by Karen Lynch
You knew this would happen. Every day it’s going to get easier.
One more deep breath later, I opened my eyes, feeling in control again. The panic attacks used to happen all the time in the first month after I was healed. Margot and the other healers at Westhorne had helped me learn the signs that an attack was coming on, and how to stop it. It also helped me to know my triggers, which mostly centered around my family and my old life. The life I could never go back to.
Okay, none of that.
If I’d learned one thing over the last three months, it was that dwelling on things out of my control never changed anything. It only made me sad, and I’d had enough sadness for two lifetimes.
I turned from the window and looked around the kitchen again. It was a nice room, warm and sunny, and I could see why Sara loved it. I pictured me cooking meals and eating at the small table, and I smiled. Yes, I could do this.
A sheet of paper on the counter caught my eye, and I picked it up, knowing it was from Sara before I read it.
Emma,
Welcome to your new home! I hope you’ll love it as much as I do. I can’t believe you’re living in my old apartment and I’m on my way to Russia of all places. Life is full of surprises, isn’t it?
I know you said you wanted to do everything for yourself, but I couldn’t help myself. I stocked the kitchen with some of your favorite foods to help you feel at home on your first day. I also bought a few other things I hope you’ll like, such as the cool new espresso machine in front of you. I know how much you love your mocha lattes. They told me at the store it was pretty easy to figure out. The manual is in the drawer by the fridge.
I left a number on the fridge in case something in the building breaks. Brendan is a friend of mine, and he can fix anything. He’ll send the bills for any repairs to me. No argument. It’s my responsibility to fix things. Brendan is part of the pack, but don’t worry. I didn’t tell them about you. I also left Roland’s number in case you change your mind about meeting him. I hope you do. He’s a great guy and a lot of fun.
Okay, I have to go before Nikolas throws me over his shoulder again. That’s becoming a bad habit with him. I’ll call you in a few days to see how you’re settling in. Bye!
Love, Sara
I chuckled, feeling lighter after reading Sara’s letter. She was the best friend I’d ever had. I wished she was here, but she and Nikolas were on a plane right now, flying to Russia to visit his family.
I’d never seen two people as crazy about each other as she and Nikolas were. I’d thought that kind of love existed only in romance novels until I met the two of them. Before I was taken from my old life, I used to dream of a love like theirs. Those dreams had died long ago, along with the girl I used to be. Now, I only wanted some semblance of a normal life and a chance for a little happiness.
I shook off the sadness stealing over me again and went to explore the rest of the apartment. On the first floor, I found a cozy living room, the master suite, a bathroom, a laundry room, and Nate’s old office. I shook my head when I saw the shiny new laptop sitting on the desk. A few things, indeed.
At the end of the hall was a flight of stairs to the loft where Sara’s bedroom used to be. I ran up the stairs, eager to see it for myself. At the top, I stopped, unable to believe my eyes.
“Oh, Sara.”
Tears blurred my vision, and I blinked them away as I walked over to the large easel set up in the middle of the room that had been transformed into an artist’s studio. Around me were canvases, paints, brushes, easels, and everything I would need, including all my stuff that had been sent ahead from Westhorne. It was perfect.
I walked around the room, touching the supplies and fighting the growing tightness in my chest. I didn’t deserve all this generosity and kindness.
Leaving the studio, I opened the door to the attic to peer inside. It was empty except for a narrow flight of stairs to the roof. I closed the door, making a note to check out the roof later. Right now, it was time to settle in and start my new life.
A sense of anticipation filled me as I descended the stairs to the main floor. The bed in the master bedroom was stripped, so I took a few minutes to make it up with fresh sheets and a quilt from the hall linen closet. The next hour was spent unpacking my suitcases and putting away my things in the closet and adjoining bathroom. As I worked, I made a mental list of things I needed to buy.
