by Rachel Reid
“Where did you say you ran into Ryan Price again?” Dad asked.
Fabian chewed and swallowed his mouthful of falafel as fast as he could without choking, and said, “At work. The drugstore.”
His mother made a sound that Fabian interpreted as, The drugstore is no place for a man of thirty-one to be working. He ignored it.
“Did he recognize you right away?” Amy asked.
“Yeah. We recognized each other.”
“That’s cute.”
Dad made a sound that Fabian interpreted as, Men don’t do things that are “cute.” He ignored that too.
“So what sorts of things have you been doing together?” Mom asked.
Fabian was glad he didn’t blush easily. “Just stuff. He comes to my shows. He’s hung out with my friends. He’s nice. We get along.”
“Have you been to any games?” Sonia asked. “If you can get free Guardians tickets and you’re not taking them, I’m going to scream.”
“I’ve never asked,” Fabian said truthfully. He felt suddenly guilty about that. Should he feel guilty about that?
Sonia made a noise that Fabian interpreted as God, my brother is such a fucking weirdo. He couldn’t ignore that one.
“What, Sonia?”
“Nothing. I just can’t believe he’s friends with you. It doesn’t make any sense.”
“Well,” Mom said. “He’s always been a little odd, hasn’t he?”
“He definitely has a history of strange behavior,” Dad agreed. “And there was that thing that happened last year.”
Fabian couldn’t stop himself. “What thing?”
Sonia laughed. “Oh my god. You don’t even know, do you? He had a total fucking meltdown.”
“During a game!” her stupid husband, Paul, added. “On the bench. He just...freaked out and had to leave the game. I heard he stripped naked and was screaming about bugs living in his brain or something.”
“Could be drugs,” Mom said. “Some players just can’t handle the pressure. They become addicts.”
None of that sounded right to Fabian. He frowned at his plate, no longer hungry. Under the table, Amy put a hand on his knee and squeezed. “I’m sure it was all exaggerated,” she said.
“I don’t know,” Dad said. “He didn’t play much for the rest of that season. And then Buffalo traded him to Toronto.”
“Surprised Toronto wanted him,” said stupid Paul. “I guess he’s still scary as hell. Maybe being crazy makes him scarier.”
“He’s not crazy,” Fabian said.
“It’s a shame, whatever it is,” Mom said. “He was a good kid when he lived with us. Very polite.”
Fabian excused himself and went to his room, exactly the same way he’d done countless times when he’d been a teenager. His stomach hurt and his eyes were stinging. Had Ryan really had a public meltdown? If so, what had caused it? And how hard was it for him to keep playing hockey after it happened? After knowing everyone in the hockey world thought he was...broken? An addict? A joke?
God, Ryan.
Fabian sent him a single red heart emoji, and then got into bed. It would seem like a silly gesture, but it was the best representation of how Fabian was feeling right now. He wanted to give Ryan his heart.
But who was he kidding? Ryan already had it.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Fabian could tell Ryan was still in pain when he met him in the lobby of Ryan’s building. He wanted to leap into his arms, wrap his legs around his waist, and kiss him breathless. But he settled for gently resting a hand on each of Ryan’s biceps.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“How are you feeling?”
Ryan grimaced. “Still sore.”
Fabian took Ryan’s hand and tugged him toward the elevator. “It just so happens that I am in the mood for a day of doing absolutely nothing but loafing around with my adorable boyfriend.”
“You’re in luck,” Ryan chuckled.
When they got into the apartment, Fabian tried to steer Ryan toward the bedroom. “You need to rest,” he said.
“I know. But first...” Ryan pointed at the kitchen stools, and Fabian quickly got the message and climbed up to sit on one. From this height, Ryan could kiss him without bending or having to lift Fabian.
“I missed you,” Ryan said when they broke apart.
“Me too. I’m sorry about your back.”
“I think it’s getting better.”
“Good.” Fabian was dying to ask Ryan about his supposed meltdown last season, but he knew now wasn’t the time. Instead he said, “Let’s get you lying down, and then I’ll give you your present.”
