Brady’s stare turned contemplative. He was a man who, until recently, lived with some pretty dark secrets. That was, until Hadley worked her Walker magic. Now Brady was a man who knew the goodness he had at his side. He was also smart enough to know if he wanted to keep it, he had to let his past go. And somewhere along the line, Brady had changed from the withdrawn, tight-lipped man I’d first met to a man who said what was on his mind and openly showed his love for his fiancée.
Even knowing all of that, I didn’t brace.
“I get you think that. But I know what happened in Lebanon—”
“Actually, you don’t, Brady. I understand you’re looking out for Adalynn. Hell, I like that she has people watching her back. But you don’t know jackshit about what happened.”
I was seeking patience; trying to remember that Brady had known Addy for years. He’d been part of her life and family long before he pulled his thumb out and got involved with Hadley. Something unpleasant slithered up my spine, something that felt a lot like jealousy. Not the tingle a man got when he noticed other men checking out his woman—the kind that morphed into pride, knowing the woman by your side was so special other men were jealous of you.
No, my jealousy stemmed from the knowledge that Brady had had years to get to know Addy. He’d spent time with her. He’d seen her smile and heard her laugh more than I had. He’d shared meals with her. He’d been invited into her family. And Brady had settled into life. Brady had been able to let go of his demons. Brady was where I wanted to be.
“I read the reports—”
“Really? You did? You read the after action reports; about the rescue, the mission, the explosion. Did it tell you about how I failed to react in time to Liberty’s warning? Did it tell you that she made a call that I ignored, and because of that, I almost got my team killed? Did it tell you how I fucked Luke’s career? Tell me, Brady, what exactly did the report tell you?”
Brady’s face turned to stone when he mumbled, “Right. You’ve worked your shit out.”
“Yeah, Brady, I have. As much of it that’s gonna get worked out.”
“By that, I assume you mean you intend to keep holding on to something that’s not yours—” Brady’s hand came up and I bit back my interruption and my desire to break the finger he was jabbing my way. “Not, done, brother.”
My jaw clenched as I waited for him to finish whatever it was he had to say. “You’re not doing her or yourself any favors keeping that shit locked up. It is not your fault Luke left the Navy. It’s not your fault some asshole carried out a suicide mission. It’s not Liberty’s fault she didn’t warn you sooner and it’s not your fault you didn’t jump the second she figured out what was going down. And just to add, Luke had comms, he could’ve bolted his damn self. He didn’t need to wait for you to make the first move. Both of you were fucked before Liberty made that call. And you’re both fucking lucky you weren’t blown to hell.”
I tried to let Brady’s angry words settle in. I tried to push them deep and let them soothe the guilt. But my body rejected them, deflected the reprieve of responsibility. I wasn’t blameless and every fiber of my soul knew it.
There would be no liberation, no absolution, no amnesty for what I’d done.
“Brady…” I wasn’t sure what I intended to say beyond his name. I wasn’t sure I could keep the lid on my emotions. Hell, the vibration in my voice told me I was failing at this endeavor.
Always failing.
“The longer you hold guilt, the harder it is to let go.”
“No shit?” I snarled. “But what am I supposed to do? Pretend it didn’t happen? Disrespect my brother and brush his injury off like it’s nothing? Christ, Brady, Luke damn near went blind and I’m supposed to what, say sorry and move on?”
“Yeah, Trey. That’s exactly what you’re supposed to do. Move the fuck on because you didn’t do a fucking thing to Luke. And if you think you pulling away from your brothers, shutting them out, acting like a bear with a thorn up his ass isn’t disrespecting them, then you’re straight out stupid. And if you think Jasper’s not gonna call you out on this shit, you’re even stupider. He’ll sniff you out and put you down, he thinks your shit will fuck his daughter. The man is rabid when it comes to his girls. So you better brace, Trey. Once he catches wind you and Addy are starting something, he’s gonna come at you.”
I had nothing to say to that. Brady spoke the truth. Jasper Walker was a pit bull when it came to his girls. He was a man whose bite you’d feel—he could be ruthless when someone threatened his family.
