by Piper Rayne
“They both played baseball. Kingston was a great pitcher while Owen was the catcher. They were best friends. The kind where they retold stories again and again about the stupid shit they did at parties when they were younger and everyone would laugh. People were envious of their friendship. It was thick and woven deeply through their lives. They balanced one another. When Kingston got too crazy with his stunts—”
“Stunts?” Allie interrupts.
The waitress arrives with our drinks, and we thank her.
“Kingston is, for lack of a better word, a daredevil. He loves the thrill of teetering on the line of sanity. You know he’s a smoke jumper, right?”
She nods. “It’s one of the things that makes him sexy.” My immediate thought must show on my face because she quickly places her hand over mine. “I’m not interested in him though. He’s hot, but I’ve been through the type. Not that he’s a bad type, but I’m glad I never wanted him because the tension at the nurses’ station earlier was intense.”
The truffle fries arrive and Allie picks one up and slides the basket to me. “Carry on. Their friendship was the kind everyone wants to have.” She waves for me to continue.
“Owen asked me to homecoming junior year, and I accepted. We started dating right after and that changed everything.” I can feel the anxiety ramping up in my body all over again. “It was as quick as a snap-of-a-finger. Kingston stopped coming to my locker between classes. When it was time to pick partners for an assignment in social studies, he didn’t even glance my way. He started hanging out with other guys, and by the end of junior year, he sat at a completely different lunch table. But the big rumor that made the rounds was that he asked his brother, who was the baseball coach, to not have Owen catch for him.”
She dips her fry in the aioli sauce and stares at me. “That’s a big deal?”
“Well, before then, Kingston wouldn’t use any other catcher besides Owen. They just had a connection, and it worked well for the team.” It’s hard to explain the disaster it all turned into to someone who isn’t from Lake Starlight, who didn’t bear witness to the downfall of their friendship. All because of me.
“Did you know Kingston liked you?”
I shake my head. “No. He was kind of flirty with a lot of the girls at school. I didn’t realize he actually liked me until…”
“Finally you’re going to give me the good stuff,” she says, dipping another fry. “These will make you feel better, I promise.”
I pick up a fry. “I should tell you, my dad died when I was nine, which spurred my mom to move to Lake Starlight. She took the life insurance money and bought a bed-and-breakfast for us to start over. I don’t know if you know, but Kingston’s parents died in a snowmobile accident when he was ten.”
Her face softens like most people’s do after they hear the tragic news. “I’m sorry for both of you.”
“Thank you, but the fact that we both lost people close to us, we bonded over that. Our senior year, I was walking through downtown Lake Starlight and it had just started to snow. It was reported we were going to get a heavy storm and school would be canceled the next day. I wanted to be alone because it was the anniversary of my dad’s death.”
Then I’m transported back to that scene, and I’m not just telling the story to Allie but experiencing that moment all over again.
“Stella?” Kingston asks, as if he’s not sure it’s me under my big coat and hat, when he walks out of the bookstore.
“Hey, Kingston,” I say and weave past him. We aren’t really friends anymore and I’m sure he wants to continue on his way.
“You okay?” He follows me, dipping his head to see in my eyes. “Did something happen with Owen?”
I shake my head. Owen has no idea where I am right now. A tear slips down my face, and Kingston’s hand lightly grasps my upper arm. He detours us off Main Street to the shore of Lake Starlight. We walk down the long wood dock in silence, and he takes his book out of the bag before placing the plastic bag down for me to sit on. Our feet dangle off the dock over the freezing water.
He doesn’t pry for me to tell him the reason for my tears, but the silence is too uncomfortable for me. “It’s the anniversary.”
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs.
For some reason, the fact that I didn’t have to tell him specifically what anniversary, that he just knew, reinforces the bond I’ve always felt with him. Like he knows a secret. I guess he does.
“What do you do?” I ask.
