by V. K. Ludwig
“You know you’ve never been that to me.”
Another mug hit me against my temple, letting pain burn into my skull before it hit the ground and shattered in dozens of white and blue pieces. “Until right now.”
A piercing cry came from the swing beside us, long and drawn-out, turning Gabriel’s face from pink to red by the time he caught his next breath.
And yet Eden continued to throw at me whatever was in her reach. Mugs to hold tasteless coffee. Hanging pots that prepared abhorrent meals. And plates from which I ate them without complaints only to please her.
As my patience wore thin, it showed in the way I began swatting away those kitchen items she threw. “Stop this, or I’ll make it stop.”
“What? You’re gonna throw me over your shoulder? Tranquilize me?”
“You’re a danger to yourself right now, and you are scaring our son.”
Her jaws clenched, and she let the last plate shatter by her own feet, her eyes flicking toward the child. “Your son? You mean the one you’ve got no trouble sending away once he can barely button his pants by himself?”
She hurried over to him.
I hurried faster, shoving her away before she reached out for him. “He’s my son, and I forbid you to take him in this mental state.”
“Get out!” she barked, once more throwing punches with the occasional kick mixed into it. “Let me —”
“Enough!” I swung my arms around her chest and squeezed her tightly against me, walking her back until she rode up against the cabinets. “You need to stop this because I don’t understand any of this.”
“That’s exactly the problem. In your fucked-up head, you see nothing wrong with this.”
“Please stop saying those kinds of things.” I gulped, ignoring the bleeding wound her words had left on my heart. “I love you.”
She stared up at me wide-eyed, her lips parting so quickly I expected them to issue a scream. Instead, they remained in an alarming silence, as if words failed her.
Eden slowly shook her head. “You can’t love, Torin. You don’t know what love is. And if you see nothing wrong with this, then perhaps you’re defective after all. You all are.”
Her words stabbed into that place I hadn’t known before Eden, making pain and rage choke my chest until it expanded against my ribs.
My arms softened around her, turning constraint into caress. I ignored the way her quivering body spoke of her desire to fight me. Cold, numb lips to her neck, I trailed kisses across her heated skin, crossing her jawbone, and soaking on the remnants of her tears.
“Anam ghail,” I whispered between kisses. “I love you, and I love Gabriel. That child of mine you are growing I already love as well. And both will grow into a bridge between our two worlds, strengthening the Empire, assuring peace for us all. I have to value our traditions.”
Her cries picked up again, but her tears had run dry.
Our home was an orchestra of wails, screams, and grunts, each sound grinding my nerves and turning me more and more desperate. Perhaps I’d given her too much leeway. Had spoiled her with unquestioned devotion.
I eased my grip on Eden, her breath calmed and her demeanor… changed. And I tried once more to calm this insanity.
“I have a heart, and it is yours. And you are my conscience.”
She scoffed and tilted her head back, her eyes opening slowly and looking right through me as if I had stopped existing somehow. “I want you to leave, Torin. Go away and leave me alone like you promised you would.”
Her words seeped into my bones like rot, manifesting itself at the marrow, eating me from the inside.
She wanted me to leave.
Wanted me out of her life.
Our life.
“No,” I said with a stern voice. “You are mine, and I am yours. We are fated to be together.”
“Guess you’re a liar after all then.”
“Circumstances changed.” Even in those two words, the approaching desperation was palpable on my tongue. “I love you, and I think you love me, too. You want to deny it?”
A sad little laugh came from her throat, hoarse from her screams, raw from her cries. “Yeah, I love you.”
Her words should have given me joy, but they spread pain through my ribcage.
I stared down at my mate, all fight gone from her body. A pile of defeat at the tip of my black combat boots. Her eyes had dulled to the point she might as well have been a fresh corpse. What happened to that strong female I captured?
“Eden…” I kneeled down beside her and took her into my arms, her lack of resistance spiking my blood with adrenaline. “Let me hear it again.”
“I love you.” There was no hesitancy in her answer. Neither was there long a break before she added, “And I want you to leave.”
“No,” I said. And then again. “No. You do not mean that.”
I pressed my lips onto hers and kissed her, but her mouth remained unmoving, cold. So I slipped my hand underneath the dense fabric of her dress, stroking her laced flesh, which always held so much warmth.
Her eyes found enough water for one more tear to run down her cheek, but it stayed the only proof of resistance. She could have slapped me. Punched me. Kicked me.
But all she did was sit there, limp.
Tolerating however I plied her body.
Desperation seized every fiber of my being, magnified by Gabriel’s desperate scream, high-pitched, grinding my brain. Eden was nothing but an empty shell beneath me, all that spirit which called to me abandoned.
I stared down at the female I loved.
I had seen her scream.
Had seen her cry.
But never had I seen her broken.
Bent, yes, but never broken.
“I will remain here with you,” I said, my voice so cold it almost made my tongue stick to my gums. “We will find someone to replace you at the agency. You’re not in a state of mind fit to work like this.”
