by Carol Ann
This is the story as Ramos related when he was an old man and I an old woman.
Much comes from my own memories and imagination. I who am dead.
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CHAPTER NINE
It was early October, and I was most distressed: it had been three months since my monthly cycle and papa was due back soon. I would have a child born without love, clan or marriage and would I even love him, little hands reaching for a tit of ice? He would live every day with shame, my shame, and disgrace. I thought of taking a knife and running it through my heart. I could also run it down my arm and watch my life flow out like water from a sieve. My heart was leaden like the blacksmith’s anvil and I prayed for God to take me before my time.
But still, there was some hope. Sometimes I saw light come from behind a cloud and I thought so will be my life. Could I pull magic and strength from my heart, and take the golden thread of light from behind the cloud and sew my soul back together again?
That day Rupa and Julio would tend the sheep. The elders were a lot less strict about them being together since they were betrothed to be married in one month. I followed them to watch since mine was a jealous and spiteful heart. I should have done the boojoo that day but I had no heart to rob the gadjes. They headed for the valley and there was really no work to do as the dogs did all the herding. Sheep were very important since we got all our cloth from them. Satin and lace seldom touched my skin.
They laid out a feast of rabbit, new potatoes, feta cheese and hard, brown bread, and shared a boda bag of red wine. She fed him little morsels of food and he did the same to her. In between bites of food they kissed as lover’s do. I imagined his tongue inside my mouth in past days. She pressed her little virgin’s tits into his manly chest and he took off his shirt as the sun was very hot even in the shade of a tree. His skin was a 63
light walnut color like the rays of the setting sun. Then Rupa did something that shocked me: she took off her own red blouse and the whiteness of her skin radiated a blinding light. I know she did not do this in the heat of passion but more as a wedding offertory.
Rupa would only count the flies on the ceiling in the marriage bed. He groaned and climbed on top of her grinding his sex against her until he came in his pants. When he wiped himself clean she could not bear to look at it, and he, of course, did not notice. I suspect she was as dry as a parched river bed. She sat up and put back on her blouse tossing her beautiful head.
Seeing his immense organ again, I thought of taking him in my mouth as I often did. I know that men like this very much. I know much about men and women. When I was nine mama took me to market in El Cetrito, I made acquaintance of a good natured whore named Flaca who told me many things. Flaca was blond, rosy, and fat and her eyes were as blue as the morning sky. Her large bosom almost always overflowed her blouse and men loved her jolly ways. I visited her until she was killed by a jealous wife, a dark, thin, bitter spirited shrew. I put a curse on the woman and don’t know whether she died. Rupa never did know what it is to love a man from under her skirt. I willed to follow them as often as I could until my heart broke.
The next day I went to Granada with Rupa to tell fortunes. I could scarcely look her in the eyes after seeing her with Julio. My blood boiled and I thought of going behind her to slit her pearly, yellow throat. I may just say that gadge men prefered Rupa, or Clementina as she called herself, because she looked much more like a Spanish lady.
Women preferred my plain face.
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Rupa got the first gadge fool that day, a young man, very handsome and fair or rubio, as we say. His skin was the color of the sky before a rain, and his hair was golden like wheat flax. His lips were full and red like a conquistador. There was something commanding and arrogant about him, a man who was never told, “no”. His diamond ring glimmered like a crushed tear drop on his finger. His body was thin and tight like one of our men, unusual for a gadje. His horse, brown with a black mane, was of the kind called thoroughbred. She made herself all smiles and willing eyes when she looked on his ring.
“I’ll take the pretty one to read my palm or fortune. What is your name, dear?” he said in a melodious voice.
“Clementina, and I knew you were coming, sir. I saw it in my ball. I had a vision of you riding up on your horse.”
“You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, Senorita, or is it Senora.”
“I am Senorita, sir and have had no man as yet.”
I felt rage for Julio yet I knew it was just part of the boojoo.
“I see a dark haired woman riding behind you on your horse and she is laughing.”