He shrugs. “You won’t do what I do.” He moves the book in his hands, fanning out the pages.
“Why?”
He huffs. “We’re different. You’re walking the streets of Lake Starlight crying and I… well, I’d be unleashing my anger.”
“You’re still angry?”
He huffs. “I think I’ll always be angry. Aren’t you?”
I haven’t been angry in some time. Sure, I’m upset and feel as though life isn’t fair, that my dad was taken too soon, but anger isn’t ever a part of it. “Not really. I’m sad. Especially for my mom. She locks herself in her art room, and tomorrow she’ll come out and act like everything is perfect. She’s so disciplined with her grieving. I’m jealous.”
“Sometimes I think it’s best that my parents went together. That’s what my grandma says. Even though it’s one of those bullshit lines people say. I wish one of them was here for us, maybe for them, it was meant to happen that way. I’m not saying your parents didn’t love one another the way mine did.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t take it that way.”
We sit in silence while he fiddles with his book and I sway my legs back and forth.
“What would you do, Kingston?”
“Hell. I’d probably jump in the lake or do some other crazy shit.”
I peek at him, the moonlight reflecting down on his dark hair and boyish grin. My gaze casts out to the dark lake. It hasn’t frozen over yet, and the light sprinkle of snowflakes disintegrate when they touch the water’s surface. A sudden urge to feel the cold water hits me, maybe it will numb the pain.
Standing, I shed my coat, hat, and mitts, then kick off my boots.
“What are you doing?” Kingston glances beside him then back in front, trying to be the polite boy he was raised to be.
“I’m going in.”
He springs up, shaking the dock. “No, you’re not. You’ll die. It’s too cold.”
I smile and jump in with my skirt and blouse still on.
Oh shit. The cold water feels like a vise squeezing the air from my chest. I emerge from under the water to a splash in front of me. Two arms wrap around me and pull me to the edge of the dock.
“You’re crazy,” he says.
“I can swim, Kingston.” I slide out from his hold and we both climb out of the water.
“Come on.” He picks up my clothes and boots. “My truck is around the corner. You’ve got to warm up.”
We run to his truck, shivering the whole time, and a laugh bubbles out of me, quickly turning into hysteria. “I can’t believe I did that. I get why you do it. I’ve never felt so alive.”
“Never do anything like that again,” he says, pulling blankets from the back of his truck and starting the engine. “You have to strip down, I won’t look.” He turns his back, and I watch him peel off his own shirt.
I quickly undress and put my coat back on. When we’re wrapped in blankets, he ushers me into his truck and we sit in silence with our hands in front of the heat vents. The windows fog up and it feels as though we’re in our own private igloo.
“You can’t do crazy shit like that,” he says, turning his eyes on me.
“Why? I loved it.”
When he faces me, the sexual energy between us ignites. It’s always been there, but I’ve ignored it until this moment. For the first time, I feel as if someone really sees me. Not as the good student or the dutiful daughter. As the girl who’s carried on with the scars of losing a parent. He recognizes my grief be
cause he bears the same pain.
“Because you’re better than that,” he says. “You’ll do something good with that pain.”
I sink into his truck seat, his words knocking me off my axis. I have to remind myself he’s not mine to reassure of his own worth. I’m dating Owen, and their friendship has already been slowly chipped away because of that. I can’t make it any worse.
“King,” I whisper, and he turns away from the heater. “You know how amazing of a person you are, right?”
He laughs. “Of course. Don’t get all Psych 101 on me, Harrison.”
I smile and let him deflect because I’m scared what will happen if I don’t.
“So you kissed?” Allie interrupts.
I wake up from the memory, staring at the plates of food in front of us. “No. We didn’t.”
“So you jumped in a lake. That’s all.” She sounds disappointed.
I smile, remembering the feeling of the cold water hitting my skin. “I guess you had to be there.”
“I will get it out of you eventually!” She points at me with her quesadilla in hand.
