by E. L. Todd
“You and I will never be together again,” I said gently. “Just let it go.”
He put his hands in his pockets and bowed his head. “I need to know something…”
“What?”
He moved his gaze to mine. “Do you believe me? That I really do feel like shit? That I’m really a different guy now? Maybe you don’t. If you did, you might give me another chance.”
“Honestly, I don’t know what to believe,” I said. “Maybe this is just a phase. You’re bored with your life and you think changing it up will make it better. But you might just revert to your old ways again.”
“No, I never will,” he said firmly. “I’m done with that.”
“Then find a nice girl and start over with her.”
His eyes contained his sadness. They were practically hollow. “There’s only one nice girl I want to start over with.”
I averted my gaze because his look was too intense. “Where is this coming from, Jared? We haven’t seen each other in months. Maybe you’re just feeling vulnerable because you almost lost your mom and you’re looking for comfort.”
“No…I’ve been feeling this way for a while. I told you that. Eight months, Lexie.”
I didn’t doubt people could change. But I could never forget the way Jared hurt me. It was permanently ingrained in my mind. “Frankly, I’m getting sick of this. I’m finally free of you. Don’t try to drag me through the mud again. You’re the devil for even considering it.”
Jared looked wounded. “Actually, I wanted to put you on a pedestal and treat you right…to prove that I’m not that monster anymore. I realize it’s a lot to ask and I wouldn’t even consider it unless…” He paused and took a deep breath. “If I didn’t know how much you love me.”
“Loved,” I said. “Past tense.”
“I don’t believe that.” He looked into my eyes as he said it. “Why else would you be here?”
“I don’t know…your mom? Geez, you’re still a selfish asshole. Not everything is about you, Jared.”
“But you love my mom because you love me,” he argued. “That’s what it comes down to.”
“No, I love her for her. She’s a great woman.”
“I know she is,” he said quickly. “You think I don’t die inside when I think about her knowing the truth of what happened between us? She would never look at me the same.”
“Then you’re lucky I’ve never ratted you out.”
“I don’t think you did me any favors,” he said quietly. “Maybe she could have said something to get my head on straight. Maybe she could have beaten me around with her purse until I stopped being a dick.”
“Let’s not play what if.”
He sighed. “After everything I did, you still agreed to marriage counseling, even after the thing with your sister. Lexie, only a woman madly in love would do that.”
“And only a man who has absolutely no respect for his wife would treat me that way.” It got me worked up when I thought about it.
“Let me make it up to you.” He was practically begging. “Please. Just one more chance.”
“My sister and I don’t talk anymore,” I said. “I haven’t seen her since I caught her with you. Not only did you ruin our relationship but you took my sister away.” My eyes started to burn.
“Your sister is equally responsible for what happened,” he said. “Don’t put all the blame on me.”
“But you shouldn’t have stuck your hard dick inside her,” I snapped. “You shouldn’t have been hard at all.”
He bowed his head in shame. “I know…”
I threw my hands in the air. “I’m done talking about this, Jared. Our relationship is done—buried six feet under. And I’m with someone else now, someone I really care about. I would never trade what I have with him for anything else in the world. You have no idea how nice it is to be with a man who doesn’t have secrets, who says the truth even if it hurts. I have that with him. And I’m not dumb enough to throw it away.” I marched off.
“Lexie.” Jared tried to grab me.
I twisted from his grasp then pushed him back. “Knock it off. Or I will call him. Believe me, you don’t want to fuck with him.”
“You think I’m scared of him?” He released a pity laugh.
“If you saw him you would be.”
***
Conrad was sitting on the couch when I came home. “How’d it go?”
“I hate him.” I moved into his arms on the couch.
Conrad immediately enveloped me with his warmth and protection. “Did he hurt you?” There was a threat just below the surface of his voice.
“No.”
He relaxed slightly. “Then what did he do?”
“He won’t stop talking about our relationship. Every time we’re alone together, he brings it up and begs for another chance.”
His hand moved into my hair and pulled it from my face. “I can take care of it. Just give me his address and it’ll be done before morning.” Judging the tone of his voice, he was dead serious.
“His resilience doesn’t bother me…he just keeps opening old wounds. I don’t like remembering our relationship and how much he hurt me. It just reminds me of how stupid I was.” My eyes burned with tears but I didn’t let them emerge, not in front of Conrad.
Conrad tilted my face toward him. “You weren’t stupid. You trusted someone who shouldn’t have betrayed that trust. That doesn’t make you weak, Lexie. It only makes him pathetic. Real men are honest, especially to the woman we cherish.”
“Do you cherish me?” I wasn’t sure why I said that. It came out of nowhere. The tears spilled over and fell.
His lips moved to the corner of my eye and caught the moisture. “Very much. I would never hurt you.”
I wiped my tears away and tried to avert my face.
He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him again. “You can cry in front of me.”
“I know it’s annoying…”
“When did I ever say that?”
“You didn’t…but I know crying women make men uncomfortable.”
