“Nothing that wasn’t true up to the point I’d have to lie. Because of the witness, they now think Harper and I left after an argument with Simon and he set fire to my home in retaliation, then because he was seen the day after, I was in the clear because I paid for a motel before he was supposedly seen.”
She leans in close to me.
“You’re in the clear.”
Perhaps some mothers try their best all their parenting life and then one day, all the shitty things they did come to one point. Lily has come through for me. She didn’t hesitate to sacrifice her freedom when the police came for her.
“Did they say who this witness is?” Cas asks, and it’s never been so uncomfortable between the three of us.
Mom shakes her head clasps her hand around mine.
“Whoever it is, they’re credible and they came through for me.”
I shoot my eyes over to JJ and I know he’s worried this is down to Ellis. I need him to know it doesn’t matter what Ellis does, he could save my mom from dying and I still wouldn’t go to him. I mean, I’d be grateful he saved her, but I’m in love with my biker that drives me wild.
I go to stand beside him, but my mom’s hold on my hand tightens and I remain at her side.
“We need to talk,” she says in a hush.
JJ strikes up a conversation with Zach, but he never goes far from me and by the time Cas and Uncle Slade have finished questioning my mom, it’s after midnight when she leads me outside and over to a bench.
“How was it really?” I ask when we sit down.
“Awful, I was beginning to get scared before the witness came forward. It was horrible and the body search…” She shudders and doesn’t finish her sentence. I don’t ask.
“I…”
I go to speak but I don’t know what to say. I’ve never not known what to say to my mom, usually I’m moaning at her, I’ve never thanked her. It feels strange.
“Before you say anything, I had time to think and you were right when you said trouble follows me. I’ve always chased the fairy tale, I wanted the guy of my dreams and as the years passed it got harder when I kept meeting assholes. I genuinely thought Cas was another asshole. I had all these fantastical ideas of raising you, but I had no clue. I hope you can salvage some sort of relationship with Cas, from what I’ve seen, he’s not an asshole to his kids.”
“I’m not sure, I’ve gone all this time without a dad. I wouldn’t want to be let down now.”
“I think it would be different.”
“I have JJ now, I don’t need to fill any holes in my heart.”
“I’m going to work on my own heart, the hole where I can stand to be alone.”
“That’s good, mom.”
She smiles hearing me call her mom and it makes me smile too.
“If the cops should come back concerning Simon, you keep your mouth shut and stay with JJ,” she advises. “I take it it’s serious with him?”
I nod.
“He’s the guy of my dreams, I couldn’t be happier.”
“Why don’t you look it then?”
“Because I think Ellis has something to do with this supposed witness. He called Cas this morning and he wants me. When he had me, it’s like if I was his he wouldn’t have hurt me, but because I wasn’t, I was fair game in this fight. His ability to switch personalities that fast petrifies me, mom. What if he gets to me again?”
Putting her arm around me, she pulls me against her and I rest my head on her shoulder.
“You stay behind those gates and between Slade and JJ, he isn’t getting to you, darling. JJ’s watching you now and you’re talking with your mother,” she chuckles.
I look up and he’s leaning against the wall as the twins pass him and Leo a beer. He’s my future.
“Once this is sorted, I think it’s time you moved out.”
“You’re kicking me out” I ask, sitting up.
“No,” she laughs. “You should’ve moved out a long time ago, it’s not your job to look after me. I’m back in a town where I grew up and know everyone. I have my brother and Kristen. I have me. I have a feeling that boy is going to want you around him all the time.”
Cas yelling for everyone to meet in the back room fills the air but we don’t move. He’s not talking to us, he’s talking to the brothers. He spots us and hesitates, choosing to walk over after a beat.
“Can we talk after I’ve spoken with the brothers?”
He doesn’t look at Lily, he stares at me and waits solidly for my response. This is it. The moment that could change my life. Our lives. Yet, as I look at him, the man who I share half my DNA with, I can’t bring myself to want to know him other than Cas, the President of a motorcycle club.
“I don’t think we should, sorry.”
“No?”
“I came to terms with not having a dad a long, long time ago, and you have your family. If it weren’t for my mom, neither of us would still be the wiser of the other and we’d still be happy. Nothing has to change, in fact, I insist it doesn’t.”
He’s taken aback, and it satisfies me that I’ve done this to him. I’ve shut him up. He exhales heavily and seems relieved. It hurts, of course it does, he doesn’t even possess an ounce of fight to want to get to know me. But, he’s like most of the men in my life, a let-down. Why go through the bother of getting to know him, to form a bond with him for him to hurt me. I don’t think I could bear it from someone who helped make me. I certainly don’t need the tension from Alannah, Leo and Luca.
“Fine, if that’s what you want.”
I smile and nod my head as he turns, only for him to spin around and open his mouth again.
“Regardless of this little talk, I will always look out for you, and if you need anything, you only need to ask and it’s yours.”
This time, he turns and walks off. I watch as his back disappears through the door into the bar.
“Harper, you should’ve given him a chance. It wasn’t his fault he wasn’t around.”
“I thought you said he was an asshole?” I retort.
