by Carol Ann
After that Magdalena washed my soiled body and changed the linens. So soft and warm were her hands as she attended me. The greenness of her eyes comforted me and I thought of green ferns growing by a river. I soon fell asleep and my dreams were of Louis and my boys. Louis was standing in the shade, his red lips glowing in the half light and he held my child in his arms, gently rocking him back and forth, and there was a light like a halo about his head. I saw myself and Antonio standing in the light of Louis’s 207
spirit. There was blood between Louis’s lips and I am not sure what it meant. In life there will always be some pain, some blood spilt. No spirit is completely in the light.
We are both devil and angel.
When I woke up Louis was standing over me holding a small velvet box. I opened it and found a red ruby ring surrounded by diamonds, and he said the word,
“Wife”, and kissed me gently on the lips placing his other hand on my breast.
Louis left on 5 September, 1690, taking my boys with him. He took my soul with him across the green, treacherous sea. I thought back to my first love, Julio and how pastel it seemed compared to what I felt for Louis. A young girl’s love is like a hand full of wildflowers, beautiful but subject to wilting. I loved Louis deep as a river of blood. I loved his wide, cruel mouth, his obsidian eyes, his rutting cock. I loved his rough hands that could bring me to climax so easily. And most of all I love that he needed me. True he was an avaricious warrior but I loved the danger in his soul as well as the warm thud of his love coursing in his heart. One love was forever until the earth crumbled to dust and all life ceased.
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CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
Then it was just me and Carlos against the world, and I yearned for my babies. I wanted so much to see Antonio grow into a man and to hold my baby as he suckled to smell his sweet baby skin, to see him learn to walk, and to look into his dark eyes, and to see the image of his father. Little hands reaching for me as the cock crows in the early morning, and to see the bubble of a smile fading from his lips. I would never retrieve those early years, lost forever. He would never love me as he loved the Lady Magdalena.
He would always think of her as his mother. I instructed her not to be too soft with him, and weaken him. She replied that he would have Louis for that training. A man must be dangerous in this world to survive.
Carlos let the Queen Maria Anna out of prison, and she made the mistake of telling Carlos she would kill him if he ever did it again.
“My Dear, We know you do not love Us as Marie Luisa did. We think three more months in the tower will sweeten your mood. We know We are not strong and will die, no doubt, soon. Why not wait for the Angel of Death to gather me into his arms. We are patient. You be patient, too. We await the Angle of Death as a dear friend. A wife like you does not engender warmth or affection.”
She cursed him with the fires of hell and the wrath of Austria. He immediately summoned Hortencia to take her back to her cell, kicking and screaming. I warned him that she might really try to kill him when she got out. He laughed and said he knew it and said what else was new. As the years wore on Carlos became even more mad and ill.
He suspected everyone, even me. Sometime he never left the bed chambers. Numerous times he attended court meetings dressed in just a soiled night shirt and bare feet. At 209
times he seemed not to know who he was or where he was, and he talked aloud to Marie Louisa, professing his love and loyalty.
Spain had no king so Jito and I and the Junta del Gobierno took over the reins of the Kingdom. Jito, at first, was angry at Louis’s command but being a practical man, he chose not to risk his own life for love. And I took Hortencia as my lover because she would never love me, or anyone else for that matter. The part that loved was tortured out of her. I showed utmost kindness to her tortured soul. Behind her eyes was a waterfall of pain and sorrow. In effect, her soul had died: but her healthy, robust body had not.
I would perfume her and braid her long fiery red hair. When I tried to give her a valuable gown she refused, saying, “I choose to live as a man, Gitana. I fight like one. I swear like one, and make love like one. Majesty, Gitana, if I could love anyone, it would be you. That part of me has fled: I survive as a beast not a woman. I am hollow inside.” I asked her what she would do to Torquemada if she had the chance. She replied,
“I would eat his cock and balls raw as he screamed in pain. That meat is to my liking. I dream of him every night.”