“Uh, I can’t do anything, you know. So if your plan is to—”
“No,” Fabian said, and kissed him again. “As much as I’d love to get my mouth on every inch of your body right now, that’s not what I meant. Go lie down. I’ll just grab my bag.”
* * *
Ryan pulled a slim, festively wrapped box from the top drawer of his dresser and waited nervously for Fabian to return. While he waited he gently twisted and stretched his back. Fuck, it hurt.
“It’s just a little thing,” Fabian said when he entered the bedroom. “I saw it at the farmer’s market in Halifax and I thought you might like it.”
He handed Ryan a soft package that looked like it had been hastily wrapped in red paper with green Christmas trees all over it. Ryan set the slim box he’d been holding on top of the dresser, and opened the present.
“It’s hand woven,” Fabian said excitedly. “The man who made it was a sweetheart, and I love the colors.”
It was a long, wool scarf that was made up of a splashy blend of jewel tones. Ryan immediately wrapped it around his neck and smiled at his reflection in the mirror. He didn’t normally wear bright colors, and he liked how it transformed him.
“I love it,” he said honestly. “It reminds me of you.”
“A bit of color never hurt anybody.” Fabian smiled, then went up on his toes to kiss Ryan’s jaw. “It suits you.”
“Thank you. I have something for you too. I hope it’s not too much. I don’t have a lot of experience buying gifts for men I’m dating.”
“Well, let’s see how you did,” Fabian teased as he took the box. When he opened it, he gasped. “Ryan, are these Mikimoto pearls?”
“Maybe? I forget the name.”
“Holy fuck. Ryan, are you serious here?”
“If you don’t like it I can—”
“Like it? Ryan, it’s gorgeous.” He carefully pulled the long, white-gold chain from the box. The necklace was dotted with black pearls and tiny diamonds.
“I thought it would look good with that black jumpsuit you have.”
“God, it will. I can’t believe this. Is this really for me? I own this now?”
Ryan laughed. “It’s yours. The lady at the store was really excited about it. She assured me my ‘wife’ would love it.”
“She does love it. I want to put it on, but it won’t go with this sweater.”
“You could take the sweater off,” Ryan suggested. “And...everything else?”
Fabian smiled seductively at him. “You’re supposed to be resting.”
“My eyes still work.”
“Lie down, darling. Let me model this for you.”
Fabian stripped off his clothes and Ryan got as comfortable as he could on the bed. When he was fully naked, Fabian slipped the chain over his head, then groaned orgasmically. “I feel like a mermaid. Real jewelry! I’ve never owned real jewelry.” He admired himself in the mirror. “Oh, Ryan, it’s stunning. You have exquisite taste.”
Ryan beamed at him. “I’m glad you like it.”
“I’m never taking it off.”
Ryan would be okay with that. The sight of the pearls and dia
monds glinting off Fabian’s gorgeous skin, trailing down to his belly button, made Ryan’s mouth water.
“Oh,” Fabian said, noticing the tent that had suddenly appeared in Ryan’s sweatpants. With his back injury making it hard to dress himself, Ryan hadn’t bothered with underwear. “Do you have another gift for me?” He crawled onto the bed like a cat, diamonds and pearls dangling from his neck.
“I can’t do much,” Ryan reminded him hoarsely.
“You don’t have to do a thing, darling. There are so many things I could do for you in that position.”
Ryan swallowed. He really shouldn’t do anything. If he came, which was admittedly unlikely, the spasms would be agony. But at the moment he was horny as hell, so he said, “Could I watch you?”
Fabian seemed to like that idea. “Would you like me to remove your pants first? You can’t be comfortable like that.”
“Okay. Yeah. Thanks.” He carefully lifted his hips so Fabian could slide his waistband down. He removed his own shirt because he felt silly wearing only a shirt.
“Oh, I’ve missed him,” Fabian sighed as Ryan’s cock sprang out of his sweatpants. “He looks happy to see me.”
