Except Snowball completely blew her cover. He suddenly jumped from his curled position on her lap and gave her a kiss that was overly wet even by his standards. Ani startled. Her eyes flew open.
Adam noticed immediately. “You’re awake.”
“Snowball seems to have wanted it that way.”
“So I saw. He even jumps like a bunny,” he teased, but Ani couldn’t quite bring herself to smile and Adam’s tight one seemed less than genuine.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked.
“Some water would be nice.”
He got one from the bar and tossed it to her.
“Listen, Ani—”
But she cut him off, feigning a nonchalance she didn’t feel even as her heart continued to shatter in her chest. “I know what you’re going to say.”
“You do, huh?”
“I can guess. But I’d like to say something first.”
His lips tightened before he responded, “Go ahead.”
Now that she’d started, Ani wasn’t sure how exactly she wanted to continue. “You’re an incredible, accomplished man, Adam. I wish you could see that the way I do.” She bit her lip before continuing, “I believe with all my heart that the woman you once wanted to marry has forgiven you. She’s clearly moved on. Maybe it’s time you allowed yourself to do the same.”
He blew out a long breath. When he spoke, he didn’t acknowledge anything she’d just said. It didn’t surprise her. “Ani, I never meant for things to become this complicated.”
Ani tried to breathe through the hollow churn of disappointment in her gut. Adam wasn’t even going to broach the possibility of forgiving himself. And she wasn’t sure how else to push. Or even if she should.
“I know. I just need to get past this next performance. Then we can address all the ways we’re so wrong for each other and why we should go our separate ways.”
He studied her features. “How’d your call with Moira go?”
Touché. Adam’s question was his not-so-subtle way of pointing out that she was doing her own avoidance of sorts. They both knew Ani had never made that call.
She looked out the window, hoping he’d get the hint. This conversation was over before it had started. For now, at least.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
PERFORMING THIS TIME felt different.
Ani took the stage at the Forest National arena near Brussels and bowed before sitting in front of the piano and addressing the audience. She definitely felt less nervous than she had in Paris. After all, she’d done this once before and had triumphed.
Adam stood to the side of the stage, speaking into his earpiece and surveying the audience. He looked devastatingly handsome in the navy, Italian-cut suit. He turned to her and gave her a small wink before she walked out to play, making her heart lurch in her chest. He’d stayed away from her since they’d returned from Monte Carlo. April and Raj had taken over most of her detail.
Much to her dismay, she’d cried about that both nights until she fell asleep. She missed him. Somehow, when she hadn’t been paying attention, she’d gone and fallen genuinely in love with her childhood crush. Or maybe she’d been in love with him all along. Whereas Adam had been avoiding an attraction to her all those years ago, she’d already started giving him her heart. There was no doubt now that it belonged to him fully and probably always would.
And wasn’t this a fine time to be thinking about her foolishness when it came to Adam Steele?
Ani focused on the keys and began her first number.
The next two hours seemed to go by in a flash and before she knew it, she was taking her encore bow. April whisked her off the stage as soon as the curtain closed. Adam was nowhere to be seen. Just as well. He’d made his decision and Ani wasn’t one to grovel.
Somehow, someway, she would get over the hurt of losing him. No doubt it would take time. Years, perhaps.
Once she reached the backstage dressing room, she shut the door behind her and leaned against it. Moira’s knock came within seconds, but Ani chose to ignore it. She just needed some time to breathe.
It was over. She’d fulfilled her contractual commitments and her shows had been a notable success judging from the standing ovation out there.
But one thing was certain: she wasn’t ready to make this a full-time career. She simply didn’t want this kind of lifestyle. She liked having a home base and being able to volunteer her time where she was needed. She was going to have to turn down offers to continue touring. Moira would be disappointed, but this was Ani’s life and she had to do what was right for her.
She hoped her mother would agree if she were here.
Her life plan was still an uncharted mystery, but at least she knew what she didn’t want. As for what she did want... She thought of Adam once more and her heart fluttered in her chest despite herself. It had hurt just to look at him standing offstage. What she wanted most appeared to be out of her reach.
* * *
Adam forced himself to stay away from Ani’s door. Her last performance was over. Which meant that in less than two days, his contractual obligation to protect her would also be complete.
Along the same lines, his IT guy had informed him that they were narrowing in on the server location where the mysterious emails had been sent. Pretty soon, they’d have a solid identity and neutralize any kind of threat. She’d have no need for him once that happened.
Judging by her performance just now and after the one in Paris, Ani was certain to have the whole world at her feet with her talent as a musician.
There’d be no holding her back.
* * *
The knock came again about an hour later. Ani gave in with resignation and went to answer
the door. She had to let Moira in sometime.
But it was April on the other side of the door. “Hey.”
“Hey. Come on in.”
April strode into the room and pulled a bouquet of flowers from behind her back. “This is from all of us on your security detail to congratulate you. Way to knock ’em dead. In Paris, too.”
Ani took the arrangement and inhaled the wonderful aroma, beyond touched at the gesture.
“And the boss says to tell ya ‘good job.’”
Ani stilled in the process of putting the flowers in a tall glass of water. “Oh, he did, did he? Did he happen to mention why he won’t come down here and tell me himself?”
April bounced on her heels. “Uh... I dunno. I don’t really ask him questions of that nature.”
Ani released her outrage on a sigh. “Sorry, April. He and I haven’t exactly been communicating. Guess he wants to keep it that way.”
April scratched the back of her head. “It’s probably not my place to say, and I have no idea what’s going on between you two. But for what it’s worth, he seems pretty miserable.”
Well, that was some small source of satisfaction.
“Also, for what it’s worth, the flowers were his idea.”
Rather than placating her, April’s statement had the opposite effect. Of all the nerve! He couldn’t come down here to congratulate her and he’d sent someone else to deliver the flowers he’d thought to get. As if they hadn’t been as intimate as two people could be just two short nights ago.
Ani felt her blood pressure rise by several units. “I see. Is he still in the building?”
April nodded. “We don’t leave until you’re ready to.”
Ani pointed to April’s earpiece. “Could you radio him and ask him to come to my dressing room, please? Tell him it’s urgent.”
When Adam arrived less than five minutes later, Ani had only grown more steamed.
“You summoned?” he asked.