by Mary Monroe
A mob of disorderly children had to be exiled to the backyard in order for the exchange of vows to be heard. As the children were being hustled out, a speckled hen slipped in the house and headed straight to Reverend Tiggs’ pants leg and started pecking frantically.
“Do you, Jack ‘Yellow Jack’ Wong Harris . . . take this woman to—somebody get this chicken!” Reverend Tiggs shouted. He stopped to scold and dismiss the disrespectful hen.
A muffled roar of laughter from the spectators followed.
“Hurry up, Reverend Tiggs, so I can go get myself drunk,” Fast Black said impatiently.
A few minutes later, Yellow Jack kissed his bride.
The wedding party was still going on four hours after the wedding, but the crowd had thinned out considerably.
“I don’t care what Yellow Jack do to Catty—she better stay with him!” Irene laughed.
“Wouldn’t nobody but Yellow Jack have Catty and wouldn’t nobody but Catty have Yellow Jack!” Loomis said.
“Shet up, you drunk, unmarried, middle-aged son-of-a-bitch!” Irene replied.
“Shhhhh! Don’t be cussin with this preacher still here!” Ruby hissed. “Irene, you go in the kitchen and bring out some more beer. Loomis, you keep your eyes on these folks. Make certain nobody wander to the upper room.”
Catty and Maureen moved back so Irene could pass. Loomis moved to the bottom of the stairs leading to the upper room. He removed his switchblade from his back pocket and stuck it in his shirt pocket so that it was visible.
“Just look at ole Loomis flashin his blade. He just want to get attention! Devil! And it’s my weddin. He show out on my weddin day I’m goin to have Mama Ruby beat the shit out of him, Mo’reen!” Catty whispered. “Shoot. This is the happiest day of my life.”
“Catty, do you really love Yellow Jack?” Maureen asked, eyeing her friend suspiciously.
“Love him? Shoot, girl. I don’t even like him. What’s the matter with you, Mo’reen?”
“Why you marry him then?”
“How else was I goin to get them weddin gifts? You think I’d have got me three Ray Charles albums just to be gettin em? I don’t know though. Ole Yellow Jack just might make me a good husband for the time bein. I declare, I wanted them gifts. You know I got me a tea-pot . . . and a hangin lamp . . . some linen . . . a iron . . . all kinds of things.”
“I seen em.”
“Shoot. I been waitin to get married all my life.”
“Just to get a bunch of gifts? You married Yellow Jack just to get a bunch of gifts?”
Catty gasped and looked at Maureen incredulously.
“Why else would I marry that snake-eyed baboon? Shoot! To get this many gifts I’d have even married Bobby Boatwright, cept he your man. Lord. I just think of all the gifts you goin to miss out on, on account of Mama Ruby ain’t never lettin you go. . . .”
Maureen gave Catty an exasperated look and turned and walked away. She stood in a corner, depressed, watching everyone else fuss over Catty and Yellow Jack.
On her way to the upper room, Maureen brushed past Ruby and Ruby turned around and grabbed her by the arm.
“Where you goin, darlin?” Ruby asked.
“I’m fixin to go to bed, I’m sho nuff tired,” Maureen said sadly. “We got a big mess to clean up here tomorrow and I want to be well rested.”
Ruby drank from a can of beer before responding.
“Fast Black say she comin over first thing in the morning to help us clean up,” Ruby said, releasing Maureen’s arm. Before Maureen could say anything else, Bobby came rushing over and grabbed Ruby.
“Mama Ruby, my daddy done fell out dead on the floor! He drunk as a skunk and loose as a goose! He done hit his head on the coffee table—I think he done busted his brains out! Come lay healin hands on him!” Bobby shouted.
The remaining guests ran to Willie Boatwright, who lay stretched out on the floor in a drunken stupor. Maureen stood in back of the crowd watching Ruby perform one of her “miracles.”
“Boatwright, I say, oh, Boatwright, I’m fixin to haul you up off this floor. With the help of the Lord I am fixin to bring you back to life! Lord”—Ruby stopped and got on her knees and rubbed Boatwright’s shoulders—“RAISE THIS MAN! LOOK-A-HERE, LORD, YOU RAISE BOATWRIGHT LIKE I JUST SAID! HE’S A CHRISTIAN FROM HIS HEART AND YOUR FAITHFUL SERVANT TO THE END. WALKIN IN YOUR LIGHT! HE JUST HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH TO DRINK, LORD—BUT YOU CHASTIZE HIM FOR THAT LATER ON . . . PUT IT ON THE REGISTRAR. GET UP, BOATWRIGHT!”
