‘I’m sorry you feel this way, but I cannot return that love, we are more like sister and brother, this is what I feel for you, a brotherly devotion.’ As Kieran spoke the words I thought of the night I had seen Kerensa sat on Kieran’s bed. Had I dreamt it I mused, and the whole conversation had spoilt the joy of Kieran seeking me out to walk with me. We left Kerensa weeping in Derrick’s arms and as Kieran and I walked across the front of the castle I felt I had to be honest with him.
‘Kieran,’ I began, stopping at the same time and looking directly at his handsome face, ‘I have a confession to make.’ Here I hesitated, was I doing the right thing?
‘Confess then pretty lady,’ he said urging me to speak.
‘A short while after my arrival here I went to the door of your room to speak with you, the door was ajar and I could see Kerensa standing next to your bed, framed by the moonlight,’ here I paused, ‘which leads me to believe she has a great love for you.’ There, I’d said it, but what would be my husband’s reply? What he did say startled me somewhat.
‘I can honestly say, Barbara, that I have never loved Kerensa, but whatever she feels for me I have no control over it. As much as I have told her I cannot love her, she pursues me. I am at a loss to what course of action to take next. Do you believe me, little one?’ Kieran asked earnestly.
‘Yes I do,’ I told him honestly just as Derrick and Kerensa rode past us on their mounts, hers a lovely grey and Derrick’s a horse as black as thunder. He doffed his hat as he passed and I realised I didn’t know what to make of Kieran’s younger brother and wondered if I should tell Kieran about the incident in the corridor.
‘Can we continue our walk now, madam?’ Kieran asked as we both watched Derrick and Kerensa disappear out of sight down the driveway. ‘Or have you another confession to make?’ he said, his blue eyes twinkling.
‘Yes, I have,’ I told him and he laughed.
‘Then let us walk while you recount it or we shall both be too cold to carry on.’ So we walked and I told of the evening I had seen him with Kerensa in the hallway.
‘So why do you do these things? Have you such little respect for me?’ Here Kieran stopped.
‘I will answer that question after we have walked around the castle, for then I wish to show you something and explain it to you,’ he told me, so we continued our walk, he pointing out the marital bedroom to me and as we rounded the corner to the back of the castle he showed me the stables and introduced me to his horse, Lancelot.
‘A true knight,’ said Kieran laughing as I backed away from the overbearing presence of the great beast. ‘He will not harm you.’ and he called to David, the housekeeper’s husband, to bring a lump or two of sugar. ‘Now hold this in the palm of your hand and offer it to Lancelot,’ he instructed. The sugar lumps lay in my palm and slowly I moved my hand towards the horse’s mouth.
Lancelot was surprisingly gentle as he bent his head and took the sugar, his wet nose tickling the palm of my hand, I laughed.
‘There Barbara, you and he are friends already,’ said Kieran with mirth in his voice, for I must have looked petrified.
We carried on to the rear of the rose garden, the rose bushes had been pruned and appeared to be sitting waiting to flower and for the summer sun. My husband pointed out my bedroom high up in the wall.
‘The apartments next to you are unoccupied. It’s where my parents slept and where the nurseries are.’ As he spoke I wondered if I should confess that I had visited his mother’s room, but something stopped me from doing so for I felt it would upset him. We were at the far end of the castle now and I could see a delightful terrace which in the afternoon would face the sun.
Kieran led me up a couple of wide steps and we stepped on to the flag stones beneath our feet. It was like being perched on an island with a glorious view over the rose garden.
‘And here,’ said Kieran drawing me over to a large window, ‘is the ballroom.’ As I looked through the window and along to the others I could see that it was indeed the ballroom.
‘How perfect!’ I enthused for I could imagine attending a ball on a warm summer’s evening and coming out through the French windows to stand and look out over a riot of colour in the rose garden. Once more I thought how fortunate I was, which brought to mind our attendance at today’s hearing at Llanberis.