“But, I know of no such woman. My fiancé, Emeline, is fair and red headed.”
“This woman is very near, the dark haired one. I also see a riding coach accident.
The woman has red hair, all spread out, and blood on her neck and breasts. It is a very bad accident. I fear she is dead.”
“That may be Emeline, my intended. Oh, this is very bad news. We’re to be married, a Sunday, month.”
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“I am sorry. I only tell what the crystal reveals. There is a curse on her,” said Rupa.
“Can you lift the curse and who placed it.”
“A death curse is always very difficult to lift. The gentleman responsible is white-haired with a moustache, and bears a coat of arms with the head of a cobra.”
“I don’t know about the coat of arms but you describe Don Marco, her ex-husband.”
“I only know he is very jealous and does not want her to marry. Bring me a lock of her hair or a piece of material from her most private area and I shall lift the curse. It will be very expensive. Twenty sovereigns and your rings, sir.”
“But my rings have been in my family for centuries. Can I give anything else?
More money, perhaps?”
“Do you love her?”
“Yes, very much.”
“Then the rings, sir. Meet me at the caves of Sacro Monte. I will be dancing tomorrow night. Bring all I ask and I will guarantee her life.”
“What if you lie?”
“Then you must leave it to fate and sleep well this eve. You may show yourself out, I trust. Let your life unfold like a dark blue ribbon on a midnight highway.” I told Rupa I was impressed and asked whether she thought he would come and she only smiled and said nothing. It was a profitable day on the whole: fools were abundant.
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The next night the rubio (blond man) came on a white Arabian horse, rings in hand. I sometimes wondered what life was like for a gadje woman, having everything done for her and even the children reared by servants, cared for like a precious pearl. No man would give up a diamond ring for a gypsy girl. We work harder, do more and are worth less.
Rupa danced by the campfire, her blood red lips drawn back to reveal harsh white teeth, her green eyes, the color of summer leaves. Her arms formed a graceful arc and her feet brutally stomped the ground. Her hips as she neared the male dancer simulated the throes of passion in love making and the guitars strummed a rhythm, angry and lustful. Then they were still like two figures frozen in a frame.
Afterward, the rubio (blond man) met her at her tent. She made him stand outside the tent and lit all the candles so he could see her in silhouette. She asked for the lock of hair and full payment. She let him see her put it in a poultice of chicken blood and spit in it. Then she staggered around inside the tent like a mad woman, screaming and waving a knife. In the end she faked a convulsion and pretended to pass out for a number of minutes. Then she came out all disheveled and wild eyed and said, “Sir, the curse is lifted.”
When he left she offered to ride with him to the river because it was a moonless night, as she said. It is strictly forbidden for a gypsy woman to consort with a gadje man out of a group setting and she was not detected. Then she forced a lustful kiss on his startled mouth and said, “Sir, I am that dark woman I spoke of in prophesy.” And she came back in the early morning hours, and she smiled in her sleep
.
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CHAPTER TEN
I must go back on my story a bit. Before Rupa returned Julio came to our wagon all in a rage demanding to see Rupa. La Vieja (the Old One) was the only person who saw her leave with the gadje and she told him of it. I said she had removed a curse from the gadje earlier and perhaps she had only gone to the river for a cool drink. Julio caught my arm roughly saying he had checked all over for her and she was nowhere to be found and even the dogs were not barking.
“I know she went off with that gadge and I will kill her when I catch her. She has disgraced me.”
“Perhaps she only wanted to see him safely to the road. It is a dark and moonless night.”
“I don’t believe that!”
“Julio, be sensible. The gadje payed a very large sum. This is business. There’s money to be made. Rupa can make us very rich with this particular gadge.”
“I don’t care. I won’t be made a fool of. You lying bitch,” and he slapped me hard.
“I will kill her with my bare hands.”
“They’ll hang you at a Kris if you do that.”
“They’d applaud my effort. No gypsy woman may consort with a gadge man.” Julio then pulled me close, kissed me roughly bruising my lips and he put his hands under my blouse and squeezed my by breasts roughly saying, “Two whores in the family. What a coincidence.”
