Hadley’s compliment wasn’t a compliment as such considering she was my identical twin, therefore, her telling me I was gorgeous was really self-serving because she was calling herself gorgeous. But I didn’t call her out on it when her smile faded and she pinned me with a serious stare. “He wouldn’t ask you for more if he didn’t mean it. Actually, I don’t believe he would’ve nailed you unless he intended to make an honest woman out of you.”
Nailed me? Honest woman out of me? I wasn’t sure which quip sounded worse. Again, I found myself rolling my eyes to the ceiling, this time wondering how it was possible that Hadley and I could be so different.
“He’s a man,” I pointed out.
“A man who respects you, his friends, his job, our family. A man who wouldn’t fuck you, then roll out of your bed and walk away.”
I cringed at Hadley’s vulgar description of what Trey and I had done. There was no arguing it had been rough and deliciously dirty, but there was something more to it. Tender didn’t quite explain it, but that was the best I could come up with. It was in the way he’d looked at me, the way he touched me—even though it had been anything but gentle, it had been done with reverence.
“I don’t think Trey knows what he wants. I think he’s struggling with a lot of stuff and he’s confused.”
“I agree, he’s struggling. But he’s not confused. He reached out to you because he sees in you what all of us know.”
“What’s that?”
“Adalynn Walker isn’t shy and she isn’t a sweet wallflower. She’s strong and fierce and loyal to the end. He sees it, recognizes it, and knows if there is someone who can heal what he’s got inside of him, it’s you.”
“I think you’re describing yourself,” I whispered.
“I’m impulsive and loud and unrelenting. Your strength is quieter. You bring peace where I bring mayhem. You’ll coax and soothe whereas I’ll force and demand. We are the same in so many ways, different in others, but one thing that cannot be denied is, we are Emily Walker’s daughters. She taught us how to love hard, how to be strong, to be smart. But just like Mom, the two of us need something different than Quinn and Delaney.”
I didn’t want to ask because I was afraid I already knew the answer, but I found my lips forming the question before I could stop it.
“And what’s different about us?”
“Like Mom, we found ourselves men who need us. Not like Carter needs Laney or Brice needs Quinn. Mom taught the two of us something different, she taught us to feel deep, to see past the surface and into the heart of someone. And, Addy, Mom also passed down something else important—the tools we need to heal the men that we would eventually find.”
Damn if Hadley wasn’t right. Mom gave me and Hadley something a little more than she gave our sisters. Delaney had Mom’s inner strength. Quinn was all Dad, she had his determination. Hadley also had parts of Dad in her, but I was all Emily Walker. Mom had found herself a man who had demons and she didn’t delay in eradicating what would take him from her. Mom saw a broken man and there was a driving force in her that needed to fix him. I’d known all my life I had that in me, too. I needed to be needed. It was essential to who I was. I wasn’t needy, but I felt so deep, cared so much, loved so hard, I sought out a certain type of man.
A man like my father—strong, bold, protective, who had a soft spot, a vulnerability that my mom had to protect.
No man will live up to Jasper Walker. In your eyes, no man will ever love you like he does.
Crap.
Jake was right.
I did compare all men to my father. But Jake was wrong about one thing, one day I would find a man who loved me. Not the same as my dad loved me—the same way my dad loved my mom. And I wouldn’t apologize for wanting that. My parents’ love was timeless. It was full of ups and downs, twists and turns, heartache and happiness. They were unshakable.
One day I would find that.
One day I would find a man I could love like my mom loved my dad. And I wouldn’t stop until I did.
“He thinks he’s an asshole,” I repeated. “I hate that he thinks that. But I’m so scared to commit to what I’m feeling because I’m not sure I’m as strong as you think I am.”
“You are.”
“He thinks I’m…he said…” I stopped myself from telling her any more of what he said. It felt like a betrayal, a breach of the fragile trust Trey had given me. “I feel like he’s put me on a pedestal and now I’m looking down and the fall would be painful.”
