by Alexia Purdy
“Shade, can I come in?”
Soap’s voice pulled her from her thoughts. She sat up in the bed and watched him peek around the crack of the door. She was relieved to see the Teleen changeling faery and motioned for him to enter. She felt a lot better away from the atmosphere of the dining area and castle’s occupants. The silence of the room had felt like an antidote to the madness she’d felt swimming in her head, making her sick and faint. She watched Soap enter and quietly click the door shut behind him.
Soap’s flowing movements toward the bed caught her attention. He was wearing a thin, light blue, gauzy tunic and matching pants which were loose and flowed in the soft breeze of his movements. The outline of his smooth muscles stood out, and she could see his chest and stomach muscles ripple under the half-buttoned tunic. His long, golden-brown hair fluidly draped around his shoulders and spilled down his back. He was definitely fit, and his skin was so smooth she began to suspect that all fey men were just as hairless. She let her eyes flow over his silhouette, suddenly realizing how much she’d neglected to notice how extremely handsome he was, in a disarming kind of way.
He stopped at the edge of the bed and watched her curiously. Shade felt her face flush with heat as he watched her. He seemed to enjoy the way she looked him up and down. All she could do was look up at him and press her lips together. Her heart raced in her chest as his eyes stared right back at her, and morphed from a crystal green to a honey-gold tone, flashing like jewels. He walked around the bed to the edge where she sat and knelt down just in front of her. He was tall enough to be almost even with her nose while on his knees. She watched him reach up and slip his hands up her cheeks, stroking them as he pushed her hair back, which now hung loose, pouring over her shoulders.
Shade sucked her breath in at his touch. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was using his charms on her like he’d demonstrated when they had first met, walking along the forest toward her house. She recalled that he’d told her his magic was almost useless on her when he showed how he could charm people into doing what he commanded, but didn’t stop the twinge of suspicion which lingered deep inside her mind.
“Soap, don’t use magic on me, please. I….” Shade stopped as he hushed her.
“I’m not using any kind of magic, Shade.” His eyes floated with a dreaminess swirling in them. “I—I love you, Shade. I’ve waited for you to feel the same, but I don’t know if you do. I don’t think you realize how much I have fallen for you, after all, that we’ve been through together.”
His eyes searched her face as she sat frozen and locked in his gaze, shocked by his words. “I have to tell you this before you say anything else. I asked you to be exclusive with me, like the mortal human guys do, but you hesitate to give me a straight answer. It’s torture waiting to see if you will tell me that you want me, too, or if you just don’t feel the same. I have to know, Shade. If you want me to go, I’ll go. If you don’t want anything to do with me, so be it. But I want you to know that even if you want me to leave, I will still stand by your side and still love you, still fight for you no matter what the consequences are. But I will not stand by any longer, just waiting to be told to go.”
Soap paused, his eyes intense with heat and pain. Shade swallowed back the lump which had filled her throat and caught her breath. Her mouth felt dry as she drank in his words. She knew he liked her, he‘d said that much earlier, but to be in love with her? Do I love him back? Did she want him like that? Did he not make her heart race and her stomach flip with his burning eyes and his absorbing smile? Shade swallowed as her throat seemed to close up on her. He did, that’s what made her most afraid. He sure did. Having him so near was not helping her deny it either.
“Soap, I—I like you a lot, too. I don’t know if I love you, though, not the way you want me to. I really don’t know what love is. I’ve never been in love before. I miss you when you’re gone. I ache to hold you when I see you. I feel happy to see you walk through the door when I’m miserable down to my bones, but I don’t know if I can be what you need, what you want. And there’s Dylan too, I….”
Soap interrupted her. “Shh, Shade. I know you feel the same way I do. I see it in your eyes when you aren’t guarding them against the world. I feel your heart racing under my fingers. I just wanted to tell you it’s okay. Don’t be afraid of me, Shade. I would follow you into the depths of blackness so thick that I would think there be no light to befall me ever again. I wait for you even now, my heart is already yours. Do you not understand?” Soap let his fingers trace her arms, sending a shiver down her skin.
