COW GETS HEAD TRAPPED IN WASHING MACHINE DRUM
An inquisitive young cow got its head stuck in a washing machine drum that had been illegally dumped in a field in Cornwall. Probably thinking there was food inside the drum, the animal put its head in and was then unable to shake off the metal container. An RSPCA officer rescued the hapless heifer and returned her to the rest of the herd without her cranial attachment.
POLICE SAY MAN BOUGHT DRUGS WITH DEAD PIG
A man was arrested on a street corner in Syracuse, New York State, in 2009 for allegedly offering a slaughtered pig as part payment for a bag of crack cocaine. The police claimed that Angelo Colon paid Omar Veliz half a pig and $10 for a $50 bag of cocaine. Veliz said the pig was intended to be the focal point of a celebration for a relative who was being released from jail. Unfortunately while the two men were being arrested, a third party stole the pig.
FOX SNATCHES WOMAN’S HANDBAG
Police in Switzerland were outfoxed by a four-legged handbag thief in 2008. A woman was working outside in Riehen when a fox suddenly ran off with her handbag – containing her wallet and house keys – in its mouth. A passer-by gave chase but the fox was too quick for him and made its escape. The women reported the daring theft to the police who found the unopened handbag under a nearby bush. They deduced that the fox had discarded the bag because it was too bulky to take into its lair.
BEAR CAUGHT EATING PORRIDGE
In a tale straight out of a fairy story, a woman from West Vancouver, Canada, arrived home in 2006 to find a young bear eating porridge in her kitchen. Despite the presence of three police officers, the hungry bear, which had obtained the oatmeal by breaking into a ceramic food container, refused to leave the house until it had finished eating.
FALLING COW WRECKS CAR
A couple were driving along a highway near Manson, Washington State, in 2007 when a 600-pound cow plunged 200 feet from the sky and landed on the hood of their minivan, causing major damage. The cow – named Michelle – had fallen off a cliff.
PATROLMAN USES DOG TO START CAR
Breakdown patrolman Kevin Gorman managed to get a car to start by using the vehicle owner’s dog. Despite changing the battery in her electronic key fob, Juliette Piesley could not start her car, but when AA patrolman Gorman arrived at the scene in Addlestone, Surrey, he discovered that its immobilizer chip was missing. Ms Piesley then realized that her dog George had probably eaten the chip, so the resourceful AA man placed the dog in the driver’s seat and started the car first time with the key. Afterwards Ms Piesley acknowledged that from then on she would have to take George with her in the car at all times until events took their natural course.
JET FIGHTERS CAUSE DEATH OF SANTA’S REINDEER
The Danish Air Force paid $5,000 in compensation in 2006 to a part-time Santa Claus whose reindeer died of heart failure when two fighter jets roared overhead. The animal – naturally named Rudolf – was grazing at Olavi Nikkanoff’s farm when the noise of the low-flying jets caused it to collapse and die, leaving his owner with the prospect of having only one reindeer to pull his sleigh that Christmas. Capt. Morten Jensen of the Danish Air Force said: “We got a letter from Santa complaining about his reindeer’s death and looked into it seriously.”
COCKATOO MOTHERS CHOCOLATE EGGS
A confused cockatoo spent more than two weeks trying to hatch a bowl of chocolate creme eggs. Pippa started protecting the Easter eggs when she spotted them on a table at Nuneaton and Warwickshire Wildlife Sanctuary. Her owner, Geoff Grewcock, said: “She went straight over, climbed on the creme eggs and that was it. She was convinced they were her eggs and wouldn’t let anyone near them.” He added that Pippa had “always been a bit nuts”.
THIEF DISGUISES STOLEN FARM ANIMALS IN CLOTHES
A thief from Port of Spain, Trinidad, stole some farm animals one night in 1999 and dressed them in clothes in the hope that people would think they were humans. The sheep wore a dress while the goats wore shirts, pants and hats. The culprit was ultimately arrested not because of the dubious disguises but because police officers became suspicious when they saw the truck driving along without headlights.
LIZARD SWALLOWS TOY LIZARD
When young Finley Collins from Jacksonville, Florida, saw legs, a body and a head emerging from near the tail of her pet lizard, she thought it was giving birth. But it turned out that it was merely excreting a rubber toy lizard that it had swallowed some time before.
