She was so furious with herself. Why hadn’t she just been more assertive with him when they spoke that morning and gone against his wishes by picking him up instead of meeting him at the restaurant? She was worried maybe he was driving around the city, confused and lost.
After several failed attempts to reach him and only getting her father’s voicemail, it fueled her guilt even more. She scrolled to Dario’s number on her phone, hesitating for a second before her finger landed on his name. Even though her stomach twisted just at the thought of having to speak to him, she had some hope that maybe they were together.
“Hey, Dario, it’s me. Sorry to bother you.”
“You’re not bothering me, what’s up?”
The sound of a rumbling engine made her believe he was somewhere on the road.
“Is my father with you?”
“No. Is something wrong?”
“We were supposed to meet for lunch, but he never showed up, and I can’t seem to reach him.” She paused. “I’m scared. What if something happened to him?”
“Okay, let’s not panic I’m sure he’s okay. He had said something to me about going on the Sherbrook project today. I’m sure he’s there.”
“Maybe,” she said with hope.
“Where are you?”
“I’m just about to leave Tomate Rouge.”
“Look, I’m nearby. Stay put I’ll come and get you.”
As soon as Olivia closed her phone she knew it was a bad idea. She had spoken without thinking. Why on Earth hadn’t she just told him to meet her there? It’s not like she didn’t have her car? But Olivia had been preoccupied, and it seemed to have clouded her judgment.
There was so much history between them, she didn’t know how to act around him. She got an uneasy vibe around the man she felt resentful toward. In his car she tried not to look directly into his eyes, not that she feared him but because there were too many painful memories sewn up to those eyes. She had seen him at his worst, an innocent bystander to his quick temper, often making her feel inadequate so he could feel significant.
Now Olivia had nothing to fear. Her life belonged to herself.
If only she realized that before.
“You are the only one who gives others the power to hurt you,” Mr. Universe wrote. “And holding on to hate only continues to provide them with the power, even after they are gone. You need to let go of the hate if you want to forget about someone.”
She wasn’t sure if she was ready to let go of the hate, but she did desire to put it all behind her.
“Don’t worry, your father is fine. There is some logical reason he didn’t show up.”
“It’s just not like him. You work closely together. I’m sure you’ve noticed changes in him right?” She gave him a quick glance. “How was he this morning?”
“I didn’t notice anything unusual.” Dario slightly took his eyes off the road to look at her. “Whatever you think of me, Olivia, you must know I respect your dad. He’s done a lot for me, and I could never forget that. He’s been the only father I’ve known. Yeah, sure, I’ve noticed a few differences here and there, a little less sharp than he used to be. It hurts me that you have to go through this.”
Dario lost his father to an illness when he was a boy. As he once put it, the man wasn’t such a good husband, let alone father. Over their five years together, Olivia’s dad took Dario under his wing, showing him the ropes of his company. No matter the strain on their relationship, the one Dario had with her father was solid. After they had broken up, she didn’t give it much thought that it might be hard for him not to be a part of her family anymore.
“I’m glad you called me. I want you to feel that no matter what I’m still here for you, at least as a friend.”
She could feel Dario’s eyes on her, but she didn’t look his way.
“What is it that’s so different about you?”
Maybe Olivia should ask the same of him.
“I don’t straighten my hair anymore.” She looked out the window, deciding to keep conversation to a bare minimum.
“No, that’s not it.” After a short moment, he gave up. “Well, it looks beautiful.”
She laughed sarcastically. “Was that a compliment?”
He frowned. “Yes, why?”
“Well, because it’s coming from you.”
You, the narcissistic ass, who was making it hard for her to hate him. For once he was being nice to her, helping her find her dad.
“It was never easy getting compliments from you. Criticism … well, that’s another story. I should know.” She finally got the courage to look him in the eye, and he shifted his eyes back to the road.
Olivia wondered if he felt remorse for all the stuff he put her through, if he had any regret. Then again, would it have mattered?
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have treated you better.”
Olivia sat there and said nothing.
“How’s work?” Dario was never the one to care about other people’s interests, unless it involved him.
“Good.”
“Are you still seeing that guy?”
There it was, the question she had been waiting for.
“His name is Nick and yes.”
She felt a tinge of guilt that she didn’t call Nick. He definitely would not be happy about this, but her father was her primary concern right now.
“You don’t have to report everything to my father, you know.”
“I never say anything to your father, Olivia.”
“Oh, of course not!”
“Look, I only told your father that I saw … whatever his name was at OUR apartment. Only because I was genuinely worried about you.”
“Worried about me or worried about yourself?”
He positioned himself further back in his seat. “I know I wasn’t the greatest boyfriend.”
She snorted a laugh.
“Let me finish.” Dario downshifted to second gear. “I was horrible at it. I’m seeing someone … to help me sort my shit out.”