I planned to get a job once I found my way around here, even though Tristan had told me it wasn’t necessary. He’d wanted me to stay at Westhorne, but I couldn’t hide among the Mohiri forever. When I’d insisted on leaving, he’d set me up with a bank account and some “getting started” money. I had no idea how much was there, but knowing him it was a generous amount.
It took me a while to realize my stomach was rumbling. After all these months, I still wasn’t used to listening to the demands of my body, and I had to remind myself to eat regularly. Not that I didn’t like to eat. I’d discovered so many wonderful foods since I’d been healed. It was hard sometimes to remember my body needed a different kind of sustenance now, and more frequent feedings.
I went into the kitchen to check the fridge, and a laugh bubbled from me at the sight of the full shelves. How on earth did Sara think I was going to eat all of this food?
Shaking my head, I pulled out some meats and cheese and everything else I needed to make a sandwich. In my old life, my cooking skills consisted of French toast, grilled cheese, and scrambled eggs – Marie’s favorite foods. I needed to learn how to make real meals now that I was on my own. Sandwiches would serve my needs until then. I’d also rediscovered my love of pizza. Sara had told me about her favorite pizza place in town, and they delivered, which was perfect since I had no car yet. One thing at a time.
I ate my sandwich slowly, barely noticing the taste as I tried not to be overwhelmed by the fact that I was truly on my own. Tristan and Sara had done what they could to make it easier for me. I had health insurance, a new driver’s license, and a social security number, compliments of the security people at Westhorne. There wasn’t much those guys couldn’t do.
Dax, their head of security, had even found my family for me. My parents had retired and moved to Charleston, and my sister, Marie, lived in DC. She was a children’s writer now, and an activist for Child Find of America. She also lobbied the government for tougher child laws. It was all because of me, and I wished I could tell her I was alive and well. But there was no way to explain how I looked the same after all these years. As much as it killed me, I had to stay away from everyone from my past, especially my sister and parents. It was best for everyone.
That was why I’d given up my last name. I was no longer Emma Chase from Raleigh, North Carolina. I was Emma Grey from Syracuse, New York, and second cousin to Sara. When Sara had offered me her name, it only seemed right to take the last name of the person who had given me my new life. It also gave me the perfect cover story for why I was staying in her apartment.
I cleaned up after my meal and stood in the kitchen, not sure what to do next. I looked out at the sunny waterfront and thought about taking a short walk, but I quickly dismissed it. I wasn’t ready to go out yet. Maybe tomorrow.
A phone rang, startling me from my thoughts, and I ran to find my cell phone, which was still in my bag. My mouth curved into a wide smile when I saw the name on the screen.
“Hey, chica! How’s life in the sticks?” Jordan asked as soon as I answered.
“So far, so good. I only got here two hours ago, though.”
“Are you bored out of your tree yet?” she joked. She put her hand over the phone and yelled at someone before she came back on the line. “Sorry about that. So, how do you like your new place?”
I walked into the living room and sat in the chair by the fireplace. “It’s nice. Feels weird to have a whole building to myself, and it’s a lot quieter than Westhorne.”
“Yeah, it takes a little getting used to, but it’s a nice place if you go for t
he small-town life. Don’t forget to check out Gino’s. Best pepperoni pizza you’ll ever eat.”
I laughed and stretched my legs across the ottoman. “Yeah, Sara already drilled that into my head.”
A police siren sounded in the background. Jordan paused until it went past.
“I was only there for three days, but the people seem pretty decent. And Wolf Boy is cool. Just don’t tell him I said that.”
“Wolf Boy?”
She snickered. “That’s Roland. You know, the werewolf.”
“Oh, yes. Sara’s friend.”
My body tensed, and my insides recoiled. I’d spent the last two decades thinking of werewolves as my mortal enemies whose main purpose in life was to hunt and kill my kind. It was going to take a little while to get past that.
