by Carol Ann
Mama’s eyes teared and she remarked that she always knew mine would be a large destiny, and that I would surpass, Rupa. I asked if they had heard from Rupa and they said they had heard not one word from her. And I asked if they heard from Julio.
Mama replied, “He travels with various bands of Rom (gypsies). But he has a cattle farm not far from the valley. He never married, Tekla.” I said, “Never married but I am sure a man like Julio has to have some sort of women probably from town even though it is mahrime. Mama, you’re old and wise, and surely you must realize some of our laws are unjust. Julio has to be with a woman from time to time.”
“His heart never healed from Rupa. They say you lay with Queen Marie Louisa.
Is that true, mi hija?” (my daughter)
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“We cannot help who we love, mama. The heart makes its own decision,”I said.
“Then it’s true. Well, that was your life. Besides one know the gadje are perverse.”
“It was not perverse. It was beautiful. Though. I prefer men, I on occasion will take a woman unlike Rupa who prefers only women. She only married him for the money.”
Mama said, “Then Rupa was not really gypsy in heart. Julio is a fine man and a good earner. She would have been fine with him. He is the richest of gypsies.”
“No, mama, you are wrong when a woman is queer she cannot stand the sight of cock.”
“I had so wanted the companionship of my daughters in my old age. In my later years I ceased caring that you’re mahrime.”
“Rupa is afraid of papa as I used to be. One must investigate fear, turn it over and over in one’s hand like an interesting stone until it becomes familiar, and loses its power.”
“You have become very powerful in your maturity. More powerful than I could imagine, she said.”
“My life required me to become powerful. I had to rule with Carlos and Marie Louisa. And I continued to rule with the Hidalgos after his death.” You ruled Spain, mi hija (my daughter)?”
“Yes, mama. Who do you think repealed all the unjust rules about gypsies, that we could not be blacksmiths, sell our wares at fairs, or gather together and marry. The worst one was that a nobleman could kill on sight as public nuisance.” 232
“Mi hija, te quiero tanto.” (My daughter I love you so much)
“Te quiero, tambien.” ( I love you as well). I am going to bring water from the river to heat over the fire. Where are your barrels? I am going to bring water from the river to wash your hair and give you a bath, Every woman wants to look beautiful whatever the age and we will select a new gown for you to wear.” I put her in a pink and white wool dress and braided her newly clean hair. She looked her old self except for a few wrinkles. She asked me about my new man, Louis XIV, and I told her of his bravery and mastery in bed.”
“So you are not really queer as they say? she asked.
“No, I am never regular or queer. I’m an opportunist. I just love who is near and loves me. I have had a wonderful life. I have only done what is required of me. I have two sons now, Antonio, who is twenty-one, and, Julio Luis who is ten now. And I have the heart of the most powerful King in Europe.”
“Well, I guess it would take a King to conquer you!” laughed mama.
“Yes, mama, I have met my equal in spirit, in strength, and in heart until I met Louis.. I want you to be happy for me. The nurse I send is very skilled and has a wonderful soul. In her life she raised twelve children. She is from the Rom (gypsies) and is specially educated to heal and serve you. In addition, she is an excellent cook.”
“Got everything figured out, Gitana,” said papa bitterly.
“Papa, if you interfere with my plan, I will quarter a soldier, here and he will be a gadje.”
“So they call you La Gitana, You have done much to help the Rom (gypsies). I may have been wrong about you.”
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“I accept your apology.”
“I did not apologize. I give no apologies to women.”
I laughed aloud, “Same old papa, We shall not argue further. This is to be a happy time for mama. Now, I will look in the wagons to what else you may need in your old age. Each month I shall send you staples and Bourbon. You will tell Elisa Maya, the nurse, if you need anything and it will be sent. You are old, papa, and cannot do all the things you did in youth. The Reaper sits at your campsite.”
“She’s right, Moishe,” said mama.
“But everything she sends is mahrime, from the gadje. I won’t eat it.”
“Papa if you choose to die from starvation that is your choice. Mama shall have all that is fine from the Kingdom, and the Reaper shall take her with silken arms and a cool sweetness. I have spoken.”
He started the reply and then thought better of it. His face was set in a hard line.
I made the decision to send a soldier with the nurse for a few months.
“Mama, do you remember the time I fell in the river and nearly drowned?”
“Yes, mi hija, (my daughter) and you commanded me to teach you to swim. You were already powerful at the age of seven.”
“Was I that much trouble to you, mama?”
“No, you were very alive, demanding to know why all the time. You took to reading like a fish to water while Rupa was never really interested. I thought no man would be able to conquer you.”
“No one but Louis ever did.”
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“Well, querida, (darling) you were right fifty percent of the time. The other times I had to get the switch. But you got better as you got older. You got better at obeying me.
I thought you were secretly in communion with the wolves. You were so like a wild animal. Rupa was much more manageable. I would go to bed and think, ‘what will my little pot of fire do tomorrow?
“Was it that hard, mama?”
