by Calia Read
“What is it you think I’m doing?”
“Trying to find out if I’m still intent on marrying Asa.”
Does Nat want to marry Asa Calhoun? That arrogant asshole who works with Étienne? Why, why, why?
She watches me closely.
I nod, pretending to know what she’s talking about. “Of course I remember our conversation. Can’t forget it. But I’m still not exactly sure what you see in him?”
She frowns. “I’ve loved Asa since I was sixteen.”
“Okay,” I say slowly. “That’s a start. But what do you love about him?”
To me, he seems like a creep who would toss women out like yesterday’s newspaper. But hasn’t every woman fallen for a man she shouldn’t? Regardless of what someone says, you still try to give that man a chance even though you’re more than likely to get hurt. It’s like we have to scrape the bottom of the barrel to understand when there’s a good man in our midst.
“Shouldn’t you get to know more men before you settle for Asa?” I ask carefully.
“I’ve been on a date recently.”
“And?” I prod.
“He was a complete flat tire!”
I stare at her blankly. I know what she said is some saying, but it’s flying straight over my head.
She rolls her eyes. “I swear, Serene. Lately, you’ve had your head in the clouds. He is dull. The date was utterly disappointin’.”
“But that’s one guy,” I point out.
“I’d say more like one guy too many.” Nat goes back to looking at the sky; a dreamy expression takes over her face. “No. I love Asa.” She glances at me. “I know you don’t love my brother, but have you ever felt… somethin’ with him?”
My heart races. “What do you mean?”
“You know… get that feelin’ around him? Butterflies in your stomach when he walks into the room? The desperate urge to be wherever he is? Constantly thinkin’ about him?” She lifts a brow. “Well?”
Chances are if she’d asked me this question four weeks ago, my answer would’ve been a resounding hell no. But now… now I’m not so sure. Very slowly, I’ve begun to see a different side of Étienne. I’ve started to think of Étienne as a friend. And that friendship is evolving into something I can’t quite explain.
“I didn’t,” I admit.
Nat’s face falls.
“But,” I say, “wouldn’t you agree that a lot can change over a year?”
She raises both brows and smiles. “Absolutely.”
“We may not have gotten along well in the past, but who knows? I might end up enjoying his company after all,” I say casually. In reality, I enjoy his company a lot.
“Perhaps time will allow Asa to start noticin’ me.”
My heart breaks a bit for Nat. She’s so sweet and optimistic and so sheltered by her brothers that it hasn’t crossed her mind that Asa might not return her feelings. I know I should probably tell her that, but I don’t have the heart to burst her bubble.
“You don’t think he notices you?”
She snorts. “No. He thinks of me as Étienne and Livingston’s younger sister.” Nat leans forward. “Do you know I overheard my brothers talkin’ about me weeks ago and Étienne called me fragile?” She slaps a palm against the water, sending ripples all around us. “The audacity of him.”
I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but fragile is not one of them. But I can understand why Étienne said that. Especially after our nightly conversations. If I lost a sibling and my parents in a tragic accident, I would cling to any surviving trace of them with everything that I had.
“He’s protective of you,” I reply quietly.
Nat blinks rapidly at me, shocked that I defended her brother. “I know.”
“That might be the reason Asa hasn’t returned your feelings.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s best friends with your big brothers, right?”
She nods.
“And he’s known you since you were a little girl, right?”
Another nod.
“So maybe he views you as off-limits.”
Nat’s face lights up with understanding. “Brilliant! I never thought about that!”
I smile encouragingly.
“How do I make him see that I’m more than their younger sister?”
“I don’t think you can make him. Just… give it time.”
“Time…” Nat clucks her tongue for a few seconds, considering my suggestion before she looks at me with determination. “Then that’s what I’ll give him. Time.”
“What will you do if time isn’t enough?” She gives me a blank look. “What if he ends up not returning your feelings? What will you do then?”
Nat seems taken aback by my questions. But I asked them in the gentlest way possible, and they needed to be asked. The seconds tick by and it dawns on me that Nat truly doesn’t understand her potential and what’s waiting for her. She’s just grabbed the first thing the world dangled in front of her—being mother and wife.
“What do you want out of life?” I ask.
“I want to get married and have children. With Asa,” she says calmly, but with determination.
“All right, but if you could do anything, what would it be? Not that raising a family isn’t good enough,” I rush. “I don’t want you to get the idea that I think that is a bad ambition, because it’s not. But it’s not your only option.”
In typical Nathalie fashion, she gives me a bright smile. “I understand.” She looks at the water. “I can think of nothing.”
“Nothing?”
She nods.
“There has to be something,” I urge gently.
“Well, there is something I’ve been thinking about.” She hesitates before she looks at me. “I’ve been wantin’ to purchase a camera.”
“You’re interested in photography?”
“Yes!” Nat gives me a conspiring smile. “There’s this camera I saw in a Sears catalog. It’s a vest pocket Kodak.” She lifts her hands from the water and holds them about four inches apart. “It’s a small folding camera that’s perfect for amateur photographers.”
“Have you always been interested in photography?”