I laugh because I’m not sure anyone understands the bond between Kingston and me. All anyone sees is a guy who fell in love with his best friend’s girlfriend, but we’re so much more than that.
Eight
Kingston
Samantha’s already at Tipsy Turvy’s when I arrive. As soon as she spots me, her hand is in the air, flagging me down. Her enthusiastic wave is unnecessary since it’s a weekday night, and the bar isn’t busting at the seams or anything.
I shrug off my jacket and slide onto the bar stool beside her. The waitress comes over and I order a beer. Samantha says she’s good with what she’s got right now. I eye her drink to see it’s some kind of cocktail.
“So how was your shift?” she asks.
“Good. Nothing major.” My attention goes to the football game on the television.
“Remember that Adventure Race I was talking to you about?” she asks.
I look at her and nod, thanking the waitress when she brings over my beer.
“The sign-up is next week. Are you still interested?”
I know right away that I need to be straight in this situation. “I am, but there’s something we should talk about first.”
She leans back and her lips wrap around the small black straw.
“I’m not looking for a relationship right now.”
A loud and annoying laugh erupts out of her, and I look around to see how many people are staring at us. Thankfully, it’s a weekday night. “Well, thanks for the disclaimer, but I know you’re not a relationship kind of guy.”
I’m so sick of this reputation I’ve been given. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you’re… you, Romeo.”
I sip my beer then cross my arms. It’s not like I’m gonna tell her why I’m not looking for a relationship. I thought maybe I could give it a try, but I can’t string someone along when my mind is one hundred percent on Stella. It’s not fair to anyone. “I’m not who people think I am. Just an FYI.”
She laughs. “It’s okay. I’m not looking for anything serious either. I figure we can have some fun.” Her eyes widen as if she’s just thought of something. “Hey, I snagged a spot at that house. Did you?”
I shake my head.
“No worries. I can bring you up as my guest. You know how you were talking about speed riding? I found out we can do it up there. My brother has a friend who did it and…”
I drown her out because yes, I want to ride down a mountain on my skis with a parachute, but Samantha is wrong. She’s not a friends-with-benefits girl. No girl ever is. They say they’re okay with it at first, but slowly it turns into wanting more dinners and less sex, then before I can stop the snowball from rolling down the hill uncontrollably, she’s talking about feelings and the future and crap.
“Yeah, I’m not going up there,” I say to stop her line of thinking.
Her gaze shifts to the door then back to me. “Because of Stella Harrison?”
I sip my beer as a distraction. “What?”
“Someone said they overheard that you guys knew one another in high school.”
“We did.”
“And is she the reason why you went cold as a dead fish on me?” She slurps her drink down to nothing.
“Samantha, we went out once.”
“Yeah, and I thought we had a good time, but as soon as Stella came into town, something changed. Did you guys date?”
I roll my eyes. How did my life in Lake Starlight follow me to Anchorage? Oh yeah, because Stella is here now.
I don’t even have a chance to answer before Samantha nods toward the door. “Oh look, here she comes with Lou.”
I glance over my shoulder and my gaze locks with Stella’s. Fuck. This is the last thing I want right now. She raises her hand halfway in the air. Lou nods to me, looking as uncomfortable as I am over the fact that neither of us mentioned we both planned a date after we were on shift together.
“Should we invite them to sit with us?” she asks, and I get the distinct impression this is a test.
“No.” I sip my beer, my eyes straying to the television once more.
“Maybe you could use me to make her jealous?”
I narrow my eyes at Samantha. I’d love to take the time to lecture her about her self-worth but… actually, no. I am going to tell her, so she demands more of the next guy.
