by Nora Cobb
“I’m not sure it was my lighter.”
“You borrowed it?”
“My locker’s been broken into several times,” I explain clearly.
“Why would someone put their lighter in your purse?” she asks.
“So I can light it up and have it explode in my face.”
Thora looks at me. She’s trying to phrase the next question correctly. “You think it was a prank?”
“Prank? No.” I smile tautly. “I think it’s bullying. But that’s just my opinion.”
“Vicki, the school has a zero-tolerance policy toward bullying,” interjects Jagan quickly. “Redwood promotes community in a sharing environment comprised of creative and talented people who seek guidance and advancement toward a professional future.”
“I’m not the one who needs to be convinced,” I reply flatly.
Thora frowns. “Who needs to be convinced?”
“Whoever messed with my purse.”
“And you have no idea who might have done that?”
“If I did, I would have responded to your email.” I face Jagan. “Look, I appreciate the concern and follow-up, but how’s this going to help me?”
Jagan smiles. “How do you want us to help you move past this?”
“I get the feeling that bullying is the norm for day students. Why is that?” I ask.
On a topic she can handle, Thora answers, “Day students aren’t seen as part of the larger community. Typically, they’re older or there’s a problem at home, and that’s the reason why they aren’t fully participating at Redwood.”
“Sometimes you can be too different,” adds Jagan. “We are, after all, just human.”
“So it would help if I lived on campus?” I ask.
They exchange a quick look. “It would help, but you gave no indication of wanting to live on campus,” replies Thora.
I take a breath. “If it would improve my experience at Redwood to make me a part of a very talented community and able to share the experience fully with my fellow creatives, then I should reconsider. After all, we wouldn’t want this unfortunate incident to mar Redwood’s untarnished reputation.”
Jagan’s gaze meets mine. He smiles widely, and his arms stretch along the back of the couch. Chase was right. It isn’t hard to recognize the wolves among the lambs.
“I’m not sure if we have housing left.” Thora swipes her tablet. “We might be able to double you up.”
“After a month of school, that would be disruptive,” I replied. “It may cause resentment. I only know other commuters and male students. Not many options, but this is important. If I lived on campus, it would help me integrate with the greater student body. Be more tolerated, so to speak.”
I let the word hang in the air as I stare at Jagan. You and I both know that it would be silly to sue the school if I plan to move on campus. So just drop the act and agree to my terms.
“Thora, don’t we have housing for foreign students?” asks Jagan.
She swipes her pad and starts scrolling down. “Yes, and we have some vacancies. You’ll be outside of the main dorm but not too far to be isolated. You may have to live alone.”
“I have a friend,” I reply. “She’s also a day student, and I know she would feel more comfortable living on campus.”
Thora glances at her folder, and I wonder if she’ll have the nerve to move my glass and open it.
Jagan claps his hands and stands up. “Vicki, I’m glad you came in, and I’m glad we had a chance to share in your healing today. A journey shouldn’t be an upward climb into a harsh terrain that doesn’t support us; it should flow.” Jagan takes a deep breath and releases it. “Like what we accomplished today.”
I imitate him and sigh deeply. “And all I want is to follow that flow.”
Jagan smiles and pats my hand. “Good girl.”
***
Lucky fuck. I try not to run out of that place, but I’m calling Luna before I open the door to leave. The student housing for the foreign students is chaotic good. It’s better because they’re, in theory, farther from home and need to sustain an independent lifestyle. They live in freaking townhouses with private bedrooms, bathrooms, parking, and their own practice space.
“You will love me when I tell you!” I scream into my phone.
“Tell me what?” asks Luna.
“I’ve got us into the foreign housing.”
“What?” she gasps. “I couldn’t even get in.”
“Well, we’re in now.”
“If they weren’t jealous before…”
“I don’t give a fuck,” I cut her off. “I’ll get to look down on them from my high tower.”
“Is this how it starts?” she laughs.
“What?
“Tyranny?”
***
Unfortunately, I have one more obstacle to get over: my dad. Jagan knew I was playing the game, and Thora couldn’t keep up. His goal was to keep me from suing the school, or worse yet, attracting bad publicity. Jagan could easily part with letting me move into prime housing with a friend if it meant me dropping this issue.
Dad’s Tesla is parked in the driveway as I pull in beside it. I inhale deeply as I sit behind the wheel and stare at the front door. I can’t play Dad and win. And If Troy even mentioned a word of the trouble I have been having, then there’s no way Dad will ever let me live on campus.
“Dad?” I walk into his study as he looks up. “Can we talk?”
He smiles, and I feel like I’m an evil person. Guilt is a pain in the ass, and an emotion I wish I could rid myself of. I sit down in the large oak chair in front of his desk.
And run into the storm. “I want to live on campus.”