BLIND MAN ACCUSED OF BITING GUIDE DOG
A blind man was arrested in Edinburgh, Scotland, in 2005 after witnesses said he sank his teeth into his guide dog’s head and then kicked the labrador-retriever mix because it apparently refused to help him across a busy street.
CHICKEN FINED FOR CROSSING THE ROAD
A chicken was fined $60 for illegally crossing the road in California. Ophelia, a black Polish hen, strayed onto the street in the rural town of Johannesburg, in violation of state law which bans livestock from highways. However Ophelia’s owners, Linc and Helena Moore, appealed against the fine, arguing that the chicken was domesticated and therefore could not be considered as livestock, and a sympathetic judge eventually dismissed the case.
CIGARETTE-LOVING DOG RUN OVER ON WAY TO TOBACCONIST’S
A dachshund that got through ten cigarettes a day ever since he was a puppy defied repeated health warnings to reach the ripe old age of 24, only to be run over and killed in 2008 on his way to his favourite tobacconist’s shop. Wolfgang Trierler, from Graz, Austria, quickly spotted General Edi’s strange tastes after the previous owner had abandoned the dog. “We noticed straight away that he was in the habit of eating cigarettes. He used to eat the tobacco and the paper, and then chewed a while on the filter before spitting it out. But all of his teeth were fine.” However, having munched his way through half a packet of cigarettes a day for virtually his entire life – 168 in human years – he finally perished in pursuit of his addiction. “Poor Edi dashed out in the road in excitement right in front of a car,” said a neighbour. “There was nothing anyone could do. I suppose you could say that cigarettes did ultimately damage his health.”
RAMPAGING BADGER PUTS FIVE IN HOSPITAL
Five people were put in hospital in 2003 and two police officers were sent running for cover after Boris the badger went on a 48-hour rampage through the normally tranquil Worcestershire town of Evesham. The male badger, two and a half feet long and weighing over 30 pounds, began his reign of terror by biting two teenagers before savaging a man and a woman who were walking their dogs. He then attacked a householder investigating noises coming from his garage, sinking his teeth into the man’s arms and legs with a ferocity which left his victim needing skin grafts. Meanwhile two police officers, called by residents who thought a prowler was on the loose, were forced to jump onto the bonnet of their patrol car when the snarling animal charged straight at them. Boris, who had escaped from a local wildlife centre, was eventually captured by the chairman of the Worcestershire Badger Society.
BEAR WITH SWEET TOOTH STEALS CAR
Police in New Jersey suspected a black bear of stealing a people carrier and taking it for a spin. They found the passenger window broken, the door panels damaged and the interior of the vehicle covered in bear hair. They thought the bear – probably attracted by sweets left inside – had accidentally released the handbrake, thereby allowing the car to roll 50 feet down the hill from the owner’s house.
HEAVY BREATHING CALLS WERE FROM DOG
A US police dispatcher was alarmed by three late-night 911 calls because “the only communication was someone breathing”. The calls were traced and three squad cars raced to an address in Lake Parsipanny, New Jersey, where the occupant, Sylvia D’Antonio, maintained that they had been made by her German Shepherd, Slayer. Ms D’Antonio claimed she had been teaching the dog to dial 911 in an emergency. She said: “She knocks the phone off the hook and then she steps on it.”
HORSE BITES OFF MAN’S TESTICLE
A man was r
ushed to hospital in Indonesia in 2009 after a horse bit off one of his testicles. The man was unloading sand from a horse-drawn cart at a construction site in Sulawesi when the horse – named Budi – suddenly lunged at him and sunk its teeth into him. As bystanders put the victim in a car to take him to hospital, one noticed a lump of flesh on the ground. A witness said: “Luckily the horse did not chew up or swallow the testicle, but spat it onto the pavement.”