She glanced up at him. “You mean a therapist?”
“Yeah.” His hand slightly loosened the knot in his tie.
Olivia thought about the first morning when she opened her eyes to discover Dario wasn’t lying beside her. At first the reality of being single caused her chest to tighten. A frenzy of emotions ripped right through her and sadness lingered not far behind.
It seemed her relationship with Dario had been hopeless for the longest time, five years of complete letdowns. It wasn’t about living anymore, but surviving. Life without Dario opened up all kinds of possibilities. It was as though the cage door opened up and she saw life for what it could be.
Good.
Living her life on her terms.
All along it had been that simple. By subtracting that one person from her life, all of a sudden life took on a whole new meaning.
“I’ve got no excuses on how I behaved, and I’m truly sorry. You deserve better … better than someone like me. I know it’s hard to believe. I only want to see you happy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”
Olivia studied him for few short seconds, not sure if she could bring herself to believe him. Perhaps time apart had changed him. Maybe seeing a therapist helped him in some way. She’s changed, so why couldn’t he?
“Well, I am happy.”
“Good. Can we try to put everything behind us? Can we, at least for your Dad’s sake? Can we try to be nice without being at each other’s throats? I mean, I do remember a time when we didn’t completely despise each other,” Dario said.
It was hard to think of time that she had been happy with him. Dario never realized anything about her: how she loved to read books, how she loved to laugh. God, she used to love to laugh. She loved stupid things like the sound of a small engine plane flying high across the summer sky. The silly things, the important things, everything that made Olivia, well … Olivia. He made her feel that without him she was nothing. Olivia had allowed
him to push her into complete isolation and retreat within herself. If her fiancé, the one who claimed to love her, deemed her unworthy, then how would anyone else find her worthy?
Olivia never realized how lonely she was until Nick came along. He showed her that good guys do exist. He had never tried to stop her from being herself. In fact, he encouraged it. He taught her that within love, there is freedom to flourish. She never needed to hide who she was. Nick did everything for her and never wanted anything in return. He had proven to be a man worth sticking by.
“Maybe you need to find your tribe,” Nick had said as he folded his laundry, placing it in a neat pile that he started as Olivia sat on the table beside him.
“What?”
“You know, surround yourself with people who have the same interests as you.”
“Well, I have you.”
“No, I’m your main man,” he said with pride and enthusiasm. “I don’t count. You should have someone other than your family and me … other people you can go to when you feel the need to complain about me.” He smiled.
She snorted. “I have nothing to complain about.”
“Not now, but you will. Trust me.” He smiled. “We don’t live together yet—”
She tilted her head to the side. “Is this your way of getting rid of me?”
“Is that what you think?” He stopped folding his clothes and placed his hands on his hips. “Whatever this is inside me, this need for you … you’re like the air that I can’t seem to consume enough. If I were selfish, then I would want you all to myself, steal every minute from you. But we both know, we would get nothing done, and I know you have other dreams that don’t always include me. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I don’t push you toward them?” He paused. “Getting out there, meeting people, this is how you grow, Olivia.”
“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s not like it’s easy for me to come out of my shell.”
She’d lost many friends along the way. Some just faded into the background or some she pushed away because Dario didn’t want her to hang around them. Jessica was the only one who stuck around.
He went back to his pile of clothes and continued to fold.
“Ok, where do you suggest I go about finding this tribe?”
“How about joining some club?”
She wrinkled her nose.
“Like a book club or take a cooking class.” He smiled.
She shook her head at him. “Cooking class? Oh that would benefit you.”
He smiled, knowing that she was a horrible cook.
“That’s what you call a win-win situation.”
She laughed.
“I know you’re afraid of what people might think of you, and that makes it harder for you to get out there … out of your comfort zone, but other people have insecurities too.” He looked her over. “What did that asshole do to you?” When she said nothing, he continued. “Alright, I want you to tell me three good things about yourself.”
“I don’t know.” She looked around, searching for an answer. “It’s hard to talk about me.”
“Hmmm … alright, Monti, I’ll tell you.” He launched the last piece of clothing onto the pile and walked over to stand in front of her.
“For one, you’re intelligent … too smart in fact.” He placed her hair behind her, looking at her intently. “It makes me wonder what you’re doing with a guy like myself.”
Olivia reached out and playfully pulled him closer by his belt loops.
“You’re a goddess.”
She laughed shyly, looking away so he wouldn’t see her blush. “Goddess? Now that’s a first …”
“Yeah, I’m serious. You’re beautiful in so many ways, with this huge heart that I love so deeply. It’s a shame that you don’t see yourself through my eyes. You don’t give yourself enough credit that you deserve.”
She played with the buttons of his shirt, feeling a big lump in her throat, promising herself not to cry.