Hortensia was more vigorous and demanding than Marie. Her passion ran so hot I could scarcely stand it. It was like a fire that would consume me. She was rough with her mouth, sucking and sucking as if to disembowel me, and she liked me to bite her voluminous breasts as she came like a wild animal, screaming and clawing me with her fingernails, causing me to cry out in pain. Sometimes I asked her to stop: at other times I wanted to feel her rage. My orgasms with this beastly girl were more intense than those with Marie and sometimes I rather loved her. At other times I feared her. When I looked 210
into her vibrant eyes, I saw a vast, frozen terrain, and a hatred of mankind that was almost palpable.
As I said, Carlos became even more insane and Maria Anna frequently called on me to calm him as she could not comfort him in any way and she was disinclined to help him. One time in the middle of winter I found him nude near Marie’s grave saying he heard her calling him.
“Carlos, Majesty, Marie Louisa is dead and you are without clothes. You shall catch a chill,” I said.
“No, she’s not dead. We see her walking through the gravestones in a glorious, white gown that shimmers, beautiful as a white rose. She loves me still and will come back and reign with me. We shall toss Maria Anna out like the piece of filth that she is.
She mocks Us in front of her ladies in waiting, and We are not so mad that We don’t realize it’s me she refers to in her cruel, subtle jokes. And they laugh and laugh. They whisper lies about me, that We don’t even have a cock. They await my death like a pack of vultures. She encourages them to mock me. Gitana, you’re my only friend. Well, you and my Confessor, We suppose. We must not sin though We do. The fires of hell await me, We fear.”
“No, my dear friend, you will not go to hell. Your whole life was a living hell, and you suffered and suffered. I feel sure you will go to heaven. You are not treacherous in anyway.”
“We are not pious enough. We should pray more. We should be more humble.
Is it true We have gone mad?”
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“Carlos, you’re just weak from lack of food and cold. It’s winter and you don’t have any clothes on.”
“We don’t have any clothes on. We never knew it. We are ashamed. Can you hear her calling me from across the meadow. Her voice in the wind.”
“Dear, Dear, Carlos, we must go inside. Marie will follow us in. Your flesh is turning blue from the cold.”
“Gitana, did you know my father Phillip talks to me in my dreams? He says I am letting the kingdom go to hell.”
“True, it would be better if you were not ill. But the hidalgos and I are looking out for the interests of Spain.”
“We thought that We sat on the throne yesterday and signed papers.”
“No, Majesty, you stayed in bed all day: you were quite ill.”
“How long have we been ill, Carmen?”
“A number of years, ten. It is the year, 1700, and you are thirty-eight years old, Majesty.”
“We can scarcely recall the years. It is my Marie who comforts us day and night as she always did. Have We talked like this often, Carmen?”
“Every day, Majesty, I have been by your side. Carlos let us go inside. It is beginning to snow. Of course, Marie will come, too.”
In this way I got him inside. I had a warm bath drawn for him, and washed himclean, including his tangled, matted hair. He began to wail and cry so I prepared a sleeping potion as I had for many years. But before that, I prevailed upon him to eat.
Then his nurses came in to wa
tch him through the night.
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The very next day I told him he had to choose a successor. The Queen insisted he select from the Austrian Hapsburg line, but King Louis demanded he select his grandson, Philippe, Duc d’Anjou, a Bourbon successor. In the end his fear of Louis superseded his wife’s harsh demands and he selected Philippe.
It was this decision and his anxiety over not selecting a Hapsburg heir which pushed him beyond his meager limits and there was no more conversing with Carlos. He spoke in monosyllables and constantly wept for Marie and for his life to end.
That and an exorcism recommended by his Confessor, Froitan Diaz, caused for Carlos to be completely unstrung. He refused to eat, bathe, or sleep. My draughts no longer put him to sleep and I was afraid to use anything stronger. I had to force feed him and bathe him like a little child. He wandered the halls of the palace at all hours wailing and weeping. I was the only one he would obey. His own belief that he was possessed hastened his demise.