SWAN FALLS IN LOVE WITH PEDAL BOAT
In a tale to rival Romeo and Juliet, an Australian black swan on a lake in Germany fell in love with a plastic pedal boat in the shape of a white swan. Swans choose a partner for life but Petra’s mistake was to fall for a four-seater pedal boat designed to look like a swan. Visitors to Aasee near Münster looked on in amazement as Petra repeatedly circled her plastic lover, staring longingly at it and making crooning sounds, all classic signs of a swan in love. And when the pedal boat swan refused to fly south for the winter, Petra stayed too, defying the cold weather. Fortunately the local zoo took pity and gave both Petra and her boat boyfriend a place to spend the winter. Over the next two years, Petra was encouraged to strike up a rapport with real swans but the relationships always fizzled out and she returned to her boat mate, swimming patiently alongside it, apparently undeterred by its lack of feathers or by the fact that it was 50 times bigger than her.
CASINO CHICKEN RULES THE ROOST
Ginger the chicken shattered the dreams of dozens of punters at a Las Vegas casino in 2002 by sending them home empty-handed in a big money game of tic-tac-toe (noughts and crosses). The casino was offering $10,000 in a Chicken Challenge to anyone who could beat Ginger. The bird was placed in a glass cubicle along with a computer screen showing a video of a tic-tac-toe board. Whenever Ginger pecked the screen, a nought appeared on the corresponding place on the game board. Many tried their luck but after either suffering the humiliation of being beaten by a chicken or at best achieving a draw, they left, grumbling about the fact that the chicken always went first.
WOMAN HIDES SNAKES IN BRA
A 42-year-old woman tried to smuggle 75 live snakes into Sweden by hiding them in her bra. Officers became suspicious when they noticed that she kept scratching her chest, and on further inspection of her heaving cleavage they found dozens of baby grass snakes writhing around in her bra and six lizards crawling about under her blouse. The woman said she was planning to start a reptile farm.
WOMAN MUGGED BY EAGLE
A 69-year-old Austrian woman received the shock of her life in 2009 when she was mugged in the street by an eagle. Klara Maier couldn’t believe her eyes when the bald eagle, with its seven-foot wingspan, swooped down from the skies and snatched her handbag. The bird then proceeded to rip the handbag open and check its contents. Police in Kundl later found the thief hiding in a field. They then traced it back to its owner who revealed that the woman’s handbag just happened to be the same colour and shape as the bag in which the eagle’s food was kept.
CHICKEN SURVIVES TWO DAYS IN FREEZER
Feeling peckish, a Chinese man took a chicken out of the freezer, only to discover that it was still alive. Gan Shugen said the bird – a gift from a relative – was wrapped in a thick plastic bag and with its legs tied so, assuming that it was dead, he put it in the freezer. But when he opened the freezer two days later, he received something of a surprise. “I heard weak sounds,” he said, “and when I opened the bag, a red head popped out. She was still warm, and when I removed the tape, she could stand.” In the light of the chicken’s near-death experience, Gan promised that he would not eat the bird, but would look after it instead.
GERMANS ROCKED BY EXPLODING TOADS
Visitors to parks in Hamburg, Germany, had a new menace to contend with in 2005 – exploding toads. The mystery disease caused thousands of toads to swell up to three and a half times their normal size before suddenly exploding, scattering their entrails over a large area.
PUPPY SWALLOWS 40 PAIRS OF UNDERPANTS
A springer spaniel puppy with a taste for underpants had to undergo surgery in 2007 after devouring his 40th pair. Usually whatever Taffy eats – and that has included 300 socks and a set of car keys – emerges naturally from the other end but this pair of underpants refused to shift, forcing his owner, Staffordshire vet Eubie Saayman, to operate. But once he had recovered, Taffy was quickly up to his old tricks again. “I guess this is just his vice,” said Mrs Saayman, adding that Taffy had also destroyed 15 pairs of shoes.
WOMAN’S SEX ROMP WITH DONALD DUCK IN SATELLITE DISH
An unmarried 32-year-old woman from Tulsa, Oklahoma, with a long history of paranoid schizophrenia, became convinced that she was being wooed by Donald Duck and that the satellite dish recently installed in her neighbour’s yard had been put there to enable the cartoon duck to communicate his true love for her. She spent hours hovering around the satellite dish until, one day in 1992, she finally undressed and climbed into it. She was found sitting in the dish masturbating, happy in the belief that she was consummating her marriage to Mr Duck.