Boatwright sat bolt upright, opening his eyes wide, and the crowd cheered. Two men rushed to help Ruby off the floor and Fast Black went to help Willie Boatwright up.
Maureen slipped into her room and lowered herself onto the bed.
Another hour passed and Ruby came to the upper room. She seemed surprised to find Maureen lying on her back looking up at the ceiling.
“What’s the matter, Mo’reen?” Ruby asked. She stood in the doorway with her hand still on the knob of the half closed door.
“Nothin . . .” Maureen groaned, turning over on her side to face Ruby. “I just wish . . . I just wish . . . oh, Mama Ruby . . . I’m so de’pressed. . . .”
Ruby’s eyes got big and she shut the door and came to stand over Maureen.
“De’pressed about what?”
“Cause I want somethin good to happen to me for a change,” Maureen answered.
“Somethin good is happenin to you right this minute.”
“I want to get married!” Maureen blurted.
“What—why? Girl, don’t you listen when I talk to you? I done explained till I’m blue in the face why you don’t need no husband. A man ain’t what you need!”
“You better look at me real hard, Mama Ruby. I’m eighteen years old.”
“I know that! What’s that got to do with a man? What you got men on your mind for? Shoot.”
“Don’t you know?”
“Don’t I know—why you nasty puppy! It’s that television put this mess on your mind. I’m gettin rid of that television. It’s that television what got you believin that wretched San Francisco is the land of gold! I’m goin to take a stick and bust that television wide open.”
“You ain’t doin nothin! You just mad cause I’m growin up.”
“What is you growin up got to do with you wantin to get married?”
“Don’t you know? I’m human. I want to—”
“Don’t you say it! You want to lay up with some nasty man and forget all about me. Me who done got old and sufferin with every kind of pain there is. Me who got high blood pressure and should not be livin on my own. Me who could get raped if these men around here knowed I was livin by myself, if you was to haul ass.”
“Mama Ruby, you got to understand why I’m feelin this way. I’m a woman now.”
“Is it Bobby Boatwright puttin these notions in your head? If it is, I’m goin to stop lettin him carry you to the movies and stuff. I’m goin to stop him from comin to see you. I might even kill him. Take a brick and bust his brains out.”
“Don’t you mess with Bobby Boatwright.”
“He carried you off to that party last week and kept you out till nine o’clock at night—”
“Leave me alone, Mama Ruby! I can’t stand this no more!”
Maureen turned her back to Ruby.
“One day you goin to thank me and kiss me all over for lovin you so much, Mo’reen.” Ruby gently closed the door and left the room.
The next morning Ruby and Maureen started to clean up the mess from the party, cursing because Fast Black did not show up at eight A.M. to help like she promised. It was past nine when Maureen finally went out on the porch.
She shaded her eyes and looked up, startled to see Fast Black running down the hill, her arms waving and her eyes bugged out. “Mama Ruby, come look at the way Fast Black runnin down the hill. Like the devil after her!”
Ruby rushed out on the porch and stood next to Maureen. “Somethin is sho nuff the matter with Fast Black!�
� Ruby said. She stepped down on the ground and started walking toward Fast Black. Maureen jumped from the porch and followed her. Fast Black fell twice before reaching them.
“What done happened?!” Ruby shouted, holding out her hand to the hysterical woman.
“I declare, yall—aarrgghhh—CATTY DONE LEFT YELLOW JACK FOR ANOTHER MAN!” Fast Black screamed.
37
“Mo’reen, tell me, darlin. Who is this nigger my daughter Catty done run off with?” Bishop demanded. He stood over Maureen as she lay on the sofa licking an orange-flavored Popsicle. “Ain’t been a whole day and the girl done already left her husband,” Bishop lamented. “A man with his own Cadillac!”
“Catty got her gifts. She ain’t had no reason in the world to stay with Yellow Jack,” Maureen said seriously. She looked from Bishop to Ruby and Fast Black standing near the window. Every few seconds one of them would look out and gaze up the hill.
“Catty’s a Christian,” Ruby offered.
“What’s that got to do with her runnin off with another man? My goodness, Mama Ruby, would YOU want to be married to Yellow Jack? You ever smelled his breath first thing in the mornin? Whew! Smell like Tampa Bay!” Maureen said, looking at her incredulously.