And I’m a threat.
Fuck.
My gaze went back to Addy.
So sweet and innocent.
Christ, Jasper would have my balls in a vise if he knew what my intentions were. Shit, who was I kidding? Once he found out what I’d already done, I was as good as dead.
I was not good enough for his pretty, shy daughter.
Fuck.
I never should’ve come to Georgia. I never should’ve accepted a job at Triple Canopy.
“I see the wheels turning,” Brady said, all of the anger in his tone gone. “I didn’t tell you that to make you run. I’m warning you because you’re gonna have to be way more convincing if you want Jasper’s blessing.”
Jasper’s blessing.
Addy’s head turned and our eyes met. Instead of feeling the beauty of her gaze, dread hit my gut like a lead weight. Heavy and suffocating. I should’ve kept my distance. I never should’ve touched her perfection. I knew one taste and I’d be addicted. I’d want more.
Though I’d been wrong and selfish, Adalynn Walker wasn’t just addictive, and I didn’t just want more—I wanted everything. I wanted forever. I wanted to be worthy of her.
Before I could respond to Brady, Hadley broke away from Addy and moved across the small dining area.
When she opened the sliding glass door, she didn’t come outside but she did smile big.
“We’ve decided we’re having dinner.”
“You mean, you’ve decided.” Brady chuckled and Hadley narrowed her eyes.
“No, we’ve decided,” she reiterated her lie, completely unfazed Brady had called her out. “We were thinking Indian.”
“Now I know you’re full of shit because Addy doesn’t like Indian and you’ve been trying to get me to take you there for weeks.”
That ugly green monster started to fill my gut again. I hadn’t known Addy didn’t like Indian food. Not that the knowledge wasn’t welcomed, I, too, didn’t care for Indian. But I hated Brady knew and I didn’t.
“I’m not eating there,” Addy called out.
“Fine,” Hadley huffed. “You two pick because Addy’s being difficult.”
Hadley’s definition of her sister being difficult meant that Addy hadn’t given in right away. The assumption was proven correct when Addy came to stand beside her sister, hands on her hips, brow pinched, her annoyance sparking.
“Just because you don’t want to hear me when I remind you I hate Indian food so I don’t want to try the new place even if it has rave reviews, doesn’t mean I’m being difficult. Further, I told you I had plans but you bowled right over that and horned in on dinner.”
“I just want—”
“I know what you want, Hadley, but you’re not hearing me when I tell you I’m not ready to give it. And that doesn’t make me difficult, either. It makes you a nosy pain in the butt.”
Hadley smiled and Addy shook her head at her twin’s obvious ability to deflect her insult.
“I think I saw—”
“Hadley,” I ground out with more bite than I’d intended. Both women jolted but it was Hadley’s startled eyes that came to me. “Don’t embarrass your sister.”
Hadley’s gaze sliced to Brady’s then to Addy before it came back to me. Her eyes settled but her mouth didn’t. It tipped up into a big, bright smile and she muttered, “Right.”
“Come on, Hadley,” Brady started. “I’ll take you to the Indian place.”
Yep, I’d need to brace if Addy had a mind to look at me that way, with her pretty eyes and beautiful face slack and her tone beseeching. I had no doubt I’d cave in under a minute and give her whatever she wanted. Therefore, it was no surprise when Addy sighed and her shoulders slumped forward. Hadley’s latest play worked, Adalynn was giving in, but she looked nervous about this.
“Baby?” I called, and her gaze lifted to mine. “What do you want? If it doesn’t deliver, me and Brady will go pick it up.”
Relief.
I wasn’t sure if it was from the knowledge I had no plans of leaving her, or someone else made the choice, or it was obvious I was okay with them staying. Whatever it was—and it might not have been any of that—I learned something new about Adalynn Walker. Unlike her sister, she didn’t use her eyes to get what she wanted—she used them to offer gratitude. Now I had a new dilemma, a new addiction—I wanted to see that look turned my way and I wanted it often. And so I knew I’d seek it out, give her anything and everything she wanted, anything to earn those soft, green eyes alight with a beauty I knew with certainty I wanted to see for the rest of my life.