“Not a real man.” He kissed more tears as they fell. “I will pick you up when you can’t get up. I will carry you when you can’t walk. And I will feel your pain when you can’t bare it alone.”
His words burned a hole in my chest. What was he doing to me? He was making me weak and confused. He was penetrating me through my indestructible armor. He was getting closer to my soul with every passing day.
“You’re are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, Lexie. Don’t let this asshole make you question that.” He continued to kiss me. “Any other man would worship the ground you walk on. A man who doesn’t appreciate you doesn’t deserve you.”
My arms moved around his neck and I clung to him in desperation. I was in pain over Jared but now I was in more pain, a new kind of pain. My ear pressed to his chest and I listened to the sound of his heart. It was beating so fast, a million miles an hour—just like mine was.
Conrad lifted me from the couch then carried me to my bedroom. Once he laid me down, he slowly peeled away the dress I wore. I wasn’t wearing a bra underneath so he kissed the valley between my breasts then sucked each nipple. His hands gripped my thong and pulled it down my long legs.
I pulled his boxers down because that was the only thing he wore. He was shirtless and I wanted to feel his warm skin pressed against mine. I guided him toward me, wanting to feel our bodies combine together.
Conrad moved over me then pulled me as close to him as possible. Then he inserted himself inside me, making me gasp at his size and length. My hand immediately went to his heart and stayed there. I felt his heart as he moved into me. It was racing.
He noticed my actions and did the same to me. Keeping his weight on one arm, he rested his other hand over the skin of my heart. Then he pressed gently, feeling my heart flutter in all different kinds of emotions. He looked into my eyes as he moved into me. Then he placed gentle kisses on my cheeks where m
ore tears had fallen.
I didn’t know what happened. All I felt was longing, desperation, pain, and…something else. I clung to Conrad with a tight grip, one he could never escape from. If he left, there would be nothing left—not even me.
I concentrated on his heartbeat, wondering if it was saying the same thing I was. They were in tune, syncing up together. Every thud echoed in my mind. Every thump pressed back into my hand. Every contraction flushed through me.
“Your heart is dancing,” he whispered, his hand still on my chest.
“So is yours.”
“Are they dancing together?” He looked into my eyes as he asked the question.
“I think so…”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Roland
The door was closed and the apartment was quiet. I stared at Heath and he stared back at me. Everything happened so fast, so unexpectedly. I thought he was gone forever, but here he was, looking at me just the way he used to.
Words were hard to come by, and my voice seemed to leave my throat. “I…you’re back.”
“Yeah.” He put his hands in his pockets while he looked at me. “If you’ll take me back, that is.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I blurted.
“I was a little harsh on you…” He bowed his head.
“I don’t care,” I said. “I just want you back.” Maybe that made me pathetic but I didn’t care.
“Yeah?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
He stared into my eyes, the blue color of his eyes attracting me in an inexplicable way. I missed looking deep into those irises when we made love. Or even when we were just talking. “Nothing ever happened with Ander…I want you to know that.”
“You spent a lot of time with him.”
“We talked—a lot. But nothing else.”
“Were you really tempted to go back to him?” I didn’t know why I asked a question if I didn’t want the answer.
He shrugged. “It crossed my mind. But I wouldn’t have done it if I were still in love with you. And I knew I wouldn’t get over you for a long time. Ander didn’t care but…I still couldn’t do it.”
I nodded automatically.
“But, like I said, nothing happened. And nothing will ever happen.”
“You’ll give me another chance?” Hope was in my heart.
“Why do you think I’m here?”
“My father paid you.” I knew it wasn’t a good time for a joke but I said one anyway.
He chuckled. “Easiest money I ever made.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I guess.”
Heath turned serious. “Your dad said a lot of things…but basically I should give you another chance. And there were other things too.”
“Like what?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “He mentioned the fact I don’t have a family…”
I wasn’t sure why Dad would pick at old wounds.
“And he said he could give that to me, that he could be a father to me.” His eyes watered slightly. “I’ve always wanted that—a family. Even if they aren’t blood, just knowing someone cares means everything. And…I want to be with a man who has a family like that because it’s what I need.”
“My dad is pretty cool…”
“You’re so lucky.” A tear fell down his cheek.
“I know I am.” I would never forget it.
Heath took a deep breath then steadied his emotion. “I know you and I had our fights and disagreements but I decided to let that go…because you did tell him the truth eventually and I know how hard that was for you. And, I’d rather put it behind us since we’re on the brink of getting everything we’ve always wanted.”
“I want to move forward.”
“And we should—together.”
I moved into his chest and hugged him, gripping his familiar body. I missed sleeping with him, playing video games, and just spending time with him. He had a piece of me no one else had ever touched. He was special to me, irreplaceable. “I love you…”
“I love you too,” he whispered. His hands moved around my waist as he held me. Then he pulled away slightly and pressed his face close to mine. He stared at my lips like he was going to kiss me. Then he did.
