by Mae, Mandee
“What the hell is wrong with you today?” I lower his leg back down and stand up, automatically resting my hands on my hips. The look he gives me when he finally raises his eyes to look at me says he’s not in any kind of mood to be messed with.
He reaches for his chair, jerking it closer to him. I don’t move. I stand my ground where I’m at. “Do you mind?” he spits out.
I wait for a minute before I finally step to the side and let him get the chair to where he wants it. “Will you at least talk to me? Tell me what’s going on.”
He doesn’t say a word. He locks the wheels of the chair and maneuvers himself over to his chair. “Just…just…” He releases the brakes and starts for the door. “Fuck! Forget it.”
My heart aches for the pain he’s going through. I know he’s hurting on so many levels and I wish there was a way that I could take it all away, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to help him. The only thing I know to do is just to be there and to listen. Listen to him when he needs to talk. Listen to him when he has things he needs to get off his chest. Listen to his concerns, his worries…the things he wants to accomplish.
It’s the end of the day and I know I should leave him alone, let him cool down, but right now, that’s the last thing I want to do. I want to follow him home. I want to crash through his front door and demand that he tells me what in the hell is going on with him. Demand that he tells me something so I can try and fix this.
I’m straightening my desk and shutting off my computer before I even realize what I’m doing. I start shoving the drawers closed, cramming papers, charts, and files back to where they need to go so my desk is in somewhat of a straightened state for work Monday morning. I grab my purse, toss my phone in, dig out my keys, and practically run for my car. I don’t even realize that I’m crying until I feel the tears running down my cheeks. At this moment, I don’t really give a rat’s ass, I just want to get where I’m going as fast as I can. I need to find out what is going on in that head of his. I might not like the answer I get, but I at least have to try. We were getting along so well. Something has changed dammit.
I have the engine shut off before I even have the car in park. I don’t bother removing the keys. I’m racing up to the door when it swings open. Pierce sitting there looking angrier now than what he did during PT.
“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing? I don’t want you here, Kinlee.” He’s sitting there, blocking the door. My guess is he thinks he’s gonna keep me out, but I have other plans.
I’m not sure what gets into me, but I grab hold of his chair and push him back into the house, kicking the door shut behind me. I lean in so I’m inches from his face. “You are going to tell me what’s got you so bent out of shape.” The look on his face, in his eyes, is hard to accept. The confusion is evident, but I can tell there’s something else going on.
He actually places his hands on top of mine, gripping hard. “It’s not that simple. I’m trying to work through some things. Okay?” he says, leaning in toward me just a little.
My eyes automatically dart down to his mouth when his tongue sweeps across his bottom lip then slips back inside. Damn, I’ve missed that mouth. He sees me watching. My eyes have yet to travel the small distance back to his eyes. “Just talk to me,” I plead. “We used to be able to talk about anything.”
That seemed to have hit a sore spot. He removes his hands from mine and grips my head, urging me to look up at him. He doesn’t talk until I finally relent. “And you think that because we used to talk about anything and everything that gives you the right to barge into my house and demand that I spill my guts to you, is that it?” he shouts, becoming angrier and more upset by the minute.
My mouth has become dry thinking about his hands being on me. It’s been so long since a man has touched me. He doesn’t realize that he’s actually turning me on right now.
“Kinlee…answer me.” He tilts his head to the side, waiting for my reply.
I realize I haven’t given him an answer to his question, but nod my head anyway. I’m not sure what’s going on in his head, but I can see he is now doing the same thing that I did to him, so I lick my lips to see if I can entice him a little. I have this sudden urge to kiss him and hopefully he does, too.
I’m still standing here in front of him with my hands resting on the wheelchair. My head is still between his hands as time seems to stand still. I know only seconds pass, but it seems like forever when you’re in that position.
He slowly pulls my head toward him. “Why couldn’t you…” he whispers, but I don’t give him time to finish. I don’t know if I can handle what he was going to say so I close the distance between us and place my lips directly on his. He doesn’t try to stop the kiss. His grip tightens as his hands weave around to the back of my head, deepening the kiss. The low growl that I hear when our tongues begin to battle is music to my ears. I always loved when he did that. I can hear him moving his legs around, adjusting himself, and before long, I’m lowering myself to my knees right in front of him. I squeeze my eyes tight, hoping and praying that he’s not going to end this and just give myself over to the moment. I’ve missed this man so much it kills me. To feel his hands and mouth on me again is something that I’ve dreamed about for so long and it’s finally happening. My grip loosens on the wheelchair and I place my hands on the tops of his thighs. I try not to acknowledge the slight jerk he gives and begin rubbing my hands up and down his legs. I know he is as affected as I am with this kiss by his breathing, but he abruptly stops when I get to close for comfort.
“Stop. We can’t do this. I can’t do this.” He releases my head and backs away, leaving me on my knees.
How embarrassing. I can feel my face redden. There’s no point in trying to hide the tears that are welling up in my eyes and soon spilling over and down my cheek. He doesn’t bother to move. He just sits there watching me make a fool of myself. I get off the floor and turn for the door, not bothering to look back. There’s no point in saying anything. There’s nothing really to say. I’ll go and lick my wounds in the privacy of my own home.
