by Hagen, Casey
And that right there would be my niche. My chest expanded and my shoulders pulled back. I definitely had something to offer Dustin and Sierra, and I knew what I needed to do.
It's those places that inspired me to sketch out scene after scene. Plans I would share once I had them fleshed out. I’d lay it all out in glorious detail and make it impossible for them to say no to making me a preferred vendor.
And when people came to me and wanted to escape the city to somewhere rustic and private, but didn't want to go somewhere cliché, I would introduce them to The Hideaway on Sunflower Hill with their endless decadent food, a wide selection of lavish honeymoon suites, and glimpses of the heart-pounding wilds of Arizona.
It’s no wonder Bryce and Katie loved it here. I’d bet they probably fell for each other while they searched for adventure between the labyrinth of flowers, jutting hillsides with secret caves, sporadic patches of majestic saguaro cacti—and wait—water?
“I saved the best for last. This is my absolute favorite spot,” Sierra said, grinning over her shoulder. “It’s a small waterfall, but the water’s deep and so blue. Just wait until you see.”
After curving over a slope and small ridge, we pulled off to the side of the path tucked behind a cluster of shrubs. Leaving my sketchbook behind, I followed along across the narrow dirt road and over the three boulders leading to a flat rock jutting out over a pool of turquoise blue.
“Oh my God.” I looked around for the source of the reverent whisper before realizing it slipped from my very own lips.
The sun’s rays pummeled the surface of the water, shimmering with the golden reflection of massive rock walls sloping straight down into the clear pool below. The secluded spot glittered with green and blue. A cascading waterfall sent ripples fanning out across the surface of the water.
Beau pulled off his cowboy hat and brushed his sleeve across his brow. “Well damn.”
Liz pointed to a narrow trail heading toward the water before splitting off as though it tucked back under where we stood. “Where does the path go?”
“There’s a small cave with a rock ledge we like to sit on. We can hike down and take a look if you want,” Sierra offered.
Liz glanced down at her sandals. “You know, it’s probably best if I don’t in these shoes. I know how this ends, with me in a cast. I can wait while you guys check it out though.”
“We can come back,” I said.
By we I meant me. I was so coming back to this spot with my sketchbook.
“You’re welcome to explore it whenever you’d like,” Sierra said.
And just like, her permission to explore solidified my plans for the afternoon.
20
By the time we made it back to the main hall, lunch had been laid out with the same fanfare as breakfast. Everyone chattered about their afternoon plans, with most looking to venture out in groups to the surrounding towns and hit antique shops, eateries, and local sites. Soraya and Graham invited me to check out a local winery with them and while it would be good knowledge for me to have, better would be to get my ideas on paper while they played out so vividly in my mind.
With everyone scattered and no one paying attention to me, I grabbed my golf cart and my bag. Torn between the sunflowers and the waterfall, I hesitated with my hands on the keys.
I’d never get a better chance to enjoy the water than this moment.
I mostly remembered the drive, but I double-checked the map to be sure. Ultimately it didn’t matter, since the main dirt road circled the entire property in a full loop surrounding the cabins, suites, and clubhouse.
It took fifteen long damn minutes, but I finally found the pull-off just past the entrance to the path. Looping my bag across my body, I climbed down to the narrow trail along the water’s edge. At the fork, I followed off to the right and like Sierra said, tucked away behind the rock lay a shallow cave with a wide rock ledge hovering a couple of inches above the water.
I ducked under the arch and hugged my body along the inner cool stone wall. The sun’s angle sent rays a good four feet in, illuminating the tiny fish darting through the clear pool below.
I sighed with relief to be on my own for a few minutes. I let the quiet settle over me while I trailed my fingers through the cool water, almost wishing I’d brought my bathing suit.
Probably wasn’t the best idea to swim alone anyway, but I could sit here and sketch with my legs dangling into the cool blue depths below.
Settling into a slight dip in the stone, almost as though it were made for my butt, thank you, I leaned back against the wall, my sketchbook in my lap while I lazily kicked my legs through the water.
Closing my eyes, I pictured the Mexican sunflower field and the narrow dirt trails zigzagging through like veins on a leaf before opening up in a round clearing at the northern tip.
A bride in ivory, the shabby/chic retro dress skimming the tops of her feet. The lace overlay descending into more intricate flowers along the bottom. Fresh-faced with the barest hint of makeup, freckles dotting over her nose and cheeks, and Mexican sunflowers woven into a subtle headpiece adorning her flowing, wavy hair.
It was Katie.
Smiling to myself, my fingers flew over the paper, the sound of lead scraping over paper amplified in the narrow space. The bride arrives in the clearing to her awaiting groom for an intimate gathering with their parents and siblings. No one else.
The start of their life with the people who’d nurtured them, shaped them, and would have their backs until the end of their days there to bear witness.