The usual chemistry between us exploded. It burned the entire way, lighting me on fire and keeping the cold away. My hand gripped his shoulder and I felt the need overtake me. I wanted him forever, not just now or for a few nights. Now that everything was out in the open the weight was off my chest. I could finally be exactly who I was. I didn’t have to hide anymore. I was in love with a man and I wasn’t ashamed of that.
Heath guided me toward my bedroom, still kissing me. Clothes started to come off during the process. His shirt came off his chest and the solid abs I loved so much were revealed. I touched them with my hands, feeling the lines and grooves. He pulled my shirt away and did the same to me. We were the same height so it was always easy to be intimate. Our pants came off and so did our boxers. When we were naked together it felt like—like it always did.
Sex with Heath was different because it actually meant something. I’d never loved someone so much that tears burned my eyes from joy. I never felt warm from innocent touches or caresses. Every embrace was tinted with love, the kind I never thought I would find. Perhaps the road I chose would be difficult, and maybe the hard part wasn’t over just yet. But together, we could get through it.
***
“Your parents like casserole?” Heath said when we pulled up to the house.
“My dad is a picky eater but my mom will scarf down pretty much anything.”
He stared at the dish in his hand and didn’t move.
“What?”
“I just…I’ve never come over here as your boyfriend before.”
“It’ll be nice.”
“You never told me your mom’s reaction to all of this.” He looked to me for an answer.
“She didn’t care at all. She was supportive right off the bat.”
He looked out the window. “I’m nervous and I’m not sure why.”
“No reason to be. My parents like you.”
He nodded. “You’re right.”
“Now let’s go. I’m starving.” I got out of the car and Heath walked with me, carrying his casserole.
When we reached the door, I knocked. “What’s in that anyway?”
“Um…” He looked down into the plate. “Green beans, dried onions, rice, and potatoes, I think.”
“You think?” I gave the bowl a disgusted look. “If you aren’t sure I’m not eating it.”
He chuckled. “There are no fingers in it if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I counted his digits. “What about your toes?”
He looked down at his closed toe shoe. “I guess you’ll find out.”
The front door opened and my parents stood there like a Hallmark card. Mom wore a red apron and her hair was perfectly curled. Dad wore a long-sleeve V-neck and dark jeans.
“You’re here!” Mom extended her arms and hugged Heath first. “We’re so glad you’re here.” She pulled away and gave him a genuine smile. “And you brought something? You’re so thoughtful, Heath. You always bring something.”
“I like to contribute,” Heath said.
“Let me take that,” Mom said.
Dad moved in next. “It’s nice to see you again.” He gave him a smile then pulled him in for a hug. “I’m glad the two of you worked it out. You make my son very happy and I appreciate that.”
I couldn’t believe this was real. It was so nice to have my dad support me. Having a gay son wasn’t easy but he never complained. He didn’t look at me differently either.
“I’m a lucky man, Mr. Preston,” Heath said.
Dad gripped his shoulder. “Call me Sean, please. People call me Mr. Preston at work all day long. It makes me feel like a suit.”
“You are a suit,” I said.
“Back to being a smart ass, I see,” Dad noted with an amused look in his ey
e.
“Just because I’m gay doesn’t make me not a jerk,” I argued.
“You aren’t a jerk at all,” Heath said.
“To you,” I said. “Because I love you.” It didn’t feel awkward saying that in front of my parents. And I don’t think Heath felt awkward either.
“Come in,” Mom said. “And let’s eat dinner.”
“Uh, I don’t get a hug?” I asked. “You’re thrilled to see Heath but not me?”
“Maybe we like Heath more,” Dad said. “Did you ever think of that?”
Heath smiled. “I guess they like my casserole after all.” He walked inside after my mom.
“You want a hug, son?” Dad looked like he was trying not to laugh.
“I don’t care…”
He smirked. “If you want a hug, just tell me.”
I eyed him but didn’t say anything.
“I always knew you loved your father.” He pulled me into a hug and held me close.
I released a deep breath, which seemed to come from nowhere. Feeling loved like this was the greatest feeling in the world. I was accepted for who I was, not judged. My parents loved me no matter what. It didn’t matter what I did or said. Nothing would change the way they felt about me. I rested my head on Dad’s shoulder and continued to hold him, appreciating him more than I’d ever had in my life. I used to tease him all the time and give him hell. He was always a good father to me but I never realized it. “I’m sorry I didn’t hug you more often when I was growing up…”
Dad kept his arms around me. “It’s okay, Ro.”
“You’re the best dad in the world…I’m sorry I didn’t say that more often.”
Dad took a deep breath. “That means a lot to me, son.”
“And I’m sorry I was such a jerk to you when I was growing up.”
“Hey,” he said. “What kind of kid would you be if you weren’t a jerk?” There was a teasing note to his voice.
“Skye and I are really lucky. It’s a shame it took me so long to realize it.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” He pulled away and looked me in the eye. “Honestly, it doesn’t matter how you treat me. No matter what I’ll always love you, weather you appreciate it or not. Not that it doesn’t hurt to say it…” He clapped my shoulder. “Stop feeling guilty.”