“I believe that nigger Catty left with this mornin kidnapped her. This ain’t like Catty to run off and not tell nobody.” Bishop sighed and scratched his head thoughtfully before continuing. “Her mama home now prostrate with grief. Couldn’t get out the bed if the house was on fire. Yeah. Catty was kidnapped.”
“Kidnapped my tail! That bold hussy packed some of her glad rags right in my face! Whoever that nigger is what took her, he was drivin a big black car and wouldn’t let none of us see his face,” Fast Black said angrily.
“I tell yall one thing, whoever the home wrecker is, he livin on borrowed time,” Ruby said with a nod. Maureen and Bishop watched as Ruby leaned over and whispered in Fast Black’s ear. Fast Black’s eyes rolled from side to side twice; then she nodded.
No Talk and Loomis entered the house through the kitchen, grim expressions on their faces.
“Mama Ruby, remember that pitch-black nigger from the weddin reception yestiddy what had on them plastic white shoes?” Loomis asked. He and No Talk strode across the floor and stopped in front of Ruby and Fast Black. “The one what was doin so much talkin?”
“The way that duck was suckin up my beer, I never is to forget him. What about that loose-lipped spook?” Ruby asked, looking from No Talk to Loomis. She placed her hands on her hips. “What yall find out?”
“That’s the nigger what stole Catty right out from under Yellow Jack’s nose. I suspect they fell in love last night and planned to haul ass while the rest of us was drinkin home brew and not payin em no attention. Poor Yellow Jack ain’t got the strength to be out huntin Catty. He got up and seen that she had took them albums and like to had a stroke! He told me he had been thinkin about them albums in his sleep. He went to cussin on account of she took all three of em. She could have left that boy one of them albums to listen to. Shoot. Them weddin gifts was as much his as they was hers. That’s why I ain’t never married. I marry some bitch and she run off with my weddin gifts I’m liable to end up back on the chain gang for bustin her brains out.”
“I just can’t believe Catty run off with all three of them albums!” Fast Black yelled, shaking her head.
“Albums is expensive,” Bishop interjected, defending his daughter. “Yall got to realize, ain’t none of us can go around buyin three albums at a time. Catty always was lookin for bargains. Yall got to give the girl credit for thinkin about dollars and cents.”
“Catty ain’t had sense enough to just up and run off. That nigger put this mess in her head. That girl is generous. She was tricked into leavin Yellow Jack,” Ruby said.
“And takin them three albums,” Loomis added.
“Tell me, whereabout do this hound of hell live what stole Catty?” Ruby asked Loomis.
“Believe it or not, Mama Ruby, he some kind of businessman. He got him one of them Mickey Mouse rib joints in West Miami and got the nerve to live in a big white house on Crawford Street, tryin to pass hisself off as a sport.” There was envy in Loomis’ voice.
“This wife stealer, who is his people, Loomis?” Ruby asked.
“I heard Boatwright tell Roscoe the dog come from a old family in New Orleans. Some uppity Creoles at that!” Loomis said.
Ruby shook her head sadly and let out her breath.
“You just can’t trust them Creoles . . . stealin wives and takin folks’ money. I suspect they all got Jew blood. Well, when we find this home wrecker, I’m goin to treat him like he stole my pocketbook. Fast Black, when we get to Miami, you call Big Red and tell him to stand by. Loomis, you and No Talk go get Yellow Jack’s Cadillac. We got a job to do,” Ruby said.
No Talk took a step back and Loomis looked at Ruby with admiration.
“Mama Ruby, you ain’t nobody to fool with. They couldn’t pay me to cross you,” Loomis said.
Ruby nodded and reached out to touch Loomis’ shoulder and she patted him affectionately.
“Tell me more about the wife stealer, Loomis.”
“OK, Mama Ruby. The baboon followed me and Slim to the weddin. We had been rollin dice with him at Slim’s house and he overheard me and Slim talkin about the weddin and all. Slim had told me to my face, that nigger was a crook of some kind. Him with his own rib joint and ain’t no more than twenty-five. He’s up to somethin illegal,” Loomis insisted, winking.