Chapter Eight
I’m at home trying to recover from the rejection I received, sitting on my couch in my comfy clothes with a glass of wine in hand, when someone knocks at the door. I have no fucking clue who that could be. I’ve already talked to my parents today and they didn’t say anything about coming over so I drag my ass off the couch to go answer the door. I must say I’m a little surprised when I realize who it is.
“Oh, my God. I haven’t seen you in so long. What are you doing here?” I ask Sarah, still standing there in shock. Sarah is Pierce’s sister. We used to be such good friends. I didn’t even know she knew I was back in town.
She gives me a meek smile. “Hi, Kinlee. Thought I’d stop by for a minute and check on you. I wanted to talk to you. Do you mind if I come in?” she asks, glancing past me into my living room.
“Sure, why not.” I don’t mean to sound rude, but I’m sure that’s how it came out. I step aside and let Sarah in. “Wine?”
She holds up her hand. “No, thank you.” She walks over and sits in the chair by the couch, waiting for me to follow. I walk into the kitchen and refill my glass before I settle back into my spot.
“So, what brings you by?” I ask before taking a long sip of my wine. I already know she’s here to talk about Pierce.
“Okay…I’ll get right to it. Stop messing with my brother. He’s been through enough and doesn’t need any more complications in his life right now,” she calmly states while placing her hands in her lap.
Complications? So now I’m a complication? “Sarah, don’t you think he’s old enough to decide for himself what he does and does not want. What happened between Pierce and me is our…”
“What happened between the two of you became my business when you left. You didn’t see him when he got back and you weren’t here. You didn’t see how devastated he was when he found out you left. No one would tell him an
ything, Kinlee. You ripped his fucking heart out and managed to spit in his face at the same fucking time.” Oh! I haven’t really heard Sarah talk like this before. Damn, she must really be pissed. Unfortunately, she pissed at me.
“I’m trying to fix…”
She jolts out of the chair and stands directly in front of me. “You think you can waltz back into town and fix the damage you did years ago? You think he’s just going to forgive you?” She crosses her arms and turns away from me. “If you could have seen how hurt he was after he got back…” She pauses for a moment before she continues. “You were his life, Kinlee. The only thing that kept him going every time he got shipped out was knowing that you were here waiting for him,” she says so low that I’m barely able to make out what she says. She finally turns back around to face me. “Just stay away from him. If it doesn’t pertain to the therapy he needs, then just leave him be.” She doesn’t wait for me to say anything else before she leaves, slamming the door on her way out. We used to talk about everything, but that was a long time ago. That was before I left. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to come back to my hometown. I knew I wouldn’t be able to pick up where I left off—not that I wanted to—but I thought it would be a little easier than what it has been.
I finish my glass of wine, make my way around the house, and lock the doors. I don’t bother with the window. There’s a good breeze blowing through the house tonight and the fresh air will help me sleep better. Not that I’ll likely have a hard time falling asleep anyway. The wine will do its job and knock my ass out cold.
I barely remember laying my head down last night when I wake in the morning. There’s nothing like feeling refreshed when you open your eyes. The first thing I do is hope and pray that this feeling doesn’t leave and lasts throughout the entire day. I go through my usual routine for showering and making my breakfast, grabbing my coffee on the way out the door to head to the office. Pierce is supposed to show up today for an appointment and I’m wondering if he’s actually going to show after what happened. If there is any way to make this right and fix what went wrong, then it’s something I have to do. I know deep in my soul that he’s the one I want to be with. Now, I just have to figure out how to make that happen.
The day flies by before I know it. Pierce always wants his appointments at the end of the day so that way if he wants to work longer than what he’s supposed to, there won’t be any patients waiting for him to get done. I pace the room, putting everything back where it belongs before he shows up, glancing at the clock, willing it to move faster. I walk around to sit at my desk and start going through the day’s charts; making notes as I go along, now switching between the clock and the door. Why in the hell isn’t he here?
I sit there and wait, and wait, and wait. It doesn’t look like he’s going to show. Fuck! I grab my purse, toss in my phone, dig out my keys, and head for the door, pulling it shut behind me then turn around to make sure it’s locked. I damn near face plant when I turn back around. “Shit.” I reach out and grab onto something…anything so I don’t fall.
“Whoa…I got you,” he says, grabbing onto me, trying to steady me so I don’t fall.
I raise my head up and slowly take in the face in front of me. I already know who it is by the tone of his voice, but I take my time taking in every inch of his face that I could until I’m looking straight into his eyes.
“I didn’t think you were coming.” I’m only inches from his mouth when I whisper this to him.
It only takes a second for him to realize just how close we are and releases the grip he has on me, bringing me back to the here and now.
“I wasn’t going to, but then…” He rubs his hand over his face “Do you have to leave right now or can I come in and get some work done?”