Shade nodded, taking in his face: a fine, strong jawline and sharp cheekbones. His hardened eyebrows framed his eyes ever so perfectly. She wondered what it was he really saw when he looked at her. He could probably have any woman he wanted. And yet, here he was.
Soap’s eyes drew her in. They looked like they were shining beacons in a dark night. He let his skin of glamour slip away as fire began to burn with the crackling of lightning and blue-white fire which licked along his skin and down his body. It didn’t burn his clothes or her as it flickered along. Shade drew in her breath, always amazed by how a Teleen could burn so intensely but not affect her at all. He laced his fingers through hers and pulled her up to stand with him. He looked down at her. His face lit up in blue-white light as he was tightening his warm embrace around her.
She buried her face in his chest, smelling sage and fire on his skin. She ran her hands up his back and stroked his hair which fell down his back in long straight ribbons. She rubbed her cheek along his warm chest, feeling his heart racing under his fiery skin. Shade lifted her head up toward his and watched his face turn down in response. His face was an ocean of calm while his eyes burned with desire. She watched his lips, perfect and lush, begging to be touched.
She sighed. What the hell? Giving in, she leaned toward him. She kissed him, feeling the warmth of his mouth press back against hers, softly at first, then desperately, as if they were about to inhale each other. His arms pulled her toward him and his hands cradled her head, holding her so tight that she felt breathless.
Shade suddenly pulled away and slipped onto the bed. Soap reluctantly let her, but not without a longing sigh as he continued to glow on fire. She watched him moving to kneel before her again, waiting for her next move. His flames crackled and flowed up his body like liquid flowing the wrong way. He let her collect her thoughts, still breathing hard.
“Soap, I—I can’t do this. We have to stop. I don’t know what’s going on, but I need more time. I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.” Shade shifted farther back onto the bed.
“What’s going on here?” Dylan’s serrated voice startled Shade as she turned to see that he had slipped past the door so quietly, neither of them had even noticed his presence. His eyes were dark and his face was seething. He stared at Soap, who still glowed afire, and let his eyes move to Shade, frozen on the bed, her cheeks pink and lips red from kissing Soap. His eyes narrowed at her as his eyes darkened even more, turning into a gleaming onyx. She sucked her breathe in, shifting her glance between Dylan and Soap.
“Dylan, nothing’s going on,” Shade stammered. “You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing here?” She scrambled to stand up and stood beside Soap as he wove his glamour around him, a quivering mist which pulled together tightly until it became solid, leaving no sign of the blue-white fire on his tanned skin.
“It doesn’t look like nothing to me, Shade.” Dylan’s voice felt like poison as he spoke her name. Shade winced and started shaking her head.
“Dylan, it’s not what it looks like. I mean, he just came to see if I was okay.” The words choked in her throat as she lacked any better words to say. So busted!
“I bet you’re better than okay now, right, Shade?” Dylan’s voice was flat and almost melancholy. “So this is how it is, then? You and Rylan? Of all the fey, I’d think you would’ve chosen better than a savage wildling. You can’t trust him, Shade. You don’t kno
w what he really is. Changelings are traitors and thieves, infiltrating fey families. Just because he could be part Teleen doesn’t change that. He will hurt you the moment he gets what he wants. Won’t you, Rylan?” He snickered at Soap.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Shade’s surprise made her voice squeak. “Soap has been nothing but loyal to the Queen and to the Seelie Court. How dare you say such things! He’s also my friend, and your jealous rants need to stop right now!” Shade felt her chest tighten as her anger spilled over her self-control along with hot tears swelling in her eyes. She felt like running over to Dylan and smacking him across his face. Something stopped her, though. The fact he wasn’t even paying her any more attention but was in a stare down with Soap, concerned her.
“Haven’t told her, have you, Rylan?” Dylan hissed. “You wouldn’t dare ruin your chances with the lost Queen of the Scren Seelie Court, would you? Lose a chance to be a King? Very unlikely for you, right? Well, maybe I should inform her of your little misdemeanors. Unless, of course, you want to enlighten her yourself?”