“He’ll catch you.”
I looked at Hadley and narrowed my eyes.
“You’re not helping.”
“I’m totally helping. Climb up that pedestal he built for you, Addy, and stand tall and proud. You deserve to be there. Or jump off it and Trey will catch you. I know he will. Trust him the way he’s trusted you. It’s gonna be hard though. I’ll bet you a hundred bucks, by tomorrow he’ll have come up with reasons to push you away.”
Just when I’d started to relax at my sister’s adamant proclamation I could trust Trey, she went and freaked me out. No, scratch that, freaked me way the heck out. Freaked me out so badly, my palms started to sweat and I felt the muscles in my shoulders bunch.
“What?” I stammered.
“What, what? You’re not new, Addy. You were right there with the rest of us watching Carter’s decades-long battle with Delaney. That boy made an art out of pushing her away. Quinn and Brice started as a fuck buddy arrangement—which is hilarious that Brice fell for that line of BS from our sister. As if she would’ve ever really agreed to that. When Brice caught on to her game, he bailed like a scared rabbit. And it took Brady four years to give in to what he was feeling, and even after that, I had to stand my ground and force him to open his damn eyes. He didn’t run, but boy did he shut me out. Point is, you’ve seen it time and time again, the struggle to wrangle these men into facing their fears. What I’m telling you is you have it in you to stay the course and win the prize, but you have to stand strong. Shore up your defenses and don’t let him give in to his fear.”
I wasn’t sure it worked that way—not with Trey. It wouldn’t be about me letting him do anything. I couldn’t force him to face something he didn’t want to face. PT proved that one. Perhaps Hadley hadn’t been paying enough attention to the type of man Trey was. My sisters all had an advantage I didn’t have; Carter, Brice, and Brady had been in love with them before they’d started their game.
A whisper of a promise.
You’re the type of woman who sees past all the superficial bullshit.
Made me fall for you.
I was staring at my twin, contemplating my options. I could pack a bag and flee. I had a multitude of places that didn’t include Hadley where I could hunker down and hide. I could rummage through my kitchen and look for a roll of duct tape—which I was ninety-nine-point-nine percent positive I didn’t actually own, but hope springs…and all of that—to tape Hadley’s mouth closed to prevent her from freaking me out more than she already had. Or I could simply tell her I was done with the conversation, though I knew she wouldn’t listen even if I demanded her to stop.
But to my absolute shock, it was Hadley who changed the subject.
“I see you’re freaked out,” she wisely noted. “Enough about that. Let’s talk about Delaney and Mercy.”
Freaked out? Understatement.
Enough about that? Was she crazy?
“I hope Laney has a boy this time,” Hadley continued as if she hadn’t given me whiplash.
Delaney was pregnant again, this news was met with excitement. My sister had waited a long time to claim her man. And it seemed they were wasting no time building a family. But it was my sister-in-law Mercy’s pregnancy that had rocked our family—rocked in the best kind of way. Jason and Mercy had been married a donkey’s years and everyone had been impatiently waiting for them to get around to making babies. Laney being Laney didn’t take offense to Jason and Mercy’s news overshadowing her and Carte
r’s second pregnancy. Actually, it was Laney who was celebrating Mercy and Jason’s unborn baby the loudest. She was making this special time in our family all about our brother and his wife.
I, however, didn’t want Laney to have a boy this time. I thought that Carter needed girls—pretty little girls he could spoil.
Instead of sharing my opinion, I asked, “Is Mercy feeling better?”
“Not even a little bit. Morning sickness is kicking her ass.”
Darn. I didn’t know much about pregnancy other than what a never-been-pregnant-woman knew, which was to say, not very much beyond the basics seeing as I’d never grown a human before. But my mom had said that her morning sickness ended at twelve weeks. It would seem Mercy hadn’t gotten that lucky.
