“What?” he asked softly. “What are you thinking?”
“What if he’s right?”
She felt Matt stiffen beside her.
“About what?” he asked cautiously.
“About me. What if I’m the one who’s cold and distant? What if I’m just like my parents? Or what if they’re not like that at all and it is just me?”
“Viv, that’s not even possible.”
“But it is,” she cried softly. “Aaron was right—at least partially.”
“Vivienne.”
“I do end up in relationships that don’t matter to me. I choose men who are distant and aloof, and when it ends, I don’t give them a second thought. It’s like I purposely choose ones who are going to leave. And—”
“Be very careful with your next words,” he warned in a low growl.
She raised her head. “Matt, I know you love me. And I know I feel the same about you, but…” She looked at him sadly. “Can you honestly say you’re looking for something long-term? What happens when you’re ready to go back into the studio or on tour? Do you think you could live here, in this town, with me?”
His silence spoke volumes, and for some reason, it both irritated her and gave her comfort because, in the back of her mind, she knew this always had the potential to be temporary. Maybe getting Matt to admit it now would be the best thing for them both. No need to prolong things further.
Hell. Maybe Aaron was right.
Beside her, she heard Matt’s soft sigh. “I tried to kill my father.”
Everything in her sagged with relief. He was finally going to tell her.
“Okay,” she said softly, but she couldn’t seem to make herself move—not to lie back down beside him or to move away. All she could do was continue to watch his face in the moonlight.
“My senior year. He’d been riding my ass for so long, doing everything he could to tear me down and make me feel like I was worthless. For a time, I started to believe him. But then things started happening with the band. We were playing gigs and getting a lot of positive feedback.” His voice was low and void of emotion. “I went home one night to grab a change of clothes or whatever. Aaron was with me. I told him to wait out in the car and I’d be right out. But when I went inside, the old man was waiting for me behind the door. Put a gun to my head.”
Vivienne gasped loudly and her heart stopped. Was it possible her brother didn’t know about this part?
“Oh…Matt…”
“He laughed. The son of a bitch actually laughed. Said it would serve me right, serve my mom right, that the world would be better off without me. And then he laughed even harder. He knew about the band and how things were going, and it gave him a bit of a thrill to think he could take that success away from me by killing me before I had the chance to make something of my life.”
She was trembling, physically trembling, as everything in her went cold. For as much as she did complain about her parents, it was nothing compared to this. Her heart broke for the man she loved, the man he was now, and the boy he’d been then. There was no way for her to even comprehend the fear he must have felt in that moment.
“I heard him cock the trigger, and I thought, This is it. It’s finally going to be over.” He let out a mirthless laugh. “And you know what? I was kind of relieved. He’d been beating me down for so damn long that I would almost have welcomed death just so I didn’t have to deal with it anymore.”
Vivienne shook her head as tears began to fall. Matt’s words were in complete opposition to everything she’d ever thought about him. Never in her life could she imagine him being scared or willing to choose death over a situation. Even when he’d first arrived here at Aaron’s, when she’d thought he was at his lowest, she could see the fighter in him. It was almost too much to bear.
“Don’t…” she began. “You don’t have to talk about this, Matt. I’m sorry. I…”
Reaching out, he grabbed one of her hands and squeezed it. “Don’t you get it?” he asked sadly. “You need to know this. You need to understand why it is that I feel the way I do.”
She almost admitted to him that she already knew, that Aaron had already told her. But the truth was, she didn’t know the whole story and maybe Matt needed to tell her—maybe even more than she needed to hear it.
“We’d argued before—knock-down, drag-out fights. Those I could handle because I was bigger and stronger. Not in the beginning, of course. Not right after my mom left. But I remember the first time I fought back, and it felt so damn good. I thought he’d tire of it eventually and leave me alone. Little did I know he was just going to take it to the next level. And that’s when I knew it wasn’t ever going to end. One of us wasn’t going to make it out of there alive, and it was going to be me if I didn’t do something.”
Wiping away the steady stream of tears, Vivienne gripped his hand harder. “What happened?”
“It was late, and I knew he had been drinking. He was a little unsteady on his feet. There was still a ton of adrenaline kicking through me from the show. I elbowed him in the face, shocked him enough that he dropped the gun. We fought and wrestled to the ground, and I reached out and grabbed it—the gun. And I put it in his mouth.” His grip on her was almost painful. “And I pulled the trigger.”
Her gasp filled the room as loudly as any gunshot.
“It was empty. The son of a bitch was just screwing with my mind.” He muttered a curse. “He laughed like a deranged lunatic, and I threw the gun across the room and just pummeled him until your brother came in and dragged me off of him.” He paused, released her hand, and sighed. “I never went back. I grabbed my shit and left.”
Unable to help herself, Vivienne leaned down and wrapped herself around him, holding him close. “I’m so sorry,” she sobbed. “So, so sorry. No one should ever have to live through something like that.”