‘No sad thoughts now, Barbara,’ Kieran chided me, Tor I can see that something has caused the smile on your face to fade.’ Here he took me in his arms and looking down at me said, ‘Whatever the outcome of my foolishness is today, I promise that all will be well.’ Here he let me go when I had so longed for him to kiss me, but maybe he thought the time wasn’t right. ‘Now let us go back indoors for I promised to explain something to you.’
The French windows were unlocked and we walked arm in arm across the ballroom floor, standing together we looked at the picture of Rowan Falls.
‘It is beautiful.’ I uttered to myself more than to Kieran which caused him to look down at my face.
‘You don’t know how much it means to me that you love it, for I have loved it since I was a boy. The whole place has such natural beauty and I love the thunder of the water which rings in my ears long after I have left there, serving to remind me of its power.
‘And then it has many moods, in the summer when there is little rain the water cascades down in but a trickle compared to the thunder it emits after the rain and snow. You will see it in its many changing moods I promise you,’ Kieran assured me and for the second time in his company I felt safe as I had done when we visited the waterfall.
‘I do hope so,’ I murmured, ‘for I can almost imagine that we are there by the way you describe it.’
Now let us proceed to the lower floor where I have something to show you,’ he said steering me from the ballroom and down some steps which I had not noticed before. Suddenly we stepped into a dark panelled room, quite a small room and dark until Kieran lit a lamp which threw its light on a wall facing us where there hung a large portrait of a lovely young woman.
‘Who is it?’ I asked softly. Her white gown with flowers at the low neckline could almost be the fashion of the today. Blue eyes looked down at me, and the plump red lips were parted in a half smile. I was mesmerised by her beauty, I looked at Kieran for an answer.
‘It is my mother, painted when she first came to Rowan Castle as a bride over thirty years ago,’ Kieran told me and I could sense the emotion in his voice as he spoke the words.
‘And what happened to her?’ I asked gently.
‘To be honest, Barbara, I do not know for she didn’t die here. One moment she was here when I was ten years old and then she was gone and we’ve not seen her since. I’ve tried to find her, but in spite of lengthy investigations around the country I have never managed to locate her. She could be dead, but it is the not knowing which grieves me for I truly love her,’ he said and I laid a hand gently on his arm.
‘So what is it that you wanted to explain?’ I asked, for the portrait did not answer my questions.
‘I want to explain that when I married poor Annabel I thought I was in love with her, but since I met you I realise now what true love is. I married you because I didn’t want to lose you. I loved you from the first moment I set eyes on you in the library. But I suspected that being back at Rowan Castle I would feel a sense of guilt over Annabel, and I have. But my love for you has not diminished, in truth it’s grown since we came here, and I longed to tell you. The truth is I should have laid Annabel to rest before I married you. But I was so afraid I’d lose you, my only true love. Do you understand, dear heart?’ he said, pulling me into his arms.
Tears welled up in my eyes and we stood for many minutes in a loving embrace, with the first Annabel looking down on us. When we tore ourselves apart he took my face in his hands. ‘But now, I am praying that our marriage is legal for I have great respect for you, you have said what you feel and I admire you for that.’
Here he paused again. ‘The day you first cam
e with the family to the chapel, I looked at you as you stepped into the hall looking every inch a lady as my mother would have done, and then that very same evening you played the piano so perfectly, you were as one with the chords. I was entranced, captivated and desperately in love all at once.
‘A feeling I’d never experienced until I met you, so I failed to understand it until our visit to Rowan Falls, and now if our marriage doesn’t exist, I shall find a way to woo you, so you will love me as much as I love you for I want to keep you here to love you and protect you as I should have from the beginning.
‘But maybe this was all meant to be, to make me realise my folly.’ He stopped, obviously exhausted from the emotion he had put into this declaration.
‘I...’ I began, but he interrupted me, placing his finger on my lips.
‘Let us say no more until after the hearing, let us see what the outcome is and what course we will need to take for I fear it may not go well.’
After lunch, while Megan helped prepare me for our visit to Llanberis, I mulled over all Kieran had told me. It had certainly been a morning full of confessions and had brought me to a greater understanding of the man I had married.