She nods anxiously and stares behind me with a faraway look in her eye. “I remember my mother had a camera that had all these mechanics: pulling strings, pressing buttons, and keys. She took photos of my brothers and me any chance she could. The pictures certainly weren’t professional. That’s why I like them though. They showed my brothers and me in our element.”
“That’s amazing!” I exclaim. “You should go buy the camera.”
“It’s twenty-five dollars though.”
Twenty-five bucks doesn’t seem like much to me, but it is for this era. With inflation, I’m willing to bet that the cost of the camera would be a couple of hundred dollars in my time.
“Ask Étienne. I’m sure he’ll get the camera, and if he doesn’t, we can scrounge the money up.”
“Thank you.” She looks at me from the corner of her eye. “I still want to marry… but I want to marry for love.”
I can read between the lines. She doesn’t want a marriage like Étienne’s. I can’t fault her for wanting something better for herself.
“Who says you have to choose one option? Marry and have kids and take loads of pictures of them. Do whatever makes you happy,” I urge.
I need to reel it in a bit. Everything I’m saying feels like it’s been ripped off from a Hallmark card or a bumper sticker.
Thankfully, the conversation is dropped when Natalie swims around, doing little figure eights around me. I follow suit and enjoy the feel of the cold water lapping at my skin. Sometimes I do laps, and the warm embrace of the sun greets me when I come up for air. Time ticks by as we do our own thing.
After a while, Nat drifts back over. Even with the sun blaring down on us, I can see a faint pink tinge on her cheeks. I can’t tell if it’s the beginning of a sunburn or if she�
�s nervous.
“I know this may be futile to ask, considerin’ your past with my brother.”
Yep. Definitely nervous.
“But do you think there’s a possibility that you two can mend your relationship?” Nat asks before she leans closer. “Because I’ve noticed him watchin’ you. His eyes follow you wherever you go.”
In spite of the sun beating down on me, goose bumps break out on my skin.
“Maybe the two of you are meant to be,” she says hopefully.
“Maybe,” I reply faintly.
Every single time I nod and play along with this improbable charade, I feel less like a fraud and more like a deceitful bitch. I never expected to like Nat so much, and I didn’t anticipate her words about Étienne and me to fill me with happiness.
I exhale loudly and swim closer to her. “Nat, I think there’s something I should tell you.”
“You can tell me anythin’.”
She stares at me with her sincerity in her eyes, and I begin to think that maybe, just maybe, she’ll believe me. I take a deep breath. “I’m—”
“This isn’t Lacroix property anymore.”
Snapping my head toward the dock, I see Étienne standing there with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and towels in his arms. My smile fades away.
Nat beams at him and swims closer to the deck. “Where did you come from?”
“The house. I asked the staff where the two of you were. Only Hannah knew.” His eyes remained fixed on me.
“And you brought towels. That’s considerate,” I say.
“Hannah suggested I bring them. I told her that surely my sister and… wife wouldn’t forget towels, but alas, I can see that she was right.”
“Going swimming was a spontaneous decision,” I say before I can think twice.
Étienne gives me a half-smirk that makes my heart drop to my stomach. “Clearly.”
“A few civil conversations and you’re turning to mush? Pull yourself together, Parow,” my mind hisses.
“How long have we been gone?” Nat asks.
“Close to two hours. I was gettin’ concerned.”
I lift my knees and gently float backward. “We’re doing just fine.”
Étienne’s eyes heatedly trace the action. “I can see that.”
The comfortable silence Nat and I built these past two hours flees like a thief in the night, but the three of us say nothing. Étienne is staring at me. And Nat? I have no idea what she’s doing because I’m staring back at Étienne.
Nat opens her mouth and French flows out. “Que se passe-t-il entre toi et Serene?”
The sound is so graceful, I don’t care that I have no idea what she’s saying or that she mentioned my name.
Étienne replies. “Rien!”
“Je ne suis pas aveugle. Je peux voir le changement. Dis-moi, Étienne.”
“Entre à l’intérieur, Nathalie.”
“Mais—”
“Entre,” Étienne says, his voice brusque.
Their conversation comes to grinding halt. Nat narrows her eyes at Étienne as if she wants to say more, but she sighs and moves toward the ladder. “I think I should be gettin’ on home.”
“No. Wait.” Desperately, I grab her arm. “Stay,” I plead at the same time Étienne says, “Go.”
Nat glances at us with an amused smile before she gently pulls away from me and swims toward the ladder. She takes one of the towels that Étienne brought and quickly wraps herself up in it before she picks up her dress. She looks over her shoulder.
“Traitor!” my eyes scream.
But Nat smiles and walks to her bike, leaving a trail of wet footprints.
“You’re not goin’ back to the house like that!” Étienne shouts.
“I’m aware of that. I’ll change down the pathway!” Nat shouts back as she hops on her bike.
I feel Étienne’s eyes on me as I watch Nat pedal away. Soon she becomes a speck in the distance.
Étienne clears his throat, so I drag my gaze to his. He watches me with a small frown. “Why were you clingin’ to my sister? Are you afraid of me?”
“Afraid of you?” I sniff. “Hardly.”