“Definitely.”
Fabian kneeled between Ryan’s legs and took his own cock in his hand. “Do you want to hear the fantasy I cooked up when I was getting myself off last night?”
Oh fuck. “Where? In your old bedroom?”
Fabian bit his lip, then said, “That’s right. Reminded me of being a teenager, jerking off in secret in my room.” He smiled. “Thinking of you.”
Ryan’s mouth dropped open. He knew, of course, that Fabian had had a crush on him when they’d been teenagers. He still couldn’t quite believe it, but he did know. Still, he hadn’t yet considered the idea of young Fabian pleasuring himself to thoughts of Ryan. “You did that?” he asked. “When we lived together?”
“Frequently. Were you doing the same?”
“Yeah. Like, all the time.”
Fabian closed his eyes and smiled. “God, that’s hot.”
“What were you thinking about last night?” Ryan asked, not wanting to lose the opportunity to hear all about it.
“Okay,” Fabian said, keeping his eyes closed. “So I imagined you banging on my door. Maybe I’m home in my apartment in this scenario. I’m on my bed, playing with myself. Just getting started. And then there’s this loud pounding on my door. And somehow I know it’s you. Like I’ve been waiting for this.”
“Yeah?” Ryan rasped. “Do you let me in?”
“Patience,” Fabian scolded. He trailed his fingers over the chain, pausing to roll each pearl between his thumb and forefinger. “So I get up to go to the door, and when I open it, you’re standing there and you look wild. Your eyes are blazing, and your shirt is hanging open like you didn’t even have time to dress properly. Your chest is heaving, like you ran all the way to me. I can see how hard you are through your jeans. Like you’re going to burst right out of them.” He opened his eyes. “Just as hard as you are right now.”
Ryan cursed and wrapped his hand around his dick, just to give it a squeeze. It wasn’t enough. “What do I want?”
Fabian licked his bottom lip, then closed his eyes again. “You tell me that you need to come. That you’ve been edging yourself all day but you can’t quite get there on your own. That you need me. Need my ass.”
“Oh. Fuck.” Ryan started stroking himself, quickly losing his ability to care about his back.
“You tell me that you got so close so many times, but you couldn’t find release. You need that release. You have so much come for me and you need me to take it from you.”
Fabian was stroking himself faster now, and his voice got higher and breathier. “I tell you I’ve been waiting for you. That I’m ready. I show you the plug I have in, and you growl and yank it out. You shove me on the bed, face first. You’re rough, but I’m not scared. I love it. I love how badly you need this. And you don’t even wait, you just...aah...you just slam into me, shoving that giant cock inside, and it’s so good. It’s so fucking good, Ryan. You hold me down with those giant hands and fuck me so goddamned hard.”
“You like that?” Ryan panted. God, he might actually come for real.
“Fuck yeah I do. Love feeling how strong you are. Love you losing control like that.”
“I’ll fuck you like that,” Ryan grunted. “When I’m healed up, I’ll fuck you as hard as you want.”
“Yes please. God, I’m close.”
“Tell me the rest.” Ryan sounded like he was begging. “Please, fuck. How does it end?”
“You ask me if I want your come. And of course I say yes. I’m dying for it. And you warn me that it will be a lot, and I tell you to do it. To give it all to me.”
Ryan whimpered. His pleasure was mixing with the pain from his back as his muscles tensed.
“And you do. You let out this gorgeous howl of relief and unload in me. It’s so much that you pull out and still—oh fuck—you spurt more on my back. And then I come too, and, oh god. I really am going to come.”
“Fuck. Do it.”
With a tiny noise of surprise, Fabian hunched forward and shot all over Ryan’s thigh. Then he fell forward and took Ryan’s dick in his mouth, and Ryan’s eyes rolled back.
“Goddamn you, Fabian. This is going to hurt. Fuck, don’t stop. I’m so close.”
Fabian was merciless, and in seconds Ryan was coming hard into his mouth, and screaming against the pain even as it was eclipsed by pleasure. He didn’t even care if he never walked again.