I walked over to the swing and lifted Gabriel from it, the corners of his mouth already purple from how he screamed. Eden did nothing to stop me. Neither did she watch as I prepared him a bottle, pacing the kitchen as I fed him.
He swallowed more air than milk, breaking the latch to the nipple whenever a ragged breath trembled through his body. Tears still clung to the thick lashes framing his dull green eyes, looking more human than Vetusian in the dim light of the winter afternoon.
“You won’t leave our home for a while.” Why I had said that I couldn’t even explain to myself. To aggravate her? Tease a shout from her vocal cords? Anything that would prove I had not broken her somehow? “Neither do I want Anna to look in on you. I’ll post guards to ensure you remain home, where you’ll receive treatment until your mind is restored.”
Nothing.
Not even a blink.
I walked up to her, searching for her soul where I only found emptiness. “Are you listening? Do you hear my words?”
“Yes.” A clear answer, her eyes unfocused.
“Have you nothing to say to me?” A curse? An insult?
Not even a shake of her head.
In my agony to restore her, I sunk lower than I had ever before.
“I had planned to bring your mother here next week. As a surprise. I shall delay her visit until you’re yourself again.”
I watched her closely, but instead of a spark, I found… nothing.
That was when I threw myself onto my knees before her once more. “What do you want anam ghail? Tell me because I’ve got no idea what I’m doing. Do you want me to fight my Empire for you? Our traditions? The things we stand for? Who we are? Should I deploy the first brigade and tear Seneca down along with the Wardens? Or assault them myself and make myself a murderer like everyone expected me to be in the first place?”
I rested the bottle on Gabriel’s chest and shook her arm, tempted to rattle her to the marrow of her bones. “Answer me! What am I to do?”
“Leave like you promised.”
; She hadn’t said it to my face.
Those four words only trickled into the room as little more than a whisper, her eyes so far away even I understood I would have to travel galaxies to find them.
She wanted me to leave.
She was broken.
I had broken her.
The realization of it shrouded me in a darkness I had never known before. Darker than those long months of isolation during my gestation.
I thought I had known darkness.
But not like this.
Not like this.
I nodded, though I knew she didn’t see.
Then I placed our son onto her lap, arranging her arms to cradle him.
What else did I have to give to her? Nothing.
She held him tight as if she feared someone would come to take him already. And come they would.
“Very well,” I said and rose. “I shall leave, making this agreement fulfilled. There is nothing else for you to want of me other than the support we agreed to. And nothing remains for me to ask of you.”
I left them behind there by the kitchen.
Turned my back on the family I’d never have.
Chapter 28
Torin
As a warrior, sleep deprivation shouldn’t have affected me the way it did with my eyes red-rimmed and burning. There was a time when I had called Ardev Five my home. What a fool I was. Three lonely nights in my quarters taught me it was anything but.
I sucked in a deep breath and stepped into the warrior stratum of sector three, the expansion of my lungs paining my sore heart. Postures stiffened the moment I set foot into the main hall, followed by deep bows with calloused hands clasped behind their backs.
“Commander,” the facility manager straightened himself, his frame carrying the mass I appreciated in a warrior. “If you would have informed us of your visit, we would have made this a special occasion.”
“I do not wish this to be a special occasion, for I only came to assure protocol is being followed. And I am particularly interested to see how the newly assigned humans are settling in. I was told they assigned thirty-one to your facility?”
“Yes, sir. We are a small stratum, but proud, nonetheless. If you will follow me.” He guided me along the white hall, glass doors lining both sides of it. “The sleeping and recreational facilities are upstairs. We have ten sparring rings for ages eight and up. Three shooting ranges. Three gravity-controlled areas for dexterity improvement, exercise, and muscle development.”
“What are the age ranges of the humans?”
“Ages four to eight, sir.” He opened one of the doors with a swipe. “Children above the age of eight prove to be difficult to integrate, and their language acquisition skills are much more compromised.”
I stepped into the room, sweat already lingering on the black training mats covering the floor of this newly erected building. “You teach them Vetusian?”
“As well as Cosmic, sir.” He inhaled deeply, getting his voice ready to deploy a shout.
“That will not be necessary,” I said and stepped away from him. “They will remain with their tasks at hand, while I shall simply observe.”
“Very well, Commander.”
Shaky hands clasped behind my back, I walked about the room, my heart all but dragging along. Juvenile Vetusians twisted their bodies in every which way as they climbed through obstacles. Others recited the warrior code in bursts of shouts. What had once filled me with pride at each inspection, now placed something rancid at the back of my tongue.
I had spent almost my entire childhood at the warrior stratum myself, which had formed me into the Commander I was today. Had I not brought peace to planets? Justice to marauders? Gained honor in countless battles?
Worthless achievements in the shadow of a peaceful family.
A young boy, eyes a dull green, weaved his hands through a holographic puzzle of the Gadorian solar system. He sat cross-legged, his black pants a little too long, a little too wide for his human frame.
“Honor to the warrior,” I greeted him in Vetusian and lowered myself down to sit beside him.