That isn’t technically true. While I know Étienne won’t hurt me, I’m afraid of what can happen between us when we’re alone. Dangerous feelings are appearing. Feelings that have no business being there. When they arrived, they were impossible to fight off.
I can’t explain that to him though.
“I need to talk to you,” Étienne says.
“Whatever you have to say, you can say in the water.”
He crosses his arms over his broad chest and laughs. “I’m not swimming.”
“Do you know how to swim?” I challenge.
That sobers him up pretty quickly. “Yes.”
I nod toward the water in front of me. “Then get in.”
Étienne opens his mouth but promptly shuts it. I threw a gauntlet before his feet, and I know he’s dying to pick it up. No one challenges him.
He glances between my dress on the dock and me. “What are you wearing?”
“Bra and underwear,” I answer honestly, yet my cheeks still turn red. Which is ridiculous. I’ve worn bikinis in public and never thought twice about it, but the way Étienne’s staring at me, it’s as if he can see through the murky water, making me feel naked.
He swallows and looks away for a second. “Do you always wear that to swim?”
“No. Typically, I wear a bikini. But it’s pretty much the same thing.”
Étienne doesn’t reply, just stays stock-still on the dock.
“Are you going to get in or are we going to continue talking about women’s swimwear?” I tease.
“No, I’m not getting in the water. As you can see, I’m dressed and I have a meeting in an hour.”
“So undress, and you won’t have to worry about getting your clothes wet.”
He arches a brow. “That’s indecent.”
“It’s freeing. Wearing clothes in the water would be awkward. They’d weigh you down,” I point out.
“Your suggestion is to swim unclothed?” he asks with tightness in his jaw.
“No, I’m suggesting you undress to your underwear. What you’re talking about is skinny-dipping.”
He arches a brow and stares at me skeptically.
“Skinny-dipping?” Still nothing. “You know… where you swim… nude?” I pause. “Ever done that before?”
He glances at the dock. There’s a small pause before he replies. “No, I haven’t.” His eyes, hot and resolute, flick to mine. “Have you?”
What are you doing? What are you doing? WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING? my mind bellows at me.
I don’t know anymore. But what I do know is that it’s impossible for me not to poke at Étienne’s armor. The past few weeks, I’ve gotten to know him and I’ve realized just how much pressure is resting on his shoulders. He never really takes a break and has fun.
Deep, deep, deep down inside him, I know he’s capable of unwinding. It’s just that no one has been patient enough to stay around long enough to see it happen. I want to be the person to stay.
“Yes,” I reply, my voice coming out in a croak. “I have.”
“Why am I not surprised?” he murmurs.
“Get in, Étienne.”
Another small pause, then, “Fine.”
I smile triumphantly. My legs kick wildly as I wait. He kicks off his shoes. His socks are next. He rolls them up and puts them next to his shoes.
At the rate he’s going, we’ll be here all night.
“Oh, come on! Take it off, Lacroix,” I tease.
When Étienne gives me a half-smirk, my heart goes up a notch.
“Turn around,” he orders.
“Again with the shyness.”
“Fine. Don’t turn around. I was simply sayin’ that for your benefit.”
“My benefit?” Now it’s my turn to arch a brow. “You have a hideous body under your clothes?”
His
eyes are challenging as he unbuttons his shirt. Just a small glimpse of his chest and my laughter fades away. He takes off his shirt one arm at a time, and my smile is wiped clean from my face.
Because beneath his clothes, he’s not hideous.
Definitely not.
It’s exhilarating, seeing him like this, because I can finally put to bed all those niggling thoughts I’ve had about his body. The sad part is none of those thoughts come close to what’s standing in front of me.
From here, I can distinctly see his defined pecs and the ridges of muscles on his abdomen. A trail of dark hair starts at his belly button and disappears beneath his pants. But it’s the abdominal V near his hips that catches my attention. I swear it’s like an arrow, pointing toward what’s down south, daring me not to stare.
His pants come off next, but before I can get a good look at him practically naked, he jumps into the water.
My face scrunches up as water splashes all over me. Seconds later, Étienne reappears a healthy distance from me. With both hands, he pushes his hair from his face. Droplets of water cling to his dark lashes. I see a single drop on the tip of his crooked nose. I want to brush it away.
“What were you talking about with Nat before I interrupted?” With ease, Étienne swims toward me, his arms gliding through the water. He resembles a predator moving in on his prey.
I have to stop myself from pushing backward. “Nothing.”
“Nothin’? You two seemed to be in a deep conversation.”
Étienne regards me for a few seconds before he nods and moves closer. Beneath the water, his fingers graze the side of my stomach. I can’t tell if it’s on purpose or by accident, so I say nothing. Nevertheless, I suck in a sharp breath and stay perfectly still.
“What’s the real reason you came out here looking for me? It can’t be to drop off towels.”
“It wasn’t. I came here to tell you that I took your advice.”
My head whips up in shock. “You did?”
“I did,” he confirms. “I poured through the ledgers at work.”
“And?” I prod impatiently.
“And it’s as I thought. Nothin’ suspicious is going on.”
I’ve been so sure, so confident that Étienne would find an error that it never occurred to me he wouldn’t. My shoulders slump in defeat.