by C. R. Jane
Jensen stills my body from its movements, and I flush, grateful for the darkness in the room, when I realize that I’ve woken something huge on Jensen’s body. He doesn’t say anything about it, just begins to stroke my hair gently. “You’re going to be so good for us, baby,” he says quietly.
I don’t answer, but I realize that I can’t remember ever feeling more protected and content than I do right now. I drift back to sleep.
“Pretty girl,” Jesse’s voice softly whispers as he strokes my face and brings me out of my deep sleep. I groggily open my eyes. I pat the couch behind me and realize that Jensen’s gone. Looking around I see that Tanner’s gone too, and it’s just Jesse and I in the room.
“Where are the others?” I ask.
“They ordered breakfast and just went downstairs to get it from the delivery guy,” he says. “I won rock, paper, scissors so I got to wake you up,” he says with a big, mischievous grin that makes me smile at him in return.
I get up and stretch, aware of his eyes feasting on the skin that’s showing from my skirt and my shirt riding up while I slept. I don’t make a move to fix them, enjoying the look in his eyes.
He groans and levels me with a hard kiss all of a sudden that about knocks me over. It’s so sudden and hot that it takes me a second to remember that I probably have the worst morning breath of all time. I cover my mouth quickly to prevent a repeat kiss, but he only laughs, kissing my hand in front of my mouth.
“Come on before those heathens eat everything. There’s unfortunately probably a shit load of people who ended up passing out here or are still up and drinking from last night, so we’ll have to battle them as well.”
I roll my eyes at that last comment remembering how Jesse’s directives were obeyed without question. I don’t think anyone’s about to swoop in and steal his food without permission. I see a smirk on his face out of the corner of my eye and know that he’s thinking it was a ridiculous statement as well. It makes me smile even wider because I love Jesse’s personality. I love all of their personalities. For someone who has spent her entire life hiding in the shadows, being around three men who are so confident and seem to hold the world in their hands is a whole new experience, but one that I love.
I hear the sound of Tanner’s laugh as we walk down the stairs and I stop for a second, savoring the sound of it. Jesse pulls me along behind him after a moment. When we walk in, Tanner is getting a bunch of wrapped plates out of a large box that’s giving off a heavenly smell.
“How did you get all of this delivered?” I ask in amazement as Tanner takes the foil off one of the plates and sets it down in front of me. It’s so fresh that it’s still steaming. It’s piled high with all of my favorite breakfast foods; eggs, sausage and biscuits, and fresh fruit. I take a bite before anyone can answer and I let out a delighted moan as I savor the best biscuit I’ve ever tasted.
When I open my eyes, I see that all of the guys are staring at me. They look...hungry. “She just made that shit look like porn,” says Jesse with a laugh. “We’re definitely keeping her.”
I blush at the connotation.
“In answer to your question, Tanner over here has an assistant that comes with the estate,” says Jensen as he unwraps his own plate.
“Don’t you mean the assistant that Tanner likes to screw when he’s bored?” says a cruel voice that unfortunately ends up belonging to Reagan.
“I don’t think you were invited,” says Tanner coldly. Despite her bravado, Reagan shrivels with his tone.
“I thought we were supposed to talk. And besides, there isn’t actually a list for your parties,” she spits out. “Obviously there isn’t a list, since someone let that trash in,” she says, pointing at me.
Surprising myself, I don’t let her words affect me and I continue to eat calmly knowing that one of the guys will deal with her. Tanner saunters over to her slowly, like a panther stalking his prey.
“Trash is an interesting word coming from you of all people,” he says silkily.
“Didn’t I hear you were with four guys last night?” asks Jesse with a laugh. “They just waited outside the door for their turn. Didn’t you do it right by the theatre room in hopes that Tanner would hear and get jealous?”
“Newsflash, sweetheart,” adds Jensen. “You’re nothing to him. You’re nothing to any of us.”