I stand up straight. “Umm…yeah. I mean no, I don’t have to leave right now.” I fumble with my keys for a minute before I find the right one to unlock the door, pushing it open with Pierce following me right inside. I shut the door behind us so no one disturbs us. It’s not likely to happen since most of the staff has already gone home for the day, but better safe than sorry.
“I just feel like doing some stretching and strengthening if that’s okay?”
“No, that’s fine.” I pull a chair up so I’m nearby. “Can we talk while you do this or is that off-limits?”
He stalls for a minute and looks at me. “If I say no…are you gonna talk anyway?” He chuckles a little after he says this.
I laugh right along with him. “Probably.”
He starts lifting and doing the stretches that he knows will help him. I don’t say anything right away. I could tell that he tensed up a bit with my question, so I’ll wait a few more minutes.
“Sarah came by to see me the other night.”
He looks over and smiles. “I know. She told me.” It’s good to see him smiling again.
That surprises me. “Did she tell you that she told me to stay away from you?”
He nods his head but continues to lift. “And since when do you listen to what my sister says?”
“True,” I reply, nodding my head in agreement.
I don’t say anything else and neither does he. I just sit there and watch. Watch the muscles in his arms, legs, chest…oh God, he is looking so good.
“Are you okay over there?” He stops what he’s doing as soon as he asks me that, waiting for me to reply.
“Huh?” How long has he been watching me? I’m rubbing my index finger back and forth over my bottom lip, and at this very moment, he’s captivated by it. If he only knew what I was thinking about. Every time he pulls that weight down, his muscles flex. He’s like a finely tuned machine. Everything working together to create a magnificent work of art.
He laughs at me. “Never mind. I probably don’t want to know.”
I get up so he can’t see the embarrassment on my face and move the chair back to where it is. “No, you probably don’t.”
“Fair enough.” He puts everything back where he got it. I don’t bother asking him if he needs help anymore because that would just start another fight, and quite frankly, it wasn’t worth it.
He starts heading for the door. “Hey, Pierce?”
He stops just before he crosses the threshold and turns back. “Yeah?”
I start biting my thumbnail, not sure how I want to say what I need to say, “It’s just…well…”
“Tomorrow?” He raises his eyebrows as if asking a question.
I nod my head, unable to speak what I truly want to say. “Tomorrow,” I reluctantly agree and watch him leave without saying another word. It’s not like there was anything else to say at the moment anyway.
I need to take care of something else first. Someone I need to talk with and clear the air. I hope I can convince her that my intentions with her brother are true. I didn’t come back to town to convince Pierce that I was still in love with him. I did not intend to prove to him that I wanted to be with him no matter what. I came back to town to help my parents, but it seems that they had other plans for me the whole time. Now, it seems the only thing that is on my mind is Pierce and how I can prove to him that I’m in this for the long haul once and for all.
Chapter Nine
I’m sitting on the front porch when she pulls into the drive. I go ahead and pour us a glass of wine while she gets out of her car and heads to the porch.
“Thanks for coming over.” I hand Sarah her glass while she eyes me suspiciously. I didn’t tell her the reason I wanted her to come over, just that we needed to talk.
“Sure,” she replies, taking the glass then taking a seat in one of the other chairs. “Listen, Kinlee, about what…”
I stop her before she finishes what she was going to tell me. “Actually, Sarah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
She looks confused for a few minutes. “Oh?” She starts sipping her wine, waiting for me to continue.
“Yes.” I take a drink of my wine before I go on. “I completely under
stand why you said what you did, and you know what, you were right.”
She doesn’t say anything, but I really don’t expect her to right now. She’s just waiting for me to finish talking before she replies.
“I know I hurt Pierce when I left. I know that it hurt him that I wasn’t here when he returned home.”
“Why did you run, Kinlee?”
I bring my leg up and rest my chin on my knee contemplating the question she just asked. There really is only one answer. “I was scared.”
She rolls her eyes and gives me a look like she’s not buying what I’m saying. “We all get scared, Kinlee. You still…”
“I do. I know how bad I hurt him.”
“Are you sure?” She squints her eyes. “How the hell can you sit there and tell me that you know. You weren’t even here.”
Tears start to fill my eyes. “I was scared. I was stupid. I ran, Sarah. Was it the dumbest thing I’ve ever done? Abso-fucking-lutely.” I can’t sit still and talk about this anymore. I get up, pushing off the swing and causing it to crash into the house. “I knew the minute I left that I had made the biggest mistake of my life.” I wipe off the tears that are now running down my cheeks. “I was too ashamed of what I’d done, how I treated him.” I finally rest against the railing and face her.
“I didn’t call you over here to fight with you, Sarah.”
“I know, but why exactly did you invite me over?” She looks at me questionably.
“I wanted to explain some things. I moved back under the impression that my dad needed surgery, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.”
She starts laughing. “You’re parents are in great shape. Why would they…” It’s like a light bulb finally went off.
“Yep, they brought me back because of Pierce. I had no idea that he was back here, but since I’ve been spending time with him, well…”
“He can’t handle you leaving again, Kinlee. Please tell me that you aren’t planning anything?”