by J. L. Wilder
Caleb. It’s my first thought, wild and hopeful. I don’t know what I hope for with him, not exactly—if we have to keep the fact that he’s imprinted a secret, there’s really only so far things can go between us. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting him here. In my room. In my bed. I want to eliminate all space between us. I want to press against him and feel that charge again and luxuriate in it all over my body.
But when I open the door to my room, it’s Alex on the other side.
She gives me a wry smile. “I’m not who you were hoping to see.”
“I—”
“It’s all right,” she says. “Caleb told me. We kind of tell each other everything. Is that weird? We were the only friends each other had growing up, so we’re pretty close.”
“It’s not weird,” I say. “I mean, I don’t think it is. I wouldn’t know, I guess. I was pretty isolated as a kid.”
Alex twists her mouth a little and goes over to sit down on my futon. “So, you and my brother, huh?” she says in a slumber party secret-telling stage whisper.
“I think so.” I can’t quite meet her eyes.
“I like it,” she says decisively. “He’ll make a great dad.”
“A great dad? Aren’t we moving a little fast here?”
“Well, I mean, I’m not saying you guys will have cubs tomorrow, but...that’s kind of what imprinting is all about, right? Especially with you being an omega.”
It’s like a bucket of ice water has been dumped over me. “Is this what Caleb thinks too? That he’s just going to—to breed me now?” Was I crazy to think that there was something more to it, that the feelings we were having were actually about each other and not the strictly utilitarian process of procreation? I’m not opposed to having cubs with Caleb—I might actually like it—but I’m not a factory, and I’m tired of being treated like one.
Alex is frowning. “What’s wrong? I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“You didn’t.” She did. I’m just afraid. I curse myself for my own fear, for being too weak to stand up and say that I want someone to love me for me and not just for what my body can do. What if I couldn’t have cubs? Would Caleb still be celebrating about his imprinting, or would he be upset about it?
God, how I wish I was a beta.
Alex looks upset now. “Seriously, Jacie, I just assumed the two of you would be on that track. Don’t all omegas want kids?”
“How should I know?” I ask her. “I’ve never met another one. Have you?”
“No,” she admits. “They’re—you’re—really rare, right?”
“That’s what everyone says.”
Hesitantly, she scoots closer to me. “So, do you not want kids?”
“Did Caleb send you to find out?”
“No!” She looks horrified. “Jacie, I swear, I’m just trying to...God. I’m so bad at this. I’ve never had a friend who wasn’t my brother.”
Something shifts into place. “You’re trying to be my friend?”
“I’d like to be,” she says.
“You came here for girl talk,” I realize. She’s not spying for Caleb. She’s not checking on me for Dan. She really wants to be friends. Her face is so open and earnest that I can’t help but believe her.
“I mean, I’ve never had a crush on anybody,” she says. “Not unless you count the cute barista at the coffee place across the street from our restaurant. But that definitely wasn’t imprinting, and he is definitely full human, and Dan would definitely never let me get involved with anyone full human, so it’s all fantasy, really. You have to let me live vicariously through you.”
“Are you allowed to be in here?” I ask.
She shrugs. “No one told me not to be. And, anyway, I brought you a peace offering.” She fishes in her purse for a moment and then pulls out a small bottle of wine. “I thought we could toast you and Caleb,” she says. “Only if that’s okay with you.”
I smile. “It’s okay with me.”
Alex opens the bottle and passes it to me. I take a long swallow. It’s good, warming and rejuvenating. “I’ve never really had wine before,” I admit.
“You haven’t?” She looks at me askance. “You’re of age, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. My pack just never really wanted to share luxuries with me. And, you know, I think there was also a thought that my body needed to be in peak condition for whenever they decided to breed me, so alcohol wasn’t a good idea.”
Alex stares. “That’s so controlling!”
“That’s what it’s like,” I say. “When you’re an omega, you’re an asset.”
She looks ashamed. “I never knew,” she says. “I never really thought about it. I always assumed omegas were just...really mom-ish. I never thought of you as being pushed into circumstances you might not want.”