Shade stopped what she was about to scream out at the Teleen guard and switched her eyes toward Soap. His face was dark and still. He was also staring Dylan down but didn’t refute what he’d just said.
“Soap, what does he mean? What’s he talking about?” Shade was getting tired of the games, but Soap didn’t answer her. He remained silent. He finally gave in and averted his glare to the stone floor. Shade watched him, her eyes widening and her mouth agape.
“What are you talking about, Dylan?” Shade turned back toward the former captain of the Teleen Guard and waited impatiently as he turned his cold, grey, eyes to her. Nothing but contempt filling them, burning into her like fire. She hated to see him looking at her like that, especially after he’d held her hands so gently earlier, by the paintings. She flinched at his glare but flicked the thought away and waited for him to answer.
Dylan snarled again at Soap with ice picks in his eyes and his jaw hard with disgust. When Dylan finally turned back toward Shade, his eyes were emptied of fury and full of pain. He shook his head and looked to the floor.
“Soap has to be the one to tell you. I’m sure it will be a most interesting conversation, but I have to go now.” Dylan’s voice came out abrasive but quieter than before. He sounded defeated. Shade’s eyes widened as she watched Dylan turn and rush out of the room.
“What? Where are you going? Wait! Dylan!” Shade scrambled after him and caught the door before it slammed behind him. Slipping through, she grabbed his arm, pulling him back and making him stop in the hallway. He sighed, letting his gaze fall away from her. When he finally turned his head toward her, she took in his eyes, now full of pain and broken. At that moment, Shade wanted to grab him and hold him tight. Somehow, she knew he wasn’t lying about leaving. The door slammed behind her as she slowly stepped toward him, releasing her grip. He sighed as she approached, shaking his head again.
“Stop, Shade, please,” he whispered. She knew he ached to reach out and pull her into his embrace, but he held fast to where he was, refusing to give in.
“Dylan, where are you going? What’s going on?” Shade licked her lips, her mouth parched. She was afraid to look away from him. Her breath caught in her throat as she waited for an answer she knew she didn’t want.
“I’m leaving, Shade. I’ve been summoned before my Queen. Queen Gretel of the Teleen. I have to answer the summons or face punishment.”
“Why? She knows we’re bound, leaving will not be good for either of us.” Shade felt on the verge of tears at his words.
“I don’t know why Shade. I received the message this morning, and I’m leaving right now. I came to say goodbye.” He watched her misery paint itself across her face.
“But why? I need you to help me find out more about my father. You can’t leave now.” Hot tears filled her eyes and slowly spilled down in trails as her voice quivered with uncertainty.
Dylan stared at her, his eyes glassy and now empty. The hallway was dimmer than the brilliance of the glass-lined rooms. The flames of the oil lamps which burned along the walls flickered, making the light dance across their faces. They lit his eyes, glistening with unshed tears that made her want to hold onto him so that he could not leave. He reached over to her and pushed a wisp of her hair back, letting it slip through his fingers slowly, watching it until it slipped out all the way. He let his hand linger and caressed her cheek longingly.
“I’m sorry, Shade. It looks like this is the way it’s going to have to be. Goodbye.” With that, he turned away and disappeared down the hall. Shade found herself left staring after him, hoping he would turn back. When he didn’t, she felt her tears flood down her cheeks and drip onto the floor. She let them run and felt the sobs escape from her chest, echoing around her.
How could I be so stupid!
Shade loved Dylan, and it hurt to see such disappointment burn across his face. She felt lost, and the pit of her stomach seemed to twist itself so hard, she felt like keeling over onto the floor. She reached out to grip the wall and balance herself. She hated how everything was going. It felt like she couldn’t breathe, and it was all her fault. Shade slipped to the floor and buried her head in her hands. The cold stone wall against her back pressed uncomfortably against her spine, and the stone floor wasn’t any better. Somehow, though discomforted, she didn’t wish to move. She simply remained on the ground and let the cold seep into her.
Chapter Nine