by Love Belvin
As Ezra told the congregation to take our seats, I took a deep breath, hoping I’d be wrong. That curiosity would have to wait, though. It was time for the Word, and I was hungry for it. Ezra went right into it, touching on the outline of his messages from the start of the conference. He reminded us of our creation and abilities. Went over purpose and passion, but this morning, he focused on the need of fulfillment. Once again, he opened my eyes with his lessons of why men must keep mentally engaged in positive things or else they’ll succumb to trouble.
“Proverbs 16 tells us ‘idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece’ because a man without a settled and purposeful mind cannot produce anything of godly value. If you’re not generating godly processes in the mind, you are barren ground, vulnerable for the enemy to grow bad crop,” he rasped over men and women shouting their confirmation. Ezra was always on point, opening my mind to things I didn’t think of alone. Simple, but life changing.
“Philippians 4:8 says, ‘Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.’ And why do you think we should? Because the mind—and heart—are living organs similar to flowers and plants. They need to be fed and nurtured. Leave your lawn without planter’s hands and you’ll grow weeds. This is why so many are suffering from undiagnosed, but apparent-symptomatic depression. This is why an exorbitant number of our men are walking outside of their purpose and are merely surviving instead of thriving.”
He walked the pulpit, beads running over his index finger at an exact pace. “It is why the term ‘hustling’ so resonates with this generation. I understand and appreciate it in the dignified, moralistic manner. However, the struggle to survive on earth was never what God intended. God said of the blessings of Zion, “Enlarge the place of thy home, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations—meaning, add on, make additions—spare no expense, and strengthen thy stakes—meaning, expand your home—…and your descendants will occupy other nations and resettle the ruined cities.” When your Father, who has willed you into this life, created the earth and the fullness thereof, you don’t have to ‘hustle’ the fat off the calf. The cattle are yours, tabernacle. Men, you have to walk in the grace of His will!” his rasped chords went up a notch.
The church went up on that one.
Ezra walked the stage calmly, running beads through his hand. “Some of you are incomplete because your journeys were meant to be traveled with a partner.” He paced the stage, observing the congregation. “Some of you men are supposed to have a helpmate to usher you into your role, but because you can’t find the value in a woman, you’re still alone.” He chuckled. “You just got quiet on me, temple. I know that which I speaketh.” I laughed to myself. Ezra was spitting his swag. “I’m not the one to encourage marriage as a blanket solution for all adults. Many people need to sort out themselves before joining with another being. However, the Lord God said in Genesis 2, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”
He stopped center stage and looked out over the church. “For so many generations, we’ve misconstrued and undervalued the purpose—and benefit—of marriage. If we are seeking and/or working toward our purpose as men, God will custom design ‘help’ for us.” The church went up, at least a gang of dudes in my immediate area.
Ezra motioned for them to quiet. “Note, I did not say He will custom design a servant or someone subservient to you. He said He’d make a helper, who is suitable. It is my belief that help is fulfillment for what is lacking.” A sleek smile spread on his face around his beard. Unusually, I could see his teeth. “Help is aid, assistance, support, and/or relief. God knew we’d bear a heavy load on our journeys, so He, being omniscient, knew during creation the man could not survive alone. He knew in advance that what He put into this human form was inefficient to exist solely.”
Once again, my whole section stood. Some shouting in agreement. Others like me stood quietly, expressing we wanted to hear more. I also knew Ezra was wrapping up this sermon. I hoped he’d take his time. This was good stuff. It was obvious I wasn’t the only one believing this. The women were jumping out of their shoes, crying out a strange sound.
Ezra must have caught it because he straightened and his face went tight. That had the place going up even more. He eventually dropped his head low and his arms. It looked as though he was praying. As the church went crazy in praise, Ezra prayed. I could tell by how fast his mouth moved and how his eyes were closed. I prayed silently, too. I could feel something shifting around.
