by Kira Berger
I blink away the tears threatening to fall. I’m not giving Niall—it has to be him, who else would be behind this after the flowers and note—the satisfaction of seeing me cry. He’s always gotten a weird kick out of seeing me cry and worked hard to cause my tears. When I look around my dark surroundings, I notice how small it is. I’m chained up in the middle of a windowless room and only one door right in front of me. The walls are made out of concrete; I’m surrounded by gray. Nothing stands out to let me know where I am. I hear nothing, but I can smell the humidity in the air.
This is the type of room you imagine someone is being tortured and killed in by a psychopath in a horror movie. I pull on the handcuffs, hoping that for some reason they haven’t been properly fastened. When that doesn’t work—I know, shocker—I take a closer look at the chair, maybe it’s not as sturdy as it feels. Disappointment fills me when I see it’s made out of metal and bolted to the floor.
This is hopeless.
The handcuffs are digging into my skin painfully, so I stop trying to break metal.
Second by second, my mind fills, words keep flitting through it on an endless loop, trying to pull me into the darkness hovering on the fringes of my mind. It would be easy, so easy to let go. To give in, give up…
Stop the endless fighting.
What’s the point now anyway? I already ruined everything.
This time I won’t get out alive. Last time was messy and not well-planned out considering I’m still breathing. This time is seemingly meticulously planned. The intention clear, I am not to make it out of here alive.
I have known for the last five month this would happen, and yet, I’ve given in to hope, to love, to the idea of a new beginning for someone like me over the last month… Boy, was I wrong.
Duncan.
One name among thousands, but the only thing keeping me sane right now. I should have never given in, should have been stronger.
But he wore me down. It wasn’t just his looks, even though his resemblance to a Viking sure helped. But the one thing that made me fall hard and fast was his smile. The perfect reflection of who he is, charming, strong, honest, sweet, and considerate. The way he always took care of me. He was the first person who was able to make me genuinely smile with true joy after months of going through the motions.
He made me feel alive again. And now I’ve lost it all… and he doesn’t even know how much he means to me. I’ve never told him how much I love him, instead I destroyed everything with careless words uttered in frustration. At least I’ve kept him safe, my mess isn’t going to touch him anymore.
I picture his face in all its glorious detail. I want the last thoughts I have to be of the best thing that’s ever happened to me. The one who healed me, taught me to love, gave me strength to fight, and always believed in me.
The one who taught me how to fly.
While I picture the love of my life holding me in his arms, the door opens slowly and in walks my worst nightmare. Shock reverberates through my body at seeing her face in front of me. I stare at it twisted with disgust and hatred. Things just went from bad to worse.
I try to fight the panic back. I keep hold of my saving grace while my grim reaper walks toward me.
I concentrate on how Duncan’s lips felt against mine, how he worshiped my body, my scars.
I tune out the sound of the gun being cocked. I always hoped my ending, when it came, would be quick and painless—at least I will be given that.
I close my eyes, my mind firmly in my fantasy, where I’m loved and happy, and not in this dark and empty prison.
Briefly, I wonder if anyone will ever find my body or if they will have to bury an empty coffin.
Suddenly, my chin is grabbed in a painful and unforgiving hold.
“Did you actually think you’d get away this easily? You fucking bitch, you ruined my life! I was perfect before you had to go and fucking leave!” Kendra seethes in front of me, her voice dripping with malice and hatred.
The pain in my jaw forces my eyes open. They collide with eyes so much like her brother’s, a brown so dark they look black—void. All I see is an abyss of hatred, madness, and cold determination, just like that last time I saw Niall.
I guess it won’t be quick after all. I close my eyes again. Hoping against hope for peace.
“Ah no, darling. You don’t want to miss what comes next. I have plans for you. And I need you present to enjoy them. Let’s have some fun.” The anticipation and glee in her voice has my eyes snap open in fear, and a menacing smile spreads across her face. It’s a smile filled with promises of pain. It’s terrifying.