“I guess you haven’t had time to meet him and Peter yet with it being your first day there.” She was quiet for a moment. “Sara told me you don’t want them to know about your past. I get why you feel that way. But I think they’ll surprise you once you get to know them. I didn’t care for them at first either, but they kind of grow on you.”
“That’s good to know.” I cast about for a way to move the conversation to a more comfortable subject. “So, how are things in Los Angeles?”
“Awesome. I’ve been on the trail of a nasty incubus for the last two weeks, and I got the bastard this morning. Let me tell you, that was a very satisfying kill. Although, the team wasn’t exactly thrilled about my methods. But hey, I got the job done, right?”
I could only imagine how Jordan had lured and snared a male sex demon. My warrior friend was dedicated to her work, but she definitely marched to her own drum.
“Any sign of that Egyptian warrior you were hoping to see there? What was his name?”
“Hamid.” She sighed heavily. “I swear he’s hiding from me. Too bad. I wouldn’t mind doing a little foreign exchange with him, if you know what I mean.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I do.”
“But he’s not the only hot male in California. Just going to the beach is enough to give a girl whiplash.” She chuckled. “I actually think Blondie is on to something with the ‘only dating humans’ thing. They’re nice to look at, and some of them even know how to please a woman. And the best part, no strings attached.”
“You’re so bad.”
“I’m a woman who knows what she wants. I might have to hit the clubs tonight. A good kill always puts me in the mood to work off some energy – if you know what I mean.” She opened and closed a door, and the background sounds were suddenly muted. “Maybe when you’re ready for a change of scenery, you can come visit me for a few days. God knows we could use some more estrogen around here.”
A male shouted something that sounded like a retort, and she said something back. “Okay, I gotta go. The guys in charge get pissy if you don’t write up field reports right away. I’ll let you get back to settling in.”
“Thanks for calling.”
“Anytime. You’re my only BFF here with Sara out of the country. Get used to hearing from me. Later, chica.”
The apartment seemed too quiet after talking to Jordan. I found a radio in the kitchen, and I tuned it to a station that played a mix of everything. Turning up the volume so I could hear it all over the apartment, I went upstairs to lose myself in my painting for a while.
I’d been working on a landscape of the lake back at Westhorne for the last few months, but I’d struggled with my painting since I was healed. My talent was rusty after not using it for so long, and it was taking me a while to capture the setting right. Before I’d left, I’d taken a bunch of pictures so I wouldn’t have to work from memory, and I pinned them to the top of the canvas. I spent the next few hours trying to replicate the reflection of the trees on the glassy surface of the lake. I wasn’t entirely satisfied with the end result, but the work left me feeling more relaxed and at home here.
It was getting dark outside when I put away my brushes and descended the stairs to shower and change into my pajamas. Outside, people laughed as they walked past the building, reminding me it was a Friday night. There’d been a time when I couldn’t imagine staying in and going to bed so early. But the long day had finally caught up with me, and I was trying not to yawn as I brushed my teeth.
I almost left the lights on when I got into bed, but I made myself turn them all off except for a small lamp in the bedroom. It wasn’t that the dark frightened me as much as it seemed to press down on me. Waking up in the dark made me think for a few horrible seconds that I was back in that sunless world I’d lived in for over two decades. I hadn’t slept without a light on in months.
The queen-size bed was comfortable, and I felt myself slipping into sleep not long after my head hit the pillow. I snuggled beneath the quilt, thinking drowsily that my first day on my own hadn’t been too bad at all. Maybe tonight would be good, too. Hopefully, for once, the dreams wouldn’t come.
Chapter 2
Roland
“Well, that was a total bust,” I grumbled as I buckled my seat belt and rolled down my window.
Pete laughed and started the car. He was the designated driver tonight.
“You’re just upset you didn’t hook up with Taylor.”
“Ugh. Talk about a close call.” I scowled at the windshield. “Why do people get hammered like that and then end up puking in the bathroom the rest of the night? I’m all for having a beer, but that is so not attractive.”