“I don’t know what it’s like for others,” I say. “I used to think maybe I was just unlucky. But now...I mean, I left my pack, I found a new pack, and from what I can tell, it’s going to be the same thing here. I’m going to be pressured into breeding, without any consideration for what I want.”
“No, you won’t,” Alex says. “Caleb would never do that to you, Jacie. You don’t have to worry about it. I promise.”
HOW I WANT TO BELIEVE Alex! I so badly want her to be right about what my future holds. But I’ve learned my lesson about trusting that I’m safe, and so, when Miles arrives at my door to escort me down to breakfast the following morning, I’m on my guard.
He doesn’t put his hands on me, so at least that’s an improvement. I keep up a quick pace, moving a little ahead of him to make sure he doesn’t feel the need to prod me forward. I don’t want to be touched.
As soon as I enter the kitchen, I know something’s about to happen. No one but Dan is seated at the table. My eyes go immediately to Caleb. He’s standing across the room from the door where I came in, as far away from me as he could possibly be. Alex is beside him, her hand on his arm. She looks like she’s trying to hold him back, except that he’s not pulling against her. He’s shaking like a live wire is sparking within him, though. Is he sick? I start toward him.
“Jacie,” Dan interrupts my progress. “Sit.” He points to one of the many vacant chairs at the table.
I take the seat. A hand comes to rest on my shoulder, just briefly. I look up. It’s Bill, looking down at me with something like pity in his eyes.
“Bill, Mary, go get the breakfast,” Dan orders.
Mary glances over her shoulder as she leaves, as though longing to say something, but I know she can’t resist the pull of Dan’s orders.
“Jacie,” Dan addresses me, “It’s time for you to get the tattoo of the Hell’s Bears.” He gestures to Luce, standing behind him, and she pulls up the sleeve of her shirt to reveal a paw print. The claws on the middle two toes are longer than those on the outside toes, resembling devil horns.
“Once you have the tattoo, you’ll be an official member of the pack,” Dan says, “and I will be your official alpha.”
Meaning, I’ll have to submit to his orders. I see Caleb jerk a little from his corner, as if invisible ropes are holding him and he’s struggling to break free. Alex leans into him and speaks softly, hurriedly, trying to calm him.
“All right,” I say, because I can’t see any way out of it, and because I’d rather belong to Caleb’s pack than to my old pack of polar bears. Taking the Hell’s Bears tattoo, recognizing a new alpha, ought to break me free of my old allegiance. I don’t relish submitting to Dan, but at least I’ll be with Caleb.
“Good,” Dan says. “I’m glad you see the value in getting this taken care of. And once you’re fully a member of the pack, of course, it will be time for you and me to breed and create a new litter of cubs.”
For a moment, I don’t process what he’s saying.
Then, all at once, it hits me.
This is why Caleb looks like he’s about to burn the place down. Dan isn’t going to allow the two of us to be together. Dan is claiming me for h
imself, despite having not imprinted. Just like Aiden did.
And he’s going to brand me with that tattoo, which means I won’t be able to say no to him any more than I could to Aiden.
This just keeps going from bad to worse.
Chapter Thirteen
It absolutely blows my mind that I’m expected to sit here and eat with these people after Dan’s announcement. I’m basically going to be enslaved to them, and now they want me to sit here and enjoy my chicken wings like nothing at all is wrong?
But I’m hungry, and I know refusing to eat won’t improve my situation any. So, as surreal as it all seems, I stay in my seat while the rest of the Hell’s Bears come to the table and take their places between Dan and me. Bill and Mary bring out a veritable feast—not just the chicken, but mashed potatoes, corn, green beans, a massive fruit salad full of everything good, and for dessert, a chocolate cake.
Caleb is seated beside me as usual, but unlike at previous meals, his company doesn’t make me feel any better. He’s so tense, so rigid, that I’m afraid he might snap. Alex, sitting on his other side, still has her hand on his wrist. Every now and then, she leans over and whispers something to him. Every now and then, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, in and out. I wish I could talk to one or both of them, but I’m too frightened to try.
