Finding Beauty (The Beauty Trilogy Book 1)

by Raven Scott

  “So, where are you parked?” I ask him.

  We are finally on our way to his bar to meet Parker. When we enter, he places a hand on my back to lead me to the VIP section where Parker is already seated with two other men. I feel a shock and a heat that goes through me when he places his hand on my lower back. Stop it, Collins! When we finally get to the table, Parker runs over and gives me a hug. She whispers in my ear, “These men are for you! Happy First Day of Work!”

  “What? Are you insane, woman! I told you, I don’t want to date right now. I have already told you this.”

  “Love, they are not here for you to date! They are here to be so much more than that.”

  It seems that Cannon has already disappeared. I’m not surprised though. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see him with the Kendall Jenner look-alike. I knew I was right about him. But, a part of me is a tad disappointed. I make a decision to have fun tonight, just not too much. With one more glance to Cannon, I look back to the men who are seated with Parker and ask with every nerve in my body, “Who wants to dance?”

  “I do,” the man in the business suit says. I take a closer look at him. He was very tall and muscular with extremely blue eyes. I lean over and whisper into his ear, “What’s your name?”

  “I’m Jensen Scott, and you must be the fabulous Collins that Parker has been talking about all week.”

  I’m literally blushing with embarrassment. “Why, yes, I guess I am.”

  “I have one question. Is that your boyfriend over there that can’t keep his eyes off of you?”

  “First, I don’t have a boyfriend. Secondly, who are you talking about?”

  “The one with the tattoos that’s standing at the bar.”

  I look over to where the bar is located. Cannon is bartending and talking to the woman from earlier.

  I laugh and answer, “No, he is just a friend.”

  “Well, good! Let’s go dance!”

  He takes my hand in his and leads me to the dance floor. He immediately pulls my body to his. We start to sway to the music with our bodies connected to each other. It’s been so long since I’ve been in someone’s arms. I’ve always loved to dance; Tyler would say, ‘I love the way you move for a fat woman.’ It’s one of the only things he would compliment.

  I don’t realize until I open my eyes that Cannon is staring right at me. His eyes are filled with longing, or maybe jealousy. No, why would he look at me that way, when he can have any woman a hundred percent prettier than me? I am nothing but a pile of ugliness. I am pulled out of my thoughts to Jenson asking if I wanted a drink.

  “Yes, please. A Jack and Coke. I’ll just walk up with you.”

  Even if it means we have to talk to Cannon.

  7

  Lust

  Jenson says, “Yes, bartender, I would like two Jack and Cokes with ice.”

  Cannon doesn’t even seem to really acknowledge that Jenson said anything. But, he sits the drinks in front us and leans over to me to ask if he can talk to me for a second.

  “Can it wait? I’m kind of in the middle of trying to get some action for myself.”

  He seems annoyed by my response, but says, “Yes, it is important. Let’s go to my office so you can hear me.”

  I really don’t have a choice with the matter. He is already walking around the bar towards me. I barely have time to tell Jenson that I will be right back.

  I follow Cannon upstairs to what seems to be part storage and office space. He shuts the door as we enter.

  “What’s this about? I’m trying to have a good time, and here you are yanking me away from a very attractive man.”

  He doesn’t say anything immediately, but then seems to collect his thoughts.

  “Why were you dancing like that with him? Are you trying to scream that you’re an easy lay?”

  I’m mortified he just asked me that. Why should he care? What, does he not think someone like me can have someone like them?

  “Who the hell do you think you are? You do not get to ask me that. I just fucking met you.”

  “That’s not the point. You shouldn’t go around dancing with strangers like that. Nobody wants to see that.”

  I know I’m fat. But, hearing it come out of someone else’s mouth literally makes me want to cry. Tyler was right the whole time, only he will be able to tolerate me. I am crying, and I want to leave.

  “Shit, why are you crying? I am trying to protect you. Look at me, Collins,” he says.

  But, I’m already halfway down the stairs. I should have just stayed in and drank wine. I’m trying to locate the exit in the sea of mangled bodies. I finally reach the table, where Jensen and Parker are waiting. Parker stands up, “Collins, what’s wrong? Have you been crying?

  “I just want to go home. Can you take me?”

  “I rode over here with, Rod. Maybe if I can find Cannon, he’ll take you home.”

  “No! I’ll just . . . ”

  “I’ll drive you home,” Jenson says. I don’t have much time before Cannon gets to the table, so I accept the offer.

  “My car is parked right at the entrance, so we don’t have far to walk.”

  I’m about to get in the car when someone grabs my wrist.

  “What the hell!” I look back.

  “You are not going with him. I’ll take you home when I get done with this shift.”

  “Why the hell would I ever do that? I don’t want to be near someone who thinks that everything I do is an embarrassment. Not again.”

  It seems that something clicks in his eyes. And he says, “Collins, I don’t think that. Can we please just talk about it when I get off?”

  Jensen has since walked back around, “Collins, is he bothering you?”

  “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?”

  Cannon looks like he is about to beat the shit out of him, and Jensen looks like he is about to do the same. So, I make a decision that I will probably regret.