He seemed intent on doing the right thing and I admired him for his honesty, and the fact that he had told me that he loved me pleased my whole being for I knew without any doubt that this was the truth. Now we had to face some stranger who would decide whether we were truly man and wife.
I looked at my reflection in the full length mirror on my wardrobe which contained my beautiful new clothes.
The royal blue velvet suit with the fitted bodice to the neck and the full skirts with a small train suiting the austere occasion admirably. As I put my black gloves on and Megan helped me into my royal blue bonnet with a black band around the brim on my head she said to me, ‘I don’t know what errand you are on, mistress, but whatever it is I can tell it’s a right sombre occasion. I want you to know that I am proud to be your maid and look after you. You are a kind mistress and I,’ here Megan broke down in tears and I placed an arm around her, ‘and I hope, mistress, that nothing changes.’
‘Nothing will change I assure you, Megan.’ And as I left her tidying my room I silently prayed that I had told her the truth.
Kieran and I were silent all the way to Llanberis in the carriage, as he helped me down into the street he placed my arms through his and patting my hand smiled down at me. Not a word was spoken, but I knew that today, whatever the outcome we were united at last.
We sat together in a gloomy room side by side on uncomfortable hard-backed chairs, facing a table at which an elderly magistrate sat whom we understood to be a Mr Simmonds. He had no humour in his eyes and scrutinised us both silently before speaking.
My heart was pounding and when I glanced at Kieran who still held on to my arm, I could see his mouth was set in a determined line.
‘I have the facts before me, Mr Alexander and Miss Thorpe?’ he questioned and I nodded foolishly in reply as if a cat had got my tongue. ‘The first Mrs Alexander fell tragically to her death, I understand,’ Mr Simmonds said looking at Kieran for an answer.
‘Yes indeed,’ said Kieran in his measured tone.
‘And before her body was recovered you married the lady now sitting at your side?’ Mr Simmonds questioned again and I wished with all my heart he would just get on with it.
‘That is correct, Sir,’ said Kieran politely, which must have pleased the old gentleman.
‘Did you not realise that a decree of presumption would be required before you married again?’ asked Mr Simmonds.
‘No, I did not,’ said Kieran.
‘Well I have to tell you that exhaustive enquiries should have been made before a second marriage took place. I declare therefore that no valid marriage exists between you and Barbara Thorpe and I declare that you’re marriage to Barbara Thorpe is null and void,’ Mr Simmonds uttered the words with a flourish and Kieran and I looked at each other with disbelief.
‘But I can tell you,’ continued Mr Simmonds, ‘that now the first Mrs Alexander has been found and identified you are now free to marry, and with all the evidence I have before me there will be no charges brought against either of you. You are therefore free to go.’
As we stepped out into the street once more I burst into tears and Kieran gathered me in his arms once more.
‘Marry me, Miss Thorpe?’ he said most unexpectedly, ‘And this time we will do it properly, little one.’ At his words my heart was singing and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
‘Yes.’ I whispered. ‘I will marry you.’
And Kieran bent to kiss me without any thought for where we were and I had no care either as at last his lips met mine with the gentlest of kisses.
8
It’s strange how indifference can turn to love, and despair to joy in such a short space of time, but for Kieran and I thankfully it had; and we arrived back at Rowan Castle longing to tell everyone our wedding plans. As we stepped into the hall Mrs Burnet was laying a letter on a silver salver which stood on a table by the main door, seeing us arrive back the letter was forgotten.
‘Master, mistress!’ she exclaimed, ‘I’ll be making you both a nice cup of tea,’ she said bustling over to us.
‘That would be perfect, Mrs Burnet,’ Kieran said kindly, ‘but what I would like you to do is fetch Justine, Derrick and Kerensa from wherever they may be and ask them to join us in the drawing-room,’ he instructed.
‘Well I know Master Derrick and Miss Kerensa have just returned from their ride, but I shall need to locate Miss Justine. I’ll get on to it straight away,’ said Peggy Burnet going in the direction of the kitchens.