“Ow,” he said as the aftershocks subsided.
Fabian wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and laughed. “You actually could have warned me that it was going to be a lot. Holy smokes.”
“Sorry. It’s been a while.”
“I’m aware.” Even though they were regularly enjoying amazing sex together, it was still a rare event for Ryan to actually orgasm.
“That was amazing, though,” Ryan said. “You have a good imagination.”
“If stories are what you need to get off, I’m sure I can dream up some more.” Fabian curled up against him on the bed, resting his chin on Ryan’s chest. “Are you all right? That was irresponsible of me.”
“I’ll be fine. I’ve been in more pain for worse reasons, that’s for sure.”
Fabian leaned forward and kissed him. Ryan could taste himself in Fabian’s mouth, and he savored it. He wrapped an arm around Fabian and pulled him tighter, the pearls on the necklace getting caught between their bodies and pressing hard into Ryan’s chest. He was thrilled by how much Fabian had loved his gift. He wanted to cover Fabian in jewels. He wanted to decorate his body with all the beautiful things he deserved.
“I just confirmed the album release show,” Fabian said. “I’ll wear the necklace that night.”
“I think I’m going to like seeing that.”
“Are you?” Fabian rolled onto his back beside Ryan and fingered the necklace. “I didn’t think you were the possessive type, Ryan Price.”
“I’m not.” He considered his next words carefully. “Sometimes I just need a reminder that we’re really together. Especially when you’re onstage. Because it’s pretty hard to believe.”
For a long moment, Fabian didn’t say anything, which made Ryan worry. Then he said, “I hope you don’t think you’re getting the better end of this deal, Ryan, because I have never been with anyone who makes me as happy as you do.”
Ryan smiled at the ceiling. He was dangerously close to telling Fabian exactly how he felt about him, but instead he just kissed the top of Fabian’s head, and silently resolved to always make him happy.
Chapter Twenty-Five
“Can I ask you something?”
Ryan had been watching, somewhat mesmerized, as Fabian tried on different shirts while getting
ready to go out. Because of this, he was slow to respond to Fabian’s question. “Sure. What?”
Fabian pulled the latest shirt off over his head, then turned to where Ryan was reclining on the bed. Ryan tried to focus on his face and not on the sexy curve of his hip where it dipped into his tight pants. “Did something...happen. With your last team?”
“Uh.”
“I just—okay. When I was home my family was talking about how you...well. They said you had a meltdown.”
Ryan didn’t say anything for a moment. Meltdown. He cleared his throat. “I guess that’s one way of putting it.”
Fabian kneeled beside the bed and took Ryan’s hand in his. “Tell me?”
Ryan really didn’t want to talk about this. Ever. He’d gone through it with his therapist and that had been plenty. But Fabian looked so concerned, Ryan sighed and decided to give him at least the gist of what had happened.
“I was on the bench. And the crowd was chanting, because—oh. There’s a chant. When the crowd wants me to fight.”
“A chant?”
“Yeah. It’s, um, ‘Pay the Price.’ Like my name, and like I’m going to make them pay, right?”
Fabian’s brows pinched together. “Gross.”
Ryan nodded. “Yep. So the crowd was chanting because, well, a hockey thing happened. I won’t bore you.”
Fabian didn’t smile. “Ryan.”
They’d showered together before Fabian had gotten dressed, and Fabian’s damp hair fell in his eyes. Ryan reached out and brushed it aside. “I don’t know what it was about this time, because it wasn’t different from any other time, but I guess it was my breaking point. This was before I’d seen a therapist or tried medication. I was lonely, miserable. I don’t know. Anyway.”
“What happened?”
Ryan closed his eyes and remembered how he couldn’t get his heart to stop racing, and how he couldn’t get enough air into his lungs. His gear had been too hot, too tight, and when he’d looked down at his skates and tried to take a breath, it was like his throat had closed. His chest had hurt, lungs burning from lack of oxygen, and his damn heart had felt like it was going to explode.