  “Jensen, thank you for the offer, but, I will just ride home with some else. You have my number, just call me anytime.” With a confidence I didn’t have too much of before, I walk up to Jensen, grab him by the collar, and kiss him.

  “Collins, I will most definitely be calling you. At least, text me when you get home, so I don’t have to worry.”

  “I will.”

  Before I can say anything else, Cannon has already led me back into the bar.

  “Get your hands off of me!”

  “Why should I? It looks like you don’t give a fuck who touches you! I have to get back to work. We will talk about this later.”

  “I am not riding with you anywhere!”

  We are heading to his office once again. As I look across the bar, Parker looks up at me. Her face is very off; like she is trying to guess what the hell is going on. He shuts the door and immediately slams my body against the wall with his. His face is dangerously close to mine.

  “Earlier, I didn’t mean for you to think I was embarrassed to look at you. It’s the total opposite, I was beyond pissed that you gave that man a chance to touch you the way I have wanted to since the day I met you.”

  What the hell? I must be dreaming. Did he really just say those words? I am beyond wanting him with a desperate need.

  “Why should I want you to touch me when I barely like you?”

  “Is that really true? I think you like me touching you very much. Your breath is getting heavier, and I bet if I put my hand down your knickers, they will be soaking.”

  His mouth is instantly on mine, his hands rubbing the right places.

  “Collins, tell me you don’t want me as much as I want you.” He kisses my neck, his hands now under my shirt; squeezing my nipples. The feelings shoot straight to my g-spot. With just a little bit more pressure, I will be singing with happiness.

  Boom! “Cannon? Collins? What the hell is going on?” Parker is yelling from the other side of the door. It brings me back to reality, and I shove Cannon back. I straighten my clothes, an
d Cannon seems to gather his self. But, the massive part of his manhood is still vividly showing.

  He yells, “Just one second, I am trying to ask Collins something.” and then whispers, “Don’t say anything about this to anyone.”

  That makes me feel even worse than before. He must be absolutely mortified of me.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t. Since it will never happen again.”

  “What the hell, does that mean?”

  I just ignore his question and open the door. Parker is standing right in front of it.

  “I’m sorry. Cannon needed my help on some paperwork. Let’s go. Has Rod left yet? Maybe he can give us a ride back to my loft, and we can drink some more wine.”

  “Okay, I’ll go get him, and I’ll tell him to text Jensen to come over, too.” Before, I could even protest; Cannon steps in, “That will be okay, ladies. I’ll give both of you rides home.”

  Parker protests, “But, these men are my gift to her for her first day of working in Scotland.”

  “Well, give her another congratulation present that doesn’t involve dicks.”

  “And how would that be any fun?”

  8

  Figuring it out

  It’s been a week since that shitty night. I haven’t seen or heard from Cannon since, which is a good thing. I pick up my planner that is sitting on my desk to look at today’s events— lunch with Jensen at 12, then meeting with the other librarians from two different campuses— also, dinner with Dalton and Parker at eight o’clock.

  A knock at the door brings me out of my thoughts. “Ms. Danford, a Mr. Scott is here for you.”

  “Yes, send him in, and Rosalie, please, call me Collins.

  “Yes, ma’am.

  Jensen walks in, and I can’t help but compare him to Cannon. He smiles. “Hello, Collins, are you ready for lunch?”

  “Yes, I’m absolutely famished. Where would you like to go?”

  “I thought about going to the restaurant just around the corner. It’s a low key pub that serves one of the best hamburgers in town.”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  Lunch is quickly over and now to get this meeting over with. I can’t help, but contemplate the question Jensen asked me. He would love for me to attend his company’s Halloween party with him. I just don’t know. I enter the meeting room to two men, who I’m guessing are the other two librarians. This is going to be a long two hours!

  Parker has just arrived to help me pick out an outfit for the night out on the town with her and Dalton.

  “Collins, I have found the perfect outfit for you!”

  The ensemble is quite flattering; the black mini dress and thigh high boots make me look like a seductress of the night. Finally, I admit to myself that I actually have some beautiful qualities…but slowly, my voice of positivity is yanked away. In its place is the voice I am oh so familiar with… “You’re hot for a fat chick…be glad you have a pretty face…or you would be ugly to look at.” My notion quickly changes, and all I can think about is; fat, fat, and fat. I am pulled out of my thoughts by Parker speaking about tonight.

  “You look great! It’s going to be so much fun tonight. I think we are going to go get a drink at Anastasia, then go to dinner at Dalton’s restaurant. Then maybe some clubbing!”

  “I… think… that I want to change.” With that comment, the door opens and in walks Dalton. The man is absolutely gorgeous.

  “Girls, you both look beautiful. Ready to go?”

  Parker, awestricken by her own boyfriend, says, “Yes.” I don’t have a chance to argue, so we leave and climb into Dalton’s car. Oh, how I hope Cannon is not there yet. We enter Anastasia, and Cannon is not here.

  Even though I wish he wasn’t here… doesn’t mean that part of me doesn’t hope that he is— a tiny part of me at least.

  “Collins, what would you like to drink?” Dalton asks.

  “Jack and Coke, with some ice.”