“I knew what I had to do—I had to leave. But I needed to finish school, graduate. I didn’t want him to rob me of anything else. But as soon as the cap and gown came off, I was gone.”
She remembered.
“Ever since, I’ve been afraid to come back. To come home. For all I know that worthless bastard would try to have me arrested. It wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.”
“But you did finally come home.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t have a choice. I had no place else to go. And with what Aaron proposed, I wouldn’t have to go out or go into town, and no one would know I was here. When you hit rock bottom and someone offers you a lifeline, you tend to take it.”
“Matt, I don’t think there’s even a chance of your father trying to do anything. Don’t let him have that kind of power over you. Look at all you’ve done with your life. You proved him wrong. You’re crazy talented, and that’s all you. No one did it for you. You went out there and worked hard and have the kind of success most of us only dream of!”
“You just know he was probably freaking giddy when the news hit about the show. He probably—”
“Who cares what he did or what he thought?” she snapped with irritation. “He’s not worth thinking about, Matt! What he did to you for all those years is criminal. Charges should have been brought against him.”
A shuddery breath was his only reaction.
They lay there, wrapped around each other for a long time.
“Is…” she began cautiously. “Is that what you dream about?”
He didn’t answer, he simply nodded.
“I’m so sorry, Matt. For all of it,” she whispered, and she held him a little bit closer, the sound of his heartbeat the only thing she heard for a long time.
“I would do it, though,” Matt said, breaking the silence.
“Do what?” Her voice was a mere whisper.
“I’d stay here, live here, to be with you.” Slowly, he rolled them over until he was looking down at her
face. “I would do that for you because you mean that much to me.”
“Oh,” she sighed, her hands raking up into his hair.
When he leaned forward and kissed her softly on her cheek, then the tip of her nose, her eyes, and then finally her lips, she felt love for him overwhelming her. Never in her life had anyone put her first.
Ever.
And here was Matt, who had more of a reason than anyone else to hold on to his need to move on, willing to stay in a place that made her happy.
It was humbling.
And terrifying.
And wonderful.
His kiss became more urgent as they began to move against one another, and as Vivienne slowly slid her legs against his and then around him, she knew that as crazy as everything was—that night, their lives, their situations—this man was her future.
* * *
For two days, it was like there was some sort of standoff going on. Aaron stayed on his side of the property; Matt and Vivienne stayed on theirs. It was working, but…it was ridiculous. And Matt was seriously done with it.
Vivienne had left to run some errands and go shopping, so Matt figured the timing was perfect. He knew Aaron was home—his car was still in the driveway—and he was done waiting for everyone to play nice.
Even though Vivienne hadn’t said anything about it since that night, Matt knew it was bothering her not to be speaking with her brother, and in Matt’s mind, they were all at fault here. No one person was to blame. But he was taking it upon himself to make it right. If Aaron had a problem with him personally, then it was time they addressed it and moved on. There was no way he was going to let this kind of thing continue—especially if it was hurting Vivienne.
Pulling the door shut behind him, he stalked across the yard. Aaron must have seen him coming because suddenly the back door opened and he was standing there, filling the doorway and glaring. Matt didn’t even break stride. He simply walked up onto the deck and stood right in front of Aaron with the same hard stare.
“We gonna talk about this?” he asked, and was only mildly pleased to see the remains of the split lip and black eye he’d given Aaron.
Without a word, Aaron stepped aside and let him in. They walked into the living room, and each took a seat—on opposite sides of the room. Matt figured he’d be the bigger guy and let Aaron speak first, but clearly he wasn’t ready to talk yet.
Fine.
“What do I have to do to prove to you that I’m serious about Vivienne?”
Aaron’s eyes narrowed as he sat back in his seat, but he didn’t respond.
“Neither of us planned this, bro. We started spending time together, and she was the first woman who ever just wanted to talk to me. She wasn’t looking for anything from me and she sure as hell wasn’t impressed by me.” He chuckled thinking back to how much of a hard time she had given him. “We would sit and talk for hours, and she forced me to look at my life and what a mess I was. I had forgotten what it was like to talk with someone who wasn’t trying to kiss my ass.”
“And that’s how you decided to repay her? By sleeping with her?”
Matt ground his teeth and fought the urge to get up and fight with him again. Silently counting to ten, he shifted in his seat. “This isn’t about sleeping with her, and it’s none of your damn business. I’m in love with her, Aaron. And that’s not going away—no matter how big a dick you try to be. I love her and she loves me.”
Finally, Aaron moved, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “And what about a month from now, Matt? Staying in one place makes you crazy. You know it. I know it. And we both know you’re not going to stay here. It took over twelve years for you to come back and you’ve been hiding out since you got here. Are you going to try and tell me all of a sudden you’re okay with being here? With running into your father?”
At the mention of his old man, Matt stiffened. “If this is where Vivienne wants to live, then this is where I’ll be.”