That wasn’t the first time I’d had that realization. Hell, it wasn’t even the first time in the last five hours. But this time, after Brady’s reminder, it was the first time pain sliced through me.
“I’d like a burger from The Station,” Addy told me.
“They deliver?”
“No.”
“Call in the order.”
Hadley happily slipped back into the house, smile firmly in place, knowing she’d gotten her way. Addy’s movements were slower, still unsure. Then she stopped and turned.
“Um. What do you want?”
“Patty melt, onion rings, and a cream soda.”
She didn’t smile like her sister, but some of the unease slid from her posture as she made her way into the house.
“Maybe I was wrong,” Brady muttered.
He hadn’t been. Brady had been spot-on in his assessment. I was an asshole who didn’t deserve the likes of a Walker. Especially the sweet shy one.
Jasper Walker would bury me, and that I deserved.
9
“Addy and Trey…” Hadley’s singsong voice filled my kitchen. I rolled my eyes to the ceiling and wondered how much trouble I’d get in if I hog-tied and gagged my sister.
My mom would likely frown on it. My dad would totally get it and my brother would wonder what the hell had taken me so long. My sisters would laugh, so would my cousins. My sister was a known ‘shit talker’—she loved to get a rise and worked hard at it. But she absolutely didn’t like being teased in return. Total poor sport when she was on the receiving end. So, likely I wouldn’t get in any trouble because everyone in the family would understand, even my mom.
But Brady wouldn’t; he loved my twin more than reason, and I liked Brady and didn’t want Thanksgiving and Christmas to be uncomfortable. So I decided against hog-tying and gagging Hadley. For now.
“Seriously, are we in fifth grade?”
“You didn’t have a boyfriend in fifth grade,” she reminded me. “You didn’t even have one in ninth grade.”
I hadn’t. My dad had strict rules about dating and I’d followed them to the letter. However, none of my siblings had. Though it was worth noting that my older brother, Jason, didn’t have the same rules as us girls had. Mom grumbled about this on our behalf, my aunts had taken her back, but my dad was unmovable when it came to his girls.
“And…” Hadley continued. “I’ve never, not once in all my life have caught you naked with a guy.”
Heat hit my cheeks and I shook my head.
“We’re not talking about this.”
“Um. Yes, we are. We’re talking about it in minute detail. Spill, Addy. We have less than a half-hour before they get back and I want every last juicy—”
“No way!”
“Addy,” she whined. “When Steve Keller shoved his tongue in my mouth and proceeded to instigate the worst kiss in the history of worst kisses, I told you. And when Tony fumbled his way to second base and made that weird sound when he touched my bra, then shuddered before he jumped away from me and covered his crotch, I told you. And when the mac-daddy of them all—”
“Please, God, stop. I don’t need a walk down TMI Memory Lane.”
“Point is, I tell you. But you never tell me anything.”
Hadley had a point, she did tell me everything. I knew every detail about her limited sex life. Everything except Brady.
“Fine. I’ll tell you after you tell me about Brady.”
I held my breath and prayed she didn’t call my bluff. I absolutely, unequivocally did not want to know a single thing about my future brother-in-law and I hoped Hadley wouldn’t share.
“What do you want to know?” She smirked.
Drat. She knew me too well. This was a game we’d played too many times—me challenging Hadley and her rising to the challenge then doubling down.
“Nothing,” I mumbled, too afraid to take the game any further.
It was a crapshoot—either Hadley would spill her guts, making it difficult for me to ever look at Brady again, or she’d back down. Hadley rarely backed down, so really it wasn’t a crapshoot. I had no choice but to admit defeat.
“Well, seeing as you don’t have to tell me what he’s—”
“Please stop,” I interrupted her. “I’m embarrassed enough that Brady saw…what he saw. I know what you saw. I don’t want to talk about it. As in, not talk about it at all, never, ever talk about it.”