His grandmother Joanna of Castile was known as Joanna the Mad. She was the wife of Carlos I who was also the Holy Roman Emperor. Out breeding in the Hapsburg line ceased in the year 1550. It was common to wed first cousins and to wed nieces to uncles. It was if tracts of land were wedded to tracts of land. His own mother was his father’s niece. I read all of this and sorrowed for poor Carlos. The only thing I could do was look after him as he was good at evading his nurses. I thought of his sad life. He was so feeble at birth that until age five or age six he was fed by a wet nurse. For years it was thought not safe to allow him to walk. That he not be overtaxed, he was not given an education. He did not talk until he was four or walk until he was eight. In my time the mad were despised, spat on, tortured as objects of derision. There was also the belief that 213
they were possessed. I spent my days with Carlos and my nights with Hortencia. That was my life for ten years.
On 1, November, 1700, Carlos got his wish and his deliverance into the white, ghostly arms of Marie Louisa. I found a dead sparrow on my windowsill and I knew it was my beloved Carlos saying goodbye. I put the little bird in an embossed, velvet lined silver box and buried it is the garden amongst the beautiful, sighing flowers. Carlos like Marie was lodged in my gypsy heart. The person dies but love is forever.
There was much opposition to the Bourbon occupation of the throne among the English, Dutch, and Austrian powers. It was thought that this would make Louis even more dangerous and powerful. However, a second act of Louis, the occupation of several towns in the Spanish Netherlands ignited the powder keg of war. Almost immediately, the War of Spanish Succession began dating from 1702 to 1713. After eleven bloody years of global warfare fought on four continents and three oceans, the Duc d’Anjou, was confirmed as Phillip V, King of Spain.
But I’ve taken you too far into my story. Let us go back to the year 1700, the death of Carlos. Louis arrived 23, December, 1700. No better Christmas could I have had. The snow was falling in clumps and I met his ship at the docks. It was bitterly cold. I had on a long fur cloak, red velvet gown trimmed in white rabbit fur, green riding boots and a white lace mantilla with diamonds on my head. I was meeting the most powerful King in Europe. I who in girlhood, was a mere thistle at Rupa’s feet. I, whom my father did not love. Mama had been right: she said I would have an amazing life.
Louis looked every inch a King in his long black fur coat and black thigh boots.
His shoulders were big as any two men. He ran at me, grabbed me, and spun me around.
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He opened his cloak, and took me in that I might feel his erection through his pants. He put my hand in his pants and tongue kissed me. His tongue was rough, serpentine, and hungry in my mouth.
Then he released me and said, “The years have been kind to you, Carmen and how do you find Our cock?”
“Fit for a King, my love.”
“See whom We have brought you, my lovely one. Julio Luis and the Lady Magdalena. We would have brought Antonio, too, but he is twenty-one now and will be married January 1: Julio is ten. They are both fine, robust boys who love to hunt, fight with swords and practice war games. And like you, they read voluminously. We might add. Ten years have passed since you saw them. You saw Us frequently in my many trips to Spain. We know you felt you were, most often Carlos’ protector, but don’t discount the times We came to you. We could not allow Our love flower to wither on the vine. We kept you full with Our cock and thirsty for Our kisses of wine. Now, we will be a family, Our wife.”
“There is talk of war over the Bourbon Duke. I don’t know if I can come with you.”
“You will come, my stubborn wife. Spain is no longer your business nor your home. We shall take you as a prisoner if you don’t consent.”
.
“Then I shall escape.”
“You shall never escape me even if you have to place a guard at your door at all times, and chances are if you do, We will only bring you back, kicking and screaming.
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You cannot refuse me now. We have waited ten, long years for you. We have spoken, Carmen. Say nothing more.”
“Oh, Louis, I love you so.”
“Say you love my cock and balls.”
“I love it where you rut, and squirt your sperm into me. I love the long, fat pole of your cock as it slides into me and the taste of sweet, dark wine on your wide, red mouth. I love your sweated smell as you lie on my belly. When I am with you the whole world becomes Louis. Not even a faint flicker of the world intrudes.”
