More importantly, as you keep doing that particular activity, you will get better and better at it. That monumental paralysing fear of making a fool of yourself or of failing will vanish. It will be replaced by a quiet confidence in your abilities and a glow of satisfaction in your heart.
Start Now
Take Small Steps
Add a Break
Reward Yourself
The Dark Lord is dead. The drop of water has become a waterfall!
Chapter 12
HAPPINESS SUTRAS
Make a quick list of all the things you want. Go on. I will wait.
Okay, at least make a list of 10 things you would really love to have in your life.
Done?
Go over the list and ask yourself why you want any of these things. What will happen if you get them?
The short answer? You will be happy! It doesn’t matter what’s on your list. If you give it a few moments of thought, you will realise that all you want can be boiled down to a single word: Happiness. It’s all we desire. Isn’t that amazing?!
Whatever you want, you want it because you feel having it would make you happy. It could be money, fame, power, good health, excellent grades, a promotion, a superb vacation, time with the family, great relationships, opportunities to help others, etc. Each of these is on your wish list solely because you want to be happy.
Whoever you aspire to become, you wish that because you feel when you become that, you will be happy. You may want to be a CEO, or the prime minister. You may want to become a doctor, a mountaineer, dancer or pilot, less angry, more caring and patient—the list is endless. It’s all so you can be happy.
All we ever wanted is to be happy. All we will ever want is happiness.
In this book, we have highlighted a few of our secrets behind our smiles. Good sleep. Meditation. Healthy, tasty food. Some physical exercise. A lasting curiosity about things, and a willingness to keep learning. These form a solid foundation to a healthy, happy you. Here are a few bonus aphorisms to make sure that your smile stays and grows even broader.
A Seed Will Inevitably Become a Tree
The first great Truth is this: ‘Everything changes.’ Change is inevitable. Yet most people want to cling to the way things used to be, refusing to accept that things have already changed. This becomes a great source of misery.
A seed is perfect. You plant it, and it sprouts into two tiny leaves and that seedling is perfect. That grows into a thin little plant, and that too is perfect. In time, it becomes a young tree. Again perfect. The tree matures into a grand symphony of leaves, flowers and fruits, giving shade and shelter—and that is perfect too. Just as a seed which is perfection changes into a majestic tree which is another perfection, we too move in life from one perfection to another.
You are perfect as you are. Change will move you to another level of perfection. The seed is simply becoming a tree.
Dr Rangana Choudhary introduced me to this Change Graph. It’s a fantastic way to look at how you can or should deal with the change that is anyways going to happen.
The Change Graph
A: Illusion of certainty: The feeling that nothing will change and that things will remain the same forever.
B: Something is not all right: You know something is amiss, but you refuse to acknowledge it. You hope it will sort itself out. That back pain when you wake up in the morning? You tell yourself everyone has it. Nothing to worry about. Or the strange, sad looks you are getting in your office? You ignore them feeling maybe your colleagues are having a bad day. Or the way your fiancé is looking at someone else? You think it’s just your imagination.
C: Life sucks: You have now accepted the problem that you were once in denial about. The back pain is not going away. Your boss has scheduled a meeting with you, and the way he spoke sounded ominous. Your fiancé is giving all sorts of excuses about all sorts of things. . . But you still hope that somehow things will resolve on their own.
There is this story of a guy who goes to the countryside for a few weeks to relax and de-stress. Everything is super, except in the night the neighbour’s dog howls and cries piteously. First night he ignores it. Second, third and fourth nights, he feels it’s not his problem. But by the end of the week, he can’t help himself and goes over to the neighbour to find out what’s wrong with the dog.
The farmer next door welcomes him in, and when asked about the dog, tells a strange story. The farmer points to a basket in which the dog loves to snuggle in and sleep every night. But there is a sharp nail somewhere in the basket which pokes the dog and hurts it. And so, the dog howls and cries. . .
The man is bemused and asks the farmer, if the nail hurts, why doesn’t the dog get up from the basket and go sleep in some other place?
The farmer shakes his head saying, it doesn’t hurt him enough.
How many times do we go through life complaining, even crying about our circumstances, but doing almost nothing about it? It’s not hurting enough. Which brings us to. . .
D: Despair: That thing that you dreaded? It’s happened. Your MRI showed a disc out of place. Your boss more or less tells you that you may have to resign. The relationship is not working. You are plunged into pain and despair. Everything seems dark and gloomy. Nothing feels right. At least about that aspect of your life.
This is a very uncomfortable place to be in. However, this is a super powerful place to be in as well. This is where you will have maximum leverage. This the spot from where change really becomes inevitable as you bravely accept that your life cannot go on like this anymore. The pain is now unbearable and will force you into action.