I made a mental note to text her tomorrow and ask if there was something I could do for her. Jason had said the only thing Mercy was holding down was cereal of all things, but that was last week. As I’d learned with Laney’s first pregnancy, cravings could change daily.
“Has anyone started planning her baby shower?” I asked as the front door opened and Trey came through.
I suppose Brady followed. Though I didn’t notice.
I suppose my sister answered my question. Though I didn’t hear a single word she said.
No, all of my attention was on Trey. Whatever mood he’d been in when he left had worsened.
Sure, he’d tried to hide it like Trey tried to hide a lot of things. But something had changed. He looked crushed, and when his gaze met mine, the oxygen in my lungs crystalized and I stopped breathing. He was crushed…no, he was something different. If I could conjure up an image in my mind of what a man whose dog he’d had since birth, gone everywhere with, hunted with, went on runs with, watched football with, and had trained to fetch beers from the fridge—in other words, his very best friend in the whole world—had just dropped dead right before his very eyes—that would be Trey.
A moment later, Trey blanked his expression and gave me a careful grin.
Grin, not smile.
The desire to do bodily harm, after I shook some sense into him, bubbled to the surface. But before I could tell Trey to wipe the stupid, fake, ugly grin off his face, my sister nudged my shoulder.
“What?” My head whipped to the side. Hadley was close and she gave me wide eyes and a sharp jerk of her chin.
“How was traffic?” she asked the guys and pushed me forward, completely ignoring my ‘what.’
“The Station’s only two blocks up, babe,” Brady answered.
I could hear the smile in his tone but my attention was back on Trey. He had to be the hottest guy I’d ever seen. Way better looking than Jake. But right then with that fake grin on his face, his posture stiff, his eyes distant, his social mask firmly in place, he was downright unattractive.
Emily Walker had taught me a great many things. To my way of thinking, the most important lesson was to pay attention. To look beyond what people showed you—to the hurt that lies beneath. Not to listen to the words people spoke but to hear the meaning behind those words.
I held Trey’s icy stare and contemplated Hadley’s certainty I had what it took to stay strong and break through his force field—to dig out what pained him.
Confidence took root.
I see you, Trey Durum.
I. See. You.
10
Addy saw it.
She saw everything I didn’t want her to see, and instead of feeling annoyed, I felt a shiver of excitement. But when Brady entered the kitchen and dropped a kiss on Hadley’s forehead before he dropped the bags on the counter, that excitement turned to guilt, then to anger.
I’d never be accepted into the Walker family like Brady had. And that pissed me right the fuck off. Like his daughter, Jasper saw too much. He knew I’d fucked up on my last mission, he knew the result of that put his niece, Liberty, in grave danger, and he knew my reputation. It pissed me off because had I been in the right frame of mind and thinking, I would’ve remembered all the reasons I needed to stay away from Addy.
My latest fuck-up was arguably bigger than my last. Addy would be caught in the crossfire. Shy, innocent Adalynn who’d sweetly given herself to me despite all of her hang-ups.
Now what am I supposed to do?
“Trey?” Addy called.
“Yeah?”
“I asked if you wanted a plate.”
“A plate?”
Addy blinked, then her eyes narrowed and again she saw too fucking much.
“Would you like a plate for your patty melt or are you good to eat it over the wrapper?”
Jesus, how much of the conversation had I missed?
“Wrapper’s fine.”
Addy handed me my sandwich, which I lamely took but didn’t move. Then she went about sorting the rest of the food. When she was done and Hadley and Brady had walked to her table, leaving the two of us alone in her kitchen, I felt the heat of her stare and looked up.
So damn beautiful.
So damn sweet.
I wanted to promise her the world. Promise I’d bury all the bad shit that infested my brain if she’d promise I could wake up every morning next to her. Promise I’d make her happy if she promised not to give up on me.