“Get out now,” finishes Tanner. “And Reagan…” he says as she tries to flee the room. “Next time you try to talk to any of us, we’ll act like you don’t exist.”
I finish my last bite of breakfast as she flies out of sight. I know I shouldn’t feel satisfaction at what just happened, after all, it might happen to me someday. But it feels good for someone to stick up for me for once in my life. I don’t feel alone anymore.
Monday comes too slow. I had Jensen drop me off at the school after breakfast, telling him I had a project I had to work on so that he wouldn’t try to drop me off at home and see my living conditions. The rest of the weekend is agonizingly lonely, which is strange considering I’ve spent my whole life alone and it’s only been the last week that I’ve spent a significant amount of time with people at all. I didn’t hear from the guys and tried not to think too hard about what that meant. No one drove by me as I walked to school Monday morning either, and I tried to prepare myself that they might have lost interest in me already.
Jesse’s on time for our History class once again. He flashes me a grin as he saunters in but doesn’t say anything to me during class. Amberlie shoots speculative looks at the two of us until I make a slashing motion across my neck signaling she needs to stop. Of course this just spurs her on and she spends the rest of class sending me notes asking about the party and my relationship with the guys.
I try to rush out of class, certain now that the guys are done with me, but Jesse stops me in the hallway before I can get anywhere. He cages me in against the lockers and my heart starts beating faster with his proximity. I inhale his sunshine scent, trying to calm down. Any chances of that disappear when I look up at him. He’s staring down at me so intensely it feels like he can see into my soul. He hovers so close to me that our lips will brush if one of us moves even a little bit. I can’t say that I didn’t obsess over kissing him this weekend...obsess over kissing all of them again. The thought of how Jensen and Jesse’s lips felt against mine haunted my dreams, making me feel slightly feverish twenty-four seven.
“Hey,” he says, and the faint brush of his lips against mine make me feel like I’m about to faint. I plaster my head against the lockers, trying to get some space from him. He doesn’t look the slightest bit perturbed that our lips just freaking touched.
“Hey,” I whisper back, unable to speak any louder since I feel like I’m about to swallow my tongue.
“We’re playing this local music festival this weekend and I want you to come,” he says. I can see over Jesse’s shoulder that there’s what seems like a million people watching us in the hall, but it’s hard to care when he’s looking at me like this. Like I’m everything.
“Ok,” I say dumbly. “What day are you playing?”
He flashes me a cheeky grin at my question, but his eyes tell a different story. They almost look tentative…
“We play on Sunday. We actually got picked to play when some of the bigger bands are playing, which is really cool…” He pauses, like he’s weighing his next words. “But I was actually wondering if you wanted to go to some of the Saturday shows.”
“Like with all of you?” I ask, still not understanding what he wants from me. He laughs at my question and leans in to erase the space I had put between us. Our noses touch and I shiver involuntarily as goosebumps erupt on my skin from the slight contact. My eyes keep flicking from his eyes to his full, pouty lips. I want to taste them again since our one kiss was so short and quick... I notice that his eyes are having trouble staying off my lips as well.
“Like with me,” he says in a soft voice that makes me want to do whatever he wants. I stare at him,
my face flushing. I want to ask if it’s a date, but surely, it’s not...right?
“Sounds good,” I tell him, and his eyes lose that tentative look. They now look relieved. Did he actually think I would say no?
He moves away from me and starts walking backwards down the hallway, a grin on his face that I swear makes every girl he passes swoon. “So, it’s a date?” he yells.
I blush and nod and he lets out a loud celebratory cry and a fist pump that ensures that absolutely everyone is looking at me. I lean back against the lockers and let out a loud exhale. Guess at least Jesse’s not quite done with me.
I get through my next class and then walk to the lunchroom, unsure what to expect today. I’m surprised to see that Tanner is leaning against the wall at the entrance of the cafeteria, watching me as I walk down the hallway towards him.