“For the black cloth is woven with virter.”
“Virtue.” I gave him a soft nod, continuing in English. “What is your name?”
“Miguel,” he said and glanced at the collar of my uniform, only to add, “Commander, sir.”
“And what are you working with right now?”
His hands continued to wander to his forehead, shoving on hair which must have been there before, but was now cut close to his scalp. “I have… a planet.”
“And which planet is it?”
He pointed at the puzzle. “This one.”
“Yes, but what is its name?”
“Uh-huh,” he said, clapping his hands excitedly. “It’s Nevas Five. It’s green.”
That last word had come out a shriek, much a reminder of this child’s youth. Unable to control his voice at the most inconvenient of times, his entire body still flailing as if he had little say over his eager limbs.
I sat beside him for a long time, my thoughts drifting off while Miguel hummed a song. It reminded me of the way Eden sang Gabriel to sleep, the words often nonsensical, and yet they served the purpose just fine. Would my mate get a chance to shower? Did she cry herself to sleep? Did she think of me the way I of her, with a burning cleft leaving my heart open, vulnerable?
“A mi burro, a mi burro,” Miguel sang, the pitch of his soft voice stalling my lungs. “Le duele la cabeza… mmh… da… da…”
“Puedes explicarme que es un burro?”
He turned to look at me with a smirk on his face, holding both hands up high behind his ears. “A donkey is like, like a horse, but they have… big, big ears and make ieh-ooor! Mom says abuelo had a donkey. His name was Pepe.”
His lips trembled at the same moment warmth soaked against my thigh. I looked down between us, where a puddle quickly grew bigger, glistening on the black mat. Did I soil myself when they took me from Nifal? Did I bite back tears?
“Officer Helem,” I called over my shoulder, watching how the male immediately ran up to us. “This child soiled himself. You will have him taken upstairs so he may wash and receive a fresh set of uniforms.”
“Yes, Commander.” He helped Miguel up and pointed him in the direction of an assistant. “His mother stated he was able to control his bladder, but she was clearly mistaken. My deepest apologies. I will punish him —”
“The child does not deserve to be punished at such young an age.” I got up, ignoring the way warm urine ran down my leg. “You will show me to his cot this instant.”
His eyes nervously flicked around. “Yes, sir. Right this way.”
I followed him out of the room and up the spiral ramp at the center. We crossed a common area, with several doors to cleaning facilities.
“We expect Miguel to reach the height of a smaller Vetusian,” the officer explained. “We had to lower requirements to accommodate humans as well as the hybrids of the future. But he has a strong skeletal structure and promising muscle density.”
“When did he arrive?”
“A little over two weeks ago.” He pushed open a door and pointed at the bunks inside. “Lower right, sir.”
Papers with colorful scribbles lined the walls, showing smoke rising from chimneys, and birds sitting on disproportioned branches. I sunk into the mattress, a tightness coming over my ribcage. “My mate very much enjoys drawing, especially when she is displeased.”
Four figures holding hands, their arms attached straight to their elliptical heads. They had no legs. No feet. But all had smiles.
I smiled as well. “When was the last time our species produced art?”
“Sir?”
“Cultum is full of statues and painting, and yet I have not heard of a Vetusian artist ever since I was harvested.” I glanced over my shoulder. “It makes me wonder. When did we stop making beautiful things?”
“Uh…” His lips parted and closed several times,
and yet no answer came.
I tapped the largest person on the paper. “His family remained unharmed during the invasion?”
“Actually, the child’s biological father died even before his birth. A car accident. The male in this painting is his mother’s mate. A healer, but… he was temporarily placed in confinement.”
“Confinement?” I asked. “You will tell me why he has been taken into custody.”
“Well…” He straightened his spine and widened his stance. “He refused to give up the child when the authorities came to bring him to the stratum. There was little violence involved, but a punishment —”
“Are you telling me one of our own males interfered?”
“Yes, sir.”
I didn’t like the way this information twisted my guts, bringing me up close with a reality not previously considered. What if more and more Vetusian males would refuse to give their children to the strati? Grew attached to their non-biological sons in much the same way I had to Gabriel?
Because I missed Gabriel.
By everything one could pray to, it had been less than four days, and my chest seemed too small to harbor all that longing for my infant son.
What was there not to miss about the way he always grabbed my fingers with his tiny hands? Or the way he gazed deep into my eyes when I fed him? How he suckled on my skin in search of nourishment?
“Was this an isolated incident?”
“I’m afraid not, sir.” He bit his upper lip, his head lowered. “The mothers are ferocious when we come for male children. So much so, we had to stop announcing the date of the draft to avoid escalations. But the females are easily overwhelmed. The Vetusians… not always.”
I rose, my bones heavier than just a moment ago. “I will have to look into those incidents. In the meantime, rest assured, I am pleased with the tidiness of the facility and the comfort of the amenities.”
He bowed deeply. “Honor to the warrior.”
“For the black cloth is woven with virtue,” I replied, making my way back downstairs and out to my stargazer.
The way back to Ardev Five haunted me.