Up at the head of the table, Dan seems like he’s at a totally different place. He’s pouring himself glass after glass of wine and laughing at jokes Luce and Miles are telling. For Dan, I realize, this meal is a celebration. He’s going to have cubs! Why wouldn’t he be celebrating? I feel beyond irrelevant to his happiness. It has nothing to do with me personally.
Unable to look at either Dan or Caleb for long, I turn my attention, instead, to Mary, sitting at the middle of the table across from her husband. She looks deeply concerned, and I get the feeling she and Bill are communicating via eye contact. It’s impossible for me to tell what she thinks of everything that’s going on here. Mary and Bill have both been kind to me since I’ve arrived, and I want to think they care about me. But that could just be wishful thinking. After all, at the end of the day, they are Hell’s Bears too. They have as much interest in expanding their pack as Dan does.
Dan keeps us at the table for hours. No one is allowed to leave until he’s finished, and he keeps refilling his glass of wine and laughing louder and louder. It becomes very uncomfortable, actually, as more and more people begin to fidget in front of empty plates. At the foot of the table, Joe is grumbling, words I can’t make out, but we can all hear his dissatisfaction.
And then Dan looks up, straight across the table, and grins at Joe.
It’s so malicious. So mean, for no reason. He’s keeping Joe here even though he knows Joe wants to leave, and he’s taking pleasure in it. What happened between these two? How did Joe lose his position as alpha to Dan?
Finally, the wine has been consumed and Dan gets up from the table. As soon as he rises, Caleb bolts, Alex hot on his heels. I get the feeling they’ve been fighting to contain their anger throughout the whole meal, and now they’ll finally have a chance to express themselves in private. I run away too, before Dan can corner me and make some kind of plan for our future. He can come into my bedroom if he wants to, I know that, but there’s a chance he’ll get distracted and leave me alone. He’s had a lot to drink, after all.
I curl up on my bed. It’s warm under the blanket Caleb gave me, but the warmth doesn’t penetrate to my bones, and I’m shivering. It’s like I have the flu. Any minute, Dan could come through that door and force me to do whatever he wants. He’ll put that tattoo on me and then I’ll be an official Hell’s Bear, bound by the commands of their sadistic alpha.
Just as I’m thinking this, the door knob twists and the door begins to open. For a minute, I think I’m imagining it—how could the very thing I was just actively dreading be happening already? —but the door swings inward and I know it’s not my imagination. My heart leaps into my throat. No. I’m not ready for this.
The door opens fully.
It’s not Dan.
It’s Caleb.
He’s silhouetted in the doorway, his arms held slightly away from his sides, and as I take him in, I realize water is dripping from his hair, from his clothes. He looks like he’s been caught in a storm. I run to the doorway and grab his hand, pull him inside. As soon as we make skin to skin contact, the spark between us is alive again, shooting to every nerve in my body. “You’re all wet,” I say. “What happened?”
“Alex put me under the shower,” he says. His voice is rougher than usual, and I wonder, strangely, whether he’s been crying. “Shoved me in there, clothes and all. Freezing cold water too.”
“Why would she do something like that?” He’s shivering. I pull the shirt carefully over his head and toss it into the corner. Then, without really thinking about it, I pull my own shirt off and use it as a towel, drying his chest, his arms, his back. “You should take off your jeans,” I say, fumbling with his belt. “You need to warm up.”
“I was going to kill him,” Caleb says, half wonderingly. “I was actually going to murder him.”
“Dan?”
He nods once, jerkily.
“Could you even do that? Kill your own alpha?”
“He’s never ordered me not to,” Caleb says. “Maybe a little shortsighted on his part, actually. But I suppose he never foresaw a day when anyone would want to challenge him...” Absently, he steps out of his jeans, and I throw them into the corner with his wet shirt. “I can’t believe he would do this.”
