“I didn’t have to ask what was going on back there, I already fuckin’ knew, you idiot.”
“I don’t know what you’re going on about, father dearest.”
This earns me another slap across the back of my head, and I growl, moving away from him.
“You’re selfish, you’re cocky, you’re outright only interested in yourself. I don’t blame you, you get it from me, but that,” he says, stubbing his thumb over his shoulder at the bar. “That was you being jealous over Slade’s niece.”
My hand flexes into a fist and there’s nothing around for me to hit. Although, if my pops doesn’t shut up, he could make a good target.
“Don’t do this, son.”
“Do what?”
“Lose your mind over someone you ain’t interested in making your old lady. Trust me, it will only cause drama and pain for her, and you can’t base your vote on the prospect patching in on your jealousy.”
I flinch. I don’t want that for her so I shrug and say, “Don’t worry about me, old man. Slade won’t get to me like he did to Leo and as for the prospect, I’ll vote how I want.”
I’m making light of things in front of him but there is no fucking way I’d let Slade put that brutal shit on me.
“Do you think of Harper as old lady material?”
My hesitation has him sighing and reaching for his smokes.
“You must feel something for the girl, I’ve only ever seen you defend Leo, never a girl.”
I feel something, and that something makes her mine until I know exactly what it is. My dad, however, doesn’t need to know this.
“She’s had a rough time lately, she doesn’t need a prick like Tal hovering over her.”
Exhaling the smoke, dad grins and nods his head slowly. Cocky much.
“Okay, son. I hear ya, you don’t want to admit how you really feel and that’s okay, for now. One piece of advice for you, from someone who knows what they’re talking about.” I nod, and he carries on. “There’s only so many times you can fuck up with her, you know, if you like her. I nearly fucked it up with your mom because I didn’t want to admit how I felt, it’s starting to look like history is repeating itself and it might not end happily for you.”
History won’t repeat itself, not in that way. Dad was a prick to my mom from the stories I’ve heard, but mom made him pay and wouldn’t take him back for months, not till I was born.
I was a prick to Harper months ago, but now, I’m going to show her how wrong I was.
The thoughts fizzle to nothing and my dad is gone when I blink and come back to reality. Instead, Harper is standing in front of me clicking her fingers. I shake out the fogginess and then my cheek is stinging.
“The fuck, Harp’s?”
Did she just fucking slap me? Is it slap JJ day or something?
Then she lands another blow. Stretching my jaw, the sting dies down and I grab her wrist when she goes in for a third strike.
She goes to yank her arm out of my grip, but I’m stronger than her, and I’m enjoying feeling her against me.
“What is your problem?” she hisses at me.
“He had his hands all over you, you think I was going to sit there and let him do it?”
“It’s none of your business what he does to me. I’m telling you now, Jason, we’re not friends, we’re not sleeping together, we don’t even talk to each other. This is how you wanted it before and that’s how it’s going to be now. I’m stronger now, and I know what I want.”
“You want me.”
“Wanted, there’s a huge difference. At least Tal shows me attention in public, I doubt I’d ever be his weekend secret.”
Keeping my hold on her wrist, I pull her against me and lower my knees so I’m face to face with her.
“Listen and listen good, Tal won’t be touching you again, no one will. I treated you like shit and I’m going to make it up to you. Don’t forget, you weren’t the serene sister of chastity, Harper, you gave me as good as you got. I’m the one who makes you wet, who makes you shudder from my touch, not Tal, not anyone else.”
Her eyes flick up to mine and she’s afraid. Her lips part but nothing comes out. My dad asked if she was old lady material and I couldn’t give him an answer. As I look at her, she is, I don’t know how I ever doubted it. There is no question I want her by my side, and mine.
“You used to,” she finally speaks. “Now you’re a constant reminder of a girl I don’t want to be anymore. So what if I liked you, you were a part of my life and as much as I can’t forget, I don’t want to. I want to remember how you used me and threw me to the side for other girls, you’re nothing but a reminder of a past I want to change.”