“Hi Princess,” he says, grabbing my waist and brushing a kiss on the top of my head. I savor his musky smell as I lean in towards him. “Can we talk for a second?” he asks after he pushes back from me to look into my eyes. Like Jesse this morning, he looks nervous...which makes me nervous. He takes my hand and leads me down the hallway into an empty classroom. I sit in one of the empty desks as he starts to pace back and forth in front of me.
“We never talked about what you saw Friday night,” he says, running his hand aggressively through his hair.
I realize that he’s talking about me seeing him doing drugs. This is definitely not a conversation I want to have with him. He must see my panicked expression because he starts to talk really fast.
“I just do it occasionally when I need to let off steam after a performance. I was really nervous when I saw you in the crowd and then afterward there was a group doing it and…” he rambles, but I cut him off.
“Are you trying to say that I’m the reason you snorted coke?” I ask him incredulously.
“Fuck, no that’s not what I’m saying,” he says frustratedly, grabbing his hair even harder and yanking it so hard I’m afraid that he’s going to pull it out. “I’m just trying to tell you that I rarely do it. So, you don’t have to be scared of me or whatever. I don’t have a drug problem or anything,” he says beseechingly.
I take a deep breath. “I’m sure that you’ve guessed just by my clothes that I don’t have the same background as you.” He opens his mouth, but I rush on, desperate to get it out. “What I haven’t talked about at all except briefly to Jensen the other night...mostly because I don’t talk to anyone about this, is that my home life is pretty crappy. My parents are both addicts in the worst way. Drugs, alcohol...you name it, they do it. I’m not going to tell you what to do, although I would rather you not snort cocaine...I just don’t want you to be around me when you’re using.”
We’re both quiet after my speech. Tanner looks conflicted, a mixture of shame and regret radiating across his features. “So, I guess I’ve ruined everything then, haven’t I,” he says, beginning to walk to the door. I stand up quickly.
“What are you talking about?” I ask him, rushing over to grab his hand.
“You just basically told me that I’m just like your parents,” he says bitterly. “That doesn’t bode well for a relationship.”
I get stuck on his use of the word relationship but try to address the first sentence. “You aren’t anything like my parents,” I tell him soothingly. “I just don’t want to be around you when you’re doing drugs. There’s no hidden message in my words.”
He gets a determined look on his face and gives me a hard hug before leaning back to look down at me. “I won’t do it anymore, so you won’t have to worry about it,” he says matter-of-factly. His previously pained expression relaxes, loosening the tiny lines around his eyes. It makes him look younger, more innocent.
“I’m not ever going to tell you what to do,” I whisper even though I’m thrilled at the prospect of not having to worry about that with him.
After a minute, and because Tanner seems to need another one, I lay my forehead against his chest and breathe in his unique scent—clean sweat, musk, and maleness. He lays his cheek on my hair, and we stand there long enough that my stomach starts growling from hunger. But I stay still, enjoying a moment, a good one where the crushing weight of loneliness that I suspect we both feel a lot of the time, evaporates.
Between school work and hanging out with the guys, the week flies by and before I know it, it’s Friday. “So what time should I pick you up tomorrow?” Jesse asks after class, putting his arm around my shoulder like he loves to do. I have a momentary flash of panic thinking about him picking me up at the trailer. I may have given Tanner some details but I would rather keep the full scope of my problems away from all of them so I can at least have a bit more time with them thinking I’m normal. I’m sure Terry and David would pick the exact moment that Jesse arrived to start a brawl in the front room. I would never live it down.
“I’ll meet you there,” I tell him hurriedly, ducking under his arms to start for my next class since the bell was about to ring.
He looks disappointed at not being able to pick me up, but he wouldn’t be if he realized what I was saving him from. “So tomorrow?” he yells down the hallway at my retreating back. The hallway erupts in gossip at his question. I throw a thumbs up over my shoulder like a complete nerd as I scurry away. I miss all of my calculus lecture and have to ask Amberlie for notes. The rest of the day passes in a blur. I don’t see the other two members of the “hot squad” as I’ve been calling them in my head despite the fact that I keep an eye out for them. I inexplicably wish that they were all going to be there tomorrow.