He made a face. “At least you didn’t have Lisa Reid asking if you wanted to make out in the car.”
“Dude, you did not make out with Justin’s little sister in my car.”
“Give me some credit,” he retorted. “Besides, she can’t be more than fifteen. No way I’m going there.”
I sighed and leaned my head against the headrest. “Is it just me, or did everyone at that party seem way younger than us?”
The question sounded weird to my own ears, considering most of the people at Justin’s had been in our senior class, and we’d partied with them many times. But something felt different tonight. I’d stood there drinking my beer and watching them celebrate the end of high school, and for the first time in my life, I felt like I didn’t belong. It was as if I’d suddenly aged five years, and I was looking at a bunch of kids getting drunk.
“It’s not them. We were just like that last year. We’ve changed ever since that stuff happened with Sara.”
“Yeah, we have.” Seeing one of your best friends get stabbed and fall off a cliff, and thinking she was dead for three weeks, that changes you. Not to mention everything else that happened last fall.
We approached the waterfront. It felt weird driving past Sara’s building these days and seeing all the darkened windows and the empty parking spot. Sara had been such a big part of my life, and I missed having her around. I was happy she and Nikolas found each other, though. He was a good guy, and he’d do anything for her.
“Hey, what’s that?” Pete slowed the car. “Is that a light in Sara’s apartment?”
“What?” I craned my neck and saw a faint glow coming from one of the second-story windows. “That’s Nate’s bedroom.”
Pete stopped the car, and we reached for our doors as a girl’s scream came from inside the building.
I jumped out of the car and raced up the steps. When I reached the front door, I remembered Pete had my keys, and I had to wait for him to join me. He handed them over, and I unlocked the door.
Except for the soft light spilling from the bedroom, the apartment was dark when we let ourselves in. Down the hallway, we heard a girl’s soft cries, and we moved toward the sound.
If I’d been in wolf form, my hackles would have been standing up straight. It was 1:00 a.m., and no one should be here. I’d seen enough awful things in my life for me to imagine what would make a girl scream in an empty building, even here in New Hastings.
I almost shifted, but I decided to see what we were dealing with first. Soundlessly, I approached t
he bedroom with Pete close behind me. I stepped into the room and stared at the sight before me.
“What the hell?”
In the bed, a girl lay, thrashing and crying out, the blankets twisted around her legs. A quick glance around the room told me she was alone and in no danger. She was asleep and appeared to be caught in a nightmare.
Pete crowded in behind me. “Who is that?”
The girl jerked awake with a small scream. She stared at us, wild-eyed, and scrambled back against the headboard. Her long dark hair covered half her face, but I could still see the stark terror in her brown eyes.
I held up my hands and took a step toward her. She made a small sound and jumped from the bed, grabbing the old brass lamp from the nightstand. She was probably half my size, but she brandished the heavy lamp like she was an Amazon.
“Get away! What do you want?” she yelled, her breath coming in harsh pants. The fear in her eyes told me what she believed we wanted, and the thought of it sickened me.
“We’re not going to hurt you,” I said calmly.
She could be a runaway who had seen the place was empty and decided to squat here for a few days. She definitely wasn’t local, and it seemed odd for a runaway from the city to come to a small place like New Hastings. Either way, I didn’t want to frighten her, even if she had broken in here.
“Get out!” She took a step, swinging the lamp.
I didn’t move. “Who are you? What are you doing in this apartment?”
“Who the hell are you?” she demanded, her voice rising. Her chest heaved, and I noticed she was wearing only a pair of shorts and a tank top. I also saw how pale she was and the damp tendrils of hair clinging to her face.
She inched toward the nightstand where a cell phone lay. “I’m calling the police if you don’t leave.”
I stared at her. She wouldn’t call the cops if she was here illegally. But Sara had never mentioned anyone staying at the apartment. Neither had Brendan or my mother, who were taking care of the building for Sara. It made no sense.