by Patricia Kay
The woman’s hand flew to her mouth. Then in an instant everything changed. Before Edie could march away as she intended, a hand clasped her arm and started drawing her inside.
“You have to come in,” Mrs. Tate said. “Coffee? Tea? Maybe some milk and cookies? Oh, dear, this is...probably upsetting for you, but a pure delight to me. At least I think it is.”
A delight for her? Edie felt stunned, which was probably the only reason she allowed herself to be ushered into a cheerful living room, seated on a sofa and then served cookies.
“Milk, tea, coffee?”
“Coffee if you don’t mind,” Edie said, almost numb with amazement. She hadn’t been prepared for this kind of reception at all. “The doc says it’s okay and I haven’t had any yet today.” Explaining something she shouldn’t need to explain to this grandmotherly woman.
“Coffee is something we always have around here,” the woman said wryly. “Call me Marge, please. I’ll be right back.”
It wasn’t long before she held a mug of coffee in her hand. Those peanut butter cookies looked good, and her stomach was settling enough now that she felt she could eat one. Marge sat right beside her on the couch.
“So tell me,” she said to Edie. “Everything.”
Oh, God, tell this woman she’d had a one-nighter with her son at a base in Afghanistan? No way. But how could she lie? Starting with a lie would only get her in a tangle of mixed-up explanations.
Just bite the bullet.
“Seth and I met once,” she said. “Over there. Just once.”
“Ah.” Understanding came to Marge’s eyes. “I see. You haven’t seen him since?”
“No. I thought about not telling him, but that didn’t seem right. Anyway, if you could just let him know, I’ll be on my way. I don’t want anything.”
“You don’t want anything.” Marge repeated the words. “Maybe not. You must be pretty self-sufficient to be a major wearing those wings. But what about what the rest of us want?”
Us? It was a concept Edie hadn’t considered. “Seth can decide if he wants any part of this. I didn’t come to pressure him. I just felt he had a right to know.”
“He absolutely has a right. But then there’s me. I’d like to be part of my grandchild’s life. So would Seth’s father, Nate. I’m sure of that.”
The complications were mounting rapidly. She hadn’t bargained on a whole damn family. This was supposed to be her decision, and maybe Seth’s, but not anybody else’s.
“Mrs. Tate...Marge...this has to be my decision, and Seth’s.”
“You’re not giving it up, are you?” The woman looked troubled now.
“No, I’m not giving it up. I’ll raise it. But...it’s my decision.”
“Ultimately, yes.” Marge hesitated, then shook her head. “I’m going to tell you a story. It’s still painful after all these years. How well do you know Seth?”
“Not at all, embarrassingly enough.”
Marge nodded. “That’s all right. Things happen. I ought to know. Years ago before we married, I became pregnant by Seth’s father. He went back to Vietnam and, well, my father got involved. I didn’t know it, but he was stealing my letters to Nate, and stealing Nate’s to me. So I thought Nate didn’t want me. End result, I got shipped off to a cousin to have Seth, and he was put up for adoption.”
Edie hadn’t expected this. Even less had she expected her reaction to this news. She felt a twist of anguish for this woman, and for Seth, too. “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Times have changed. Back then, well, a girl just didn’t get pregnant. It was the worst shame possible. I was young. I thought Nate had abandoned me. I was a mess and did what I was told because I couldn’t see another option.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So was I for a long time. Then I got even sorrier. Twenty-seven years later, Seth turned up on the doorstep. I had to come clean and it nearly destroyed my marriage to Nate. It took him a while to get over the deception. So yes, you absolutely must tell Seth. I think he’d be furious if you did anything else. He has experience of those lies, you see.”
Edie nodded numbly, feeling things were moving too fast, spiraling out of control. “But it’s not my place to make up for your past.”
Marge’s face tightened. “No, it’s not. All I’m asking is for you to be smarter than I was.”
“I’m here.” As if that answered everything. “And I need to get back.” To what, she didn’t know. She had a month’s leave on her hands and no plans past getting this news to Seth. Marge could pass it along. “You tell him. I’m stationed at Minot right now. He can find me—us—if he wants.”
She put her coffee mug on the end table and started to rise. Marge’s hand on her arm stayed her.
“Please don’t rush off. Nate should be here any minute, and Seth will be here for dinner. You should join us.”
All of a sudden everything was mixed up. She had come here with the single-minded focus she applied to her missions. Do the job and get out. She hadn’t even been sure if her self-imposed orders had been the right ones, but she had completed them. Evidently getting out wasn’t going to be easy.
But how difficult could it be to appease this woman with the warm eyes, who was pleading with her to stay? Dinner? Meeting Seth’s father? Seeing Seth again? Surely she had faced harder things, things she had wanted to do even less.
But she couldn’t escape the fact that her mouth was growing dry and her palms damp with nameless fear, a kind of fear she hadn’t felt in a long time. How could she be so afraid of seeing two people? And while Seth was a virtual stranger, she had already known him in the most intimate way possible.
So what could happen? Likely Nate would be as warm as Marge. Seth might be cold, or he might be friendly, but one way or another this would get settled and she could return to her life without any more questions hanging over her. Her duty would be well and fully completed.
