by Grant, Livia
Because no matter how hard she tried, her brain refused to go more than a few minutes without thinking of him. The bastard had even been showing up in her fitful dreams during the few hours of sleep she managed to get each night since their fateful night at Black Light.
It was unacceptable.
If she couldn’t forget him the normal way, she’d have to do it the old-fashioned way—pharmaceuticals and booze.
So, she drank until she’d emptied the glass of gin. Her stomach churned loudly, and for a brief moment, she almost took off for the bathroom, afraid she’d puke up the appetizers she’d eaten many hours before. Only when the feeling passed did she pull the chair over to face the wall of windows, finally taking a seat.
Piper let the tears fall, hoping all she needed was a good cry. Then her life could get back to normal. Once she gave herself permission, it didn’t take long for old despair she’d been sure she’d vanquished to resurface, crowding into her already overwhelmed psyche.
She was successful, independent, rich, famous—she had it all.
So why the hell couldn’t she just be happy?
The better question was, why couldn’t she stop letting shit from the past haunt her? She’d spent a Goddamn fortune over the years, trying to exorcise her demons with a string of therapists. One after the other, they’d told her she’d never move on until she faced the demon head on. She’d been determined to prove them wrong.
Tonight, she knew she’d failed.
She wasn’t sure how long she sat in that chair, crying and feeling sorry for herself, but with each passing moment, the unusual solitude she normally relished began to close in on her, reminding her how utterly alone she was in the world. It didn’t matter how many millions of people recognized her when she went out in public, not one person out there really knew her—not the real Piper. Hell, she’d done such a great job of reinventing herself, even she wasn’t sure who she was anymore.
The wave of loneliness washed over simultaneously with the truth there might be one person who remembered the real her. The woman she was before she’d been forced to turn her life upside down in order to get through the simplest of days. Only she knew the lengths she’d had to go to regain control of her life again.
Control—the tightrope game she and Nolan had played the night of roulette had been their own special brand of tug-of-war. When she had run out of Black Light, she was sure she’d won. Only now was she understanding she had won the battle, but Nolan was winning the war.
She reached into the pocket of the plush robe provided by the hotel and came out with her cell phone. She flipped to the Nolan Boeing contact record, not to phone him, but to look at the profile picture she’d uploaded.
God, she was pathetic, mooning over the picture of some guy thousands of miles away. She wished he’d call again, just so she could scream at him for ruining her ‘reset’ weekend. Instead of getting stronger, she was getting worse.
It was too easy to push SEND. Her hands trembled as she moved the phone to her ear, hearing two rings before her heart lurched.
“Piper? Is this you?”
God, he had the sexiest voice—a tad gravelly and perfectly deep—but it was the yummy, authoritative tone she’d always loved the most. Of course, she’d never tell him that.
Her throat was closed off from the effort trying not to cry. She should hang up but couldn’t make herself break their tenuous connection.
Weak.
“I’m glad you called. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
No way was she going to tell him ‘ditto,’ which would have been an accurate response.
Piper’s silence didn’t seem to deter Nolan.
“I’m worried about you.”
I’m worried about me, too.
“Where are you? I can come to you wherever it is. We need to talk.”
She had to swallow several times before she was able to speak.
“I’m in New York.”
“Okay, I’ll catch a red-eye. You go to sleep, and I’ll be there in the morning. Where are you staying?”
That tone.
“Man, yurr such a fuckin donamant.”
“Damnit, you’re drunk.”
“Wouldn’t have called if I wasn’t.”
His chuckle at the other end of the phone was unexpected. “Yeah, that sounds about right. I’m just glad you did.”
“Why, so you can lecture me ‘bout how I changed?”
“I’ve never lectured, but I am concerned. I’m missing something. I know it. And the sooner you tell me the truth, the sooner we can get past it.”
“No getting past. It’s an immovable roadblock.”
“So… there is something. It isn’t just my imagination.”
He was twisting her words. She could verbally spar with Nolan on her best day. In fact, she wasn’t afraid to admit she’d enjoyed their witty banter during roulette. But she was way too tipsy to be able to keep up with him tonight.
“Mistake to call… Gotta…”
“No! Don’t hang up. We can change the subject.”
It didn’t take much to sway her to stay on the line. After all, she didn’t want to go back to feeling alone after they hung up. Still, what was there to really talk about?
“So how ‘bout that weather,” she deadpanned.
God, she loved his laughter. She’d forgotten how much he could make her laugh until he reminded her the night of roulette. Despite the intensity of that night, she’d laughed out loud many times… right up until she’d had to crush him… literally.
“Why are you even talking to me? Aren’t you mad at me for…”? She let her voice trail off, unable to sum up just how fucked-up their roulette game had been.
“Mad at you for crushing my balls, both physically and figuratively, only to leave me tied down and screaming at you—begging you to come back? In front of a couple hundred people? Many whom I consider personal friends?”
“Yeah. That.”
There was his laughter again. Nolan Boeing was a happy man. She wasn’t used to being around people like him.