This. This was what kept me coming back to church, week after week. Some people go to church because it’s the right thing to do. Some because it’s a great place to socialize. I came to experience God. He was here. Ezra was talking to Him. I peeped people in the preachers’ section speaking in tongues.
Out of nowhere, Lex walked out on the pulpit toward him. She rubbed her crossed arms as she cried in approach with long, thick bouncy hair. The quality chicks nowadays paid money for wigs to front like theirs was natural like hers. This was strange. The church just started seeing more of her since she was pregnant with their daughter, Lisa-Mare, when Lex took over bringing out his Bible and collecting it when he was done. Lex wasn’t your traditional church-goer. She was quick to tell you that. But this morning, she looked ‘led’ to join her husband on the pulpit as he was closing his sermon, and whispered something in his ear as she cried. Ezra kept his head low as she spoke to him. His head dipped even more before he shook it. Lex then backed up, holding herself as she did when she came up.
Finally, Ezra stood straight and looked ready to speak again. “When I was a child,” his voice was whispery, but powerful, “I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man…” The music cued and the place cried louder. Ezra didn’t need to finish the verse. We caught his direction. He nodded, seeming to understand just that. “My wife just confirmed some of you men are off track in life because of your skewed view on the role of a woman. The purpose of a wife.” His hands flew in the air. “I get it; I’m a newlywed myself. Some of my greatest developments occurred when I took on my helpmate. A mirror was presented and I shunned the image inside of it.” His tone was raspy.
“We, as men, are so off kilter and don’t realize it because our minds aren’t evolved to the heart of God. We don’t know our place in the Kingdom. We don’t know our purpose here on earth. Too many of us don’t value women because we can’t trust ourselves, much less a…woman?” he posed as a crazy concept. I chuckled, so caught up with him. He was right. I had friends who couldn’t get with the idea of settling down with just one woman.
“You lack trust in yourselves, so why would you put your everything into a woman? Proverbs 31:11 shares, ‘the heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.’ Hear me, male segment of this tabernacle: when God ordains your helpmate, your heart is safely nestled in her. They’re a different type of creation. Remember: they aid, assist, co-pilot, and relieve. You can trust that. She may fumble with it, and may even prick it immaturely when she perceives you’re out of line, but your God-ordained helpmate will guard your heart with every fiber of strength God has created her with.”
Another explosion popped in the air.
“As you know, this week begins our women’s conference. Our sister in Christ, Pastor Twanece Edmonson of Holy Deliverance Tabernacle Church, out in Los Angeles, California is leading the conference. She’s sharing principles from her New York Times best-selling book, Tending to the Man Who Governs the Masses: How to Protect What He Values Most. You may not be a man of massive leadership like me: a pastor. You may not be over a large conglomerate and employ hundreds of people. You are, however, a citizen of this Kingdom and must walk in your birthr
ight. Every woman who is searching her purpose, as it pertains to marriage, should be in attendance.”
The church responded their agreement.
Ezra waited for them to quiet. The soft flow of music could be heard again. “I know it’s customary for me to close this conference in prayer. But I laid hands on dozens of men last week. I’ve spoken into countless lives each session. This morning, I hear the Lord saying there are some women here in whom God wants to complete the anointing of a helpmate. Now don’t confuse this altar call with me asking for women who want to be married. We’d be here until the setting of the sun if that were the case.
“There are a few of you in here with a special anointing of being a covering for a man—a man of God. It’s in your belly and needs to be birthed. He’s speaking to your spirit right now about it. Please find your way to the altar.”
Stenton, next to me, had the nerve to turn and look around. I wanted to pop him in the back of the head. You don’t look at people! Dude was new to this, I understood. His attention went up to the balcony where Zoey and Jade were with the boys: the section we normally sat in. But I doubted they’d come down. That would be a hike. I was just grateful Jade’s parents didn’t come to the second service. It would’ve been crazy awkward to run into them while Jade was beefing with her moms.