“All right,” she heard herself say. “Thank you.”
What the hell was she getting into?
* * *
The next hour passed easily enough. Marge changed the topic to safer things, talking about her six daughters, their husbands and what seemed to be a mob of grandchildren. Edie’s head was soon awhirl with names she would never sort out and was sure she wouldn’t need to. Then there was some talk about how Seth’s father had been the sheriff here until he retired and how glad Marge was to have him underfoot all the time. And how glad she was to have Seth home for good.
“He never blamed me for giving him up,” Marge said. “Nate did, though. It was hard.”
And somehow they had come back to the central reason for Edie’s visit. She was actually relieved to hear the front door open. Once she got through this dinner, this meeting with Seth and his father, she could leave. She would leave. Six daughters? Really?
From somewhere came an irrepressible bubble of amusement, imagining the hard-edged SEAL she had met dealing with the sudden discovery of six sisters. Even if he had been a man when he met them, it must have been a culture shock.
But then she heard the door open and close, felt her heart slam with the door and looked up. Astonishment shook her to her toes as she stared at a man who resembled an older, slightly heavier version of Seth. There could be no mistaking the relationship.
“Well, hello,” he said, with a smile she actually recognized.
Marge jumped up and hurried to her husband for a hug and a quick kiss. Edie clenched her hands on her lap, managing a nod and a strained smile.
“Edie, this is Seth’s father, Nate. Nate, Major Edith Clapton. She knows Seth from Afghanistan. I think.”
“Afghanistan,” Edie said, giving a slight nod.
“So you came to visit Seth?” Nate’s smile broadened and he walked into the room, extending his hand. “Nic
e to meet you.”
Edie shook his hand, feeling the warm strength of his grip, but didn’t rise. She wasn’t sure her legs could hold her. A flicker of unfamiliar panic struck her. How had she let herself become roped into this?
Nate looked at his wife. “You asked the girls to come to dinner, too, I hope. I’m sure they’d like to meet Seth’s friend.”
Marge bit her lip. Clearly Nate was perceptive, more perceptive than most men. He looked from one woman to the other, then slowly sat in an armchair. “Okay, what’s going on?”
Edie tried to frame an answer, but Marge forestalled her. “Well, dear, Seth doesn’t know yet, but we’re going to be grandparents again.”
Nate looked dumbstruck. Edie waited tensely, alternating between the urge to just get up and walk out and the urge to shrink into the couch. All she had wanted to do was pass the word to the one person who needed to know, and now she was caught in a spiderweb of family reactions she hadn’t wanted to cause, and things seemed to be growing more complicated by the second. Maybe she should have just written a letter.
But then her sterner nature returned in a surge, and she squared her shoulders. She had dealt with tougher stuff than this, countless times. At least nobody here was trying to kill her. It was ridiculous to panic. There was absolutely no reason for it.
“I should go,” she said firmly. “I didn’t come here intending to upset everyone. I just thought Seth had a right to know. There’s no reason for either of you to be concerned about this.”
“No reason?” Nate repeated the words. “Sorry, Major, but I don’t agree. There’s always room in this family for another grandchild. You’re staying here until we’re clear on that at least.”
She bridled a bit and wanted to tell him that he couldn’t make her stay, but she realized that wasn’t what he meant. “Look,” she said finally. “I only came because I felt Seth had a right to know. He can make whatever decision he wants. I don’t want anything from him or anyone else.”
“Really.” Nate’s expression hovered somewhere between a smile and a frown. “It’s your decision, of course. And his.”
Marge didn’t look happy about the easy capitulation, but said nothing.
“Exactly,” Edie said emphatically. She felt a surprising surge of warmth for the man and his understanding.
Nate settled back in his chair. “So tell me what you do in the air force, Major.”
So she told him, glad of the relatively neutral topic. He asked cogent questions, indicating some military background, and he, more than Marge, seemed to understand the dangers of what she and her crew did. He didn’t point them out, though, merely nodded his understanding. Marge seemed quite taken with the idea that Edie flew helicopters.
“In my day,” she said, “they didn’t let women do anything like that.”
“They do now,” Edie said.
“And in combat, too,” Marge said, looking as if she hadn’t really given it much thought. “My, things change.”
“They certainly do,” Nate agreed. “Although in my day, and probably earlier, women got right into the thick of it anyway. I saw more than a few nurses find themselves on the front lines, for all they were supposed to be noncombatants.”
“At least now,” Edie said, trying to lighten it a bit, “we come armed.”
Nate flashed a smile.
Edie could feel her nerves stretching, despite the casual conversation. Seth was going to walk in that door soon, and she couldn’t imagine his reaction. Not that she should care, she told herself. She didn’t even know the man. They’d had a stupid fling, a couple of meals, then gone their own ways. Less than twelve hours.
Which made him a perfect stranger, however intimate they’d become for an hour. Therefore she shouldn’t care how he reacted at all. He was a cipher in her life, a mere sperm donor. Damn, when she looked back on it, it had been so brief it really hadn’t been much more personal than getting a sperm donation.
Except she knew she was fooling herself. One wild night, a night she’d never forgotten and now knew she would never be able to forget. Hasty, unsparing, basic lovemaking that had birthed her into a new aspect of her womanhood, and now was bringing her a totally different future. A child, a new career path.
No, she couldn’t remain entirely indifferent to Seth. He’d given her two great gifts but had also ripped away all her goals and aims. Talk about a life-altering experience.
She’d been furious for a while. First at him, but she well remembered him rolling that condom on. “Even with perfect use they fail two or three percent of the time,” the gynecologist had said. Great. Still, she couldn’t blame Seth. She could only blame herself for giving in to impulses she had wisely avoided for years.
So she had turned the anger inward. She considered ending the pregnancy, but somehow that wasn’t in her. Just wasn’t something she could do, however sensible some of her friends tried to tell her it would be. Sensible ceased to matter. She sheltered a life within her womb, and when the first stirrings came, the arguments ended as far as she was concerned.
The odds had turned on her. They could have turned on her in far worse ways, and as she grew used to the idea, she began to like it. She was going to have a baby. Okay, deal. Make the best of it. And in some ways, it seemed like the best.
In others, not so much.
Like right now. She knew how angry she had been at first. She figured Seth would feel about the same, and just hoped he didn’t accuse her of fingering him as the father when it could be someone else. Hell, if he demanded a paternity test, he’d be breathing her dust faster than...
She caught herself and stopped. This was ridiculous. She didn’t know how he would react and imagining scenarios wouldn’t help. Just deal, the way she dealt with whatever came her way.
Marge refreshed her coffee, urging her to eat another cookie. The brief relaxation had fled, though, and the thought of trying to eat turned her stomach. This was not just a pleasant afternoon visit with an older couple. She had come to wreck some guy with news no one wanted.
She began to question all the arguments she’d had with herself about whether to tell him. Maybe she had reached exactly the wrong conclusion. Maybe she should have just left it alone.
What the hell had made her think he had a right to know? The fact that she didn’t want to look into a little boy’s eyes someday and admit she hadn’t told his father about him?
All of a sudden that seemed very weak.
“You’re doing the right thing,” Nate said.
Startled by his voice, she looked at him and realized she had gone far away in her thoughts. “Why?”
“Because I know how furious I was that nobody told me. No decent man wants to find out that he was locked out of his child’s life.” He hitched up one corner of his mouth. “Which is not to say he might not be a little angry at first.”
“I certainly was.”
Nate nodded. “And I hear his car. Marge, you and I need to take a walk.”
“But...” Then Marge nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
Nate winked at Edie. “She likes to manage things.”
Marge laughed, a surprisingly girlish sound, and headed toward the door with Nate. “We’ll give you a while.”
Edie didn’t think it was going to take long. She’d make the announcement and leave. That had been her plan all along. She should have been on the road over an hour ago.
She heard voices outside, thought she recognized Seth’s deep tones. Every nerve in her body stretched tight, and even the stirring of the child in her womb didn’t ease the anxiety. She rested her hand over her belly, an unconsciously protective gesture, and waited.
* * *
Seth was surprised to meet his parents on the way for a walk. As the autumn days grew more brisk, they seldom went out in the late afternoon f
or a stroll, but instead went earlier, before the afternoon breeze started.
“You have a friend visiting,” Nate said. “We thought we’d let you talk for a while.”
Then they walked off, leaving him wondering. They had seemed almost secretive, and why should he need privacy? Who the hell would be visiting him anyway? His friends were still almost all in the navy, and most were out of country right now.
Curious, he strode up to the door, wiping his hands once more on jeans that were dusty from the renovation he was doing on a house he’d bought.
When he stepped into the living room, the first thing he registered was a camo utility uniform. Then he saw the face above them.
“Edie!” He was startled. He remembered her well, from her short red hair and bright blue eyes to the delightful curves he’d found under her baggy camos. He had been dealing with a nagging sense that he’d taken advantage of a virgin, despite what she had said, but he had never expected to see her again, even though he had hoped he might. She had seemed perfectly willing to walk away. And it had been what—five months? Surely if she’d wanted to see him again, she would have written or something. He’d given her his parents’ address after all.
But there she sat, and it didn’t take him long to realize she wasn’t giving him a friendly smile. Far from it. He saw a tension in her face that would have been more understandable if she’d been about to leave on a mission.
“Edie?” Something was wrong. He stepped closer and hesitated. Should he shake her hand? Take a seat? Wait?
“Hi, Seth.” She managed a weak smile then.
With a growing sense of dread crawling across his nerve endings, but absolutely no idea what was going on here, he decided to offer a handshake. “How are you doing?”
She shook his hand, but even as she did so that forced smile vanished.
“You look like you’d rather be anywhere else,” he remarked, trying to lighten whatever was troubling her.
“I would,” she said flatly.
That disturbed him even more, but he guessed whatever it was would come when she was ready. He ran a rapid mental checklist and realized there was no way she could have come bearing bad news. They hadn’t known the same people. So what the hell? “Coffee?” he offered to fill the silence.