Maureen’s heart was beating fast and she held her breath. She could already smell the blood in the air. The last time Ruby, Fast Black, Loomis, and No Talk had conferred the way they were doing now, a gambler from Atlanta working on the Kaiser camp had suddenly disappeared. The night of the disappearance, Maureen had been looking out the front window in the upper room. It had been late as she watched the foursome, along with Big Red, move slowly down the hill. No Talk, Loomis, Fast Black, and Big Red were carrying something wrapped in what looked like a blanket. Maureen had run downstairs and watched them disappear into the bayou in back of the house. The next morning, she found a man’s shoe on the ground in front of the house. Later that day she found its mate in the backyard. She never mentioned it to Ruby and nothing was ever said. Other than that a gambler caught cheating at dice at Zeus’ house had mysteriously disappeared.
“Mo’reen, I’ll be back in a hour,” Ruby said. She removed a red bandanna from her housecoat pocket and tied it carefully around her head, concealing her uncombed hair. “Bishop, stay here with Mo’reen. She a little nervous right now and I don’t want her by herself. No Talk, Loomis, Fast Black . . . let’s go on and get this over with.”
Maureen and Bishop stood on the porch watching as the four of them hurried up the hill.
“There they go . . . my mama and her death squad. Bishop, when is all this mess goin to end? I’m gettin so sick of it. Mama Ruby, Fast Black, Loomis, and No Talk and Big Red. Ain’t there somethin somebody could do to straighten em out? They act like wild folks.”
“Girl, Mama Ruby could part the Red Sea if she put her mind to it. She got that much glory. What fool you think goin to go up against a woman big as Ruby is? Shoot. She could stomp my brains out like she was stompin grapes. You don’t see me tryin to get in that woman’s way. I’d rather lock horns with a bull than Ruby.”
“Fast Black, Loomis, and No Talk wouldn’t be the way they is if it wasn’t for Mama Ruby eggin em on.”
“Yeah, but Mama Ruby just like a mama to them folks. She just like a mama to everybody. Why you think we all call Mama Ruby Mama Ruby. Shoot. I’d have to be weaned if Ruby—MAMA Ruby was to ever leave Goons. Mama Ruby done opened all our eyes out here in these swamps. She was sent to us by the Lord, I sho nuff believe. Healin hands and all.”
“You tellin me yall would die without my mama?”
“Ruby ain’t no regular woman, Mo’reen. She got a answer for everything. Ain’t nothin you can’t ax her, she can�
��t answer.”
“Her answers don’t make no sense, Bishop. You ought to hear some of the things she done told me.”
Bishop shook his head.
“All I know is, Mama Ruby is a good woman. I never is to argue with her. She liable to feed me to them gators out there in them swamps like she done—”
“I don’t want hear any more . . . please. If I hear about another person Mama Ruby done . . . I . . . just don’t talk about nobody bein fed to the gators . . . I’m sick enough.”
38
Just as she promised, Ruby returned home after being gone one hour. Maureen, in the kitchen stirring collard greens in a pan on the stove, watched Ruby stand at the sink and wash blood from her switchblade.
“Them greens done yet?” Ruby asked, without looking up.
“No, ma’am,” Maureen mumbled.
Ruby started humming one of the spirituals she loved.
“I got to have Roscoe get me a new knife . . . this one don’t cut like it use to,” Ruby said.
“. . . Maybe you been usin it too much,” Maureen said in a low voice.
“Hmmmm. You might have a point there. I guess I ought to be usin my shotgun more, huh?”
“Why you got to use either one of em?”
“What else would I use? My fists? You have a hard time rememberin I’m a lady, Mo’reen. It ain’t ladylike to go around fist fightin. A lady needs a blade and a shotgun. My switchblade and my shotgun and Jesus done settled a lot of disputes around here.” Ruby stopped talking and resumed humming and Maureen watched her huge body shake as she scrubbed the switchblade more than was necessary.
“Did yall get Catty, Mama Ruby?”
Ruby finished humming the chorus of her spiritual, dried her weapon with a dishcloth, and returned the knife inside her bra before answering.
“We dropped her off to see a lawyer at the free legal aid place so she could get her a divorce. She’ll be back at her daddy’s as soon as Slim can haul the rest of her things from Zeus’ house,” Ruby said casually. “You should have seen how her and that rib-joint-ownin nigger was all laid back on lounge chairs on his front porch when we pulled up. Well, we put a stop to it. Catty was glad to see us and glad to be comin home. That Flatt family done let the devil in the house I suspect. Catty ain’t been herself lately,” Ruby said with concern.