WIFE SAYS HUSBAND HAD SEX WITH FROZEN CHICKEN
A wife filed for divorce in 2002 after saying she caught her husband of six months having sex with a frozen chicken. Jean Curtis, from Glasgow, Scotland, claimed that husband Ian – a former military policeman – was dressed in a blouse and rubber stockings as he lay on the sofa with the bird of his fantasies. She told reporters: “My jaw just dropped. I said: ‘You dirty bugger, that’s my Sunday lunch.’ He was calm as you like and said, ‘It’s all right, we can still eat it.’ I kicked him out.”
SEX-STARVED WOMAN BOMBARDS EMERGENCY SERVICES
A 42-year-old woman from Koszalin, Poland, made 700 calls to emergency services, the local army headquarters and the town council demanding a man for sex. Hanna Wozniak told telephone operators that she would gladly start a fire if it meant that a hunky fireman would come round afterwards for sex. After the calls were traced back to her home, she told the police: “I was desperate for sex. It’s been so long since I had someone in my bed.”
WOMAN BITES OFF LOVER’S PENIS IN CAR SMASH
A passionate encounter between a boss and his secretary ended in a painful manner in 2009 when the impact from a car crash caused her to bite his penis off. The 30-year-old woman was performing oral sex on her boss in a car in a Singapore park when the car was struck by a reversing van. Immediately after the collision, the woman was heard to scream loudly before emerging from the vehicle with her mouth covered in blood. To add to the couple’s woes, the entire incident was witnessed by a private detective who had been hired by the woman’s husband to catch them in the act. The detective helpfully called an ambulance to take the injured man to hospital. His lover followed him there, carrying part of his penis.
SEX LINE CALLER’S VOICE SOUNDED FAMILIAR
An Italian man called a telephone sex line expecting to have a steamy chat but instead found that the woman on the other end was his wife, whereupon a $3-a-minute shouting match ensued.
CUSTOMER SUES AFTER BEING BASHED BY EROTIC DANCER’S BREASTS
A visitor to a strip club unsuccessfully sued for $15,000 in 1998 after claiming he suffered from whiplash, “mental anguish and loss of life enjoyment” as a result of being slammed in the head by the 60-inch HHH bosom of an erotic dancer. Paul Shimkonis, 38, of Tampa, Florida, compared the impact from dancer Tawny Peaks’ outsize breasts to being hit with cement blocks, adding: “I haven’t been right since.”
“DOGGING” TRIO ARE HIT BY LIGHTNING
In an act of divine retribution, three men who were spying on a pair of passionate lovers through a high-powered telescope suffered burns after being struck by lightning. The trio had gathered in a derelict hut on a hillside near Taipei, Taiwan, to observe the lovers having sex in a nearby car but became so engrossed with the action that they failed to spot the storm brewing. The bolt struck the hut with such force that the three were lucky to survive. A police officer said: “When we saw them, their hair was sta
nding on end and their stares were fixed.”
MAN CAUGHT HAVING SEX WITH VACUUM CLEANER
A Polish building contractor working at a London hospital was sacked in 2008 after being caught having sex with a canister vacuum cleaner bearing the design of a happy, smiling face. A security guard spotted the man in the staff canteen, naked and on his knees with Henry the Hoover. When challenged, the man claimed he was simply vacuuming his underpants, which he said was “common practice” in his native country.
PAIR BREAK INTO WOMEN’S PRISON FOR SEX
Two men broke into the all-women’s Tarrengower Prison at Maldon, Victoria, Australia, in 2003 in the belief that the inmates would be desperate for sex. After the pair had been apprehended by guards, a prison spokesperson commented: “We have a hard enough time keeping inmates in, let alone having to worry about keeping people out.”
MAN INSERTS PENCIL IN PENIS
A Serbian man’s plan to “put lead in his pencil” backfired when he needed emergency surgery after sticking a pencil inside his penis to keep it stiff during sex. Zeljko Tupic had previously experienced problems getting an erection so, leaving nothing to chance before a hot date, he slotted a thin pencil into his manhood. But when the pencil moved and became lodged in his bladder, he was forced to end the sex session and call an ambulance. The doctor commented: “At first the patient did not tell us what really happened, but X-rays proved the truth. He said he had no idea there were things like Viagra available but agreed that in future he will take pills before he takes any more chances with pencils.”
The Mammoth Book of Weird News (Mammoth Books) Page 5