I move my stare to eyes filled with deadly intent. I have no doubt the plan is to kill me in this bloody room, but no way in hell am I going to show just how terrified I am.
“What the fuck do you want, Kendra?” I spit, trying to intimidate her. Not that it’s very effective since I’m tied to a chair and all. “I never did fuck all to you. Your brother abused me, not the other way around.”
The ugly smile twisting her mouth disappears and is replaced by a sneer. I really have no idea why she hates me this much. She barely talked to me whenever she was around. And yet, she never made a secret out of her dislike for me.
“You never did anything, bitch?” she practically snarls at me. She lets go of my chin and instead grabs my hair to pull my head back painfully. I barely manage to keep the whimper of pain from escaping my throat. Damn me if I’m going to give her the satisfaction.
“No, but this makes me wish I would have punched you when I had the chance,” I growl through clenched teeth.
Not my smartest move, but I’ve been taking shit lying down for too long now. I’m not going down without a fight this time.
“You’re the reason he’s dead, you fucking worthless piece of shite!” she yells in my face while pulling on my hair, ripping some out with my scalp still attached, or so it feels like.
This time, I can’t swallow the yelp of pain fast enough, causing her to laugh at my pain. But I’m distracted by one thing; he’s dead? No, that can’t be… She has to be lying.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I never killed anyone,” I try to reason. I’m so confused right now. Who is she talking about? Why is she here? And where is Niall? “Motherfucker. Let me go!” I yell, instead of letting the fear overtake me, I’m becoming angry at the situation, and the crazy bitch in front of me. I’m done with letting that motherfucking family walk all over me.
“Oh, someone’s being feisty.” She leans back and removes her hand from my hair. Her face smoothing out, the anger leaving it. She went from yelling in my face to no emotions whatsoever. And that scares me more than anything that has happened so far.
She’s clearly unstable.
Why in the fuck does the universe hate me this much? First Niall then his sister? Seriously, what are the chances?
Still, without any emotions, she tells me, “I see Niall didn’t beat all the resistance out of you like I told him to so many times.” A second later, she moves back into my space. I rear back, shocked at her sudden movement, and the handcuffs dig even more agonizingly into my wrists. I can feel something wet trickle down my fingers.
Within seconds, all reason vanishes and she hisses at me. “He should have never let you leave. He should have made sure you stayed. God, we both knew it would fuck him up if you left. He needed the release, you know. Doing what he did to you kept him sane.” She shakes her head in disgust. “That boy had no self-control, always letting his emotions get the best of him. And when you did leave, he lost it. I told him to make sure you were in that car along with your family. But no, he was so damn stubborn. Wouldn’t hear of getting rid of you. He could have just found someone else after you. The likes of you are ten a penny. Easily replaceable.”
The longer she talks, the faster my heart starts pounding in my chest. I can’t believe the words spewing out of her mouth. No matter how broken you think you are, there is always a tiny sliver of hope left
, hope in humanity, in yourself, or in the universe. And every time you think you can’t possibly hurt more, life teaches you just how wrong you are. There is always more of you to break.
While her plan for me to die is chilling enough, one thing she said confuses me. “What do you mean? Why would abusing me keep him sane?”
She tilts her head and looks at me with a calculating look. “I guess it doesn’t matter now. You’re not going to get the chance to tell anyone.” A cruel smile twists her lips. “Has he ever told you anything about our childhood?”
I shake my head. He never told me about his past, and whenever I would ask he’d deflect and refuse to talk about it until I gave up trying.
“That’s what I thought. He never liked to talk about the past,” she starts while pacing in front of me. “Our father left before we were born, Mum never said why, just that he’s a piece of shite who wasn’t man enough to stick around. Just goes to show how weak some people are,” she says nonchalantly and then shrugs. “Mum, now she taught us how to be strong. Every day. Some might call it abuse”—She waves the hand holding the gun dismissively as if she hasn’t just stunned me speechless—“but I always looked at the slaps and punches as a teaching tool, you know. She made sure we were prepared for the world. And as I’m sure you know, she’s been a good teacher to Niall and me.”
