by Thordis Elva
The tension in her face was replaced by a sudden calm. She looked me right in the eye, a faint smile on her lips.
‘Oh honey,’ she said. ‘You know me. In the end, I’m such a softie.’
Mahatma Gandhi once said that the weak could never forgive. That forgiveness was an attribute of the strong. My mother is living proof that it takes strength to be soft.
When she left my house this afternoon, I could tell that she had taken the first steps towards forgiving you.
One step at a time.
There were moments when I had doubts about peeling the scab off the past with you, but something good really did come out of this in the end. Like you once said yourself: You have a purpose. Believe it.
Take care, now and always.
—Thordis
This book is the result of a co-operation between Thordis and Tom, with invaluable support from Vidir and Cat. It’s written as a contribution to the public discourse on sexual violence: one of the most common and serious threats in human society, and is dedicated to those who want to see an end to it. Violence is never a solution — condemnation excludes understanding, and without understanding, we will not learn.
If you recognized yourself in this book and it brought up difficult emotions, know that help is available.
You are not alone.
AUTHORS’ NOTE
Thordis kept a daily diary throughout her week in Cape Town, which provided the essential foundation for the reconstruction of the week’s interactions and events. She started writing them out in a detailed, narrative style on the journey home from South Africa, a task that kept her busy for a year and a half. She then extracted all the dialogue from the manuscript, to have it moulded and approved by Tom in person when he visited Iceland mid-2014.
On a few occasions, they turned to their eight-year-long correspondence to seek clarity on how they phrased certain thoughts and feelings. However, Tom did not yet read Thordis’s narration of the journey, which she completed a few months later. Tom’s diary entries were written independently, drawn from his scribblings post-Cape Town and his recollection of the week’s emotions. This way, both Tom and Thordis ensured that they wrote from a purely personal perspective, without being influenced by the other person’s memories or feelings. The editing process that followed took another year and a half, with countless emails exchanged and frequent Skype calls with editors in the UK and Sweden.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
We want to extend our thanks to: Guðrún Eva Mínervudóttir and Margrét Sjöfn Torp for editorial advice and moral support; Elísabet Grétarsdóttir for being our agent when we didn’t have one; Jonas Axelsson, Siri Lindgren, and colleagues at our wonderful agency, Partners in Stories; Adam Dahlin and Matilda Lund at Forum publishing house for editorial advice and soul; Philip Gwyn Jones and Marika Webb-Pullman at Scribe Publications for shaping us up, guiding us forth, and killing our darlings; Pat Mitchell for tireless encouragement; Elizabeth Rapoport, Betsy Scolnik, and everyone else who read our book and gave us valuable feedback; and last but not least, Vidir, Cat, and our families for supporting and believing in us every step of the way. Thank you.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
THORDIS ELVA is known to Icelanders as a writer, journalist, public speaker, and Woman of the Year 2015. Nine of her plays have been professionally produced and her book about gender-based violence earned her a nomination for the Icelandic Literature Prize. In 2011, she founded an equality campaign that sparked a national debate, and in 2012 she was commissioned to reinvent the approach to violence prevention and sex education in Icelandic schools, resulting in award-winning short films. She has been the Chairman of the Board of the Icelandic Women’s Shelter, has served on government committees, and is a sought-after speaker on subjects like gender equality and non-consensual pornography. She holds a BA in theatre, an MA in Editing and Publishing, and currently resides in Stockholm, Sweden with her partner, Vidir, and their son.
THOMAS STRANGER is based in Sydney, Australia. He holds a Bachelor of Social Science, a Certificate in Youth Work, and has recently completed a Masters of Cultural Studies at the University of Sydney. His career path has seen him work in various sectors (community services, youth, outdoor recreation, charity, construction, and hospitality). For now, he is working locally as a landscape gardener and residing by Sydney harbour with his wife Cat.
Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Email
SEVEN YEARS AND FIVE MONTHS LATER
DAY ONE
DAY TWO
From Tom’s diary
DAY THREE
From Tom’s diary
DAY FOUR
From Tom’s diary
DAY FIVE
From Tom’s diary
DAY SIX
From Tom’s diary
DAY SEVEN
From Tom’s diary
DAY EIGHT
From Tom’s diary
DAY NINE
From Tom’s diary
EPILOGUE
NOTE
AUTHORS’ NOTE
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHORS