I crossed an arm over my chest, swirling my drink. “I didn’t. I got screwed, but I did my time like a man, and I’d like if you could find a way to accept that.”
He nodded slowly, assessing me. “I can do better than accept it. Do you still want to go to the police academy?”
It wasn’t the response I expected. I narrowed my eyes. “Why?”
“I’m sure I can do some digging, see if I have any mutual friends who can help us out.”
“I think it’s going to take more than a good word to get a felon on the force.”
“I’m talking about getting your record expunged.”
I leaned in, as if I’d misheard. I’d thought, leaving the gates of prison, the hard part was over. I’d been wrong. I hadn’t accounted for the stress of having a felony record. It gave landlords and banks and the general public the right to discriminate against me. It meant three years of checking in with a PO, living in Orange County, and staying within state lines. Charles might as well have placed the most decadent dessert ever made in front of me and handed me a fork. “You can do that? You would do that?”
“I appreciate how you’ve been with Tiffany.”
It didn’t take much for me to put it together. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. He knew Tiffany would get what she wanted in the end, and if she wanted me, better she was married to a cop than a construction worker. Compared to Corbin’s Wall Street internship, even law enforcement was pitiful. “I appreciate it,” I said honestly. “But the truth is, no part of me wants to be involved with the system. I want my record expunged, but not bad enough to be a cop. Not anymore.”
He chuckled. “I tried to tell you years ago. They’re all rotten.”
“I know that isn’t true, but more rotten than not. I’m sorry if that changes how you feel about the wedding.”
“It doesn’t. How do you like construction?”
“It’s what I know, and since prison threw me into some unfamiliar areas, I gained skills it would’ve taken me much longer to master outside.”
He slid his heavy glass back and forth over his desk, the sound like a saw on wood. “So you plan to work your way up.”
“Given the opportunity, yes. I know I can manage a crew, it’s just a matter of getting there.”
“Good.” He nodded slowly. “I like to hear that.”
It made no sense that he considered construction a suitable job choice. If this wasn’t about making me into a more presentable son-in-law, then what? “So you’re still on board with a wedding?”
“On board?” he asked. “I’m manning the ship. I’m going to put in the phone call tonight and book my baby the first available date.”
“I think maybe we’re getting ahead of ourselves,” I said. “I’d like to be a little more stable before making a commitment like this. The timing just isn’t right.”
“It’s the Ritz, Manning. The timing will be right, whatever they say. You don’t want to disappoint Tiffany, do you?”
“No, but I don’t see the reason for the rush.”
“I never said there was a rush, but you know Tiffany. She’s impatient.” He finished off his drink and set the glass on the sturdy wood surface of his desk. “How would you feel about a summer wedding?”
“I feel summer is soon. Summer is now.”
“When you know, you know, right? Like I said, I just want Tiffany to be happy.”
The way he said Tiffany snagged my attention. As if he were clarifying something. “So do I, but like I said, it’s not the right time.” I couldn’t help but think of Lake right then. Once she was off to college, she’d have so much going on, I wouldn’t occupy a thought in her head. Then, maybe, it’d be the right time to go through with this. Once she’d moved on. “I haven’t even proposed.”
“Tiffany, like her mother, has expensive taste,” he said. “It’s probably my fault, and I’m sorry for that.”
“She knows who she’s marrying.”
“I can help with that, too.” He adjusted his watch. “The ring. She doesn’t need to know.”
“The wedding will be enough,” I said. “Tiffany will have to make do with the ring I can afford.”
“Very well. You can always add to it over the years like I have for Cathy. No need to let that get in the way of the wedding.”
For some reason, he wasn’t hearing me. “I’m not ready,” I said.
“Why not?” He stood, coming around the desk to his bar cart. “Are you having second thoughts?” he asked, refilling his drink.
“No.” As difficult as it’d been to watch Lake process the news of the engagement, a part of me couldn’t help noticing how proud, how happy Tiffany was to make the announcement. Over the last couple weeks, she’d slowly been slipping in comments and details about weddings. Apparently, she’d been dreaming up ideas since childhood. I supposed that was normal for young girls, though I couldn’t remember any of that with Maddy.
“Good. Once everything’s settled, we’ll get the details of your record sorted.” He came back to the desk but didn’t sit. “Maybe I can even find you a position at my company with a salary you’d be hard-pressed to get without a degree.”
Finally, I sat, setting my glass on the edge of the desk and almost missing the lip completely. I steadied the drink, my mind spinning. It was no small thing, what Charles was offering—a fresh start. “Thank you,” I said carefully, because I didn’t know if I should be grateful or wary. “I’m happy with what I have, though.”
“Well, if you change your mind, the job will be there,” he said and winked. “Of course, I can’t promise I won’t change mine.”
Now, he was speaking a language I understood. An unsubtle threat to take it all away. At times, all of this felt unreal, as if I’d ended up here by accident. I didn’t belong in this world, and maybe Tiffany would realize it. Lake, too, if she didn’t already. Tiffany had a tendency to self-destruct, and I didn’t want that. I wanted to give her not just the wedding she’d dreamed about, but a good life, too. Maybe Charles could take that away from us. He certainly held power over Tiffany. I wasn’t sure, but if I’d already decided to marry Tiffany, then I guessed there wasn’t any reason to put it off if he was offering us things we both wanted to go through with it now. A wedding for her, and a fresh start for me.
“So what do you say, Manning?” He held up his glass to cheers.
Maybe if I hadn’t had my pride stripped down every day since those officers had walked onto campgrounds and pointed a finger at me, I could’ve done better for myself. Maybe if Charles weren’t making it so damn easy to get my life back on track, I could walk out on principle. Maybe if this was his other daughter, I’d have the will to fight him harder, to build her a life with my bare hands instead of taking the easy way out.
I stood. Clinking my glass with his felt like making a deal with the devil, and with his next comment, I understood why.
“Lake and that Swenson boy make a nice couple, don’t they?” he asked.
I turned the comment over in my mind. It came out of nowhere, and yet, his timing was studied. That was what all this had been about. As long as I was married to Tiffany, I was off limits to everyone else—especially her sister. Whatever he’d seen when he’d walked into the kitchen tonight, I had a feeling it wasn’t the first time he’d noticed it. I wasn’t very good at paying attention to anything else when Lake was in the room, and she was hopeless at it. Maybe all the time Lake and I had been watching each other, Charles’d been watching us. And if he had, he’d no doubt know Lake thought she was in love with me.
It was shady, and I might’ve called him on it if I didn’t accept why he was doing it. He didn’t know he had no reason to worry. Nobody understood better than me that the Prince of England wasn’t good enough for Lake, let alone me.
To make it clear that I got it, I said, “I care about Tiffany a great deal.” I did care for her. I’d have to reach deep to find a love for Tiffany that I knew would be good for both of us. She didn’
t make my heart pound the way it did around Lake, but I was thankful for that. I didn’t want that kind of all-consuming passion. I needed constant. Steady. Sturdy. Tiffany wouldn’t get under my skin or bring out the worst in me, and when she tried, I would hold strong and show her the best in herself.
“She loves you, too,” Charles mused. “I’ve never seen her blossom this way with anyone, not even under my guidance. I couldn’t have predicted it, but there it is.” He sipped his drink. “My girls really are growing up. It’s not exactly how I imagined, but to tell you the truth . . . everything feels just as it should.”
21
Lake
A cool breeze came off the ocean, but the fire warmed my shins. Bundled into my sweater, I watched Corbin, his brother, and Val knock a Hacky sack around with their sneakers. It was about dark now and hard to keep track of the sack. Val had smoked half a blunt and kept missing it altogether. Anytime they got too close to the fire, I tensed.
Val had hijacked the boom box someone’d brought with one of her infamous mixed CDs. “Fade Into You” set a dreamy, romantic scene, stoking the embers of my heartache. It was as if I’d been walking through mud and fog since Tiffany’s announcement. I held my heels by their straps, my bare feet heavy in the sand. I couldn’t quite remember the words she’d used or her expression as she’d said them. If there’d been a tremor of uncertainty in her voice, if she’d checked Dad’s expression at any point. Did it matter? There was the Ritz, and Dad’s approval, and Manning’s consent, and I knew without a doubt, Tiffany would never let those things go.
So I had to.
A future I’d known so surely to be true began to slip away.
I startled when the Hacky sack hit my calf. I set down my shoes to pick it up, catching sight of the friendship bracelet around my ankle. I’d made it for Manning with love, and he didn’t even want it. What was I holding on to it for? I loosened it to work it off my foot.
“You’re supposed to send it back,” Corbin called.
I glanced up. The three of them waited. I abandoned the anklet and kicked the Hacky sack in their direction, but it landed in the fire.
“Lake,” the three of them cried.
“Sorry. I’m sorry.”
Corbin shook his head like I was the most adorable thing. He trudged over to where I stood, creaked open the lid of the blue cooler, and held out a beer. “You might as well since I can’t,” he said.
“Why can’t you?” I asked.
“Jesus, Lake. I’m driving you home. When have I ever taken a sip of anything with you in my car?”
Corbin. Why did he have to be such a gentleman, even when my mind was so wrapped up in someone else? I owed him more than I gave him. “Go ahead,” I told him. “I’ll drive us.”
“Then you should definitely drink. It’ll be an improvement.”
Val laughed, but I wasn’t in the mood to even force a polite smile. I didn’t feel like drinking. Didn’t feel like being here. I wanted to return to where Manning was, even if being around him was like sticking a finger in an open wound.
Corbin kissed my temple. “I’m sorry. I was only kidding. I’m sure it’s totally normal to sideswipe stationary objects two out of two lessons.”
That was only because Corbin had me laugh with his impressions of Screech from Saved by the Bell. “You were distracting me.”
“Was I?” He slid his hand over my backside and squeezed. Just like prom night, my knees buckled, my breath caught. “It’s like pressing a button,” he whispered in my ear.
I hated how my body reacted to him, but at least I knew my pleasure wouldn’t always be bound to a man I couldn’t have.
“Why don’t you two just get married already?” Vickie asked.
Corbin dropped to one knee, looking up at me. “Marry me, Kaplan. Would you? I promise to make you real happy. At least twice a night.”
Everyone laughed. I even smiled. God, if anyone could pull me out of a funk, it was Corbin. If only love was as easy as that.
But it wasn’t. I looked over Corbin’s head at some movement in the distance, squinting into the dark at the big, shadowy figure headed our way from the parking lot. Manning. The man who, hours earlier, had joked with me about guest plates and then stood silently by while my heart broke. Everything that’d happened the last couple hours sat dangerously close to the surface. I didn’t know how I’d say all the things I needed to, but I’d never be able to stand here with him and pretend everything was normal.
I went around Corbin to meet Manning, to stop him from coming over here and making me look even more stupid. My nose tingled, words like betrayal and how could you and stop this bubbling up my throat as I pushed a few steps through the sand . . . and stopped where I was. Tiffany was on his back, waving at us. He touched her, carried her, kissed her, committed to a life with her and left nothing for me. It should’ve been me. I wanted it to be me so badly. Their playfulness shattered something in me, and I hiccupped, jolting some tears onto my cheeks.
A hand on my elbow pulled at me. “Lake,” Val said, tugging me back. “Come on, Lake.”
“No.”
“Come on. Come here.”
My body shook, my chest rattling. Val pulled me hard, away from the fire, away from everyone. “What . . . is it?” I couldn’t speak. It took everything I had not to burst into tears. “What do you want?”
“It’s him, isn’t it?” Val asked. “He’s the one. Your sister’s boyfriend.”
I shook my head hard. “No. He’s not.”
She wrapped me in a hug and squeezed me so hard, some of my tears splashed onto her shoulder. “I see it so clearly now. You should’ve told me.”
“You would’ve thought I was awful.”
“No way.” She swayed us back and forth. “You’re my best friend. My right to judge you was automatically revoked when you earned that title.”
Relief filtered through me. Finally, somebody knew, and not just somebody—a real friend. “I saw him first. I knew him first.” My silent tears became quiet, snotty sobs. “I loved him first.”
“Does he know?”
I nodded into her neck.
She pulled me away by my shoulders. Her eyes were bloodshot but deadly serious. “He does? And how does he feel about you?”
I shrugged pathetically. “I thought I knew . . . I thought we . . . but he’s going to marry her.”
“You thought what—that he loved you back?”
“He does, I know he does,” I said. “But he won’t admit it. He pretends he doesn’t.”
“Oh my God. Are you sure?”
“Yes, but she’s my sister,” I said. “What choice do I have?”
“Do you really love him, Lake? Really, really love him, the kind of love that makes Rhett pine for Scarlett or Miss Piggy terrorize Kermit?”
I hiccupped again, this time with a laugh. “Only him. Only ever him.”
She sucked in a breath. “You have to tell him how you feel.”
Val was a closet romantic. She wanted there to be some resolution I couldn’t give her. It wasn’t that simple. “I can’t. I’ve tried, but he won’t hear it.”
“How long have you loved him?”
I couldn’t raise my answer above a whisper. “Two years.”
“If you live to be eighty, that’s over sixty more years you have to live wondering what might’ve happened if you’d spoken up. It’ll hurt when you rip off the Band-Aid, but only for a short time. Compared to sixty years, it’ll be nothing.”
Sixty years of this hell. I didn’t expect the pain of losing him to ever go away, but surely it would dull. Surely it would get easier. But she was right. I didn’t want to live that long wondering what-if? “If I tell him, I’m betraying my own sister, Val. How can I do that?”
She heaved a sigh. “I don’t have a sister but if you ever tried to steal my fiancé, even if you truly didn’t believe I loved him, I’d scratch your eyes out. Your sister is flighty. She’ll turn it into drama and then she’ll forge
t all about it.” She tapped a fingertip on my shoulder, twisting her lips. “Or . . . it’s possible she’d never forgive you.”
It was more than possible. Like that night in the truck, she’d have something to hold over me for life. Something far worse than anything she’d ever done to me.
“I guess the question is whether he’s worth it,” she added.
The truth hurt. It hurt in my chest, and it hurt coming out, because I didn’t want to feel this way, but I did. “He is.”
“If he’s your soul mate, then he’s yours. He can’t have two soul mates—it’s a fact. You deserve a happy ending, even if it means you have to be selfish and greedy.”
“You’re stoned, and you’re a film buff obsessed with happily-ever-after. Can I really take your advice?”
“Then don’t,” she said. She sounded serious.
I shouldn’t tell Manning how I felt. I knew I shouldn’t. But if I didn’t speak up before the wedding, I definitely couldn’t tell him after. “What if this is my only chance?” I asked.
“Then do.”
The acoustic guitar song on the stereo strummed the painfully taut strings keeping my heart from bursting. “What song is this?” I asked.
She closed her eyes, listening. “‘Into Dust,’” she said softly. “Also Mazzy Star.”
A commotion by the fire made us both turn. Manning and Corbin stood a foot apart, arguing.
“Don’t worry about me, and I won’t worry about you,” Corbin said to Manning as Val and I approached.
“Not worried about you, but you’re driving Lake, and that does concern me.” Manning waited as Corbin took a long, pointed gulp of his Budweiser. “But go ahead and finish your beer,” Manning said smugly. “Tiffany and I will take Lake home.”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not driving her. She’s driving me. So you can shove—”
“She doesn’t even have her license.”
Corbin raised his voice, taking a step forward. “Shove your self-righteous, judgmental bullshit—”
Something in the Way: A Forbidden Love Saga: The Complete Collection Page 49