Dad shuts off his monitor and gives me his full attention. “Vicki, we discussed the pros and the cons, and you agreed that the cons were enough reason to stay home.”
“I did, but it’s preventing my progress.” My voice squeaks, negating my sincerity.
Dad frowns. “In what way?”
“I’m seen as an outsider, and it has led to being alienated,” I explain passionately. “It wouldn’t matter so much except these kids are going to be my peers in the industry and right now, they view me as an outsider.”
Dad sighed. “What about the drugs? I was in shock that you were smoking again. And I know there are drugs on that campus.”
I have to tell the truth no matter how it makes me squirm.
“There are days I want to use again, but I overcome it when I work on a project. Working on a video or script keeps me away from drugs. It keeps my mind from getting at me. I get involved in the work, and the addict half of my mind can’t be heard. Instead of dreading the past, I’m engaged in creation. And creating is my future.”
Tears stream down and settle on my upper lip. I lick them away. Dad pulls out his desk drawer and hands me a tissue. I thank him quietly and blow my nose.
We sit together in silence. The sunlight from the window is hitting his face hard, and I wonder how much I’ve aged him. Dad tilts back his head and stretches his back.
“Let me sleep on it, Vicki,” he says quietly. “At some point, you don’t have to ask my permission to do anything anymore, and I’ll have to watch you take responsibility. I just hoped that I would be there a little longer to protect you.”
I think about the trip to the hospital. Is it even fair of me to change the rules that we agreed on? I could still go to Redwood if I stay home. It’s safe at home. Home is my refuge away from three cruel boys who want to tear me down and let the pieces of me blow away in the wind. They won’t be content with anything less.
“We’ll talk in the morning,” he says, turning on his monitor. “But I’m not promising anything.”
Chapter Twenty
“That’s great, Vicki,” replies Theo. “I hear those dorms are nice.”
I frown at him. “Your words are saying you’re happy, but you look depressed.”
Theo disappeared for almost a week but resurfaced after
my accident. I won’t give Silas the privilege of calling it deliberate. Though everyone knows it was, I pretend like it was a defective lighter and not a rigged pack of cigarettes.
Luna, Theo, and I walk past the circle of dorms and toward the townhouses for foreign students at the end of the path. The townhouses are painted gray with white trim and look like two-level horse stables. They may have been at one time, but there’s no trace of their former residents.
“So this is how Dorothy felt when she saw the Emerald City.” Luna claps her hands and then grabs mine. I grab Theo’s and drag him along. Like nerdy kids, we run hand in hand toward the gray buildings set back into the woods. I hoot and cheer, not giving a shit if anyone looks out a window to see who’s making all that noise.
Our suite is on the top floor in the building on the left-hand side. I slide my keycard through the lock and it flashes green. Luna squeals as I throw open the door, and we run inside. The smell of fresh paint is in the air, and everything looks so glossy and fresh. We run up the main stairs and find door 2C that leads into our suite.
“This is cool.” Theo runs his hand along a bare white wall in the living room. “You could hang a lot of stuff here.”
He stands staring at a blank wall while Luna takes off into the bedroom to explore. I want to explore too, and she won’t have first pick of the bedrooms. But Theo really needs a friend right now, and not when I want to spare the time.
“Theo, I feel like I crashed your wake.” I place my hand on his shoulder. “What is wrong?”
He sighs and sits down on the carpeted floor in the living room. “Rhys has found another interest. A girl this time.”
“A girl? Over you?”
He lies on his back and stares at the ceiling fan. “She hangs with Silas. Rosemonde.”
Our conversation is more interesting than an empty suite to Luna. “The French girl with the big teeth?” she asks.
“She’s not French,” I almost growl in frustration. “She’s from Mahwah, New Jersey. Theo, if he picked her over you, then you haven’t lost much.”
He sighs and picks absentmindedly at the carpet. “That’s sound advice, but right now, my heart don’t fucking care to hear it.”
Luna sighs and sits beside him, cross-legged. “I love you, Theo, but you’re killing my happiness. What if we invite Theo over for a girls’ night?”
“I still have to pack,” I shake my head, “and I wanted to spend the weekend with Dad. He looks a little sad too.”
“Oh,” Luna pouts. “Your dad can come too.”
“Okay.” I hold up a finger. “I like my dad, but what is your fascination with him?”
“He’s rich, and he likes to share,” smiles Luna, “You grew up with him so you expect it.”
“I have to leave to pack.” I shake Theo’s shoulder. “Theo, why don’t you come help me? It will be something to do. And you can draw my new hair.”
He grins softly. “It does look good.”
We lock up and walk back toward the dorms.
“Only foreign students live here?” asks Theo. “I didn’t think we even had that many on campus.”