For the first time in my life, I wanted what Carter had. I wanted a pretty wife, I wanted our children to fill the home I gave her. I wanted to go to sleep next to Adalynn knowing she saw too much, knowing she knew me, the real me. And she knew, not because I told her but because she saw past all my shit straight to the heart of me. She didn’t care about perfection, she wasn’t impressed by my military service, she didn’t care I had scars and marks on my soul.
“What’s wrong?” she muttered quietly.
“We’ll talk after they leave.”
“And during this talk, will you let me down easy and tell me it’s you and not me?”
Fucking hell.
Pain stabbed my heart. That was exactly what I’d planned to tell her.
“Baby—”
“Just so you know.” She paused and leaned closer. “You can save the speech. I know it’s you and not me. I know it’s you who asked me to trust you, but once you had that trust it scared the crap out of you. I might not be experienced but I am not naïve. So you have until Brady and my sister leave to come up with a new excuse why you’re gonna bolt,” Addy finished and straightened but decided she wasn’t done and continued. “Think real hard, Trey. You’ve got one shot.”
One shot?
Addy was more right than she knew and I’d had my one and only shot at her. I’d taken it and now I was going to do everything she said I was going to do. But she’d never know I was doing it because I loved her. Because I didn’t want to cause problems for her.
I’d do it because her dad and most likely all of her uncles would form an impenetrable wall to keep me out. And they’d be right to do it.
Being as I was already an asshole, I watched Addy’s hips sway as she walked out of the kitchen. I did this with a new appreciation from all the other times I’d watched her strut her fine ass around Triple Canopy, the gym, and family get-togethers. The woman had an exceptional ass—it was hard not to stare at it—but it felt better cupped in my hands. And it had never looked better than when she was on her hands and knees in front of me, my cock dipping in her pussy and coming out wet with her excitement.
Christ.
I wasn’t an asshole. I was a motherfucker with an erection.
And if you think Jasper’s not gonna call you out on this shit, you’re even stupider.
Jasper Walker.
Nothing could kill my hard-on faster than thinking about the man who’d cut off my dick if he found out I wanted to keep his daughter.
Yeah, that was what I needed. I needed to have the man’s name tattooed on my palm so every time I looked at it I’d remember to keep my filthy hands off Addy.
“By the way, I didn’t know Jake moved back to Georgia,” Hadley said and I froze mid-step.
�
�Come again?”
Three sets of startled eyes swung my way but I was focused on the pair that belonged to Addy. Hers were wide and pleading.
“Shit. Sorry,” Hadley mumbled.
“Who’s Jake?” Brady’s inquiry wasn’t so much a question as a demand to know. The guy was far from dumb and I wasn’t trying to hide my irritation as much as Addy was trying to hide her plea not to bring up what had happened.
I was of a different feeling. The more people who knew her ex was in town and had made threats, the better. Hell, I’d planned to tell the team first thing tomorrow morning.
“Jake is Adalynn’s ex-boyfriend. Who happens to be a fucking dick. I caught him shouting at Addy. I intervened. Jake didn’t feel like backing down and made threats.”
“Trey!” Addy seethed.
“Oh my God,” Hadley gasped.
“What the fuck?” Brady said over them.
“Was gonna bring it to the table tomorrow. I want eyes on this asshole while he’s in town. And if he’s moved back, I’ll be having words with him to make clear he’s never to be in Addy’s space again.”
“We’ll make clear,” Brady returned.
“You’re up for that, I won’t say no. I don’t want it clear, I want it crystal clear he gets up in Addy’s face again, he won’t take another easy breath, ever.” I glanced back at Hadley and asked, “Where’d you see him?”
Hadley fidgeted in her seat and diverted her eyes, not looking at anyone in the room but on the burger in front of her.
“Hadley?” Brady pushed.
“Out front,” she muttered.
“Out front? You mean out front of Addy’s?” I forced out.
“Trey,” Addy whispered and my insides hollowed.
Fuck.
I wanted to be the man who deserved to hear Addy breathe his name like that. I wanted to be the man who earned her fear.
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