“I’ve had time to think about it… a lot. I bought my way into the event, knowing what I was signing up for. You played the game by the rules. I may hate how it turned out, but I truly loved every minute of our time together.”
“Liar. You did not enjoy when I stuck that plug up your ass.”
“Don’t remind me. I’m trying to forget that part.”
“I’d have thought you’d want to forget about the very end.”
“You mean when you used my cock as your personal dildo, riding me to your orgasm, then leaving me with blue balls, tied center stage?”
“Yeah. That.”
“Naw, I loved watching you fall apart when you came. You were even more beautiful than I remembered.”
Why did he have to say such nice things? He was making it impossible to stay angry with him.
“I feel cheated. I didn’t get to see you come.”
“And whose fault is that?”
“Fine. Maybe I had a bit to do with that part.”
“Uh huh. Maybe. You owe me an orgasm, Ms. Kole.”
“That’s Mistress Ice to you. And it might be hard to accomplish three thousand miles away. And anyway, you made a terrible submissive.”
“I did not. Your memory is faulty.”
Even drunk, her memory wasn’t bad enough to forget how confusing it had been to be with such a dominant man like Nolan. It had literally been years since she’d allowed a man to take the lead of her sexuality.
“What are you wearing?” His voice was so smooth—so sexy.
She took a few long seconds to play his game.
“Just a hotel robe.”
“Tell me where you are. Sitting at a table? Standing near the window?”
“Don’t look now, but you’re domming me.”
“Damn straight, I am. We aren’t at Black Light, and you’re drunk.”
“What’s me being drunk have to
do with anything?”
“Because I can dom you tonight, and you’ll forget about it tomorrow. We can both get a good night’s sleep after having amazing orgasms. Think of it as a win-win.”
She hesitated only a second before clarifying, “So, this is just a remote solution. I still get to be in charge in person?”
“If that’s your way of telling me there will be more sessions in person, absolutely.”
“Win-win.”
It didn’t take much to convince her to play along. She was desperate to maintain the tenuous thread holding them together, and if she got a good orgasm out of the deal, she might finally get some rest.
“Lay back on the bed with your upper body raised up on the pillows. Then open your robe, so your naked body is on display to the room.”
“What if it’s too cold in here?”
“Oh baby, I’m gonna help you warm up. Do you have a vibrator with you by chance?”
“No,” she answered, walking to the bed to do as she was told.
This doesn’t make me submissive. It just makes me… horny.
“Too bad. I’d have loved hearing you fucking yourself with it while pretending it was me.”
Shit, he was good at this phone sex thing.
“Okay, tell me when you’re in position.”
“Yes, sir,” she mocked, only the joke was on her.
“Damn, even knowing you’re playing around, that went straight to my cock. As a little mental incentive for you, I’m sitting in my living room, looking out over the L.A. skyline, with my dick in my hand. It’s already rock hard, ready to shoot jizz on the carpet, wishing it was buried in your pussy instead. That’s what you do to me, Piper.”
“Aww, you say the most romantic things.”
His bark of laughter calmed her like no pills, booze, or therapy ever could—which pissed her off. Still, in her desperate state of mind, she held onto his voice like a lifeline, afraid she’d drown without him.
“You lying down?”
“Yep.” She fought the urge to feel foolish, sitting taking orders like a… Her brain had started to form the word chump, but even drunk, she knew it was bullshit. She’d never thought of her submissives as chumps. What they did took great courage—handing over control to a sadistic woman bent on crushing their balls, who actually took pleasure hurting them.
What a bitch she was.
“Piper? Did I lose you, baby?”
“Uh… no. Still here.” It took effort to stay focused.
“Close your eyes.”
“Trying to put me to sleep?”
“Not quite yet. I need to hear you crying out my name as you come first. Then you can go to sleep.”
“Pretty overconfident there, Boeing. You’re three thousand miles away.”
“All the better. We might kill each other if we were in the same room.”
“Fair enough.”
“Now, be a good girl and close your eyes.”
Good girl. She was definitely not that. Still, she liked him calling her that, just the same.
“Now, use your hands to squeeze your boobs. Pretend those are my hands, massaging… pinching those gorgeous tits you love to flaunt in your designer dresses on the red carpet.”
“Aww, you noticed? It’s impossible to find a good bra to wear with those dresses.”
“Focus, baby. I only care about those titties right now. Are they nice and hard?”
“Yeah, but I think it’s more because of the aforementioned temperature of the room.”
“Damn, even drunk, you’re witty.” He paused before adding more quietly, “I want to grow old with you, Piper. I can just picture us grey-haired and decrepit in our wheelchairs, still bantering back and forth, entertaining all the old folks around us.”
Whoa! Where the fuck had that come from?
“Nolan…” she warned.
“Sorry. But, every word I said is true.”
Piper let her imagination run wild, picturing them together and happy, years later with longing. She never looked too far ahead on purpose, afraid of seeing herself always alone. She had to admit, the silly vision calmed her.
“Won’t we be the scandalous ones of the retirement home? Insisting on carrying around our crops on our wheelchairs just in case the mood should hit to crop each other.”