“I didn’t know it existed, and I’m foreign,” replies Luna. “Best-kept secret.”
“Someone lives here,” I point toward a billowing curtain in an open window. “Maybe they have to live here because they don’t have family in California.”
***
Dad is somber, but he also has plans for the weekend, so he’ll be in San Francisco Saturday and Sunday. I’m a little miffed that he leaves, but I remind myself that it was my decision to move out. And I’m looking forward to being out on my own. Dad isn’t strict when it comes to home life. He doesn’t check my purse or snoop around in my room while I’m out. But he has always been aware of everything, even if it wasn’t discussed. If he wasn’t involved in another start-up, I doubt he would have let me leave.
He mentioned speaking to Jagan when he dropped off the check. That’s a conversation I’d like to have heard.
I spend the Saturday packing with Theo’s help. Actually, we spend most of the time ordering furniture. The school supplies the basics—beds, table, dresser, and two chairs. Real Goodwill-looking shit from the last century. We search on Apt2B for practical and then Pottery Barn Teen for lamps and throw pillows. I pack my Edie poster in bubble wrap and stuff my bedding in a trash bag.
“It’s not a lot of stuff.” Theo pushes down the trunk of the car.
“We only just moved in here,” I reply. I look up at the honey-brown house, but I don’t feel sentimental. I never really bonded with the house as amazing as it is. It was just a place to be that wasn’t rehab, and I was thankful for that, but it’s time to get my life started.
“We’ll have to buy food,” I say, pulling out of the driveway. “We can do that after I unpack.”
“Is Luna there?” asks Theo.
“She’s got a lot more to pack than me.”
There’s a parking lot behind the townhouses, and I pull into my assigned space between a Mercedes SUV and Lamborghini. I gawk at the neon-blue sports car beside my Mustang and get out carefully so I don’t tap the paint with my door.
“Whoever lives here must be rich,” says Theo. “Let’s hope they’re friendly.”
“You want a ride in that thing, don’t you?” I laugh.
“I’d rather own it.”
I shouldn’t, but now I feel weird for packing my stuff in garbage bags. Well, I’m not going to drive back home and search for empty boxes. I grab a bag out of the trunk and try to hand another one to Theo.
“Theo?” I hold the bag out and give it a shake.
Theo is in a daze, and it takes him a moment to grab hold of it. He’s looking off again, and I thought he was getting over that boy. Maybe he had a relapse. And then I remember that the kid is from Australia.
“Are you okay?” I whisper.
“Vicki, don’t look up.”
Of course, I look—right into the eyes of Silas, Dom, and Chase. Cerberus stares down on me—the three heads of Cerberus here to chase me away from the gates of the Underworld. They’re watching me from the second floor of the center townhouse. I look away fast, but they have to have seen me gawking at them like a scared little girl. Fuck. Theo is still staring, and I give him a push with my shoulder.
“Come on, let’s go,” I growl.
We walk under an archway and out of sight, but I feel their eyes on us as we walk away. “Shit, I didn’t see Dom’s car.”
My stomach sinks and refuses to unbend itself as we trudge up the stairs, carrying my things in garbage bags. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m tempted to go back and toss my stuff into the trunk, turn tail, and race back home. Dad won’t mind if I change my plans. In fact, he’ll probably be relieved, but I’ve already involved him deeper than that.
I unlock the door, and we quickly step inside.
“What are you going to do?” asks Theo. “You’ll be living here with them.”
“Yes, I noticed that, Theo.” I throw the bag down in my bedroom, thankful that my windows face the woods. “Sorry, you’ve got your own shit, I shouldn’t dump on you.”
Theo sighs, and we sit side by side in my empty bedroom, facing a wide window. There’s a bird in the tree tweeting and hopping around on a branch. I just want to stare at it until graduation and then sneak away.
“It could have been perfect,” I sigh, “but I’m facing disappointment again.”
“I know,” Theo puts his head down in his lap. “You reach for the rainbow and you end up with mist in your hand. Maybe you should move back home. We’ve been joking about the exploding cigarettes, but you could have been seriously injured.”
“I know, but I can’t turn tail and run home. The check’s been cashed.”
“Vicki.” Theo looks up at me. “I’m sure your dad would understand.”
I shake my head and hug my knees. “If you knew my dad, you would know that he’s cutthroat competitive. He’s been patient with what I’m going
through, but a day will come when he’ll expect me to be tough. Redwood is my way of proving myself to him. I have to do more than exist.”
I pause and watch the bird fly away. “I’m sure that check he wrote to Jagan was for more than room and board.”
“What’s up with Jagan?” asks Theo. “Parents seem to avoid him.”
“Jagan is into making deals like my dad. And now, I’ve put Dad in a position to lose if I wimp out.”