I’m so distracted at the prospect of my outing with Jesse that I make the rookie mistake of walking into the trailer without scoping out the situation first. David is in the middle of rutting into one of the next-door neighbors while Terry lays passed out on the couch next to them, a syringe dangling from her hand. I’m frozen in shock for a second at the sight of so much nakedness and the fact that my step-father is literally fucking someone else in the same room as my passed-out mother. When David looks up at me with a disgusting smirk on his face, I come back to life and run out of the trailer, convinced that my brain is never going to be scrubbed free of that image for the rest of my life.
I’m shaking as I start to run as far from the trailer as I can get, not sure what I’m supposed to do. Without thinking, I automatically start dialing Jesse.
“Miss me already, pretty girl?” he asks when he answers.
“Are you busy right now?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady as I put more distance between myself and the trailer park.
“What’s wrong? Where are you? I’ll come get you” he says, a sense of urgency in his voice at my obvious distress.
“Just past the mile marker 15 on the county road,” I tell him, my voice hitching with relief that he’s coming.
He must have been in the area because he finds me within ten minutes. I get inside his truck and he begins to drive. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.
“No,” I whisper, tears starting to slide down my face at how crappy my parents were.
“Then we won’t talk about it,” he says, grabbing my hand and stroking it soothingly. I smile at him through the tears. We’re quiet after that.
We drive for about fifteen minutes until he turns into a neighborhood that judging by the homes is obviously well to do, but not even close to the level of Tanner’s wealth. He makes one more turn and then pulls into the driveaway of a traditional colonial red-brick mansion complete with white columns.
“Where are we?” I ask.
“My house,” he says, turning off the truck. I start to panic at the prospect of meeting his parents. “Wow, pretty girl. Relax. My parents are gone for the weekend at one of my dad’s conferences, so we’ll have the whole house to ourselves unless my little sister decides to make an appearance. I wouldn’t do that to you when you’re so upset,” he says sweetly, getting out of the truck and coming around to get me. He pulls me fro
m the truck and into a hug so perfect that I can feel pieces of my cracked heart being stitched back together.
After probably five minutes passes, he begins to walk us into the house, still keeping a comforting arm around me. Jesse’s house seems much more lived-in than Tanner’s house. There’s odds and ends strewn all about and as we walk through the kitchen there’s snacks out on the counter and dishes in the sink. Everything about the home’s decor is warm and welcoming. It’s almost like you can feel that a really happy family lives here. Which I’m not sure is the case, but Jesse certainly seems to possess less demons than the other two by my observation so far. Looking around though, I wonder what inspired his nipple piercings. This is not a nipple piercing sort of background.
“Here’s what we’re going to do, Ari,” he says, leading me into a tv room with a really comfy looking, worn couch and a projector screen almost as big as the one at Tanner’s. “We’re going to order some Chinese food, since I know you love that stuff. And then we’re going to watch horrible romantic comedies that I’m sure you love because all girls seem to secretly love that shit. And we’re not going to talk about anything.”
My eyes start to well up at his proclamation. “That sounds perfect,” I tell him as he leads me to the couch, probably unsure at this point I can walk by myself since I’m such a mess.
We spend the evening just as he described- stuffing ourselves with Orange Chicken and Chow Mein, and binge watching every rom-com that Jesse can find on Netflix. It’s so perfect that I fall right to sleep cuddled in his arms without one thought of the horror that had happened earlier.
The next morning, I wake up before Jesse and savor the feeling of his hard, warm body against mine. One of his legs is hitched over my hips so we’re as close as possible and his head is buried in my neck. It somehow manages to be comfortable despite the fact that I can feel something hard and long pushing against my stomach. Jesse begins to stir a few minutes later as the sun streaming in through one of the back windows starts to fill the whole room with light.