My head is spinning. Niall had been abused as a child? While it explains a lot, I don’t feel any kind of sympathy for him. I feel bad for the child he used to be, but he turned into the same monster. Needing to inflict pain on others to distract from his own. But there is no excuse for perpetuating the cycle of abuse.
“He never loved you, you know?” The way she jumps from one subject to the next doesn’t help my spinning mind. “Yeah, I mean he liked the looks of you, obviously, not that I see it but whatever, but he never loved you. He used you.” The smirk twisting her lips is smug, like she enjoys telling me all of this, hoping to hurt me. “He was never going to love you, no matter how much he promised himself he would.” Her snort is filled with disgust.
I’m not surprised Niall didn’t love me—you don’t treat people you love the way he treated me—but it still hurts to hear the person you gave nearly three years of your life to never even cared about you. And now she’s saying he’s dead? Everything I thought I knew up to this point is slowly crumbling around me, and I’m left with different pieces of the puzzle with no clue what it will look like. “Look, I have no idea what you’re on about. But none of this explains why you’re here. I left, I want nothing to do with you or your brother, dead or alive, so all of this is unnecessary. I was gone. Just leave me the fuck alone already.”
“Oh, that’s where you’re wrong. You weren’t gone, not really. See, once you left I was happy I didn’t have to share him anymore, just like when we were kids. It would just be him and me and the business we built. But he couldn’t let go. He kept going on and on about you; he wouldn’t shut up. Said he was going to get you back no matter what, was consumed by it. God, he was really good at pretending he actually gave a damn.” She turns to look me in the eyes, her frown clearly conveying her disdain for me. “Don’t fool yourself though, he just didn’t like losing control. Ever since Mum died, control was all he craved. And you were so damn easy to control. He wasn’t going to follow my advice, so, I thought if we eliminate your family—your protection—you’d come crawling back and everything could go back to normal. But no, instead you disappear and he completely loses it.
“He was so distracted the business was suffering. Everything we worked so hard to accomplish, and he was throwing it all away for you. He was so focused on you, on finding you, I couldn’t take it anymore.” She keeps on ranting, like she’s not even aware anymore I’m in the room but is lost in her memories somewhere. I knew they were in business together, but now I wonder what they did. Niall never told me, said it’s none of my business. And after a while, like with so many other things, I quit asking.
“I thought if he went after you and brings you back, he’ll concentrate on business again. His inattention had some truly scary man getting irritated with us and he was on a path of getting us both killed,” she continues. “Now, I was hoping he’d kill you so he could move on, but he liked you as his plaything too much apparently. He just wouldn’t listen.
“We didn’t anticipate you taking off to another country though. He was so consumed with you he completely forgot everything else around him. He was obsessed with teaching you a lesson you’d never forget. He became a liability after that, his need to find you made him reckless. He endangered my business; he started pissing off our business partners with his carelessness, and you don’t piss these people off. He wouldn’t listen. He left me no choice but to take care of the situation.”
“What?” The shock of her words reverberates through my body. Did she just admit to killing her own brother? “You killed Niall?”
For a second, she looks at me inquisitively, like she’s trying to figure out why I’d ask such a stupid question. “Of course, I did. He put us in hot water with some nasty people, it was either him or me. He was my brother, but I’ll always choose me over anyone else.” Her shrug shows just how little she cares for anyone but herself. Before I can fully process the fact that she killed her own brother, she continues, “And you were the reason everything got ruined. I couldn’t let that stand. No one messes with me or my business. You sure made it difficult to find you though. Leaving no trace whatsoever. Or, well, nearly no trace. You should have deleted your social media. People are so naïve nowadays, thinking using those privacy settings will help keep people from finding you or getting your information,” she says, all hint of sanity gone and all that’s left behind is the madness. I wonder how I’ve never seen this before, she’s insane.