“Believe me, when I say, Olivia Montiano, what I have here in front of me is the most amazing human being that I have ever had the privilege of knowing, and who’s worthy of all sorts of love.”
In a very short time, she had to build herself up, and Nick had shined the light on her showing the way and making her realize what she wanted out of life. They existed in this calm space; he loved her into a better version of herself.
Wasn’t this what love was meant to feel like? Love was supposed to build you up, not tear you apart. Dario had acted out of fear, and she almost allowed it to destroy her.
She could see there was some internal struggle within Dario as he sat next to her. It was evident that she made him feel uncomfortable and for some odd reason that amused her. Maybe it was hard for him to see her happy, or maybe it was hard for him to see she had outgrown him and moved on.
“You’re someone else. Everything is so different about you.”
“People do change, Dario.”
“Yeah, it seems like it.” He put the car in park.
“Wait right here. I’m going to see if your father is inside.”
She watched him disappear through the front door, hoping her father was there.
“Your father isn’t here. He’s with Paul back at the office,” Dario said through the opened door of his sports car.
“How do you know?”
“I just spoke to him.”
Olivia was so relieved her father was safe and alright.
“Did Paul say anything else?”
“No. They were in the middle of a meeting. He just forgot, I guess.”
“Well, I’m glad he’s with my brother. I think we should head back.”
“Since we’re here, do you want to come up and see my new place?”
She almost forgot that Dario had purchased one of the 185 units that her father’s company was developing.
“Another time? I should get back to work.”
“It will only be a minute. I could use a designer’s expertise on which colors to paint. You did an excellent job at our place.” His eyes softened. When she hesitated, he said, “I promise to get you back in time for work. Scout’s honor.”
“Alright.” Why that came out of her mouth, she didn’t know. There was a part of her that wanted to repay him for helping her out. One way or another, she knew that there was a possibility that this might be more of a mistake than it already was.
They went up into an elevator and the doors opened on the twentieth floor. Men were working in the next room, so she felt at ease knowing they weren’t alone.
“It’s supposed to be ready for September, but you know how things go. Welcome to mi casa.” He opened the door, allowing her to go in first.
“Of course, the penthouse.” She shook her head.
“You know me. Go big or go home.”
There wasn’t much to see, except the walls were up and the hardwood floors had already been laid down. The cabinets were installed in the kitchen, but the countertop and sink were missing.
“So, what do you think?”
“It’s a big apartment. I love the natural light.” Olivia marveled at the large windows that ran along the length of the main room.
“Yeah, about 2002 square feet. It even has a patio.” He opened the door and she stepped out. There was a nice, warm breeze. To the left, the view of skyscrapers, and she could see the canal not far from where they were. Right below, on a tin roof, were big, white, bold letters: LOVE ME. Dario caught her eyes and she went back inside. He followed behind.
“Do you have samples or paint chips?”
“I have samples of my kitchen counter.” He pulled out a small box from one of the cabinets and placed it on a work table next to the window. “These are the colors I was looking at.” He placed several paint chips on the table.
“I would go with owl gray in the living area and silver fox in the kitchen. Seeing as they flow one room to another.” She handed the sample back to him.
He smiled at her, but she
didn’t smile back. “Thank you. You made it easy for me. The painters will be in here next week, and I ... seem a little lost without you.”
He leaned in and kissed her. She puts her hands up and gently pushed him back. For a moment, he looked into her eyes.
“Please don’t.” She realized perhaps it was a really bad idea to have come. Maybe he hadn’t changed after all. He was still plotting like Dario always did, to get her exactly where he wanted, but this time around she knew better than to fall for his tricks.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“This was a mistake coming here. I should go.” She took her purse from the table.
“I love you.” He held her arm, stopping her from going.
She glanced up at him. “I don’t know what you want me to say?”
“You can say that you love me too?”
“But then that would be a lie.”
He looked down. “I know I fucked up and I will never get you back.”
She wasn’t sure exactly what he felt remorse for, and at this point she really didn’t care.
“Look, Olivia …”
Olivia extended her hand to stop him from continuing. “Dario, I moved on.” She paused, “You still work for my father and I’m seeing someone. What just happened can never happen again. Do you understand?”
He nodded.
“You hate me.”
She remained silent. Dario was right. She wasn’t the same girl he dated. No, this girl could see past the blinders. Dario hadn’t changed after all. He was looking for pity, bringing the spotlight once again on himself. If Olivia hated him, then she had to justify she still felt something for him … even if it was only hate.
“The thing is, Dario, you wanted me the way you wanted me. What I needed never matter to you.”
He looked back at her like the light just hit him. “It’s him isn’t it? That’s what changed. Is he making you happy? That’s why you’re so different.”
The Proverbial Mr. Universe Page 21