I flipped the page, this time a small gathering standing before two towering Saguaro cacti serving as a natural altar of sorts on the west edge of the property with the sunset ablaze behind them as the sun dropped into the horizon.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
I smiled until my cheeks hurt, the visions taking over, my hand an extension of my imagination. We could probably fit about twenty-five there. Five rows of five. No separate bride and groom sides which I tended to like better anyway and also a practice becoming more and more popular.
The land gently sloped so everyone would be looking up slightly to the couple. The blazing orange sunset streaking across the Arizona sky as a backdrop.
Yes! I—
The crunch of dirt and stone pulled me out of the scene as footfalls made their way along the trail. I caught sight of a pair of black sneakers before one disappeared only to have a bare foot meet the ground seconds later. After the second shoe was shed, and I leaned forward, ready to announce my presence when a pair of red basketball shorts slid to the ground.
Ummmm, okay. I can still stay hi. I’m sure they’re wearing a suit. No big deal.
Until the black boxer briefs hit the ground too.
Pressing the heels of my hands against the rock ledge, I scooted deeper into the cave.
What if it was Bryce?
Oh please, please, please don’t let it be Bryce. If I see his ding-a-ling, I’ll die.
I squeezed my eyes shut and jumped at the sound of the splash. Sneaking a peek, I glanced over as familiar dark, wet hair cleared the surface of the water.
Falcon.
Rivulets ran over his tan angular cheeks and jaw, down his throat, and along his hard chest sprinkled with a light dusting of dark hair. Hair I’d spend my life remembering the feel of under my fingertips.
Sinking down, he dipped below the water once again, bubbles rising to the surface as he breathed out below the water.
His head popped up again, and this time, his muscled arms sliced through the water as he swam toward the waterfall. His face relaxed and open with no one there to see him.
No anger. No accusation in his eyes. No guilt.
The way he looked before…well, just before.
My stomach bottomed out and a lump bubbled into my throat.
Alone. Unguarded.
Was he only like this when he thought no one was watching?
Right as he was about to disappea
r from view, he turned, his eyes landing right on mine and like a curtain sliding into place, the veiled hostility snapped over his features and radiated from him.
Apparently the fuck yous and fuck you toos were going to happen here.
Great.
Why not have a gorgeous backdrop for the bloody battle.
“Is this whole creeping on people a new thing for you, sweetheart? Did you see everything you were trying to see?” he called out.
“I was here first, sweetheart. Been there, saw that. So I guess the question is, you trying to flirt with me, flaunting your bits and all?”
He cruised toward me, his strokes through the water powerful and aggressive, the water lapping against his closed mouth as he pinned me where I sat with those intense eyes.
He scoffed, his mouth twisting. “Definitely not flirting with you.”
“Yeah, I guess not. Flirting isn't your style. But slinking away, that’s so damned on brand for you I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised.”
“You got what you wanted,” he said with a sneer. “If anything I was the one shortchanged.”
I flipped my sketchbook shut and slammed it down next to me with such force I wondered what the chances were of this rock bench breaking away and sinking into the water. Surely something having been here millions of years could withstand the temper and venom arcing between us, right?
“I’ve never gotten what I wanted where you’re concerned. The fact you don’t know that tells me how little you’ve been paying attention or maybe you’re just too dumb to—”
“You want too much,” he said quietly.
“Are you serious right now? The feelings are there…those were your words when you showed up at my place,” I said, finger stabbing toward him in the narrow space now between us. “So if they’re there, why do you keep holding back?”
“Me holding back?” he said with a jerk of his head like I slapped him. “I’ve got news for you…” he said, leaning back in to lob his next words at me. “Two nights ago I didn’t hold one damn thing back. I wanted more of you. Needed more of you. And you shut me out like a fucking pro.”
His voice broke in a rough whisper on the word needed, and I had to face the fact I misread him.
The once-peaceful ripples across the water turned angry and jagged each time he jerked his arms to give me hell while treading water. Even the charming fish flitting below the surface had hightailed it out of their sanctuary.
Didn’t I figure out I was the one holding back just yesterday? But still, I sat here, my pride controlling my mouth. My ego screamed at me to not be the first one to let him see me vulnerable.
Because two times…two times when the stakes were highest and I’d let him see me, he’d walked away. Once while my brother lay dying in a heap of metal.
And again when the only thing to show for my brother was a pile of fresh dirt, a mind full of torturous memories, and the air between us filled with regrets.
But he was right, and God, I would carve my own tongue out before I’d tell him he was right.
He’d already broken himself open for me three times since that night at Rigby’s.
When he showed up at my place and compromised his position in our standoff by agreeing to more.
Last night when he let me see how I’d hurt him.
And now, by admitting what he needed.
Was I going to reject him again?
Could I?
And if I didn’t, how the hell was I going to handle watching him leave again?
Everything I desired collided with my fear, my anger, all swallowed by a suffocating cloud of uncertainty.
“All you’ve ever done is hurt me,” I said, seething, my voice dripping with all the feelings I’d buried inside. “Is it really so surprising I would protect myself? You wanted me to give you one night. Just one night to get it out of our systems. Well, how the hell did that work for you? Huh? Huh?”