“Samantha, you’re a great girl. We’re so much alike, I think we’d be better friends than lovers. The fact that you want to speed ride with me says we’d have a blast doing crazy shit together, but I’m not emotionally available. Stella and I never dated, but I’m hung up on her. And that’s not fair to you. Never ever volunteer to make someone jealous by using yourself as the pawn. You’re worth more than that and you’re going to make some guy a lucky bastard. Maybe I could’ve been that guy if someone didn’t steal my heart years ago. I’m sorry, but like I said, this isn’t gonna work.” I slide off the stool, throwing some money onto the bar and grabbing my jacket.
“Wait.” Samantha puts her hand on mine. “No one has ever said such nice things to me. I get it.” She glances at Stella and Lou. “And I won’t tell anyone. Truth is, I just had a horrible breakup and I want to forget him, but maybe we can be in misery together?” She pats the bar top. “Sit down. Enjoy your beer.”
“I don’t lead women on,” I say, still unsure if I should stay or not.
“Relax, Romeo. I might be good at petting your ego, but I’m not really into trying to convert a guy who has a hard-on for someone else.”
I laugh, hang my jacket on the back of the chair, and slide back onto the bar stool. “So just friends?”
“Friends.” She smiles and waves down the waitress. “I’ll have the Philly cheesesteak wrap, the truffle fries, and a beer?”
I laugh as the waitress looks to me for an order.
“Now that I won’t be sleeping with you tonight, I’m going to eat my feelings,” Samantha says.
“Nice. You could’ve done that anyway.” I order hot wings and carrots and celery with ranch.
The waitress takes our orders and leaves.
“Guys say that, but they’re not up for a woman eating whatever she wants without judging.”
“I think you’d be surprised.”
She waves me off and peeks over at Stella. I’m trying to pretend they aren’t here, but it’s not working.
“Let’s talk about the Adventure Race thing. Maybe since we agreed to being friends, we can make it work,” I say.
Her face lights up. “We need two more team members.”
She pulls out her phone and I hover close, watching the videos of last year’s expedition race. The experience needed for the seven-day challenge means only one thing—I have to recruit Denver unless I plan on dying up on the mountain.
We eat and laugh, and I enjoy my evening with Samantha. I’m not sure I’ve ever had a girl as a friend. O
ther than Stella, but I guess if I’m honest with myself she was never really just a friend. My heart beat out of my chest the first time she walked into my fourth grade classroom, even if I hid it well. Then my heart shriveled and died when she left Alaska.
That Sunday, I’m heading to Terra and Mare for a family dinner planned by Grandma Dori. Sedona popping back into town pregnant was a shock, and I think maybe Grandma is in fix-it mode.
As I’m driving down Main Street, I spot Stella walking down the sidewalk—similar to how I found her almost a decade ago. Racking my brain, I calculate the date. Shit.
I park quickly then run across the street, holding my hand out for traffic to stop. The sound of a horn honking spurs Stella to look up.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hi.” Just like that day all those years ago, she’s bundled in a coat and a hat, but she’s not crying. Thank God, I’m not sure I could handle that.
“Today’s the day?”
She nods.
“Selene locked up in her art room?”
She nods.
“You’re not going to jump into the lake again, are you?”
She shakes her head.
Usually I’d make a smart-ass comment about her not having a voice but today’s not a day for jokes. “Want to forget for a little while?”
She nods.
“Come on. A classic Bailey dinner will make that happen. You can listen to us all argue.” I tug on her coat sleeve, but she stays in place.
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Please, my family loves you more than me.” I tug again and she steps forward.
“Are you sure I’m not intruding?”
“Not at all. Everyone would love to see you. Besides, Juno has Colton working on last-minute wedding stuff, so they won’t even be there tonight.”
She nods, still seeming unsure. “Okay.”
I don’t dissect whatever made her agree. I’ve been where she is. I’m familiar with the desperation of wanting to think of anything but the what-ifs that still plague you.
The silence that falls over the room when we walk into the restaurant suggests they’re stunned. Savannah’s eyes zero in between us to make sure we’re not holding hands or something. Liam smiles with Brinley in his arms, rocking her to sleep.