Dwayne took to the mic as the music played. “Find your place in His presence,” he sang, keeping the mood mellow.
“He’s here for healing…
Deliverance…
Peace…”
He knew what tone to take while Ezra had emotions running high. Dwayne had worked with Ezra for years and had a mean voice himself. Dude was super talented. I kneed StentRo, telling him to turn around. He flashed me wide eyes, but faced ahead again. A couple of women were already up there and Ezra was praying with one. My phone buzzed in my pants pocket. I pulled it out to turn it off.
JJ: What time y’all shootin down?
I powered off my phone. I’d answer him after service. I felt a tap at my leg. My head shot over to StentRo, and he nodded toward the front of the church. Jade stood there in line, waiting for prayer. My face was schooled, but in my head, I wondered what made her feel she was the type of woman Ezra was referring to. Jade was my shooter and my shield, but I didn’t want her out of her comfort zone to try and appeal to me. I was good with her. My head fell down into my hands and I listened to Dwayne harmonize.
A blow to my leg again had me looking over to StentRo. He tossed his chin in the air again. I looked up and saw Zoey holding her face while she cried. I’d never seen Zo cry before. She was even different from Lex; a wisecracker more than anything. My eyes went back over to StentRo, who turned up his open palms in response. I dropped my head again. It was no biggie to me. I respected the need of prayer. And because of what he’d just copped to last night about his wife, I was happy she was getting prayer, no matter the reason.
Then an uptake in shouts and cries caught my attention. I lifted my head and saw Jade up at the altar hand in hand with Lex. Lex? She wasn’t a pulpit prayer. But Ezra stood behind, holding his wife, who held hands with Jade, and with bowed heads, Lex prayed with her while Ezra prayed over them both.
That sight had something shooting through me. Without thought, I stood to my feet. I didn’t know what to do. My eyes locked on my wife, pastor, and first lady. Ezra’s hands were on his wife’s shoulders, waist, then hands as he reached over her. He never touched Jade, but it seemed he had his wife do it for him. This was unusual. Jade’s little frame stood with outstretched hands in front of the two giants in front of her. She looked strong with them, not as tiny as her natural form was.
What’s this about?
I had no idea. But my gut told me to not sweat it. It was cool. Jade may not have been a church goer before meeting me, but she had been growing into her spirituality since. She even came to church when I was out of town working. She and Lex had been in touch.
Ezra and his wife finished their prayer with Jade and she walked away and headed to the side door for the elevator to go back upstairs. My eyes followed her little body, strutting in five-inch pumps until the doors closed.
When my knee was struck again, I didn’t look at StentRo this time. My attention went straight to the altar where Ezra was praying for Zoey while Lex stood at his shoulder with her head bent in prayer, too.
~Six
“Such a shame.” Zoey rustled sympathetically over Stenton’s shoulder as they watched the video from his phone.
I lay on Trent’s big body, holding his phone. My phone was by his side as our eyes were glued to his.
“Like…” I stretched my lids as I scrolled down Spilling That Hot Tea’s Instagram thread, reading the most ridiculous comments, dazed. “This is unreal. Who records a man worshipping in church and sends it to a gossip blog?”
“People in the church,” Stenton answered from across the coffee table of their living room where he and Zoey occupied the single chair sofa. He scratched a spot beneath his nose and over his lip as he watched. “Ez has been trying to get a handle on this for a minute. Way before we officially joined, I remember him telling me about stuff like this.”
“And right after a powerful morning service!” I couldn’t believe it.
Service was so uplifting and moving this morning as they closed the men’s conference. Hundreds of people were emotionally raw before Pastor Carmichael addressed the church, thanks to R&B singer, Ragee’s, undeniable talent. It still stunned me how connected this pastor was to so many famous people. He mentored them. Pastor Carmichael was a powerful man that he could influence so many of his peers. It never failed to amaze me, his authority.