I soak her words in for far too long and then a laugh erupts from the bottom of my stomach.
“Cute speech,” I say, releasing her wrist. “Like I said, I’m going to make it up to you. For every time I’ve made you cry, I’m going to make you laugh.”
She steps back and I’m not liking the distance between us now.
“What happens when you make me laugh? We’ll sleep together, and then what? How do you see this playing out in your head? Are we going to get together? Don’t be ridiculous, Jason. You wouldn’t know how to be in a relationship, you didn’t even know how to be nice after we had sex.”
“Once you trust me again, and want me, if that bullshit is true, then you’ll be my old lady.”
She barks out a laugh and I frown.
“Oh, I’m feeling all sorts of grateful now.”
I don’t miss the sarcasm.
“You fuckin’ should. Being my old lady would tell everyone how important you are to me, how I’d put you first before anyone. Don’t fuckin’ laugh at me.”
She sobers up and the smile drops off her face faster than anything.
“You’d put me first?”
I step closer to her and take a chance that she won’t slap me again. Holding her face in my hands, my firm grip stops her from moving away from me, like I know she wants to.
“Always. I don’t know what happened, but I promise you I don’t want anyone else, I’m not interested in anything that doesn’t include you. I want you, and only you.”
Tucking a few loose strands of her hair behind her ear, her eyes flutter closed and then snap back open.
“Prove it.”
She moves back and takes another step away from me.
“Until I trust your intentions, you’re going to have to prove it.”
“Will you let me?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, will you not see anyone else.”
Don’t let them touch you. One thing I’ve learned about myself is I can’t stand seeing anyone touching her.
“I guess we’ll find out.”
She slips through the door before I can question her answer. That was not a confirmation or a fuck you.
Storming in behind her, she’s already behind the bar and Tal is sweeping the floor. He doesn’t look at me and I walk straight past him and sit, dead opposite where Harper stands.
“What can I get you?” she asks sweetly, acting like the last five minutes didn’t happen.
“Answers,” I grunt, and she narrows her pretty green eyes. “Are you going to let pricks like Tal touch you while we sort our shit out?”
“How long am I supposed to wait for you to show me how you’re a decent guy after all?” she hush whispers.
“Give me a chance and you won’t have to wait.”
“I’m done with this conversation. But I will say, I’m not waiting around for long.”
Nor am I, sweetheart.
Harper
PAST
The song comes to an end and not one of the other four patrons are interested in getting up and putting another song on. I need the music, I need the loudness, the beats and tunes to drown out the fuzz in my mind.
Josie’s was the last bar I entered tonight and the woman behind the bar is a little scary, I’m steering clear of her. An
other song comes on and my hips begin to sway to the soft beat. I know this song well and I can’t wait for the beat to drop. I let my gaze roam around the bar and all four guys are nothing to get excited about. They look more of my mom’s age than mine. I continue to let the music take over me, and the liquor creeps around my veins. Most would say I’ve had enough to drink tonight, I would say I haven’t. Until I’m passed out, I don’t class it as enough.
Tomorrow, I have a job to find, money to earn and my freaking mother to look out for. I was hoping my uncle would take over now we’re in his town, but that doesn’t seem to be happening. I’m the only one who can’t not help her, everyone else can turn a blind eye. For tonight, I’m being selfish.
“Looking good, Miss McCarthy. You’d look even better dancing on my dick.”
I twirl around and two bikers that were playing pool at Slade’s club are here and sitting at the bar.
Zach introduced them as Leo and JJ, and while Leo is quite something spectacular to look at with his dark hair and tanned complexion, there was something in his eyes that screamed he wasn’t interested and he didn’t want me to be either. It was JJ with his floppy dirty blonde hair that fell over one side of his head, his bright blue eyes and his filthy smirk, who I took one look at and thought was something else. I could’ve stared at him all day, well, until my cousin dragged me away from them, and threatened he’d get my uncle to lock me in a room if I went near them that JJ looked even better to me.