“All it took was finding someone who was willing to help me hack into your social media for the right amount of cash.” Fucking hell, and I thought we were careful, I can’t believe I made such a stupid mistake. I thought not accessing my social media would prevent them from finding me. But I became careless. She’s right, I was naïve to think I couldn’t be found just because I left the country.
“After that, I found you in a mere minute.” She snaps her fingers, showing just how easy it must have been with the right friends.
“So it was you who sent me those messages and the flowers?” Slowly, things are starting to fall into place.
“Yes, sending you those was a fun way of toying with you until I could make it over here. He told me everything he ever did to you, so I figured the roses would do the trick, and they did, too.” She claps her hand like a toddler who just received a piece of candy. “I just wish I could have seen it in person. Hacking the camera feed in your building to see your reaction to them only gave me so much satisfaction.”
Before I have a chance to control my tongue, I yell, “You’re sick. Why couldn’t just you leave me the fuck alone?” I ask, a lone tear falling down my cheek—the only visible reaction to my realization. “I’ve done nothing wrong! All I did was fall in love with a monster.”
I don’t see the slap coming until my face slams to the side while pain radiates across my face. The handcuffs rattle and cut deeper into my skin, sending agony up my arms. My eyes are watering from the shock and unexpected pain. Just when I get my bearings back, my jaw is back in a vise grip and I’m forced to look at my captor again. Her eyes are burning with hatred so deep I struggle to understand it.
“Done nothing?” she shouts in my face, spittle flying across the space between us, her hand squeezing my jaw, causing the pain radiating through my throbbing cheek to intensify. “You’re the reason it all went to shit. Don’t you see? Had he never met you, he’d still be here, we’d have a successful business together. We’d be bloody happy. Instead he’s dead because of you. And once you’re dead, a corpse rotting in the ground, I can rest easy and go back to my life. The likes of you deserve what they get.”
This time I can see, and feel, he
r hand leave my face and rear back for another slap, except, the hand moving toward my face is fisted. The punch hits me square in the jaw. Pain I haven’t felt in months spreads across my face and my vision goes black for a second. Before I can get my bearings, another blow hits my face, this time splitting my lip open and blood starts to drip down my face and neck. The bones in my face are throbbing something fierce and the tears I have been so desperately holding back start flowing down my face.
I thought I left all of this behind, the beatings and humiliations. It wasn’t supposed to follow me here. This was supposed to be my safe haven, not the same nightmare in a different setting with a different tormentor.
I just started to put the broken pieces inside of me back together.
I close my mind and visualize Duncan—his smile, the way he kissed me on the forehead when he thought I was adorable—and I can feel some of the strength he believed me to have deep within me flow back through my body.
I’m not sure how this will end, but I will not go down without a fight ever again. So, I open my eyes, lift my head, and stare straight into Kendra’s eyes, daring her to hit me again.
“Oh, look who’s got some backbone finally. Too bad it’s too late. You’ll die in this place.” Her laugh echoes off the walls and sends a chill across my flesh. It’s creepy and what you would imagine the Joker sounds like right before he kills you.
She takes a step back, tilting her head to study me while she does this. She studies me like I’m a puzzle she can’t figure out. “I really don’t see it,” she whispers lost in thought. “What do they all see in you? You’re nothing special, yet, Niall couldn’t let go. And here you are, a mere five months later with that new tall drink of water wrapped around your finger. Your new boy toy sure is a hottie. I’ll have to ask him how he fell for your bullshit, and from the looks of things earlier, I think he’s done with you, not that it matters much since you’ll vanish soon enough. I wonder if he’ll need someone to comfort him when you just disappear on him.” A sly smile spreads across her face, letting me know just what it is exactly she’s planning on doing. “I’m sure we can distract each other. He must know what to do to get a woman off if he managed with a frigid bitch like you.”