“Fine.” She gave in. “We’ll skip the horizontal tango, but I want details about the rest.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” I lied.
“Addy,” my sister whispered. “Last I saw, you were stomping out of his office fit to be tied. Last I heard was, you told him to find another therapist. Then I heard and saw more when I was at Triple Canopy and Trey was sulking around pissed as hell. Even though I didn’t need him to, Brady confirmed what I saw and told me that Trey was unbearable at work and everyone was giving him a wide berth including Matt, who he’s closest to. Now, I’m happy for you if you’re happy. But that doesn’t mean I’m not worried about you. I’m not saying this to be a bitch but it is not lost on anyone that Trey’s got some experience, and not just a little—a goodly amount. And, sister, you do not. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
Crap.
I wanted to talk about this less than I wanted to give my sister details about Trey’s skills. Not that I actually had to tell Hadley anything—as she’d said, she knew Trey had seen a good amount of action, so it could be assumed he’d be good at it.
But maybe it would be good to get her advice. My sister, Quinn, would’ve been my best option, she was no-nonsense and straight-up honest. She’d tell me the truth even if it scored deep. Delaney was a dreamer, she’d been in love with her husband Carter since forever. She hadn’t lived a fairy tale, far from it. But in the end, she’d gotten her happily ever after. And being as she’d been in love with one man her whole life, she’d only been with that one man, making it so she had less experience than I did.
There was also the issue of discretion. I hadn’t planned on telling anyone what happened, but seeing as Hadley had barged her way into my house, the cat was out of the bag. My twin could give good advice when she had a mind to give it. But normally she just tried to shield me from any blow life could land.
“He thinks I’m beautiful.”
“Addy—”
“Not in an ‘I want to get in your pants’ way,” I talked over her. “It was after. When we were talking about something important and he stopped mid-thought and told me. But it was more, Hads, it was like he couldn’t stop himself from
saying it. He’s full of something ugly. He calls himself an asshole. But he’s shockingly honest. So honest it hurts my heart. And it’s not just the words he says that hurts, the pain he doesn’t hide. He says it and shows it and it hurts so bad knowing he carries all of that inside of him. He wants more. He straight out said that, too. He said he’s been fighting it since we first met. He asked me to stick with him and explore what’s between us. I don’t know what that means.”
When I stopped speaking, Hadley’s smile split her face and I realized then that Delaney wasn’t the only dreamer in our family. My twin had found her happily ever after, too. She was now shrouded in the love of a good man she’d worked to get, and seeing her smile I knew she wanted that for me, too. Which meant she wouldn’t be much help.
“Stick with him,” she told me, not surprisingly.
“Did you miss the part where I said I don’t know what that means?”
“It means he’s got something ugly inside of him. Something that hurts you to see. And, Addy, it wouldn’t hurt you if you didn’t care about him. What he’s asking is for you to stick with him while he works that out. But what that really means is, he’s asking you to stick with him so you can work that out of him.”
That was what I was afraid it meant. Something I very much wanted to do, even if that meant losing myself while I was doing it.
“That scares me.”
“It should.”
I felt my jaw drop at my sister’s honesty. I figured she’d sugarcoat the battle I’d have on my hands and tell me I could handle it. What I hadn’t expected was for her to agree with me. And that didn’t just scare me—it scared the pants off me.
“Hadley—”
“Wait.” Her hand came up and I did what she asked. I waited. Then I waited longer, until the silence was uncomfortable and I’d thought about all the reasons I was scared.
“I see you planning your retreat, Addy. But that’d be a mistake. Brady had so much ugly buried inside of him. Thinking back on it, it’s a miracle he got through the day. It was hard to hear, it was harder to witness. But if I’d given up, I wouldn’t have him. And, sister, I cannot imagine my life without him. There’s one thing I know for certain, Trey would not lie to you. Not about thinking you’re beautiful—which, duh, of course he’d think that because you’re gorgeous.”
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