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“I will not be raped again and on St. Sara’s name, I swear I will kill you with papa’s knife if you don’t stop!” I said.
“All right, Tekla, Poor victim of circumstance. I’ll stop.” I reached out and sliced him on the forearm because it felt good to do it. He jumped back and yelled, “Conyo” and he said, “I’ll be back in the morning and she’d better have some answers”.
I said, “Vayas al invierno, cabron.” (Go to hell, bastard) and went back inside to wait for Rupa. I fell into a violent sleep and did not wake up when she came in. Julio was back at our tent in the morning demanding an explanation. Rupa calmly said she was back at 2:00 and that no dogs barked because they knew her scent. She explained she only wanted to make a good impression on a very rich man and was he crazy to think she would make herself mahrime.
“I don’t believe you, you heartless bitch,” he said slapping her across the cheek leaving a purple mark. Rupa started to cry, and I stepped in.
“See, here, Julio, I will not let you beat my sister. One more time, and I’ll cut your gypsy balls off.”
Carlos stepped back and then suddenly he laughed. “Conyo, I know better than to play with you, Tekla. Beware, Rupa, you do it again, and I will kill you.” I, Tekla, said, “You’ll do no such thing. One more threat like that and I’ll have Papa call off the wedding. He won’t let us be harmed. I thought you were a better man than this, Julio. You have no proof other than she rode him to the river.” 69
“I am a better man than this, Tell Rupa, to act right and you will see the kind of man I am.” He then mounted his horse and rode off.
Afterward I confronted Rupa and it seemed she did indeed have a plan that included neither Julio or our clan, The Rom.
“You would disgrace our family for a gadje and betray Julio?”
“Mahrime is just a word for old people and besides you are mahrime, yourself, Tekla. When papa returns you will be cast out. As, it is you have to hide in the wagon and only go out at night. Tekla, do you remember the times of no food when the nails of hunger split our bellies? Do you remember the frost on our eyelashes when we woke up in the winter, and the numbness in our fingers. For years and years, I have lived this way, and for what to be called a proud gypsy? Only the rich can be proud! I want to eat goose, and drink fine wine, and live in a palace not a filthy, ragged wagon. I want to wash in fine soaps and wear perfume. I want to wear satin and lace not these poor rags and mostly I want never to beg again! Julio can’t give me that: Enrique can.”
“Oh, so he’s Enrique now? Do you love him?”
“I love his diamonds, and his fine palace.”
“Does he love you, Rupa?”
“I made sure of that, Tekla, when I bedded him.”
“Can you take him away from the other bitch?”
“I can do that wearing a burlap sack with a dirty face and stinking of the grave.”
“How can you be so sure?”
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“I have spent my life being a man’s prize. I saw the look in his eye as he came, and he gave this diamond and emerald betrothal gift. When he came, afterward he lay in my arm’s crying. Men are so soft, really. So grateful.”
“Have you ever loved a man, Rupa?”
“No, my love is women. And you and mama, and papa never guessed. Remember when Ramona moved away and I didn’t eat for a week. That should have told you something.”
“And what of Julio?”
“What of him, Tekla. Will you tell and get your baby sister cast out? Please do not tell, and I’ll make him very happy right up to the end. Maybe then, you can have him: I know you love him.”
To hear these words come from her mouth and know that they were true was like an arrow through my heart. So well, so cruelly, she had planned things. “And Tekla, I knew you killed my cat. I played my role, well, no?”
I was so miserable for loving her goodness, and knowing it was false. All those years of loving and protecting an empty mirage. I determined to follow Julio and Rupa everywhere that I could experience the full pain of it. The pain and the bitterness.
Mostly she just teased him but one day she gave him his heart’s content. They met in the barn one night and it was raining and thundering. They lay in the hayloft on the upper rung. The horses were neighing and snorting and a cow would let out a low moan occasionally. In the moonlight that came from the spaces between the slats, their faces and bodies were striped like tigers.