He couldn’t talk for a few long seconds he was laughing so hard.
“Oh, Piper. Thanks for that visual. You’ll be the only woman in the whole place who has the orderlies fighting over taking care of you, so they can feel your crop on their ass.”
“Maybe they’ll give us a discounted rate if Mistress Ice keeps their employees in line.”
“Maybe, although I’m pretty sure, we won’t need the discount.”
“Are you eyeing up my bank account, Mr. Boeing?”
“No, baby. I think you’re forgetting who I am. I have my own money, remember? I don’t need yours.”
Unlike so many of the boys she played with.
He hadn’t said that, but it still hung in the air between them.
He doubled down. “I don’t need your fame or your fortune. I don’t want your house or your damn cars. And I sure as hell don’t need that enormous diamond collection of yours.”
“You noticed. I love my diamonds. They’re a girl’s best friend.”
“Yeah, well, fuck that. And for the record, that’s the only thing I do want from you.”
He’d lost her.
“I don’t get it. You want my diamonds?”
“No, baby. I want to be your best friend.”
Holy shit, he was gutting her. This call was such a mistake,
“Nolan…” His name came out as a sob.
“It’s okay, Piper. I know you aren’t ready to admit it yet, and that’s okay. I’m willing to put in the time and wait.”
The dam broke. Tears she’d pent up flooded to her eyes, spilling over her cheeks. She tried to keep Nolan from hearing her but failed.
“I’m there with you, baby. Feel my arms around you. Holding you. Protecting you from whatever bullshit you have chasing you.”
She had no idea how many minutes went by with him cooing comforting words to her as she exorcized her demons. When her tears slowed, she’d reached for a tissue from the bedside table, blowing her nose with an unladylike honk.
His chuckle brought a smile to her face. “That’s a good girl.”
There it was again—good girl.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m glad you trust me enough to cry in front of me.”
Fuck me. Why does he keep saying these deep things? She had to try to lighten things up again. She was too drunk for this heavy shit.
“You promised me an orgasm, Boeing. Are you backing out on your promise?”
“Hell, no. Just took a little detour, but I’m ready to push your buttons now.”
She didn’t say it, but they both knew damn well, he’d already succeeded pushing her buttons.
“Now, hands back on your boobs and start moving them slowly down your chest… across your tummy. Let your legs fall open and dip your fingers into your cunt. Tell me, are you already wet?”
Fuck, yeah, she was, but she wasn’t going to tell him that.
He didn’t need her encouragement to keep directing her.
“Play with your pussy. Pinch that clitty of yours while you imagine it’s my fingers. Press on it, nice and hard like you’re humping me again back at Black Light. My cock is long and hard, just for you. You’re climbing onboard and gonna take me for a nice ride, aren’t you? That’s it, baby. Ride me. Take your pleasure.”
Her fingers flew across her body, chasing her orgasm, but it felt elusive—until Nolan upped their game.
Piper could hear the slapping of his stroking motion on the other end of the phone. He was jacking off at a fast pace—the exact pace she’d love to imagine him plowing her from behind. Dare she?
“Yes, that’s it, Nolan! You have me bent over that fucking spanking ben
ch, and you’re behind me. You’re squeezing my hips so hard, I’m gonna have bruises tomorrow. You’re slamming your cock into me so hard and fast, it hurts.”
“Shit… I hope you’re close. I’m not gonna last much longer. Ready for my seed, baby?”
Damnit, so hot.
“Nolan!”
She hadn’t meant to call out his name, but there it was, hanging in the air as she let the wave of pleasure wash over her, enhanced by the grunting groan at the other end of the phone. The wet squishing as she dripped her own juice out onto the clean sheet was the ideal harmony to his gasping for breath.
They recovered in amicable silence, letting a new blanket of calmness cover her.
“Thank you, baby.”
“For what?”
“Calling. Talking. Not hanging up.”
She didn’t know what to say, so she said nothing.
“Same time? Tomorrow night?”
His question caught her off guard.
“I’ll be in the air at this time tomorrow.”
“Even better. I’ll wait at your house.”
“I’m not flying to L.A.”
The lie fell from her lips so easily, it scared her. An instant regret took hold, recognizing lying to Nolan came with a price tag.
“Shit, well, I know you’ll be home soon. You’re presenting next Sunday.”
“How did you know that?”
“You do realize I’m in the academy too, right?”
Shit. Maybe she should back out. She wasn’t ready to see him again—not yet—she needed to get stronger.
“I need to go.”
“Okay, I’ll let you off the hook this time. Now, pull the covers up, so you don’t get chilled. Sleep well, baby.”
Despite his sign-off, the line stayed open, both of them silent for a long minute. Her mind raced. There were so many things she wanted to say.
She finally settled for, “Night Nolan.”
Chapter 7
“If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were nervous.”
Shane didn’t need to see who had spoken behind him. He recognized the dungeon master, Elijah’s voice as the older man slid onto the bar stool next to him while waving his hand to signal Susie at the other end of the bar.