I’m not letting my heart think for me, I’ve done that for far too long. JJ is the only one who will have my heart from now on. I’m thinking I am a twenty-five year old woman who doesn’t need a dad, I never had one to know what I’m missing but I know what pain feels like, so I’m keeping that pain at arm’s reach.
Maybe life could’ve been different if Lily told him she was pregnant at the time and maybe it wouldn’t have. Who knows. The one thing I do know, JJ is my life now and he is the one I want to build a life with.
JJ
I have a sick feeling that Ellis is going to get his hands on her again and there will be nothing I can do. Is this what love is, feeling powerless when I should be feeling my strongest because that’s how Harper makes me feel all the god damn time. Brothers are heading to the back room, and it takes a beat before I can move to follow them. I’m glad Harper is talking with her mom, it’s about time I reckon. It’s not that I don’t trust her mom, I think I just don’t like her and it’s taking everything I have to leave my girl with her. Glancing across the lot, I make sure the gates are closed and I count two prospects on guard with four brothers standing around.
Draining my beer, I toss the bottle into the trash can and walk inside, through the bar and into the back room. Scooting around Pope’s chair, I fall into my seat and stretch my legs out.
“We have two targets sitting like ducks in one place. We’re too vulnerable.”
I agree with my dad, for once. The back room falls quiet while we wait for Cas to speak. He’s looking tired and I feel how he looks. A weight was lifted when Lily walked through the door and Harper relaxed against me, but my muscles are wound tight and for once, I don’t know how to relax.
“What if I take India and the baby and get away from here?” Leo spits out.
“No.”
There’s no thought about it or hesitation from Cas towards his son’s idea, yet, the rest of the club per
k up at a half decent idea.
“He could be onto something, Cas. It would free up our brothers while we…”
“I said, no.”
And that’s it.
His final word.
It shuts everyone down, but it gives me an idea.
“What if I take Harper and go somewhere Ellis will never find her?”
I can live with that. If we stay at the club, I’ll have to go on runs, leave her to go check out tips on Ellis’s whereabouts, leaving her here where anything could happen. But, if I take her some place where it’s just the two of us, she’ll have my protection at all times and all my attention. She could do with a change of scenery too, especially since the Cas-Is-Your-Daddy shit storm hit town.
“It will be easier if at least one of them aren’t here. If you’re hell bent on keeping Leo here, then getting Harper out of here might not be a bad idea, but I don’t think JJ should be the one to take her out of town.”
I could lean over the table and punch my old man in the face, I’m the only one who takes her anywhere.
“I’m not going to trust her with anyone. If she goes, I take her.”
I don’t know why these fuckers aren’t getting this. She is mine and mine to protect.
“She’s my old lady, I’ll get her out of town.”
For a beat silence hangs over the table and then Cas leans forward and rests his arms on the table.
“You will,” he tells me, then he looks around the brothers. He takes his time before he speaks next.
“Times are uncertain and I fuckin’ hate that it has come to this after so many years of peace, however, we’ve lost people before because we chose a certain path to walk. JJ will take Harper and with Zach and the twins, they’ll ride out of town and Zach and the twins will return when they’re satisfied they haven’t been followed.”
“Where will you go with her?” Ricky asks, looking at me.
“I don’t know yet and I don’t think I’ll be telling many people when I do, for her sake.”
“This is bullshit,” Dad grunts, shaking his head.
“This is his decision and I agree,” Cas says.
“I do too,” Slade adds.
“You would, it’s your fuckin’ niece. You’d agree to anything that keeps her safe.”
It’s starting to sound like my dad isn’t a fan of Harper and it’s pissing me off.
“Of course I would, what’s your problem?”
Slade raises his voice and dad grips onto the chair handle a little too hard.
“My problem?” He spits. “In order to keep your niece safe, my boy has to be the one to leave. Leave the club and everyone here who has his back. That’s what my fuckin’ problem is, but hey, as long as your girls are fine, what the fuck.”
Leaning forward, dad catches my eye and blows out a heavy breath so his cheeks balloon.
“Dad, I’ll be fine. Honest to fuck, no one is getting to her or me.”
Not now that I’m finally with her.
“You think it’s a choice whether you want to be taken or not. What if they get you and not her, what happens to her? What if they get to her and leave you for dead, or even worse, they get her and leave you dead?”
Pushing out of his chair, he paces back and forth the length of the table. It’s the first time I’ve seen my father worry to this extent over me.
“I own my patch, I don’t need your permission to look after my old lady how I see fit.”
“I know that,” he hisses, and stops pacing. “You’re my son, and just because you wear the patch, and you’ve got hair on your fuckin’ balls, and you think you know everything, I’m still your dad and I know what can happen when you separate from the club.”
I can’t argue with him when I know he’s talking about when he was taken when I was a kid, so I keep my mouth shut and drop my head.
“Sit down, Sparks. This is getting sorted tonight.”
“We should both get away, together JJ and I can watch out for each other and the…”
“How many more times do I have to say no?” Cas yells and Leo shuts up. “We’ll talk about your situation tomorrow, but it’s getting late and we need to know where we stand and that is JJ taking Harper away. Zach, Mason and Myles will follow and once they’re in the clear, they will head out to put eyes on Nina Rollins.”