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Rupa removed her blouse and lay on Julio’s bare chest. I could envision his organ making a large lump on her belly. Then I heard him begging her.
“Rupa, please, our wedding day is three days hence, can I please have your full love? I am on fire for you and feel as if I will burst.”
“Julio, you know it is forbidden, against our law and we will be cast out,” she said in her low, calm voice.
“We can pay the bruja (witch) and use chicken blood, and no one sees inside the tent but just us three. I know it is done.”
“Julio, I can’t take the risk. Anything could go wrong.”
“Rupa, please, I am bursting with need. Darling, right or wrong, there is only us.
I am just your man and you are my woman.”
“Julio, for the last time, no, and if you don’t stop, I will go.”
“All right, my darling, I surrender. Just let me lie by your side and hold you.”
“All right, Julio, I just had to know how much you loved me. You may have my virgin’s flower. Take off your pants.”
His organ glowed purple, and jutted straight up at the moon. I thought I would faint with desire and a pulse went from my neck to where I was mahrime, throbbing and throbbing, like the hot tip of a knife. I knew Rupa was feeling nothing, although she was moaning and gyrating around. I felt hatred for my beautiful sister so much that I imagined ripping her lovely, cold heart from her chest and holding it like a quivering mass in my hand.
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She hiked up her skirt to allow him to enter and he lay down on top of her, entering slowly so as not to cause her any pain.
“Ay, Julio, she said, “You’re much too large. Can you come out a bit so I can get used to you?”
He pulled out a bit and began to move slowly, saying, “I don’t know how long I can keep this up. I need to fill you.”
“You must not or you’ll rip me, Julio, Keep it as is or I’ll scream.”
“All right, as you wish, my love,” and his voice was rough as uncut stone. She kept her legs down and closed, not allowing full access. Julio worked from above, only penetrating halfway, stimulating his balls with one hand.
Rupa managed to move enough to release his seed and simulate her own climax. She even cried out as in rapture and I never hated her more than then. Afterward Julio noticed there was no blood and with tears in her eyes, she explained that perhaps it was due to an almost fatal horse back riding accident she had as a girl.
“I did so want to give you my maiden’s blood,” and she continued to sob. “Don’t tell anyone. You know how mistrustful people are of a beautiful girl. They’d probably not believe me and cast me out. You know secrets are like trinkets locked in a beautiful box. We must never take them out.”
How I wanted to take his dark head between my breasts and comfort him. On the day of his wedding he stood cold, and alone with no bride to love him. I cried but for me he had eyes of stone.
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CHAPTER ELEVEN
In my heart I still yearned for Julio though I knew he perceived my betrayal and my part in Rupa’s escape. But with Rupa out of the picture I still had hope for hope is what one has when there is nothing else. It was a rainy Monday morning and papa had just returned last evening and I knew I would be cast out though I was innocent of blame.
The wind slapped the cloth of my wagon and the sky rained tears. My heart was a hard piece of coal throbbing within my breast. Mother and Rupa had kept my condition a secret saying I had a wasting sickness and could not venture out. People were really kind and sent food and herbal remedies handed down over the centuries. Family is the most important thing to gypsies. Para ganar es bien pero tener la familia es mejor ( to earn money is a good thing but to have family is better).
Soon I would be like a lone star hurtling through space and time. I did not think it right that I should be vanquished. I determined to ask papa for a Kris to absolve me. I knew when he heard of Rupa’s elopement he would blame mama for that as well. I thought of Rupa’s betrayal of Julio and I felt a great sorrow in my heart. She ruined a fine man for gadge trash. She’d sell her soul for a diamond necklace and did. She broke the warm circle of our family. I imagined her sitting on a fine bed with her dark hair spread out on a lace pillow with that pale worm putting his hands on her and I felt sickened. I imagined that weak bastard whimpering at her feet, throwing pearls after swine. Rupa was out of my heart forever, a false bitch.