If you happen to hit a D, remember this quote from Gurudev: ‘Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.’ However bad your pain is, you still can maintain a healthy attitude. This will help you move through this tough phase with relative ease. Yoga, meditation and spiritual knowledge will help you tremendously at this point.
E: Start of change: You begin taking your first baby steps. You look at alternative therapies to fix your back. You join a yoga and meditation class to heal your mind. Sit your fiancé down and have a firm and decisive chat with them and resolve your issues. Look for another job or plan that business venture you always wanted to begin. Learn a new skill set, even if it means going back to school. You clean up your lifestyle. Things are still tough, but life is not dreary and dismal any more. Though outwardly things may seem to be the same, inwardly you have started to feel different.
F: Sustained change effort: You keep up the change effort and stick to your new regime. In a few months, the change that you were aiming at starts becoming evident.
G: Change manifested: Through your intention and attention, the change is now undeniable. Others have started commenting on how nice and fit you are looking. You know you are smiling more. The business worked. You had no idea learning something new would be so much fun. A new person has entered your life, and you wondered what you ever saw in your ex-fiancé! Things are brighter and life is good.
H: The next illusion of certainty: And now you start holding on to this new life. . . Perhaps because you have still not learned that even this will change—and you will inevitably move from this new perfection to yet another newer perfection.
Wisdom is jumping directly from B or C to E. Though D is a powerful place to be in, it is painful and usually wastes too much of life.
In general, expect to spend around two months at E (Start of change) and six months to three years at F (Sustained change effort) before you see G (Change manifested).
Experiences Rock! Things Don’t
‘Fooooorrrrwwarrddd!!!’
As our guide shouted the command we had all been waiting for, ten oars dipped in and out of the whirling water as our raft shot into the white churning foam of the Ganga. We whooped and shouted in delight, tinged with just a little bit of fear as our raft was tossed up and down, the wild waters pulling at our oars. Ice cold currents drenched us from head to toe as they slapped us from al
l directions.
We were in the middle of the rapid when a veritable wall of water suddenly came upon us; we rowed and rowed for what seemed like an hour, but was actually was just a few seconds. The little raft crested a huge wave and was suspended in mid-air, almost flying, for a second or two, before it crashed down into the swirling emerald green waters which suddenly turned calm and limpid. The raft floated on leisurely as the swishing, gushing sounds of the rapid we had been in faded. It was such a rush. Mother Ganga can indeed be quite a thrill!
Another story.
Around 20 years ago, I had been to IIM Ahmedabad to teach an Art of Living course there. Dinesh was beginning to show great promise as a volunteer and a potential teacher of Art of Living. He had become my right-hand man and I had already started to rely on him for many things. I wanted to surprise him with something special, and I decided I could just about afford to fly with him from Ahmedabad to Bombay.
He had never been on a plane before, and I thought it would be a fantastic treat for him. I didn’t tell him anything about my plans. I just called him and told him I wanted him to come to Ahmedabad and teach yoga during the course I was giving there. He promptly agreed. He travelled overnight from Bombay by train in an unreserved compartment, more or less standing on one leg. He didn’t tell me anything about his journey. He went and taught yoga early in the morning, then came back to our room and collapsed for a few hours. Only when he woke up did he tell me about his ordeal in the train.
We finished the course, and left early the next morning by rickshaw. I told the rickshaw-driver to take us to the airport. His face fell, because he probably thought I would fly to Bombay and expect him to board a train. I let him think that. We reached the airport. He gave me a tight hug, and started haggling with the rickshaw-driver to take him to the train station. I told the rickshaw-driver that wouldn’t be necessary as I fished out Dinesh’s flight ticket and gave it to him. The look on his face was priceless. He was so thrilled and happy he looked like he would burst with joy!
He was like a curious child, his eyes roving everywhere and taking in all the details. We settled into our seats in the aircraft. I have never seen anyone listen to the in-flight passenger announcements like he did that morning. He paid rapt attention, as if he was Arjuna listening to Lord Krishna speaking the Gita.
The plane gathered speed, going faster and faster until that magical moment when it began to soar—up, up and away. . .
Dinesh had the window seat of course, and he delighted at the beautiful vista that unfolded beneath us. The plane went higher into the clouds, and he gasped as he saw the top of the clouds for the very first time. He had everything that was there to eat and drink, oohing and aahhing, as if it were cordon bleu cuisine from some exotic seven-star hotel.
It was a very short flight, and it was time to land in less than half an hour. We sailed down into Bombay and then the thump and bump of the landing and the whooshing sound of the aircraft braking and coming to a halt, all amazed him. Dinesh was in his version of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.
As we were disembarking from the plane, his face took on a slightly worried, quizzical look. I asked him if anything was bothering him. He, oh so innocently, remarked: how come I am not feeling any jet lag?!
I shrieked with laughter as I explained time zones and jet lag to him.