Slade found out where the woman was earlier, the easiest find he’s ever had according to him. She isn’t my business.
“They will return once they’ve seen her and my end of the deal has been carried out. JJ will check in every day, meanwhile, we’ll track down Ellis and take out this threat to us and everyone can then come home and live all fuckin’ peacefully.”
His rant brings on a coughing fit and he pushes back in his chair to get himself under control. Once he has himself under control, he brings up Niall and the Crow whore.
“Niall lost his right to our patch the moment his dick touched that whore he fuckin’ fell for. We won’t mourn him, certainly not her, but we will mourn for a brother that lost his way. Mason and Myles have taken care of their carcasses already with no respect shown. From this moment on we will never mention his name again.”
His hand reaches out for the gavel and he bangs it down sharply. Brothers begin to filter out and I’m looking forward to getting my hands on Harper to tell her the good news when Cas asks me to stay behind.
“I should stay too,” Dad grunts, stopping in his tracks.
“Me too,” Leo adds himself
“Sparks, I’ll talk to you later, and Leo, go and make sure your mom’s okay.”
Both leave before Cas has to repeat himself and I sit forward, waiting to see what he wants.
“Ride up to our Northern Chapter. I’ll call ahead and let them know you’re coming. They’re up in the mountains, you’ll have cover and brothers watching your back. You’ll be both safe.”
“Why didn’t you tell that to my dad, it’d save me a lot of ear ache.”
“I’ll tell him after you’re gone which will be in the next hour. We’ll use the darkness to our advantage. And, make sure she’s okay.”
“I will.”
“Go pack and prepare Harper.”
I don’t need to be told twice, pushing up to my feet, I’m through the doors and heading across the bar towards Harper. She can tell something is going on and rises to her feet before I get to her. Holding onto her shoulders, I guide her to a quiet corner where no one can hear us.
“Do you trust me?” I ask her once we’re alone.
“I think it’s obvious I do.”
“Then we’re leaving tonight, and I can’t tell you where we’re going till we’re out of here.”
“Jason Carter, are you asking me to ride off into the sunset with you?”
“Considering the time, I’m asking you to ride off into the dead of night without knowing where we’re going or when we’re coming back.”
“Will we ever come back?”
“Fuck yeah we will, this is our home and I plan on spending my life here with you.”
Her smile says it all.
“Go and pack the essentials, it’s gonna be cold where we’re going so dress warm and we’ll stop off somewhere for jackets.”
“So, you know where we’re going?”
“I have a good idea, yeah.”
It occurs to me she isn’t fighting this. She heads for her room and I disappear into mine. Being on the bike, we won’t be able to take a lot, but I don’t care, we can get what we need on the road.
That’s the thing about Harper, she doesn’t need everything. What she needs are the simple things.
I’m done in no time, and I’m about to head across to Harper’s room when she comes out with her own bag.
Downstairs, the bar is empty apart from my parents, Lily and Slade. Our last goodbye for a while. No one knows how long we’ll be gone for and they’re acting like we’re never coming back. Dad slaps me on the back, mutters for me to watch my ass and mom cries against
my chest. Harper hugs her mom and then Slade while Cas and Alannah hang back, not touching or speaking to one another. Although, I think it’s more Lana not speaking to Cas.
“Are you ready, Miss McCarthy?” I ask over my shoulder.
Her hand reaches out for me and her excitement glows.
“Take me away.”
JJ
We’ve been riding for four hours and I need to fill my tank up. We’re well away from Willow’s Peak and from my perspective we haven’t been followed by anyone.
I signal to Zach and the twins that we’re pulling over at the upcoming gas station and rest my hand over Harper’s on my waist. The sense of belonging to her when she holds me like this on my bike is overwhelming.
I haven’t had anyone on the back of my bike before. Harper seemed to like this fact when she found out on our last stop break. I think she thought I’d have had every woman in town behind me.
I park up around the side of the station, I’ll fill up in a beat after I’ve stretched my legs. I slide off the bike and hold my hand out for Harps. She’s unsteady on her feet for a few seconds and I hear the twins sniggering behind our bikes. I throw a glare over my shoulder at them and they shut up.
“I can’t feel my legs and my ass hurts,” she says, rubbing her ass cheeks and it makes me twitch.
“Once you get used to it, it won’t be so bad on you.”
She looks at me like she doesn’t quite believe me and shrugs out of her backpack. She takes her purse out and looks around.
“Do you want something to eat or drink? I’m going to use the bathroom then get a drink.”
“I could do with a bottle of water. I’ll wait for you here. No where else, Harps, in and out, don’t hang around.”
Rolling her eyes, she turns and walks over to the door. I wait for the ping and then relax when the door closes.
Stretching my arms over my head and into the air, I click my back in at least five different places and the tense, sick feeling I had back in Willow’s Peak starts to fade.
“I think we’re good from here. Fill your tanks and head back, oh, check in on Rollins and good luck with her, she’s a little tapped in the head.”
His Selfish Love: Sons of Lost Souls MC Book Two Page 20