“There’s Trent,” Zoey murmured in the large room we’d gathered in after dinner and dessert. “with his hands up.”
“Yup. They talking about it in the comments,” Stenton confirmed. He chuckled. “One chick said if you let her rock the mic, your hands’ll be in the air just like that, and she’ll have you in tears!”
He thought this was funny?
My eyes flew down to Trent, beneath me. He smiled and flipped Stenton the bird.
“Jokes on you, too, Mr. Rogers,” Zoey informed as she monitored the phone. “Here you are, clapping your hands festively. Your tats are spilling out over the collar of your dress shirt and from the cuffs,” she teased without eye contact. She finally peered over to him. “Funny. I don’t remember that being obvious this morning. I guess seeing things through lenses other than your own allows you to capture so much.”
They were speaking as though Trent, Stenton, and especially Ragee’s privacy wasn’t violated.
“I mean… Instead of being grateful to see a Grammy award winning singer at your men’s conference, you capitalize off the private moment by recording it and sending it to a blog? Who had time to record? I was so caught up in the service.” I couldn’t get past it. “I don’t have lots of experience with churches. Did you guys get celebrities like this at your old church, Zoey?”
“No. Not really. My parents’ church is affiliated with Redeeming Souls. The only time we saw members of this status was at organizational conferences and revivals—and when Ezra planned them. Outside of that, we had to come up to Harlem for the celebrities.” She shrugged.
“Bet y’all got the bootleg version when the Queen of Golden Arches got the mic, huhn?” Stenton spoke with narrowed eyes as though he were testing her.
“Bernard thinks he’s a Ragee.” Zoey rolled her eyes. “We only encouraged his talent, Stent; not his ego.”
I had no idea who Bernard was. I didn’t care either, still concerned about this leaked video. I followed Spilling That Hot Tea’s page on IG and enjoyed their coverage on black celebrities. But now that the subjects were people connected to me, it made what they did seem wrong suddenly. This was invasion.
“Hey,” I murmured to Trent and stroked the top of his head. It calmed me. And when he grew his hair out as he had been, strumming my fingers through his thick mane arous
ed me, even around others—especially around others. Trent gave me wild thoughts without provocation. “You don’t seem affected by any of this.”
“That’s because I’m used to it. I’ve been a member of that church for mad years, and done seen this too many times to count. They always tagging Rage. I do feel bad for him, though. He stopped singing there because of this. Looks like this ‘bout to back him right back into the corner.”
“Better the corner than the closet.” Stenton’s tongue shot from his mouth, reaching to his chin as he jeered.
My eyes bulged, and Zoey popped him in the back of his head.
Trent’s head tossed back as he howled, “This dude!”
“Wait…” I sat up straight on his lap. “You guys believe those rumors about him?”
This was crazy…and interesting. Trent and Stenton were celebrities like Ragee. Did they know something the public didn’t: the real answer to Ragee’s sexuality? Zoey tossing her hand in the air, dismissing that idea, relieved me.
“I don’t think he is either. He’s a chunk of a man, hella good looking, and very virile,” I tried.
“Hey!” Trent warned from beneath me.
I rolled my eyes. We were so beyond me wanting another man. My belonging to Trent was cemented. I should be able to speak freely about the good looks of another guy without him being offended.
“You got that right!” Zoey shouted with a raised champagne glass in the air. Stenton flashed her a glacial stare, too. “Baby, he is! And while I know that doesn’t mean anything nowadays, even you said you know of women he’s been with,” she angled her neck, challenging him.
Zoey was a beautiful woman, natural with soft and chaste features. As I observed this, I realized I needed to tell her that.
“I said I know of one chick he’s banged. Prolly still smackin’ it,” Stenton qualified.
My mouth dropped.
“Close ya mouth, J,” Trent instructed from beneath me.
“Do you know of women he’s slept with?” I asked Trent.