“Oh, Carmen, to hear you say those words pleases me greatly. Now greet your son, Julio.”
Magdalena had him by the hand. He was the very image of Louis, ruddy faced, dark eyed, with the same full, wicked lips. He dropped her hand and stepped boldly forward taking my hand.
“Hello, mama, shall you give me a kiss?”
I gave him a kiss on the cheek and his skin was hot to the touch. I asked if he had a fever. He replied that when he got excited his face got hot.
“Mama, why did you not come back with us to France. Antonio says you had to stay. Why didn’t you stay with us? I don’t understand. Did you not want me?”
“Oh, Julio,” I said, taking him in my arms, “I wanted you more than anything but my first duty was to King Carlos who saved my life. When Louis took you to France with him, He took my heart with him. You are all I have right now. You, Louis, and Antonio are my life right now. King Carlos is dead.”
“I still hate you, Mama.”
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“Lady Magdalena is my real mother right now. Don’t take her from me.”
“I shall never take Lady Magdalena from you. Of course not. I will prove myself to you, Julio, and I don’t expect you to love me right now. I know you are angry and have a right to be. I shall never take Lady Magdalena from you. You have my word.”
“You promise?” asked Julio.
“I promise,” I said.
Magdalena said, “Did I not tell you to not say that. Julio you are being hateful.”
“I still hate her. She abandoned me.”
Louis stepped forward. “What of all the gifts and letters she sent you. Do you not realize she cares, son?”
“Not enough. No real mother would do what she did,” said Julio.
“My son,” said Louis, “You are behaving badly. It broke her heart not to be near you. What she did was save your life. Poisoners were out to kill her and the King.
Attempts were made. We convinced her it was the right thing to do. If you blame anyone, blame Us. In time you will accept her when you see the kind of person she is.”
“No, I won’t,” said Julio giving me a baleful look.
It appears my son inherited the trait of stubbornness from someone We will not name. From two people We will not name. My darling, Carmen, do not sorrow. This boy will love you one day as We do,” said Louis.
“No, I won’t,” said my child.
Louis reached out and tousled his hair. “Maybe you will be a King o
ne day.
You’re already a little bastard. All king’s are bastards.” And He laughed. I laughed too though I did not feel it. I had prepared myself for it but it still hurt.
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“Go back to Lady Magdalena, Julio. You hate me and it is that way now. We have days and days to live. I love you no matter what you say or do,” I said.
Magdalena put her hand over the boy’s mouth saying, “Say no more, Julio, or I shall whip you.”
Louis said, “Let us go and have a grand repast. Our appetite is great this eve. We shall require many fresh vegetables and many meats and fishes,” We rode back in silence, Louis, myself, Magdalena, and my angry child. When we Got back Maria Anna and her courtiers greeted us at the door. All was red or green or gold and silver. A giant, heavily decorated Christmas tree stood in the foyer filling the air with its pine essence.
“King Louis, it is my pleasure to invite you to my table. Spain needs the help and support of France in this terrible time of grief and loss of my poor, dear husband.”
“Queen Maria Anna, my dear woman, We have no doubt of your deep, deep grief.
The hand of France extends to Spain. We know Carlos honored Our wishes in the matter of succession to the throne. Philippe, Our grandson, shall be a just and effective ruler.
This greatly pleases Us. France and Spain shall align. A Bourbon King on the throne of Spain.”
“We believe him to be inexperienced in government and a bit too pious to be a good king. The illustrious House of Austria has many able contenders in line for the throne. A king may not be pious: he must be worldly wise.”
“My good woman, he is Our choice and We will brook no contention. Besides we are sure you will enjoy your retirement as Queen. Now you will enjoy a quiet, 218
peaceful life doing all the womanly things that so will please you. You never much relished power We are told,” said Louis.
Maria Anna’s mouth dropped open and one could see she bit back a harsh reply.
Louis could be so cruel and yet, he was never cruel to me. This is not to say we did not have conflict and strife at times.