It kills me to see him so unhappy. He looks like he’s been through hell. My shirt is now thoroughly soaked from drying him off, and I toss it into the corner with the other wet clothes. Then I grab the blanket from my bed and wrap it around Caleb. “It won’t be forever,” I tell him. “I mean, maybe...maybe Dan just wants to breed with me once, right? Maybe he’ll let you have me when he’s finished.”
Caleb stares at me. “You think that’s what this is about? Really? That I might not get to have you?”
“Isn’t that why you were angry?” I’m confused. “All through dinner, you could barely sit still. It was because you were angry Dan was claiming me when you wanted me for yourself, wasn’t it?” Suddenly, my face flushes as I realize the arrogance of my assumption. Yes, Caleb imprinted on me, but to actually stand here and say he wants me...I feel like a fool. Why would he want me? Why would anyone, except as a reproductive resource.
Caleb grabs me with one arm and pulls me inside the blanket that’s still wrapped around his shoulders, and suddenly, the bare skin of my chest is up against his. I’m sure I can feel his heart pounding through his ribs. I am never going to move from this spot as long as I live. Nothing has ever felt so right and wonderful. “Don’t you know what it is to be loved?” he asks quietly.
“You don’t love me. We just met a few days ago.”
“I’m falling,” he whispers. “I’m falling hard, Jacie.”
I feel like I can’t catch my breath. My arms are around him now, my hands running over the powerful muscles of his back, and his arms are so tight around me that I don’t think I could break free if I tried.
He hooks his thumbs into my waistband and sends my pants dropping to the floor. He lifts me in his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist and feel every inch of him, exactly how much he wants me, and my God, how could I have doubted it? The electricity sparking between us is almost visible. We could power this dark house, shine light into every corner.
I roll my hips a little, grinding into him, amazed at my own daring. Caleb groans in mingled pleasure and agony and his eyes roll back a bit in his head.
“Bed,” I whisper in his ear. I’ve never taken control like this. I didn’t know I had it in me.
Caleb falls back onto the bed, and moments later, what remains of our clothes are off. Right up until the moment he’s inside me I’m afraid some alpha command from Dan will kick in and stop us. I’m afraid to let Caleb tak
e the lead in case Dan’s orders pull him up short. But nothing happens.
He rolls me onto my back and thrusts into me, his green eyes never leaving mine, and I wrap my legs and pull him to me tightly. I just want to feel him. Nothing has ever been this good. I’ve never imagined that anything could be this good. Everything else that’s happened to me, everything that still might, it’s all worth it for this perfect bliss.
We shift positions again and I’m on top of him, grinding down slowly, the pleasure mounting, and we each slam a hand over the other’s mouth at the exact same moment to catch simultaneous moans. I twist my hips against him, so desperate for more, knowing I will never get enough of this feeling as long as I live.
He bites my hand when he comes, and the feel of his teeth, his loss of control, pushes me over the edge. I fall onto his chest gasping for air.
“I’m falling too,” I breathe into his ear.
“I think I’ve already fallen,” he breathes back.
I close my eyes. I think I have too.
Chapter Fourteen
“He came to your room, didn’t he?” Alex asks. We’re working together in the backyard, pulling up weeds, the warm sun on our backs. I’m not even resentful at the fact that I’ve been assigned to do chores for the Hell’s Bears, because I’m so grateful that I’m allowed to be outside. The thought of trying to run is miles from my mind. I couldn’t possibly leave Caleb.
“Did you send him there?” I ask her, sitting back on my heels.
“Nah. I just figured that’s where he’d go. I’ve never seen him like that before.” She whistles, long and low. “I thought he might try to murder Dan. I’m not even being exaggerating. I really thought he might try.”
“I think he wanted to,” I say. “That’s what he told me.”
She shakes her head. “Idiot. He’d get himself killed.”
“Dan’s a good fighter?”
“Dan’s our alpha,” Alex corrects. “You must have had an alpha where you came from, right? It always seems like you don’t quite...understand the concept.”