We have shared many flights together over the years and he has had a chance to get utterly jetlagged quite a few times. This story, like our rafting trip, is one of our cherished memories and I always smile when I think about it. I am so lucky to have had many such amazing memories of thrills and spills, of love and friendship, of beauty and adventure. They lift me up when I feel down and out.
Instead of spending money on stuff like clothes, gadgets and jewellery, spend your money to create a bank of fantastic experiences for yourself.
Many people tend to spend money on objects. These can make you happy for a few hours. I am sure if you got an iPhone, it would delight you for some time as you explored its many features and marvelled at its elegant design. But, in a short while, you would get a bit paranoid about it. When you spend 100,000 rupees on a phone, you will want to be extra careful with it. Are the children in the same room as my phone?! No no no no no no no. . .
Clothes will make you feel great, the first few times you wear them. Then they totally lose their ability to cheer you up. . . and jewellery will get relegated into a safe somewhere, to be worn only on special occasions. It’s more or less the same story with almost any other thing you may buy.
Things are very limited in their ability to please us.
Experiences, on the other hand, thrill and delight you as they unfold, and become cherished memories for you to go back to, time and again. They bring a smile to your face, and uplift you. They become stories to be told again and again, bringing such joy to you and to the people around you.
It is said that if you have three positive things happen to you, for each negative thing, the stress and trauma of that negative event is nullified. Create an array of wonderful experiences for yourself as you go through life. Then, when things look glum, just pull up an experience or three, think about them, relive those memories and you will see that life doesn’t feel quite as gloomy any more.
Spend money on experiences!!
People Matter
‘Have a nice day.’
How many times have you heard this phrase from a flight attendant whose smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, as you exit an airplane?! 95% of the times this is such an artificial gesture. What she really wants to say is, get off the plane quick, we need to prepare it for the next bunch who are waiting.
Many people’s worlds are filled with meaningless phrases: How are you? What’s up? What’re you doing? What did you have for lunch? Senseless chatter that tires everyone.
‘Have a nice day.’
These very same words from my grandmother as I went off to school each day brightened up my day. It’s not the words that matter as much as who says them and how they are said. It’s the energy and the love behind the words that make a difference.
We are social beings. Unfortunately, in the name of being social and polite, most people share shallow, one-dimensional relationships with those around them. These relationships only tire everyone out and sap energy.
When we surround ourselves with people who matter, whom we care for and who care for us, everyone’s life is enriched.
Create deep, meaningful relationships around you. One of the major factors that contribute to living longer, meaningful and happier lives is having rich social connections. More friends = longer time on the planet! And I don’t mean friends on Facebook or Instagram. Friends are real people who you know all about, and who know all about you. . . and still love you!
People matter. Relationships are important. Spend time on the ones that matter.
Give!
Ever enjoyed a really good movie? Savoured superb food at a fantastic restaurant? Did you notice how you immediately started telling others about it? You were not getting paid or recognised for this. You just did it. Social media is full of such reviews and recommendations by people like you and me. You have a great experience and you instinctively want to share it with the world. Encouraging people to enjoy what you just did.
We love to share. Inherently, we have altruism built into our DNA.
A long time ago, Gurudev had talked about the four types of sharing. It had struck a very deep chord within me. Allow me to share it with you.
Share Materially: Only the rich can give. How much you can give is an indication of how rich you are. Just ensure that what you give is something you would miss. Otherwise you have not really given. You have just created space in your cupboard.
Share Responsibility: Delegation requires a big heart. Many people are such control freaks they refuse to give any sort of authority to anyone—even to very capable people. My mother had a boss who would insist on signing even routine documents such as statione
ry requisitions. He was a poor leader and frustrated many capable staff members. Being able to effectively lead a team involves the delegation of responsibility and trust to others.
Share Credit: When things go right, only truly secure leaders will be able to praise their team and share the glory of their success with the people who helped them acquire it. Very few people are capable of this type of giving.
Share Yourself: The realm of volunteering begins when you can say, I am here for you. I am here to see whether you will allow me to contribute to your life to make it better. Selfless service is when you don’t want anything for yourself. Not even recognition. You simply give. This is the highest form of giving.
All four types of sharing will make you feel great about yourself, and are a key to being happy. The last type, however, makes you feel absolutely wonderful.
Over the years, Dinesh and I have led scores of fantastic teams for the many service activities of the Art of Living. Dedicated, committed people have done amazing work to make a difference to their communities. Schools have been started in slums and remote areas where children who couldn’t even dream of an education got access to it. Thousands and thousands of trees have been planted, oceans have been cleaned, rivers rejuvenated, suicides prevented. . . the list is endless.
Being part of a team that gives back to society can be a source of immense joy, fulfilment and gratitude.
Give more. Give what matters. You will smile often.
Happiness Express Page 19