And now, here he is. His eyes follow my hips as I sway from side to side and spin around as I dance my way over to him. When I’m in his reach, his arm snakes out and pulls me in against him.
There is no space left between us and he smells like leather and cigarette smoke. It should be vile, but it’s intoxicating.
“Are you here to welcome me to town?” I smile.
“Sure am. I’m the fuckin’ welcoming committee, I’m here to make you feel real fuckin’ welcome.”
I giggle, a legit schoolgirl giggle, and enjoy the continuing alcohol buzz and his attention. It’s what gets me through life at the moment and who doesn’t enjoy a drink and the attention of a good-looking guy?
I twirl out of his arms and lean on the bar to finish my drink. His arms enclose me in and his warmth causes me to shiver. I shouldn’t be able to feel cold or hot with how much I’ve had to drink, but around him, I’m feeling everything.
“Are you ready to let me welcome you to town or what?”
“Hmmm, my cousin warned me about you. He said you’re a prick and to stay away from you.”
“He said that, huh?”
He doesn’t look bothered, more amused than anything. His eyes twinkle and I’m entrapped by every flicker of bad boy charm oozing from him.
I’m not even going to try and fight the pull towards him. I want him and I’m going to have him.
“He did, but I don’t make a habit of listening to a word he says,” I smile, turning in his arms. They’re solid and covered in ink and I’m more than ready for him. He’s unlike any other man I’ve ever met before. Five minutes in his presence and I’m undone with want and need for him.
“I like your style,” he grins and takes my hand.
Leo makes himself comfortable at the bar and none of the other patrons batter an eyelid as JJ leads me outside. For a beat, I assume we’re going over to his bike and we’ll go somewhere, either his place or mine, instead, we swing into the alley beside the bar. He pushes me up against the wall and his lips land on mine before I can take my next breath. He expertly manoeuvres his moves with mine and sweeps his tongue across mine, not too much as to put me off.
He keeps his mouth on mine as his hands busy themselves lifting my dress up over my hips and slides my panties down my thighs. His movements are swift and precise. I barely get the time to do undo his zipper before he’s opening a foil packet I didn’t see him pull from his pocket. Boy, did he come prepared I think to myself.
I focus on his kiss as he hikes up my leg and pushes into me. The intrusion feels so good, I gasp into his mouth and wrap my arms around his neck. I have every faith in him to keep his hold on me, his strength surging my need for him further. This is unlike any other time I’ve been with a guy, and we’re fucking in an alley. Resting my head against the brick wall, I don’t register the stinging scraps on the back of my head, I don’t care if we’re seen or not, I don’t care about anything but him being inside me and banging into me like he can’t get enough. I can’t work out what’s turning me on more, him or the fact I’m making him growl with every thrust he makes, and then like all good things, it comes to a frozen end. A long minute passes by before he moves and lowers my thigh.
Then there is nothing.
No further kisses.
I don’t even see him smile.
He tosses the condom in the dumpster and zips his jeans up.
“Are you quite ready?”
My neck snaps around to see Leo leaning against his bike. I didn’t hear him come outside. How long has he been waiting out here?
“I am now,” JJ chuckles.
My movements slow as I rearrange my dress around my thighs and make sure my panties are in place.
“You’re not leaving, are you?”
“Sorry, sweetheart, I got to go. I’m the welcoming committee, not the boyfriend committee.”
“Jeez, I fucked you in an alley, I’m already sure you’re not boyfriend material,” I snap, embarrassed to be in this position. But, as usual, I’ve put myself in this position.
“Wise words that’ll get you a second visit,” he grins and swings his leg over his bike.
I snort, but on the inside, I’m happy that this isn’t the last I’ll see of him.
How fucking sad am I?