Kieran and I went into the drawing-room when I removed my bonnet and gloves, then we sat together on the cream settle facing the door. Kieran turned me to him.
‘Do you agree that we should marry in the chapel here at the end of August? For we must wait a few months, out of respect for Annabel,’ he told me softly.
‘I agree, and it will give us enough time to arrange everything,’ I said, thinking of all that was to be done and the most important thing of all was my wedding dress.
‘Six months will be ample enough time, little one. I admit I can hardly wait,’ Kieran confessed.
‘Shall we pick a date so we can tell the others when they arrive?’ I said smiling with happiness. I was longing to tell Justine for I knew she would be happy for us, but I wasn’t too sure how Derrick and Kerensa would take the news even though their thought was that we were married already.
‘Shall we say the twenty-eighth of August which is about six months away?’ suggested Kieran.
‘Very well,’ I agreed. Just then Justine and Derrick arrived.
‘Now let us all be seated for we have something to tell you, haven’t we, Barbara,’ Kieren said.
Derrick and Justine sat on one settle and Kieran and I on the other opposite them.
‘So what have you to tell us?’ Justine asked curiously.
‘I’d rather wait until Kerensa were here also.’ As he spoke Miss Templeton burst through the door, she had changed and now wore the green silk she’d worn on the day of my arrival, the emerald colour matched her eyes perfectly.
‘So why have we been summoned? No doubt it’s to tell us the marriage is over,’ she said sarcastically. Looking at her I could see no resemblance to the other three siblings.
‘Sit here Kerensa,’ offered Derrick, rising from his seat and sitting on a high-backed chair. Kerensa did as she was bid.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘let us get it over with for I have things to do.’
‘It’s a rare occasion when you have anything to do except to be rude to others, which is to stop,’ Kieran said severely. ‘Barbara and I have been to a hearing today regarding the validity of our marriage, and we have to tell you that it has been deemed null and void.’
‘What did I tell you!’ gloated Kerensa as she stood up and clapped her hands together with glee. ‘Now pe
rhaps the little mouse will go back to her hole so we can get back to some normality.’ At her words Kieran’s face held a look of thunder.
‘Sit down!’ He shouted at her. ‘For I haven’t finished, and what I am about to say, young woman, will hopefully wipe that smug expression off your face.’
‘Let me tell them, Kieran?’ I asked quietly, for at this moment I would like nothing better than to upset the gloating Kerensa.
‘Your brother, Kieran, and I are engaged to be married, and will marry here at Rowan Chapel on the twenty-eighth of August, giving time for respect for Annabel,’ I told them.
‘Oh Barbara, Kieran!’ said Justine jumping up and coming across to both of us and kissing our cheeks. ‘So we can at last attend a wedding, what a happy day this is. We must get to see Mrs Harding at our earliest convenience,’ she said excitedly taking both my hands in hers. Tor you will need a wedding dress and I a new outfit. Oh what a happy day! I’ll ring for Mrs Burnet to ask David to fetch us a bottle of champagne from the cellar.’ With which words she released me and went to pull the bell rope by the fireplace.
‘And where’s the ring? The Alexander ring?’ asked Kerensa. In all the excitement of our announcement I had almost forgotten her. She had said the words quietly and with menace in her voice and now she looked at Kieran for an answer.
‘It is here,’ said Kieran softly, as he spoke he drew a small blue velvet box from his pocket. ‘Come to me, Barbara,’ he said and I went back to the settle where he still sat and he indicated for me to sit where he was; and quite unexpectedly he knelt before me.
My cheeks grew hot as all eyes were on us just as Mrs Burnet answered the call of the bell but the master took little notice. He opened the box and I gasped, for inside nestling amongst the velvet was a glistening round sapphire ring surrounded by diamonds. Kieran took it from the box and taking my hand placed the Alexander ring on my finger. ‘We are now officially betrothed before everyone,’ he said, rising once more to his feet.
I looked across his shoulder at Mrs Burnet who hovered in the doorway, a tear in her eyes and out came her hanky once more.
A Strange Affair Page 7