“I never tired of you, querida (darling). You were so alive, so inquisitive, and you made me laugh. I never knew what would come out of your mouth, Once you asked if you might see a little boy’s cock to know the difference. Rupa was a beautiful, vacant and empty doll and the darling of Moise’s heart. I knew from the beginning that you would conquer the world, and you have.”
“I couldn’t have done it without your love and support.”
Querida (darling), that is what a mother does. Sometimes you use an iron hand on a child. Other times, all is softness like a hand encased in velvet.”
“So true, I much enjoy motherhood. I have been separated from my babies for ten years. Spain was too dangerous for them so I sent them abroad with Louis until I could join them.
“Do royals poison each other?” asked mama.
“Very much so. I was in danger and could not let them be in danger, too.” And they say gypsies are the poisoners,” said mama.
“Sometimes, we just sell them the poison. We are murderers, as well, by our involvement.”
“I guess you’re right, Tekla. But I always refused such requests,” said mama.
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“Mama, I come to you as your little girl not La Gitana. I have done many violent things. It comes with power. I had to execute many traitors and criminals at times.
And some proved innocent after the fact. I must seek heaven on earth and not expect it after death”.
Mi hija (my daughter) this saddens me.”
“I just followed my destiny, mama, and did what I had to in order to protect King Carlos. St. Sara has given me an extraordinary life.”
Querida, (darling) I will pray for your soul and drag you into heaven when you die.”
“Sometimes by whim or necessity I have done many bad things. As a woman I cannot compare to you, mama.”
“Nonsense, you are La Gitana and have done much for the Rom.” I am only part good. The other part is an evil tarantula. Murdering, lying, being untruthful for personal gain. I have sought power and greatness just like the gadje.
Avarice and greed lie in my heart. The simple life would no longer satisfy me.” We drank, laughed and reminisced thr
oughout the night. Moishe went to bed early. Mama was quite drunk and the tears flowed for the daughters she had lost. I held her like a child: my arms circled her and protected her from the cold January air. She went to bed when the sun rose from its hiding place during the night. I slept for a few hours and woke up to make coffee to get my heart from beating strong. Papa got up and came over to my campfire. I offered him some coffee with good honey and goat’s milk which he refused saying I would poison him.
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I replied, “Mother loves your worthless ass. If she did not the bullet would not have gone to the horse. Think on it. I had ample time to kill you if I so desired. Now sit down and have some coffee: being mahrime does not kill you. You see I am drinking it and have no ill effect. Now sit, I command you.”
He hesitated then sat down and took the coffee if offered.
“There is no love lost between us, hijita, (little daughter). Let us toast to that.” I laughed and toasted him.
“About mama, she is not young anymore: can you throw her a morsel of love from your stingy heart every now and again? She has loved you well, and endured your harshness for sixty some odd years.”
“Do you command it, Gitana?”
“That I do, papa. Make yourselves happy in the time you have left.”
“I promise to treat her in a softer way. I perceive I am a harsh man and she never once stopped loving me.”
“Oh, papa, you make me so happy.”
“That was not my intent.”
“See, you cannot resist the impulse to be cruel.”
“I can say I shall make her very happy. I shall buy her some a dozen red roses when I go to town this noon.”
“That’s good, papa and you will like the nurse I send, She is very respectful of men, has a sweet, warm heart, and she is very skilled with the ill. In addition, she is an excellent cook. Right now, I must awaken mama and tell her I must return to my beloved 237
King who waits for me in Seville. Tell me the way to Julio’s ranch. I wish to bid him goodbye as well.”
I told mama goodbye and wiped the tears from her eyes. I told her I would be back In six month’s time for an extended visit.
As I mounted my mule, papa inquired whether I thought Julio would welcome me or not. I told him Julio was not a man to hold a grudge. As I got a distance from the camp I thought I heard papa say, “Vaya con Dios, mi hija.” (my daughter). And I floated on those words like a leaf into Julio’s valley.
The valley was a mass of white with a small amount of viridian shoots coming up through the newly fallen snow. The turquoise sky covering the land washed my mind of all worry. The feeling of vastness, light and air and to know that living things still survived in the harsh whiteness of the land. The feeling of my gypsy blood came upon me. Blood, and dust, and glowing sun light. All things burning with a celestial brilliance from a single leaf to the burnt sienna earth.
I found him shoeing one of his horses. One fabulous Arabian stallion paced in his stall and the smell of horse wafted through the air. Julio looked up from his task and warmth radiated from his face. Physically, he was still lean and fit, hard and vital. He got up smiling, and embraced me lightly. His face was wrinkled and careworn from years of working outside in inclement weather.
“Tekla, I apologize for what I did all those long years ago. It is much on my mind. I had no right to blame you for Rupa’s behavior. I am so ashamed. Can you forgive in a small part of your heart?” he asked.
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“I, too, remember that day but I still remember those heated afternoons by the river when you made me a full woman, the incredible power of our love making. I used to watch you pleasuring yourself in the river until you caught me. Besides what’s a little rape between friends? I just consider rapid sex with no conversation.” Tekla, you were always witty. It is odd that over the years I thought of you not Rupa. So foolish to love and empty headed girl instead of loving a woman, You were a full woman at sixteen. Too late did I learn whom I really loved. Do you remember the dazzling sun and the glint of the river and flesh on flesh?”
“”Yes, Julio, I remember and I forgive a young man’s passion for another. I was very harsh in my younger years but gradually the love of a magnificent, powerful woman washed all the bitterness from my heart.”
“Then it is true what I heard: you were the consort of Marie Louisa, the Queen.”
“I was more than a lover to her. I was an advisor. Carlos was ill and feeble minded for much of his life. Marie and I ruled with the cooperation of the hidalgos.”
“So now you are La Gitana, Have you completely turned away from men in your life?”
I took Julio’s face in my two hands and kissed him fiercely on the lips, and asked if he had any further questions. He replied that I was still bold and asked which did I prefer. I told him that at times I preferred both but usually I liked the company of men more. I told him I was going to France to live with my two sons, and be second wife to Louis’s XIV. I told him I came to bid him goodbye. He asked if the first baby was his and I told him he was Benecio’s son, the criminal who raped me. I told him both of their names and he was happy to be included in that part of my life.
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“Ah, Tekla, those last days of passion amidst the tall grass with the yellow sun pouring down on our naked bodies. I shall always remember you, and the time you rushed at me, knocked me down, and mounted me like a wild beast. It arouses me now.
I have never been raped before or since.”
“I guess I did rape you, too, so we are equal. However I cannot bid farewell that way. I am completely loyal to Louis. Why have you not taken a wife?”
“I never found a woman powerful enough to make me love her. After you, they are all pale, lovely flowers shuddering with need. They want the man to think for them. Sure, I see the woman in town: it’s simpler that way and sometimes I pay for them.”
“I figured that was what you would do. I still say there is someone for you.”
“Not really. I am engaged in the gadje passion of making a lot of money. At other times I travel with other Rom to distant, and strange places in the world. I employ reliable men who work the ranch when I am gone. They steal only a little from me. A gypsy is always a gypsy.”
“Such a good man. You should have had a woman.”
“What about Rupa?”
“There is but one woman for me and she stands before me now.”
“Rupa was but empty air. You were the blood, the land, the earth and I was too blinded by her beauty to notice who was really the beautiful one. I failed to notice whom I really loved. You gave me the ultimate gift a gypsy girl can give a man: you became mahrime for me.”
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“I am sorry, Julio, it is too late, but yet, I still think of you.”
“I already know that, Tekla. You are La Gitana and too high for a humble gypsy man.”
I came into his arms for a long embrace and then headed back to Seville. His farewell kiss floated on my tongue like a piece of garden mint and I felt quite victorious and in some way, very sad.”
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CHAPTER THIRTY
When I got back Louis swept me up in his arms and showered me with kisses. I felt warm like a smoldering coal in a fire place despite the cold winter air.
“Did you make peace with your family?” he inquired.
Mama was delighted to see me, and papa was forever an old fashioned, gypsy man. But I made him see reason.”
“How did my Gitana accomplish that?”
I’d rather not say other than to say I can be very persuasive.”
“We already sent Elisa Maya and a soldier to back her up. Your mother shall receive the finest care. Alright, tell me what you did to overcome him?”
“I might have shot his horse right between the eyes.”
“And you might have told him the next bullet was for him.”
“I might have said that but my memory fails me.”
“Luckily it was only a might. We
would hope my pristine lady would not be so dangerous.”
“Fortunately, it was only a might. Louis you have no reason to mistrust or fear me.”
“Fear you, never. You shall burst with happiness when you’re with Us.”
“That’s right though sometimes I fear you, my Warrior King.”
“You have nothing to fear. If We were so dangerous, We would beheaded Madame, and installed you in her place as We no longer love her as a man.”
“And if you were to do that?”
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“We would never do that. She’s the mother of my children! You should never ask it, Carmen.”
“I do not ask it. My curiosity just came to the fore.”
Hear me, Carmen, never harm her by poison or curse.”
“That is mere superstition, Louis.”
“Such as it is We have researched you like a voluminous book and know everything about you from your childhood until you were cast out. We know your sister, Rupa, or Clementina, as she is called, is also mahrime, cast out for marrying outside the clan. We know you went to see your first love on your way home and kissed and embraced him.”
“You had me followed?”
“It is dangerous in Spain for you. You have many enemies, particularly among the dethroned clergy, We protect our investments.”
“You make me laugh, Louis. No one has ever been so interested in me before.”
“Never see Julio again. You have angered me. We shall imprison you in the tower if you ever do it again. That goes double for the Duke of Osuna.”
“I understand my jealous King. I will as you say without question. It did not go any farther than a kiss and an embrace.”
“No other man may touch you as long as We live.”
I touched his face gently and saw the hard line of his mouth and the rage in his eyes. I felt a jolt of fear, and tried to lesson it with a passionate, open mouthed kiss which he returned in kind. Then he ordered me to go to his chambers and wait for him there. It must have been about two hours later as the late afternoon light streamed in from the 243