Aaron let out a derisive snort. “And what? You’ll stay cooped up in the house? Never venture into town for fear of seeing your dad?”
“He’s not an issue,” Matt ground out.
“Bullshit. He’s been an issue since you were a kid. I was there, Matt. I remember it all. I know my sister is an amazing woman, one that you don’t deserve, but even I know she’s not going to be enough for you to overcome your aversion to being here. Eventually, you’re going to get tired of looking over your shoulder and then what? Where does that leave Vivienne?”
It had been on Matt’s mind from the get-go. Yes, there was going to come a time when he was tired of it, but he didn’t know what the solution was.
Not yet.
All he knew was that he was willing to try.
“That’s what I thought,” Aaron said when Matt remained silent. “You’re asking me to sit back and watch you slowly break my sister’s heart. I can’t do it, man. Not even for you.”
“I’m not going to break her heart,” he replied defensively.
“You may not think so, but that’s what’s going to happen. Vivienne’s a homebody. She lived in Denver for two years, and it damn near killed her. This is her home. I don’t know why she feels such a pull for this town, but she does. Maybe she’ll travel with you, maybe she won’t mind being in LA or touring with you, but this is always going to be her home base. And I know you, Matt. Like it or not, I know you. I was there,” he said emphatically. “This is not the place you want to be—even temporarily.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, I have been here. For a few weeks now, and I’m fine.”
Aaron laughed, but there was no humor in it. “You’ve been here, but you haven’t. You haven’t gone into town or—”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” Matt said, coming to his feet. “I haven’t walked around town waving a damn flag or anything, but I’m not living like a hermit either. I go shopping with Vivienne. We go to pickup takeout. I went into town alone to pick up wine for the dinner we were supposed to have the night you got home.”
“Big deal,” Aaron murmured.
“Dude, what the hell do you want from me? You want me to go and stand in the middle of Main Street and let everyone know I’m here? I’ll do it! Should I call the local media and invite them over for a press conference? I’ll do it!” He stepped closer. “You need to get it through your head that I’m not going anywhere. Vivienne and I may not have all the logistics figured out yet, but her happiness is all that matters to me.”
There was nothing but silence again, and Matt had to wonder what he was thinking. Would he possibly believe his declaration, or were they going to keep fighting about this?
“You have to go and talk to him,” Aaron said in a low voice.
For a minute, Matt was too stunned to respond.
“It’s the only way for this issue to be gone.”
“You can’t be serious.”
Aaron nodded.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Matt hissed. “Why? Why would you suggest something like that? What have I ever done to you do make you this freaking twisted?”
Slowly, Aaron stood and faced him. “Believe it or not, I’m not doing this to you, I’m doing this for you. You’ve held on to it long enough.” He put his hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Or maybe I should say it’s held on to you long enough.”
“You have no idea what you’re asking.”
Aaron looked at him sadly. “That’s where you’re wrong. I do. But if you’re going to stand here and talk about Vivienne and her happiness, you know that living here is a big part of it. And there’s no way for either of you to be happy with this hanging over your head. If you are truly serious about my sister, if you love her, then get rid of this ghost from the past, Matt.”
“You know what, Aaron?” Matt snapped, shoving his friend’s hand off of him. “Fuck you.” Turning a
round, he stalked from the room and out the door, slamming it behind him.
By the time he walked across the yard, he was even madder.
“How dare he!” he shouted to no one as he walked into Vivienne’s. “Who the hell is he to try and tell me how to live my life? And what I’m supposed to be done dealing with?” He wanted to pick something up and throw it, but nothing here was his.
Pacing the room, his emotions raged all over the place. Go and see his father? Sure! Why not? Who wouldn’t want to go and see the man who got a kick out of pretending he was going to kill you? It had taken years—years!—for that nightmare to start to fade, and it was cruel of Aaron to make light of it.
Okay, Aaron didn’t know about the gun. No one did. Until last night, it had been his secret, his own personal hell. Maybe if Aaron knew that, he might not have put the option out there, but there was no way in hell he was going to go back over there and try to make him understand that. He had tried to extend an olive branch, and it hadn’t worked. Now he was going to need time to cool down again.
And the worst part was that he didn’t want to put Vivienne in the middle, so he would keep this to himself. For now. No need to upset her any more than she already was. They only had four more days until they left for Myrtle Beach to go see Riley and Savannah. Maybe by the time they came back, Aaron would be a little more open to talking realistically and maturely about the whole thing.
Taking several deep breaths, Matt felt himself begin to relax. Maybe by the time Vivienne got back he’d feel normal—or at least not so filled with rage. He couldn’t imagine it at the moment; right now, he still felt raw. Betrayed.
Maybe Aaron had a point—it was something a therapist had said to Matt years ago. He needed closure. He needed to confront his demons. It was easy to say when your demon wasn’t flesh and blood and your last encounter didn’t involve a gun to your head.
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