I’m quite sure I’d do a lot more than fuck a guy I’ve only just met to gain a margin of peace.
They both start their bikes and ride out onto the road. No last looks over his shoulder, no goodbyes, nothing. If I couldn’t smell his cologne on my dress, it could be possible to believe this was a drunken dream, instead of a drunken hook-up. Yet, I’ll fuck him the next time he shows up, hopefully I’ll be sober.
* * *
PRESENT
I should’ve kept dancing by the jukebox on my first night in town, I would’ve been a lot safer, my heart a lot less damaged and my cheeks wouldn’t have been stained with tear tracks. I should’ve stayed away from him, and now, when I’ve made the right decision he’s pulling out all the stops to let me see he wants me and more than sex and he’s talking about me being his.
Last night, he hung around and helped me clean up and then walked me to my room. It was all very sweet, but I couldn’t take him seriously. This isn’t him. He’s a selfish prick with a good sense of humour, who’s out for a good time, to live life not having a worry in the world.
“You okay?”
Blinking, my uncle is leaning on the bar trying to get my attention, but JJ sitting by the pool table is all I see. Leo has been playing pool against Zach for the last hour and they’re both tied, one game each. This is the deciding game and it’s tense between them. JJ is watching me though, he hasn’t seen one ball being sunk into the pockets, his eyes follow me everywhere. They’re not usually this angry though. He looks venomous.
“I’m fine.”
“That’s good to hear, but I said, you have a visitor,” Slade chuckles.
“You did? I thought you asked if I was okay?”
And, what visitor?
He turns around, and I see Ellis standing with his hands in his pockets, looking completely out of place around the brothers. My gaze flicks back to JJ and he’s sitting forward, his eyes boring into Ellis’s back. No wonder he looked angry a moment ago.
“He’s from Blue Waters, isn’t he?”
“Yeah.”
“What’s he doing here, Harper? What have you told him about you, about this place?”
“Nothing really, I didn’t think he would show up.”
I mean, I hoped he would come and see me. He was a big part of my time at Blue Waters and I really did want to see him again, but today isn’t a good time, not here at the club. Before Lily and I had to stay here, we didn’t have much to do with the club, I want to keep Ellis separate from my connection to the Lost Souls.
“Get rid of him then, we don’t want anyone around here that doesn’t belong.”
He walks off and JJ is strutting towards me, I still haven’t moved from behind the bar.
“Boyfriend’s come a long way to see you,” he grunts. “Did you know he was coming?”
I shake my head and move into gear when Ellis starts coming towards me too. I can’t have him near JJ when he’s in this mood. I don’t want him anywhere near JJ at all, in any mood.
“Ellis,” I manage a smile and nip out from behind the bar. “What are you doing here?” I ask him.
“It’s not been the same since you left, I’ve missed you. Plus, I wanted to see how you were doing.”
“She’s been doing fine,” JJ snaps from behind me.
Tugging on Ellis’s shirt, I lead him outside and see his car is parked by the gates. I walk over to the nearest bench and pull him down beside me.
“You should’ve called first,” I begin.
“Are you living here now? I tried your house, but it was all shut up.”
“It’s not permanent.”
“I hope everything is okay?”
I plaster on a smile and nod. I don’t have any clue what’s going on really, but I know it’s bad and that Slade wouldn’t keep us here if it wasn’t necessary.
Leo is first out the door, followed by JJ and they both linger around lighting up cigarettes. I could do with a smoke right now. All my bad habits were kicked during my stay at Blue Waters, there wasn’t any point giving up the drink and not the cigarettes.
“Can I take you out for dinner?” he asks, and my stomach drops.
“Oh, um. I don’t think I can tonight.”
He looks around and stops when he sees JJ throwing glares our way.
“Is he an ex or something?”
He doesn’t sound angry or intimidated, only genuinely interested.
His Selfish Love: Sons of Lost Souls MC Book Two Page 7