I threw each word in his face, my voice climbing higher with panic hammering away in my chest. I knew this was it. This was the precipice and something—someone would break.
And for once, it wouldn’t be me, damn him.
Not me.
He never looked away. He kept his hard mouth shut as everything poured out of me. And I hated that too. The hint of respect he showed me by holding back while I had my say. Why the fuck did this man have to be so fucking brutal while being so damn considerate?
“Because it sure as hell didn’t work for me,” I said, slamming my fist against the rock. “And why? Because you want my fucking heart, Falcon, and you haven’t done one damn thing to deserve it.”
Grabbing the ledge next to my hip, with his foot on a rock jutting out under the water, he executed one powerful push forcing me to rear back away from him.
Smooth and flawless, he launched his upper body out of the water, his hips clearing the surface, his looming presence forcing my knees apart.
With water running down his chest and arms, he invaded the space separating us, and his cool lips took mine in a fiery kiss sucking the air straight from my lungs.
I didn’t even think, I didn’t resist, my resolve, what little I had, crumbled to dust as I opened to him.
His tongue took full control of mine, leaving my senses reeling. All I could do was clutch at him to get closer and take more. To find something just out of reach I’d been wanting to taste and experience since the first minute this turbulent soul walked into our house so many years ago and awoke hungry parts of me I’d never truly been able to satisfy since.
His fingers speared through my hair, dragging my head back, exposing my throat to his lips. He nipped at me over and over, mercilessly taking whatever the hell he wanted.
“We already have each other’s hearts, Emory,” he said, inhaling me, his face buried in the soft spot along my neck, right below my ear. “It’s always been that way. Will always be that way.”
Crushing words—stark truth—pummeled my wary heart. The heartbreak of this, of us, had tears burning the back of my eyes.
His hand locked on my hair even harder, with an edge of desperation, to the point of pain, but I would take it. I would take all of it as he struggled with the relentless war waging between his mind, heart, and soul.
Abandon the battle plan for once. Don’t do what you think is smart. Just follow your heart. Please.
“And I’ll never deserve it. It’s a fucking life sentence that keeps me on the edge of madness every day, every hour, every fucking minute.”
He bit my skin and soothed the sting with his tongue. Clawing at his bare hips, I yanked him to me, my body already agreeing even as I bit back words of surrender.
Rock-hard he pushed against the heart of me, the sensation stealing a needy groan from my throat.
This was what choked me with sheer terror. My hunger. The way I craved recklessly, losing myself in the desperation between us.
“I just wanted one night, damn you,” he said on a rough growl, his forehead pressed to mine. “One night where nothing stopped us from showing our hearts to each other.”
We gasped for air, our lips an inch apart while we breathed one another in.
My legs tightened around him, pulling him closer—my body betraying my mind, scrambling for safety.
My thighs squeezed and a hiss flew from his lips.
With my fingers interlaced behind his neck, I waited until his dark, intense eyes met mine. “You’re going to hurt me again.” The words, a broken whisper, a direct reflection of the cracks in my heart.
He said nothing and I hated the hope blooming in my heart at his silence. He always made a point to tell me he’d walk away, we weren’t forever. But in this moment, he said nothing, and I had to wonder if his silence was a seed of hope or manipulation because he knew I wouldn’t surrender to him any other way.
He’d never been one to trick me. Not once. If anything, he took pride in the fact he’d look me straight in the eye even as he plunged the knife in my heart.
; “Okay,” I whispered.
One word with the power change everything and it slipped from my lips as the finality of my surrender settled inside me.
We turned into something new, something so very different in that moment. Something I didn’t recognize.
The hard edge bracketing his mouth smoothed away. The tightness in his stormy eyes all but disappeared, replaced by what could only be described as relief.
But it was the energy between us, the combat always churning, but now fleeing in retreat, that made my hands soften against his skin.
“We do it my way this time. No more hiding from me,” he said in a whisper against my lips as his mouth started its assault on my tattered heart.
“I don’t want to let you in again,” I whispered into his mouth. “Because hope hurts and the ending never changes.”
He pulled away far enough to search my eyes, his thumb dragging over my bottom lip as he quietly studied me. “Maybe this time it does.”
21
My run and swim were supposed to get me out of my head for a few damn minutes. A sliver of time without worrying about running into her under the oppressing wedding vibe ruling the place.
And true to form, fate had other plans.
Tired to the core and so damn sick of fighting the way my feelings for her crushed my chest from the inside out, I gave in.
I gave her hope.
I’d given myself a dose too.
Because I was a fucking idiot.
I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.
I could go anywhere I wanted in this world. Anywhere, but the one place she so desperately wanted to take me.
Home.
I’d be better off burying every fucking confession on the tip of my tongue when it came to Ethan and what happened that night.
How the hell could I tell her the truth?
And break every last piece of her beautiful heart.
Which all begged the question…where did I see this going? Even if I could wrap my brain around my shitty beginnings, how the hell was I going to keep the guilt born of our history from crushing me with every breath?