  “Luv, we are going to go say hello to some people and then dance for a bit,” Parker says, then leans over and attacks his face. I don’t blame her though.

  “Who are we going to go say hello to?”

  “Rod and Jensen are over there in a booth. Maybe, we can finally succeed in getting you some.”

  As we walk up to the table, I glance at the office door that I graced my very own presence just a couple of nights ago. Cannon comes out, then the Kendall Jenner look-alike comes out behind him. What happens next is what really puts the icing on the cake. He leans over and kisses her full on.

  I am completely dumbfounded. I really thought maybe, just maybe, he wanted me. This must be all a game to him, well, two can play. I was raised in the South, where you are taught to get even when someone tries to play you like a fiddle. That’s the only valuable lesson I learned from my wicked parents.

  “Jensen, do you want to dance?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  With that, I swayed my hips to the dance, with Parker yelling in the background, “Collins, that’s my girl!”

  I know Cannon will hear it, so I dance on Jensen; body to body. Letting his hands roam over me, his lips on my neck. We dance like this for the next twenty minutes or so. But, the fucked-up thing about it is the whole time I’m dancing with this gorgeous man, I’m thinking of another. I’m thinking of a man I can never keep. That only ignites a fire under my skin that burns for him slowly.

  Jenson thinks it’s him I’m dancing for. I should feel bad… I should feel something other than the fire burning between my legs for another.

  When we finally decide to take a break and return to the table, we are welcomed by newcomers that have joined us.

  It’s Cannon and his model.

  Parker scoots over to let me and Jensen in. “Girl, I didn’t know you had those moves in you.”

  “Me either.”

  “I am glad she does. You didn’t tell me you could dance like that over lunch,” Jensen says, then adds, “You have to say yes and accompany me to the Halloween party.”

  “When did you both have lunch?” Cannon asks.

  Parker thankfully says, “Well, me and Collins are going to go dance. Dalton? Jensen? Will you both dance with us, please?”

  Dalton immediately says yes. Then before Jensen can say anything, Cannon says he would like to dance with me. So, Jensen and the model end up dancing together. Why does he keep interfering with my relationships and sex life? Cannon leads me to the dance floor, and I reluctantly go.

  “Now, babe, act like you want to dance with me. You know that you want to… you know that you are fucking wet for me. Especially, after the show you put on for me,” he says.

  What an arrogant asshole?

  Who does he think is talking to me like that after what I saw? He sees the unexpected rage in my eyes.

  He says, “I have to explain what you saw.”

  “What are you talking about? Jensen has had so much of my attention. I haven’t really noticed much of anything else. He is looking rather hot, isn’t he?” I purr with rage.

  It seems he has pushed his entire body against mine. I try to push away but fail. He leans over and whispers in my ear, “Meet in my office in about twenty before you leave to go to dinner. Please.”

  I know I shouldn’t go, but I want some answers. I want him to say to my face that he is toying with me. So, yes, I find myself lying to my friend to meet her brother alone in a place where we almost had something a couple of days ago. I enter his office and find him sitting on his desk.

  He rushes me and grabs my face and kisses me hard. Hard enough that I know for a fact that my lips will bruise. He is making sure I remember that it was his lips on me tonight, not anyone else.

  I should be hitting him or at least telling him no. But, I find myself trying to keep up with him. I know I will fucking regret this in the morning. But all rationality has left me for tonight. So, when I find his hips grinding into mine and pushing up my dress to sit just above my hips, I let him. I want him to put out the fire he
has created within me.

  I have never been so indisposed, but something about it makes me completely wet. The clear blinding heat has completely taken over me. His control is what I crave… This shouldn’t be happening, but I don’t want it to stop.

  “Tell me this feels good. Tell me that you want my cock in you… just say the words, Collins… say it,” he growls demandingly.

  I am screaming in my head, yes… but, I can’t voice it. I am so lost in the humming of my body that my brain can’t connect onto the same wavelength.

  “You have such great tits,” he mumbles as he lowers his head to show each one attention. Taking a nipple into his mouth and biting down hard has me pulling at his hair and chanting for more.

  I groan with satisfaction, and in return, he grabs my ass and says, “You feel fucking fantastic. I was watching you move with that fucker. I had mixed emotions of whether to go punch the shit out the guy or fuck you on the dance floor.”

  “Why should you care who I dance with, let alone fuck? You have a model look-alike out there, why don’t you screw her?” I fire back with as much control as I have left in me.

  With that, he pops up and looks at me with honest eyes. “She is just an old friend that occasionally comes into town every so often. I have had her plenty of times, but she doesn’t excite me as much as you do.”

  “Then, why are you so secretive or may I say, embarrassed of me? I have already been in a relationship where someone constantly reminded me that I wasn’t good enough. I will not be in another relationship or sexual encounter with someone who is like that to me,” I declare surprising myself.

  “I’m not embarrassed by you! I just don’t want my sister to find out. She would be pissed if she thought I was using you. Which, I am not,” he retorts back.

  I want to believe him, but I just can’t. Pulling my dress back down and pulling the front up, I say, “I better get back to Parker and Dalton. We have dinner plans, and other events for the evening.”